July 21, 2023

 

We Are All Pharisees

 

The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed, ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people – robbers, evildoers, adulterers – or even like this tax collector.’

– Luke 18:11

 

How many times have we read the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector and condemned the Pharisee for thinking his sins weren’t as bad as the tax collector’s sins? How many times have we been the Pharisee by justifying our own sins while soundly condemning the sins of others?

 

Ouch. Most of us live pretty good lives, at least according to ourselves. We try to be good people. We don’t go around shooting people or robbing others or blatantly telling lies. We help those we think need it. We pray sometimes. We may even read the Bible. But we still don’t get it.

 

I’m struggling now to show grace and mercy to someone who is committing adultery. I see the heartbreak he has inflicted on his wife and children. It drags on and on as he tries to discover what will make him “happy.” I honestly would like to throttle him. I suspect God would like to throttle me sometimes too.

 

No. I haven’t committed adultery. But I have judged the sins of another. I have condemned what is not mine to condemn. I have failed to show love and grace, mercy even, as I have held onto my anger. My sins are great.

 

The hard truth is that we are all Pharisees. Pastor Adam Hamilton described himself as a recovering Pharisee who sometimes falls off the wagon. That is true of all of us. We are quick to point fingers, gossip, and condemn the sins of someone else all the while justifying our own sins.

 

I am not excusing his actions. But I also refuse to excuse my own. I pray that God will open both of our hearts so that we may be healed. That’s where he’ll find “happy.” That’s where I will find it too.

October 31, 2018

God Loves Us Anyway

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” – Matthew 7:13-14

My youngest dog can’t seem to help himself. He knows what he should and shouldn’t do. He does. But he repeatedly does what he shouldn’t and, then, expects grace and mercy when confronted with his sin. He sounds a lot like you and I, doesn’t he?

I wonder how many times God has looked down and shook His mighty head as I repeated the same mistake – over and over and over. I’m sure He has wondered if I would ever get it right. And, yet, God has given me chance after chance and He has always forgiven me and taken me back into His arms.

We love that grace and mercy, don’t we? We are grateful to Jesus for dying for us. We are thankful for second and third and tenth chances. But we aren’t always so gracious when it comes to the mistakes others have made.

I get it. Forgiveness is hard. Moving past a wrong is difficult. Forgetting is impossible. Until we remember that we’re to offer others what God has given to us.

It doesn’t mean we all get a pass on repeating the same mistakes again and again. Life comes with consequences. In my dog’s case, that means time with a muzzle to remind him that it’s not okay to destroy something like his sister’s bed. For you and I, the consequences vary. But make no mistake about it, there are always consequences.

Sometimes it means that we don’t receive the blessings we otherwise might have gotten. Sometimes it means that the journey is longer than it needed to be or harder than it should have been. Sometimes we hurt people and sometimes they hurt us.

The path laid out before us is narrow. We glance to the right or left and, before we realize it, we’ve veered off course. We pray and seek God’s will, focus once again and Jesus and we’re headed down the right road. Until we stumble again.

What really breaks my heart is the realization that sometimes I grieve the Holy Spirit because I don’t make right choices. God has done so much for me and I owe Him a debt I could never repay. I want to do His will. I do. It’s just that sometimes I stumble. Sometimes I do the wrong thing.

Yet, God loves us anyway. Just like I love my little dog. This is his forever home. And I know that my forever home is with God. Thank you, Jesus! I don’t ever have to wonder about where I’m headed or whether I’ll be welcome. I already know the answer. I hope you do too.

October 3, 2018

Show Mercy and Grace

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. – Hebrews 4:16

He mocks those who mock, but gives grace to the humble.

– Proverbs 3:34 (HCSB)

She isn’t well liked. She’s the first to point a finger at anyone who makes a mistake. And she’s the first to respond with denial if she’s the one who made the mistake.

She’s quick to judge but not so quick to show mercy. No one ever meets her standards. All of her coworkers have been on the receiving end of her nasty comments.

She’s not a boss. She’s not even a supervisor. She’s a co-worker with less experience than everyone else in her department. Her attitude sends a different message. She thinks of herself as superior to everyone else.

The saddest thing isn’t her attitude. The saddest thing is that her attitude simply covers up a deep insecurity. She feels like people look down on her. She talks about discrimination. She’s determined to “prove” she’s better than they are. All she proves is that she’s got a mega chip on her shoulder that has cost her job after job. She doesn’t understand grace or mercy or compassion.

As Christians, we think of grace as a gift from God. We can’t earn it through works or money. He gives it to us when we believe in Jesus as Lord and Savior.

What if we offered grace to others? What if we showed compassion, not because they deserved it or had earned it, but because of Jesus? What would happen to their hearts? What would happen to our hearts?

Where does mercy fit in? What is it? Because mercy and grace aren’t exactly the same thing. I think now to the movie War Room. One of the main characters had done something illegal. He’d confessed and made retribution. The company owner had a choice: forgive or call the police. He chose to forgive. Would you have made that same choice? Would your hard heart have softened when you encountered genuine repentance?

How often do we have the option of offering mercy or condemnation? Do we fail to forgive an offense, choosing instead to “punish” the offender? Or, after a sincere apology and changed behavior, do we grant mercy and forgiveness?

This young woman thinks she’s being smart and tough and strong by lashing out at others. She’s actually being weak. She doesn’t understand the concept of being part of a team. She’s doesn’t understand grace and mercy. And it shows in the vicious words she throws out.

She wants to get ahead in the workforce but she won’t. Who wants an employee who’s so divisive? Who wants to promote someone who won’t take responsibility for mistakes? Does it sound like anyone you know?

The next time someone you know makes a mistake, offer grace. Be merciful. I know. It’s not always easy. Do it anyway. Grace and mercy have a way of coming back to you in ways you never expect.

September 21, 2018

You Deserve Better

“Your approval means nothing to me, because I know you don’t have God’s love within you.” – John 5:41-42 (NLT)

She went on and on and on. Rehashing what a co-worker had said and done and, in some cases, what she hadn’t said and done. Her commentary was laced with profanity. Every subject came back to the person who had hurt and angered her.

I cautioned her to let it go. It’s not easy but the only person she’s hurting is herself. The other person doesn’t even realize she was in the wrong. She doesn’t understand the move at work wasn’t a promotion or an opportunity. Continuing to be angry and badmouth her isn’t going to impact or change her attitude.

I love the NLT version of this verse. Jesus didn’t get His worth from others. We should follow His example. We are valuable because we belong to Jesus. We are beloved children of God. That’s all that matters. Really.

We get so caught up in what other people think of us, don’t we? The truth is that some people will like us and some people won’t. And we’ll like some people and some people we won’t like. That’s okay. We can love them like Jesus and we can be kind. We can still get along with each other.

Why do we make it so hard? Why do we hang on to bitterness and rage? Why do we let other people push our buttons and take control of our emotions and, thus, our lives? Why do we give people that kind of power over us?

The saddest part of this isn’t just that we’re harming ourselves. It’s that we are also harming people we love. Think about it. We take that bad mood home. We spew that venom in front of our children and our spouse, our friends and family. Time that we could spend in laughter is spent rehashing something that was awful but done.

What if it isn’t done, you ask. Sometimes forgiveness is a daily thing. And sometimes we have to walk away from toxic people. I don’t buy in to that line that we always should work for reconciliation. We can only change ourselves. We can’t change others. Only God can do that. And I don’t believe God expects us to be in relationship with people who want to harm us either through words or actions.

How many women have gone back to their abusive husbands because they said they were sorry. And how many have endured abuse again and again because of it. How many children have lived with alcoholic parents, trying to pretend everything was okay, always willing to forgive because they are so desperate for a morsel of love and affection? How many teens seek the love and approval they don’t get at home in the arms of those who don’t care about anything but the sex? Need I go on?

When we get our value, our worth, from anyone but God we are setting ourselves up for rejection. We are never going to please everyone all the time. It’s not our job or our responsibility. So, when we get our value from their approval, well, that’s just a disaster that is going to happen.

When your emotions threaten to get the best of you, take a deep breath and remember who your Father is. Yeah, that’s Him. God. The Creator of heaven and earth. Almighty God. Yahweh. You are loved and cherished by the only One who matters.

August 18, 2018

Do You Make Mistakes

But, “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.” For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.

– 2 Corinthians 10:17-18

When was the last time you made a mistake? When was the last time you admitted you made a mistake? We make mistakes all the time. We’re human, after all. But admitting we’re the one at fault isn’t so easy.

I was at a meeting with a sweet friend. Before the meeting ended, the group scheduled the time, date and place of the next meeting. Somehow, she missed it. When it came time for the next meeting, she was furious. The meeting was set for a time and day when she couldn’t attend. She was convinced it was intentional.

She refused to acknowledge that she’d been present when the new meeting was set. She refused to admit that maybe she’d messed up. She was too busy making excuses to see that maybe she’d made a mistake.

I couldn’t understand the big deal. We all do it. We zone out and miss something important. We make a mistake. We deal with the consequences. There was nothing life shattering about it. Just admit it and go on. She’s still pointing fingers.

What is it about us that makes us refuse to admit to our very real humanness? Why do we expect perfection from ourselves and then try to hide it when we fail? And we always fail. Always. Jesus was the only perfect One who ever walked this earth.

We also expect perfection from others. We have no sympathy for someone who fails to meet our standards. We don’t extend grace and mercy. Our words are harsh, unforgiving, mean.

We tell ourselves it’s about standards. It’s really about pride. Our pride. It’s all about us. And we can’t stand to be wrong, questioned, or embarrassed.

We also don’t want to admit when anything bad happens. We’re embarrassed. We don’t want anyone else to know we’re having financial trouble, going through a divorce, have a child involved with drugs. We’d much rather pretend that everything is all right, that we’re living that perfect, American-dream life, than to admit we’re struggling.

Pride is a dangerous thing that keeps us from the very ones who can hold us up when life tears us down. Pride wraps us in pretense, in illusion, in a glass bubble that is destined to shatter. And for what reason? So we can boast about being who we aren’t?

Our identity, our worth, comes from Christ. It’s not about us. Really. It’s not. We’re going to make mistakes. Bad things are going to happen. Hurtful things are going to shake us to our core. But we can put all that in proper perspective when we realize we are not our mistakes or our successes. Our value comes because we are children of God Almighty. When we finally, truly, realize that, it shifts things around and puts them in their proper place.

God knows we aren’t perfect. He knows we’re going to mess up. He knows we’re going to fail. He knows others are going to hurt and betray us. And He understands that we are like small children, hiding rather than admitting we’ve done something wrong.

Grace, mercy and forgiveness come when we fall at the foot of the cross. We don’t have to hang on to our mistakes or to hide them. We can confess and watch the blood of Christ turn us whiter than snow. We can let go of pride-fueled perfection and admit we need a Savior. We can be forgiven and move on.

July 22, 2018

Are You Better Than Others?

While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples.

When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”

On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” – Matthew 9:10-13

Who do you look down on? Oh, come on! Admit it. Who do you consider to be less than you? And, on the flip side, who do you consider to be better than you are?

Our pastor said today that we all want to associate with people whose sins are like ours. Why? Because it makes us more comfortable.

Of course, the Pharisees thought they were better than anyone else. They had all these rules and regulations to follow, far more than God had ever commanded. It made them feel good. It made them feel superior. It made them, well, much like us.

We don’t want to sit beside or socialize with the confessed adulterer. We don’t really care that she repented and changed her life. We prefer to paint her tainted and unworthy. We do it every time we walk away, every time we gossip about her past, every time we refuse to associate with a sinner such as she.

We would rather cast her aside with the convicted drug user. You know the one. He went to prison for his addiction. Some say he found Jesus and is leading a changed life. We’re not sure anyone can change that much. We don’t plan to find out. We’re keeping our distance. He can go to some other church, sing in some other choir, volunteer with some other group. We don’t need his kind in our congregation.

Have you felt a twinge of guilt yet? You should. Jesus associated with the worst of sinners. He even called them to His side, to be His disciples, to lead His people after He was gone.

Take Matthew for an example. Tax collectors were despised. They collected oppressive taxes. And, to make it worse, they could add extra to those taxes and keep that money for themselves. Why would Jesus call such a man to His side? Why would Jesus beckon someone like that to be a leader in the early church?

Jesus gives us the answer Himself. He came to save sinners, not those who consider themselves righteous. Jesus came to save those of us who know we need a Savior.

In turn, Jesus expects us to show grace and mercy to others who also need a Savior. Because we’re all the same. We’re all guilty. We’re all unworthy. And we can all find redemption at the foot of the cross.

Those who are most gracious, most kind, most giving, are those who truly understand the gift of salvation. They understand the depth of their sins and show their gratitude by welcoming all into their midst.

What about you? Are you still so impressed with your own righteousness that you see no need to associate with those who are lesser? Or are you still so ashamed of past mistakes that you hang back from fully participating in God’s amazing plan for your life?

No matter what you’ve done, where you’ve been, who you think you are, join hands with others and kneel at the cross. Jesus welcomes everyone. So should we.

May 15, 2018

Let It Go

See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

– Hebrews 12:15

Bitterness makes an awful companion. It will cloud your thinking, harden your heart, give the devil a foothold into a life dedicated to God.

The dictionary defines bitterness as anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly. It is also resentment. It is a small kernel that, if not dealt with, will grow into an all-consuming thing that directs the paths of our lives to a place we never intended to go.

In the Christian faith, we talk a lot about forgiveness. We forgive not because the other person deserves it but because God forgives us. We forgive because of what Jesus did for us, dying a cruel, merciless death, so that we would be washed white by His blood.

We don’t deserve mercy. None of us deserve forgiveness. But it’s what God gives us anyway when we accept Jesus as Lord and Savior. That kind of puts things in perspective, doesn’t it? When we complain about the sins of others, about the unfairness of it all, we are condemning ourselves.

I can do all things through Christ. That’s what the Bible tells me. But I am prone to give it to God, then take it back again and again. How about you? Every time we replay the offense over in our minds, we are filling our hearts with anger and bitterness yet again.

Don’t sin in your anger. That’s another jewel from the Bible. Anger causes us to be people of hate rather than people who reflect God’s love to the world. We can’t get past old wounds because we’re too focused on the very real hurt.

Forgiveness doesn’t make it all okay. Nor does forgiveness mean you should always invite those people back into your life. It took me a while to understand that. Some people simply aren’t safe to be around. One of those Pinterest posts reminds us that if God removes someone from your life, don’t chase after them. God did it for a reason.

Letting go can be hard. We want to defend ourselves. We want revenge. We want that lost dream restored. Walk away. Cleanse your soul of the filth that situation caused and move forward toward God’s calling.

Bitterness will only destroy you and cause you to sin repeatedly against God. Let it go. You are called to walk in freedom from the sins of the past. That happens one step at a time.

April 16, 2018

We Are Family

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! – 1 John 2:1a

Do you ever think about your church as your family? Yesterday our pastor pointed out that family is exactly what we are. That can be good and not so good.

Because we’re family, we all function differently in relationship to other people. Think about it for a moment. There are likely some people in your church who are like parents or grandparents. Some are like siblings. Still others are like children or grandchildren to you. We may not consciously think about it that way, but it is.

As a family, we sometimes fuss and fight. One member has a bad day and takes it out on the rest of the family. They, in turn, take it out on others. It soon spirals out of control. We end up taking our anger and frustration out on those who love us the most.

It doesn’t take long before we’re more focused on the negative, the wrong, rather than all the things that are right. I wonder how many people have let something small escalate into leading them away from their church.

I also wonder how many people have used anger to justify talking bad about someone else. We are so focused on how we’ve been wronged – or, at least, perceive we’ve been wronged – that we tell everyone about it. We want others to feel the same way we feel. We want others to believe the same things we do. Truth is irrelevant. Our goal is to persuade others to our viewpoint, harming the one we’re angry with in the process.

Another way people get hurt in church is because others don’t listen. We really don’t want to hear anyone else’s problems. We cling to what we once knew about a person rather than looking with fresh eyes onto the person who stands before us. We don’t have a problem receiving grace, Pastor Ryan Martin said. But we sure do have a problem giving grace to others.

A couple recently joined our church. Someone soon noted that they had a past. Don’t we all. I refused to listen to the details. I don’t care. They have changed their lives, become new in Christ. None of us live perfect lives. We all need grace and acceptance and another chance. Church should be where we find it.

We also push people away from church, from Jesus, by not including them. Recently, I was looking for a seat at Wednesday night dinner. A sweet woman called out to me and beckoned me to her table. I was so grateful. Thankful.

You see when I hadn’t been attending that church long, I had something totally opposite happen. It was one of those Sundays when everyone shows up with their families. I was asked to move more than once to make room for a family to sit together. I still remember looking around and thinking that there was no place for me at that church. I was about to leave when someone noticed and called me over to sit with he and his wife. That made all the difference. If I’d left that day, I likely would never have come back.

We are family. We are. All the good and the bad, all the laughter and the tears. We come together to celebrate and to grieve. It’s not a perfect relationship because we aren’t perfect people. Still we try. We extend grace and receive it. We speak truth when it hurts and we embrace it when we need to. Family. God’s family. That is who we are.

February 18, 2018

Words Have Consequences

And the tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. -- James 3:6-10a

She was terrified of him, convinced deep inside that he would kill her or hire someone to kill her. No amount of reassurance could convince her otherwise.

She had baited the lion with harsh words and he had risen up, his focus on destroying her and all those who cared for her.

Words get away from us sometimes. They cause more havoc than we ever imagined. The consequences reverberate over and over, until there is nothing left but anger and hatred. Pure evil stands watch over those God has vowed to protect.

She had the locks on all her doors changed. She slept with a baseball bat beside her bed. She lay awake at night, listening for the slightest sound that might indicate an intruder. Fear was her constant companion.

Yet, God tells us not to be afraid. He stands watch over us. How hard it is to rest in that truth! Life deals us blows we could never imagine and we cower behind what His word for a comfort that never seems to completely satisfy.

Words are powerful and they can never, ever be unsaid. They spew forth from hearts that are hard and angry, vicious and cruel. Words make promises, whether they are ever intended to be kept or not. Words destroy forever what could have been.

One of the hardest things I’ve ever done is forgive someone who wasn’t sorry. That’s one of those Pinterest things that periodically makes its way around Facebook. It’s true. But we forgive for ourselves, not for those who damaged us with their words and actions. We forgive so that we can go on without forever being consumed with brokenness.

Our words make us feel righteous and justified. Neither is the case. Angry, hurtful words are just that. There is no love or kindness that can cover what words have destroyed.

A sweet friend is trying desperately to rebuild her marriage. Words, spoken in a moment, have created a wedge that no apology can penetrate. Forgiveness is easy to say but harder to do. Impossible really without God’s help.

Watch your words. They can never be unsaid. And, sometimes, the consequences can never be undone.

June 6, 2016

God’s Love Frees Us

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. -- 1 John 4:16

The words were proudly honest. She didn’t know God loved her. She couldn’t grasp it. Her past wouldn’t let her. Satan’s lies blocked this truth.

I didn’t know what to say. It was a classroom setting and comments were everywhere. But her truth explained so much. All of a sudden her life made sense. I’d been there.

Self-destruction is a horrible thing. It’s roots run deep, planted in childhood for both of us. When you are told over and over again that you aren’t worthy, that you aren’t loved, that you aren’t smart or capable or good, then you believe it. Because that’s what children do. They believe the lies adults tell them.

God’s love releases that. It reveals those lies and tells us a different story. It’s not about us. It’s not about what has been or what will be. It’s about a God who loves us because He is love. We can’t quite grasp that deep, unwavering love.

But it is in the grasping that we are set free. When we fully realize and accept this wondrous gift, we have no need to destroy ourselves so that we turn into truth the lies the enemy told. We can stand in the light and know that wherever we are we are loved and cherished. We are enough.

This sweet woman has a history. Don’t we all. It’s isn’t an awful one but to her it is. She sees the effects on her now grown children. She realizes her struggles have led to choices and here she is. What now?

A person filled with God’s love makes different choices. A person filled with God’s love lets go of a past that cannot be changed and focuses on a now that is beautiful and filled with possibilities. A person filled with God’s love understands that the opinions of others really don’t matter because Jesus has washed them clean.

A sweet friend tells about one really bad decision she made years ago. It cost a great deal, not only for her but for her marriage and her child. She regrets that decision but it can never be undone.

She has forgiven herself and she knows God has too. It’s the people on the outside, those who have no business with an opinion at all, who even now throw it in her face. The lies of Satan can be relentless. God’s love has overcome them all.

God is love. It really is that simple. He is more than enough to fill us up, to make us believe that today and the days to come can be different. He tells us we are worthy, worthy enough that He sent His Son to die for us. Rest in that. Believe it. Walk in freedom. You are loved.

May 13, 2016

Jesus Leads The Way

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. -- Luke 23:34

As far as anniversaries go, it really isn’t a major one. And yet it changed so many lives forever.

One person made a decision. It was his to make, though no one else agreed with it. That set off a chain reaction of events and consequences that we will live with for the rest of our lives.

It wasn’t so much that the decision changed us all. It’s that the decision, and its aftermath, revealed hearts and desires and motives that had been carefully hidden from view. Once exposed, such things never go back into hiding. We are all different for that.

The events began a long, long time ago. It’s what happens when anger and resentment and jealousy aren’t dealt with and are instead allowed to fester and grow. It’s what happens in broken families who focus on pretending to be what they aren’t rather than trying to become what they desire.

It comes back to the hearts of the people involved. We’re all flawed. We’re humans after all. But lies and hatred are a lethal combination, one that can only be overcome with prayer.

The Pharisees hated Jesus. They felt threatened by Him. Certainly, Jesus knew who and what they were. So they rallied a crowd against Him and Jesus died an unimaginable death on the cross.

While people watched. What could possibly have been in the hearts of those who watched Jesus die? Certainly some of those who loved Him were there. His mother. John. Others.

But what about those who were part of the crowd? How could they join the frenzy? And how could they live with themselves afterwards? Even if they didn’t believe Jesus to be the Messiah, surely they understood that a good man shouldn’t die for the sins of others?

And, yet, He did. Jesus died for me and you. He died for us all so that whoever believes in Him, believes that He rose three days later and now sits at God’s right hand, will spend eternity with Him in heaven.

And you know what else this passage says? Jesus forgave them. As He suffered on that cross, Jesus forgave those who put Him there. How powerful! How magnificent! How could we ever not forgive our own to tormentors?

Life will never be the same. Forgiveness is hard. But Jesus lights the path and I follow Him. In the end, that’s really all that matters.

March 17, 2016

God Gives Us A New Heart

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. -- Ezekiel 36:26

One of the hardest things to do after being hurt is to pick up the pieces of your heart and go on. It’s easier to wallow in bitterness and anger, cutting yourself off from others and, hopefully, not opening yourself up to being hurt again.

Some people don’t seem to have that problem. A sweet friend was devastated last year by a divorce she didn’t want. She cried that she hadn’t just lost her husband; she’d lost her best friend. It was a tough time.

Fast forward six months: She got married last week. Seriously. She met someone and it was love at first sight and she’s now married. I am amazed by her courage. Only time will tell if she was wise or foolish, but she took a chance and I admire that.

I’m not that much of a risk taker when it comes to relationships. I tend to burrow into myself. I’ve had too many broken hearts that came from too many bad choices. I tend to give people too many chances and look at the good instead of seeing the bad. And then it blows up in my face.

These days I prefer spending time with God and people I know I can trust. But sometimes I wonder if my heart has become too hard to take a chance. I don’t want that to happen. I know it isn’t a guarantee against never being hurt again. I wish it was but life just doesn’t work this way.

Here’s the thing about God: He’s good about giving us fresh starts. He’s good at mending broken hearts and making them new again. God is good at mercy and forgiveness and gives us grace when we least deserve it. God is good that way.

Me? Not so much. I can’t forget the past. Can you? When someone has wronged you, can you forget? Forgiveness for us is hard and ongoing. I wish sometimes I could be more like God. When He forgives, it is like it never was. I don’t want to remember. I don’t. But I do. I think I always will.

But I don’t want a hard heart either. I want to feel that new spirit beating inside of me. I want to love and take risks and remember what it was like not to have a broken heart.

God says He restores His children. I am holding on to that.

February 6, 2016

Walk Away

“Whenever you enter a house, stay there until you leave that town. And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you, leave that place and shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them.” -- Mark 6:10-11

Sometimes you just have to walk away. All the drama and the hurt and bad feelings that keep pounding at you will only destroy you in the end.

It’s a hard lesson to learn. In our faith, we are told to forgive and to do good to our enemies. That doesn’t mean to continue to allow Satan’s minions to destroy your peace. It means giving the situation to God and trusting that He will handle it in His time and in His way.

Forgiveness is hard. Truly it is. We want revenge. That’s our human nature. Sometimes the most kind thing we can do, the most forgiving thing we can do, is walk away. I learned a long time ago that I can’t make people like me or even care about me. I can’t turn someone’s heart into something that it is not. I can’t force someone to live a faith they claim but show no evidence of in their lives.

It’s like a drug addict that blames everyone but the person in the mirror for that addiction. We are called to search ourselves and get that plank out of our own eye. Then give it to God. Don’t let that addict’s finger pointing cause you to doubt yourself or your faith.

I am not a perfect person. I don’t claim to be. That is one of the many reasons I am so thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ. But I have reached a stage in life where the opinions of others no longer matter to me. I report to God. Period. I have searched myself. I fail Him every single day. That doesn’t mean I will continue to allow bullies to keep me on the defensive day after day.

I have washed my feet and walked away from their dirt. What about you? Are there people in your life who are toxic to you? Are there people who seek to destroy you? Give it to God and walk away. We are not meant to suffer abuse at their hands.

Trust God. If it is His will, they will change. But remember this too: We all have free will. We all have choices to make. A choice for anger, bitterness, jealousy, rage. It’s all there. Walk away and leave them to God. Forgive them from a distance. Love them from a distance. But walk away just the same.

January 15, 2016

We Are All Sinners

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us. -- 1 John 1:8-10

The hardest part of forgiveness for me is forgiving people who refuse to admit their sin. I know. I’m a sinner too. I’m not claiming otherwise. But it is just so hard to forgive when others remain on their pedestals refusing to acknowledge the destruction they caused.

I am so grateful for what Jesus did for me. I am so aware that I am cleansed because of His blood. I don’t deserve it. I will never deserve it. And it is His desire that everyone come to know Him and receive the same grace and mercy. I want that too -- even for those who want to destroy me.

I also know that while my job is to forgive, God promises that vengeance belongs to Him. I am His child. I need to cleanse my own heart and get out of His way. I’m trying. It’s a daily struggle. I just have so much anger inside. Every time I think it’s finally gone, here it comes again. And that is sin.

The Bible tells us that our war is a spiritual war and we should put on our armor. I do that. I pray. I read and study His word. But the battle some days seems relentless and I am weary.

The truth is I want it all to go away and it isn’t going to without God’s direct intervention. I’m not in charge of anyone but myself. I can’t fix this. I can’t make other people admit that what they did was wrong. I can’t make them feel remorse.

My responsibility is for my own sin and God knows there’s been plenty of that in my lifetime. And there will be plenty more to come. I am far from perfect. But I try. I have heart to heart talks with God and tell Him what I’ve done wrong. And I ask for forgiveness. Because I am His.

I’ll keep trying to let things go and forgive those who seek to harm me. And I’ll remember that God is faithful and loving toward those who love Him. What He does with this mess, well, that’s up to Him. I’ve given it to Him and I know He’ll sort it all out and turn it to good. I trust Him. I really, really do.

November 28, 2014

Pay Attention To History

 

"But you his son, O Belshazzar, have not humbled yourself, though you knew all this."

-- Daniel 5:22

History, as the old saying goes, has a way of repeating itself. The way we make changes is to learn from the past and take a different path. That's true of our own actions. It's true of others as well.

Belshazzar knew the history of his land. He was required to. Yet, he ignored that history. I guess he got caught up in his own power, surrounded by his "yes" people, and he refused to acknowledge God's power and control over the kingdom.

Belshazzar really insulted God. He used the gold and silver goblets taken from God's temple in Jerusalem and used them at a banquet. Bad mistake. Truly. He hadn't learned anything from his ancestors. Otherwise he would have known what not to do. God made sure Belshazzar paid for the insult with his life.

Don't we do the same thing? We make the same mistakes again and again. We refuse to acknowledge the past yet we expect different results. It's especially difficult when the same people disappoint us again and again. Yet, why are we surprised? History shows the same pattern and they are just being who they are.

Jesus tells us to forgive repeatedly. But forgiveness doesn't mean allowing people to continue to control our lives with their hurtful actions. Sometimes forgiveness means moving on and forging a new path. Forgiveness means trusting God to handle things. We can't change people any more than the prophet Daniel could change Belshazzar. Letting go and giving the situation over to God provides the greatest freedom, allowing us to move past the situation, knowing that God always takes care of His own.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Put Down Your Baggage

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. -- Ephesians 4:31-32

How heavy are your suitcases? Do you have a few folks who’ve done you wrong that you need to forgive? And do you have a few folks you need to ask to forgive you for something you did or said to them? Yeah. All of us have some of that baggage we carry around.

So what are you doing about it? Are you resigned to carry it for the rest of your life? Or would you like relief this side of heaven? It really is possible, you know. But you can’t lighten your load without making a conscious decision to move forward.

How do you start? Pastor Danny recommends making a list, or two, in this case. Write down every person who has ever done you wrong. Get specific. Name the person who said you would fail. List the one who betrayed your confidence. Then forgive them, each and every one. Forgive them. Truly and sincerely from your heart.

They might not even remember what they did or said. Or maybe they do. Either way, you’re the one who is suffering. How much more of your life are you willing to give them? How much unhappiness and bitterness are you willing to hold on to, to suffer with, to let destroy your future?

Let it go. Forgive. Trust God to handle it. The end.

Now you can start on your next list. You know the one I’m talking about. Write down everything you ever did to someone else. Write down every harsh word, ever unkind thing, every wrong action. Get specific. Then tell them. Ask them for forgiveness.

Now, sometimes it isn’t possible or smart to talk directly with folks. Pastor Danny recommended talking to an empty chair like it’s the person you wronged or writing a letter, sealing it, and letting it go. (Be sure to destroy it or put it some place safe.) Just get rid of the guilt for something you can’t change.

This process lets you evaluate your relationships, both past and present, and get a clearer view of good things and bad. And that helps you make wiser choices in the future.

It also grants you an amazing freedom and peace. Because you never fully understand how heavy your luggage is until you put it down.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Forgive Yourself For Past Mistakes

Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.

Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.

-- Psalm 32:1-2

What are you holding against yourself? What mistake from your past do you still feel guilty about? What thing keeps rewinding itself in your mind, causing you to mentally beat yourself up -- again -- for something you can’t change?

One of the most difficult things we face is letting go of the past. It haunts us. Satan knows this and uses every opportunity to take advantage of it. He wants us to stay so focused on the past that we can’t do God’s will in the present.

Pastor Rob told us recently that guilt destroys our confidence because we’re always worried about what will happen if somebody finds out. Guilt damages our relationships, causing us to be angry, impatient, overly indulgent with people we love or with ourselves.

He likened it to driving down the road with our head turned and always looking back. We can’t change the past but that past sure can make us sick today.

Pastor Rob suggested that we all take a moral inventory of our lives. Yeah. I think everyone in the congregation squirmed over that one. He told us to sit down alone and write down what is wrong with our lives. Don’t just think about it. Don’t have the television or music blaring. Just sit down with yourself and God.

Ask God to help you and point out what you consciously or unconsciously feel guilty about. Why write it down? Because it forces you to be specific, Pastor Rob explained. Generalities are way easier to deal with than the specifics.

Then Pastor Rob took it a step further. He told us to tell one other person. Share our deepest, darkest mistakes? Seriously? He told us to pick one safe person and tell them what we’re most guilty about. The weight lifted off your soul is amazing. It’s like a small child who did something wrong and is just so relieved when his parents find out and he doesn’t have to hide it anymore.

Be careful though. Not everyone is safe. Don’t tell someone when you know that person is a gossip. Don’t tell a person who is always negative or quick to pass judgment. Find someone mature enough to reflect God’s forgiveness back to you. Maybe a pastor. Maybe an elder in the church. Maybe a dear friend.

Then let it go. Give it to God and accept His forgiveness. God forgives instantly, freely and completely. Think about that, then forgive yourself. The past is the past. Today belongs to you and God. Don’t let Satan take it away from you.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Let Go Of Your Past Mistakes

They still didn’t understand the significance of the miracle of the multiplied loaves, for their hearts were hard and they did not believe. -- Mark 6:52

It’s not easy to believe Jesus. Really. It isn’t.

I know I’ve just ruffled a few feathers and caused a few folks to doubt my own beliefs. But go back and reread that first sentence. I didn’t say it wasn’t easy to believe in Jesus. I said it wasn’t easy to believe Jesus.

How do I know this? Because of all that baggage so many of us are caring around day after day, week after week after week. God forgave us years ago but we can’t seem to forgive ourselves or get beyond a past we can’t change.

We know we are all sinners. And we know God uses everything for the good of those who love Him, including those awful things we’d rather keep hidden in the darkness. We know we’re forgiven. We do. Well, sort of.

We believe God forgives others. At least, most of us do. There are a few who think God only forgives certain people for certain things. These are the people who, 20 years after the fact, still bring up sin or mistakes or bad choices. It’s as though by reminding us of our pasts they can take the focus off of themselves and their own sins.

It’s not so easy to forgive ourselves. Our minds -- fueled by Satan -- continue to replay all those things we’ve done or those things we didn’t do. We should’ve taken that job for less money. At least, we’d have a job and not the continual threat of unemployment. We should have insisted he go to the doctor instead of waiting for the heart attack that killed him. We should have managed our finances better instead of believing that the good times would always be good. Maybe if we’d spent more time in church and less time at the beach our child wouldn’t be addicted to drugs right now.

And on and on. But the thing is we can’t move forward to a better tomorrow because we’ve let today get mired down in the past. It’s like somewhere deep inside we really don’t believe God has forgiven us so we hold on to our unworthiness rather than letting Jesus’ blood wash us clean.

It’s amazing that we can get anything done for the weight of all that baggage we’re carrying around. What would happen if we just put it down? How would our lives change if we placed those bags at the cross -- really and truly -- and started walking forward without them?

Wow! The relief is amazing, isn’t it? The burden is gone. Our hardened hearts are made new again and we can embrace today with renewed vigor. We are forgiven. We are chosen. We have indeed been remade into new people. Jesus’ blood gave us another chance. Take it and rejoice in the grace He has extended to all of us.

Friday, June 22, 2012

God Forgives And So Should We

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

-- Matthew 18:21-22

She just buried her husband two days ago. His sister had died 10 days before that. She is recovering from hip replacement surgery that came after a fall that came after a broken pelvis. It is not the best of times.

And yet another woman’s anger lingers. Her hardened heart can’t feel sympathy or compassion. She can’t let go of something that happened more than 20 years before.

She calls herself justified. And, indeed, the older woman hurt her badly. But she didn’t confront the woman at the time. She didn’t try to understand why someone would hurt her so badly. She didn’t forgive.

Instead, she has told the story again and again over the years. Not to “bad-mouth” the woman, she says, but to tell her side of a story most of us don’t care about. Because after all these years, what does it matter? People hurt us because we are all flawed. That’s just the way of life. What we do with that hurt determines who we are inside.

This woman considers herself to be a strong Christian, and she is. She does good for many people, trying to live her faith in works and deeds. And, yet, she can’t forgive. There is no love in her heart for her enemy of long ago.

We can all relate, can’t we? We’ve probably all got someone in our lives that we need to forgive. I’m not saying we should ignore abuse, especially when it continues on and on. We should remove ourselves from the situation and take appropriate steps to protect ourselves and others. But forgiving someone who hurt our feelings years ago? Oh, come on! Let it go.

After Peter asked this question, Jesus told the parable of the man who couldn’t pay his debt to the king. The man begged for more time and the king had compassion on him and forgave his debt. Then the man went out and demanded that another servant repay the debt he owed to him. When the man begged for more time, this man refused and had the man thrown into prison until he could repay the debt. Those who saw what happened went and told the king.

“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said. ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you.”

-- Matthew 18:32

God forgives us. We should forgive others. The end.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Forgiveness Is Hard

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. -- Colossians 3:13

Forgiveness is one the hardest things we’re ever called to do. We don’t want to forgive. We want retribution. We want others to pay for hurting us.

We lash out. They lash out. And so it goes, building up to something that can never end in good. We want to be right, justified. All we end up being is hard and angry and hurt.

It always seems to start with hurt. Someone says or does something that hurts our feelings. Maybe wounds our pride. Maybe they betray us. Or steal from us. Or lie to or about us. And we just can’t get past it.

The other day I mentioned a name to someone I know. This normally kind, caring person just went off. That’s the only way to describe it. As I soon found out, many, many years ago, this woman whose name I had mentioned had badly hurt my friend. She’d told lies about her and really given her the cold shoulder.

It didn’t matter that so many years have passed. Nor did it matter that the older woman has serious health problems and emotional anguish from just having to put her husband in the nursing home. This normally compassionate woman couldn’t get past her anger to forgive.

I know. The woman hadn’t repented and asked for my friend’s forgiveness. So what? God doesn’t tell us to only forgive people who apologize. He tells us to forgive everyone who sins against us -- just as He forgives us when we sin against Him.

Oh, I know. Most of us try to apologize to God when we sin. But how many times do you apologize to those that you sin against? Really. Because, honestly, most of us don’t. We just let it slide, certain others will understand our bad mood, our lapse in judgment, our little mistake. We expect others to treat us differently than we treat them.

It’s especially hard with those people who just seem to know which buttons to push. It doesn’t seem to matter how determined we are to not let them get to us. They do. We get angry. They get angry. And neither side can forgive. And on it goes. We’ve all heard it before.

Do you really want to forgive? Or does holding on to that anger feed something deep inside of you? Maybe it’s something you need to talk out with God.

If you really want to forgive, pray for the person who harmed you. Treat that person with kindness. Is it easy? Not at all. But I’ve found it really impossible to cling to unforgiveness and pray for someone at the same time. Funny how God works that out. The other person may not change at all, but your prayers for that person