January 24, 2023

 

Beware of Your Words

 

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” – Luke 6:37

 

She sat in the very back, watching it all. When the pastor began praying, she began talking about how awful he is and listing all that he had done to harm her church. She is furious at him for what she believes he hasn’t done. She doesn’t see the need to look in the mirror.

 

A few years back she needed, and received, grace. She was fired from her job because of harsh words that deeply hurt a child. Her church, the very one she attends, extended grace and helped her heal. This church even offered her a job that led to her restoration in her chosen field.

 

And now she sat back and condemned a man for doing his best in an awful situation. She rarely lifts a finger to do anything but judge. She’s blaming someone else for all that she sees wrong. She believes, as do others, that a new pastor will fix everything. It won’t because the problem isn’t the pastor. The problem is her and all the others who expect more from one person than he can possibly give. The problem is that we all have forgotten about serving others.

 

We are so quick to judge, aren’t we? We tell ourselves we’re entitled to our opinion and we are. But the Bible reminds us repeatedly to watch our words. The tongue can do so much harm, especially when the devil is in our hard hearts.

 

Our church is discussing disaffiliation from the United Methodist Church. One reason is that many have formed a wall against a pastor doing his best. Is he perfect? Absolutely not. None of us are. We forget that sometimes. We also sometimes forget that we are called to serve with our hands and feet and not just with our checkbooks. We are called to love. And we are warned not to judge.

 

I don’t know what will happen to our church. Only God knows. I’ve no doubt, though, that the Holy Spirit is grieved by all the anger and hatred permeating throughout the hearts of His people.

August 11, 2021

 

Words and Actions

 

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

– 1 John 3:18

 

We know exactly what to say. We’ve got the answers memorized so completely that others just know our hearts are true. But what happens when things don’t go according to our plan? How do we react when we don’t get our own way?

 

I look around and it breaks my heart. We hurt God so deeply with our hardness. We judge others harshly and call ourselves justified. We condemn their actions while putting ourselves on a pedestal of light. Hypocrites. We are hypocrites.

 

Neither political party is either all right or all wrong. How quickly we side with one or the other, pulling out verses to support our cause while ignoring the whole truth. We simply don’t want to love and do good to people unless they are like us, believe as we believe, and agree with everything we say. How sad.

 

If you are condemning abortion and condemning the poor, then this applies to you. Both are wrong. Is that just my opinion? No. It’s in the Bible if we look at it’s entirely.

 

The same is true of many other issues. We condemn homosexuality but we have no issues with divorced people remarrying. We don’t label them as adulterers because they are like us. We understand and extend grace. We refuse to even contemplate that God created the homosexual just as He created the divorcee.

 

We insist one is a choice and the other a mistake. How do you know? You don’t. But it forms a convenient excuse for not loving the very people God has called you to love.

 

What would happen if we actually starting seeing people as they are? We are all created in God’s image and He desperately wants us all to accept Jesus’ sacrifice and be saved. Honestly, we’d rather some people not join us in heaven one day and that truth speaks volumes about the condition of our hearts.

 

Your mouth may preach the loudest sermon anyone has ever heard, but if your actions don’t live that truth then your words are empty of the Spirit and, therefore, useless.

April 18, 2019

What Does Your Heart Say?

“But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.” – Matthew 15:18

Have you ever found yourself obsessing over something or someone? Maybe your laser focus is on doing whatever is necessary to advance in your job. Maybe you’re adapting yourself and your life to someone else’s ideal. Maybe you’re pretending to be happy when your heart lies shattered inside.

Listen to your words. Listen to the words of those around you. Not the surface platitudes that fill the void once held by silence. Examine the off-the-mark comments. Pay attention to your own subtle putdowns. Recognize the things, the words, the actions, that cause you stress.

You can do everything right on the surface but the heart always reveals itself. Do you snidely consider someone’s awful haircut? Do you look at someone else’s sin and pat yourself on the back because that’s not your particular sin? Do you lament what you don’t have again and again and again?

We are good at pretending. All of us are. We pretend to be what we’re not in order to gain the acceptance of those we value. We lift ourselves up so we can look down on others, hoping we will end up being better than we are.

Words reveal what lies deep in our hearts. What do your words say about you?

December 6, 2018

What Does Your Life Say?

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. – Philippians 2:3

It’s high school football championship week. The top teams have gathered to play for the titles in each of the divisions. It’s an exciting time in this football obsessed region.

The games are televised, so we all have the opportunity to see the games unfold. One team won by a significant margin. I was thrilled because I know one of the coaches and his family. It was a well-deserved state championship win for a man who has been through a tough time.

You know how it goes. The team doesn’t win and somebody has to take the fall. He and several other assistants were shown the exit door. It was sad. It was done in a horrible way. And, well you probably already guessed, the team didn’t win again this year. But this godly man went to another team and helped that team win a state championship.

It was a tough journey, one filled with tears, as his family had their lives uprooted. They were active in our church. They were kind and giving. They lived their faith and it drew others to Jesus. Then he lost his job.

What I admired so much is that his faith didn’t falter on this hard journey. He didn’t badmouth his bosses. He didn’t get angry at God. Instead, he handed it all over to God. He trusted that God would provide something even better. And He did. God gave this coach a state championship.

I contrast that with another man who was also happy with the win, though for an entirely different reason. He didn’t like the other team because the quarterback is the little brother of a player on the college football team he detests. You may need to read that again. Yes. It really is that ridiculous.

He’s entitled to his opinion, of course, but his ugly comments really contrasted so much with the coach and his situation. This man also is an active volunteer at his church. He does many good things and has spent much time and money on relief efforts in the aftermath of Hurricane Michael. But it’s easy to forget those things when hateful words come out about people he doesn’t even know.

Which man do you think shows the love of Jesus the most? The one who refused to badmouth those who harmed him or the one who badmouthed people he doesn’t know? Yeah. It’s easy to live our faith when things are going our way and we can give without cost to ourselves. But it’s when life gets hard, when it’s unfair, that people really learn who we are. It’s in that dark place where true faith can shine brightly.

The coach never lost his faith. He never doubted God’s goodness. He dealt with a situation he didn’t create, his soothed his wife’s anger and his children’s tears and unease. And he trusted God to give them all something better. And He did. Because God always gives His children more than we could ever dream.

No one is better or less because of the team they support. We forget that sometimes in our heated emotions of the moment. Watch your words. Live like Jesus when the days hurt and you don’t understand. People notice and they want to know why. Let your life point them toward Jesus.

November 1, 2018

Watch Your Words

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. – Ephesians 4:29

He was a really nice man – some of the time. His staff learned to read his mood before engaging in much conversation. If he was in a bad mood, they scurried away and avoided him. If he was in a good mood, they gathered to ask questions and engage in office small talk.

Other managers made excuses for him. Well, they’d say, he’s got a knee injury and he’s just in so much pain. Or, they’d explain, he’s just been working so much lately. His staff took the brunt of the viciousness that came when he “wasn’t himself.”

Have you ever known someone like that? Have you ever been that person? We all have moments when life isn’t going our way and we lash out at someone who doesn’t deserve it. We apologize and move on, trying to do better.

The problem comes when it happens on a regular basis. It’s not okay.

Unfortunately, that’s how some people live their lives. They take everything out on others. Sometimes they show no mercy to anyone. Sometimes they target one person. It’s like they need to vent and they’re going to do it. No matter the cost.

And there is a cost. People tend to avoid a verbal abuser. They tip-toe around them. They hold back from making comments or suggestions. They just don’t want to be around them.

Verbal abuse. We don’t talk about it too much. Physical abuse is something we can see. Or, at least, a doctor can examine someone and know that physical abuse has occurred. With verbal abuse the scars aren’t always visible but they are always there.

Stories abound of children who grow up insecure, fearful, with negative self-images because of insults and shame aimed at them. Adults cower before a spouse who tells them they are stupid or unworthy or ugly. Employees dread work because of an abusive boss but they are desperate for the paycheck so they go anyway.

When you use your bad day, your lack of sleep, your pain, your frustration, or any other thing as an excuse to take your ugly emotions out on someone else, you are verbally abusing them. You’re making them pay for something that isn’t their cost to bear.

Here’s the thing about words: You can never take them back. Not ever. You can apologize. You can try to make amends. But the words will remain. What’s been said can never be retrieved.

There are so many ways to handle anger and frustration. First, take it to God. He can handle it. And He can calm us as no other can. Then take a walk, read your Bible, veg out in front of the television. Do what you need to do to fill yourself with God’s peace.

Then apologize if you’ve hurt or offended anyone. And vow to yourself and God that you won’t do it anymore. Create a new pattern to deal with life’s issues. Above all else, put on kindness. People flock to someone who is kind. People want to please people who show mercy and grace.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

What kind of person are you? Do you encourage others or do you tear them down?

October 16, 2018

Negative Commentary

Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you – who are you to judge your neighbor?

– James 4:11-12

He’s the new person in the room. He seems out of place as others show him around. He’s trying to be friendly. To him, apparently, being friendly means talking about his bosses in an ugly sort of way.

Do you know someone like him? There just always seems to be someone who never has anything good to say about someone else. They especially don’t like anyone in a position of authority at work. They have that “us” against “them” mentality that only leads to division.

That’s always seemed so sad to me. We see it in all areas of life. There are some pretty sad people who can only feel good about themselves if they’re putting someone else down. I’ve always wondered what made them so insecure. Have you ever considered that?

We are so filled with our opinions these days. I know. It sounds hypocritical coming from someone who writes an opinion column every day. But there is that line between expressing an opinion and seriously trying to hurt someone and destroy their reputation just to prove you can.

We see people use that excuse of “my opinion” every time they want to judge and spread lies. Certainly, it’s their right. I do believe in free speech. But just because it’s their right, doesn’t mean they should do it.

Not everything we think needs to be expressed with words to anyone else. Some things are best shared only with God. He’s pretty good at keeping secrets and giving excellent advice. Others aren’t always good at either.

As for those who share their opinions, do you believe their words? If someone says something ugly about someone you know, do you believe it? Do you let another person’s opinion cloud your own opinion of the person being discussed? Or, maybe, you think a little bit less of the one talking ugly about someone else?

We have endured so much finger-pointing and name calling in our country in recent years. I wonder sometimes when we forgot to be civil, to be kind, to be truthful. Because, honestly, truth has very little to do with the political rhetoric that comes from the mouths of so many Christians.

We have become obsessed with our own financial agendas. We condemn anyone who isn’t like us. We cling to what we think is ours. And we spread false statements that “sound” right just because we can.

Just like the new man on the job. He’s not winning any friends. And he’s not starting out with a good reputation. Because anyone who talks about someone else behind their back, especially when the comments are mean and hateful, will talk about you in exactly the same way. Count on it.

Learn to walk away, to change the subject, or to defend the person being slandered. You don’t have to be part of the problem and maybe, one person at a time, you can be part of the change.

October 3, 2018

Show Mercy and Grace

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. – Hebrews 4:16

He mocks those who mock, but gives grace to the humble.

– Proverbs 3:34 (HCSB)

She isn’t well liked. She’s the first to point a finger at anyone who makes a mistake. And she’s the first to respond with denial if she’s the one who made the mistake.

She’s quick to judge but not so quick to show mercy. No one ever meets her standards. All of her coworkers have been on the receiving end of her nasty comments.

She’s not a boss. She’s not even a supervisor. She’s a co-worker with less experience than everyone else in her department. Her attitude sends a different message. She thinks of herself as superior to everyone else.

The saddest thing isn’t her attitude. The saddest thing is that her attitude simply covers up a deep insecurity. She feels like people look down on her. She talks about discrimination. She’s determined to “prove” she’s better than they are. All she proves is that she’s got a mega chip on her shoulder that has cost her job after job. She doesn’t understand grace or mercy or compassion.

As Christians, we think of grace as a gift from God. We can’t earn it through works or money. He gives it to us when we believe in Jesus as Lord and Savior.

What if we offered grace to others? What if we showed compassion, not because they deserved it or had earned it, but because of Jesus? What would happen to their hearts? What would happen to our hearts?

Where does mercy fit in? What is it? Because mercy and grace aren’t exactly the same thing. I think now to the movie War Room. One of the main characters had done something illegal. He’d confessed and made retribution. The company owner had a choice: forgive or call the police. He chose to forgive. Would you have made that same choice? Would your hard heart have softened when you encountered genuine repentance?

How often do we have the option of offering mercy or condemnation? Do we fail to forgive an offense, choosing instead to “punish” the offender? Or, after a sincere apology and changed behavior, do we grant mercy and forgiveness?

This young woman thinks she’s being smart and tough and strong by lashing out at others. She’s actually being weak. She doesn’t understand the concept of being part of a team. She’s doesn’t understand grace and mercy. And it shows in the vicious words she throws out.

She wants to get ahead in the workforce but she won’t. Who wants an employee who’s so divisive? Who wants to promote someone who won’t take responsibility for mistakes? Does it sound like anyone you know?

The next time someone you know makes a mistake, offer grace. Be merciful. I know. It’s not always easy. Do it anyway. Grace and mercy have a way of coming back to you in ways you never expect.

September 29, 2018

What Do Your Words Reveal?

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. – Ephesians 4:29

One of the most interesting things about all the political talk is watching people justify their words and their opinions. It would be comical if it wasn’t so sad.

One woman, someone who sees herself as a fine Christian, was taken aback by a friend who responded to yet another hateful post on Facebook. The friend said something I’ve thought many times: She called the post hateful and mean and questioned this woman for writing it.

Naturally, it produced a defensive response. It’s “my opinion,” she insisted. “I have the right to express my opinion.” “It’s not hateful. I don’t use curse words.” “I’ve got a lot at stake in this debate.” And, here’s the clincher, “Christians have been silent too long.”

It took a great deal of self-control to keep from responding to that. Jesus has no part in this hatred that has spread over our land. He’s just the excuse some folks use for speaking from their own self-interests.

Let’s try something here. “He’s so stupid! Did you hear what he said? He’s nothing but a liar and a thief. Those people should be prosecuted. How dare they condemn a good man! I know he’s good. I don’t need to meet him. He’s good and those others are just awful people. I heard they stole money. Did you hear that? I know it’s true. I can tell. Can’t you? Yes! They need to go to jail. How dare they say something bad about such a good person when they’ve done so much evil!”

If you read or heard those words would you think the person was being hateful or mean? There are no curse words in there. A little gossip. A lot of commentary about something the writer would know nothing about. Slander. Lots of opinions. Words that are designed to fuel anger and spread hurt.

I made that up. You know that. But I could have copied and pasted those words from any number of Facebook posts from this woman or dozens more. Sure, they’re entitled to their “opinions.” I’ve big on the First Amendment and our right to free speech. What makes me angry is justifying this ugliness by claiming to defend Jesus.

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” – Luke 6:45

This is what Jesus said about evil words. Jesus isn’t in this ugliness. Unfortunately, those who don’t know Him, don’t know that God is love, turn away from the One who loves them most because of these lies.

What’s also unfortunate is what the ugly words reveal about the person saying them. The woman who got called out for her ugliness is someone I’ve known a long time. I always considered her to be a strong woman of faith, someone who is a prayer warrior. I’m starting to question that. I don’t know how someone who truly has the love of Jesus inside of them can be so consistently ugly with their words and opinions.

It’s makes me consider her heart. It makes me remember the ugly comments I’ve heard her make about the poor or about immigration. I’d excused those remarks. I’d given her a pass because she’s led such a sheltered life, without ever having to support herself or do without anything. I’d extended grace, the same grace she refuses to extend to anyone who disagrees with her opinions.

Jesus said our words reflect our hearts. What do your words reveal about you?

September 22, 2018

Watch Your Language

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. – Ephesians 4:29

They are really nice. They are. They are quick to laugh, smart, and basically good people. But, oh, their mouths. It’s just so sad.

Foul language and inappropriate comments can and will derail anyone’s future. People don’t want to be around it. And, honestly, employers don’t want it in their workplace.

I know. Someone is saying about now that I’ve never heard (whatever it is they think is most awful). I spent much of my adult life in the construction industry. I’ve pretty much heard it all. I have a high tolerance for offensive language. I learned long ago to let it roll off of me. But there’s language and, then, there’s language.

Curse words don’t make you appear older or more sophisticated. Just the opposite, in fact. And making crude comments about co-workers or others can get you in trouble legally. It’s wrong. It’s offensive.

And it’s just so unnecessary. Words can set you apart either in a good way or a bad way. What do people hear coming from your mouth? Do they hear you bragging about getting drunk on Friday night? Do they hear you talking about private things that have no place in the public arena? Do they hear you spewing curse words in every sentence?

There’s another side to this too. When you’re surrounded by people with foul language and bad habits, do you join them or do you opt out? Can you resist the lure of sin or is your desire to be part of the crew too strong?

We are to be in this world but not of it. We are to live with others, work with them, be around them, but not become like them. It’s not always easy, is it? That’s exactly what Satan is counting on.

I am a Christian. I try really hard to wear my faith each day. Do I fail? Daily. But I try and people see that. They comment on it. They understand that I am set apart even when I don’t say that to them directly. There’s a difference.

They have their own choices to make. If I look down on them, all I do is make them defensive and turn them away from Jesus. I’m not supposed to judge them anyway. I’m called to love them right where they are and trust Jesus to handle the rest.

I’m not sure who first said we’re the only Bible some folks will ever read. But it’s true. Loving people, being kind, draws more people toward Jesus. They want to know what it’s all about.

It’s so easy when our lives are filled with people who think and act and believe as we do. But that’s not real life. We live in what is sometimes a very dark world. Be the light.

September 17, 2018

Words Can Heal or Destroy

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. – James 3:6

Who are you? What’s your name? How do you identify yourself? What do others call you?

Our pastor made a really interesting point on Sunday. James understood firsthand the dangers of condemning someone without cause. He knew what happened when others referred to someone with names that were really just lies. Think about all the names his brother was called. Consider the lies from the Pharisees. Yes. James understood the cost.

Condemnation is referring to someone by their problem or their sin and not their name, our pastor said. They are “liars,” “trash,” “stupid.” They are “drug addicts,” “homely,” “fat.”

We call people by what we see as their sin. And that, in turn, is how they come to see themselves.

Pastor Ryan Martin said there are two truths about sin. The first is that every sin we commit is the direct result of us believing a lie. The second is that all sin is the result of idolatry.

When we condemn someone with our words we tell them they aren’t worthy. They aren’t worthy of us and they aren’t worthy of God. And they start to believe those lies we spew at them. It’s a sick kind of game. Sin begets sin.

And it becomes like a god to us. We can make ourselves the god. We can make our sin – say vaping or gossiping – our god. It becomes more important than anything or anyone. It becomes more important than God.

There is a shame that comes with the harsh words others direct at us. We get down on ourselves. We forget how wonderful we are. We forget we were created in the image of God Almighty. We forget we are loved and chosen and special. We forget everything but the condemnation in the words directed toward us.

Words can create life or they can destroy it. What about your words? Do you talk bad about people? Do you try to turn the opinions of others against someone you don’t like? Do you build yourself up at the expense of others?

Or maybe you’re the person who always finds something good in others. Maybe you’re the one who gives a genuine, specific compliment to another person. Maybe you’re the one who refuses to spread, or even listen, to the ugliness some try to share.

Each day is filled with choices. Make your words be words of healing and hope.

September 13, 2018

Watch Your Words

To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the proper answer of the tongue. – Proverbs 16:1

I don’t know her. It was one of those God things that brought us together. She wanted something I had to sell. I certainly didn’t know she was four months into her season of grief. And she surely didn’t know grief was something I understood. But God brought us together for a moment and that turned out to be a good thing.

She was trying to move on. Her friends were trying to be helpful, encouraging even. Get over it, they advised. Start a new life, they said. Redecorate your house with something that’s new and different, they told her. They wanted to help but all they did was pour more anguish into her fresh wounds.

Everyone grieves differently. There’s no right or wrong way. Some people have an uncanny knack for bouncing back. Most of us linger in the pain for a while. She is one of those.

Some days are good, she told me. Other days she can barely function. It’s all normal to me. It might have been normal to her had she not had such well-meaning people in her life. She thought she should push forward and pretend she was okay, even on the hard days. She was beating herself up because she just couldn’t.

My advice? Give yourself a break. Enjoy the good days and take care of yourself  on the bad days. If you need to cry, go ahead and cry. If you need to mope, go ahead and do it. Just don’t stay there. Grief is a journey and there are no quick fixes.

Her friends mean well. They do. They just don’t understand what they haven’t lived. That’s true in so many areas of life.

I had a friend tell me I didn’t know what it was like having children. She’s right. I don’t. But as I reminded her, she doesn’t know what it’s like to not have the children you once desperately wanted. The shock on her face still makes me chuckle. She had never considered the other side.

I am in a Bible study on Job. We talked about how well-meaning friends can say the absolutely worst things. Friends can hurt us deeply without realizing the weight of their words. They make assumptions. They speak from themselves without considering the differences. They aim to fix what only God can heal.

Sometimes the absolutely best thing you can say to someone hurting is – drum roll here – nothing. Just give them a hug. Sit quietly beside them. Walk with them. You can’t fix it. You can’t. But you can love them without hurting them.

That’s not to say that we don’t sometimes need friends to speak truth into our lives. Notice earlier that while I encouraged this woman to cry and mourn, I also told her not to live there. I speak from experience. I spoke from a heart that has known deep pain. And she heard that in my words.

Some seasons of life are just hard. I know it’s something I say a lot but I do so because it’s true. I also do so because there are just so many hurting people in this world. Don’t add to their pain with careless words. Don’t try to fix them or their situation. Just love them and trust God to heal them.

September 10, 2018

Do We Defend the Victims?

“The King will reply, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ – Matthew 25:40

“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

– Matthew 25:45

Our faith is most revealed in how we treat people who aren’t like us, people who disagree with us, people who are marginalized, people who can’t do anything for us.

Do you call people “stupid” because they disagree with you? Do you view people who are from a different country as “thieves” or “terrorists”? Do use throw out racial slurs toward someone who looks different than you? Do you make off-color jokes about someone of the opposite sex? Do you laugh and go along with anyone who does any of the things I’ve mentioned?

You are a bully. You are fueling hate. You are not living Jesus. Are you sure you even know Him in your heart?

Harsh words. I know. It’s past time I stood up and called it what it is. I don’t care how many times you praise Jesus. If you’re also calling people names just because they’re different than you or putting people down because they see issues differently, then you are a hater and Jesus has no part in your life.

I have tried to stay out of the political fray. Most of my friends are staunch Republicans. Many of them strongly support Donald Trump. I do not. I never have. It’s not about politics for me. Trump is an arrogant bully. He always has been. I will likely never understand how anyone could support and, thus, condone his behavior.

Trump calls people who disagree with him all types of names – and his supporters applaud his words. Trump seeks to destroy anyone who tries to thwart his agenda – and his supporters applaud his actions. Trump doesn’t care about democracy or diplomacy. He cares only about himself and that’s truly dangerous.

I know. He talks about God. Sometimes he goes to church. But please reread the book of James. What evidence do you see in Trump’s life that he actually lives for Jesus? Works and words may not save us but they surely reveal the heart.

What has prompted me to voice my opinions? What has made me realize I can no longer remain silent in order to keep the peace in my own life? A 16-year-old girl died last week. Suicide. Because she was ruthlessly bullied by kids who think it’s okay to destroy someone who is different, someone who is weaker, someone they can hurt with words and threats and cruelty.

We are teaching our children it’s okay to be a bully. Every time we open our mouths and call someone a name because they view issues differently, we teach our kids it’s okay to down someone who likes a different type of music. Every time we laugh at someone who dresses differently or lives in a “bad” part of town, we are teaching our children to do the same. It’s your actions that carry the weightiest lessons. You can tell your children not to bully many times but if they see you do it, they’ll learn to do it too.

And if you continue to condone a political figure who bullies others, then you are teaching your children it’s okay to bully others too. Stop looking through your rose-colored glasses and start standing up for what is right. Stop talking about Jesus and start being Him in this world!

September 2, 2018

Actions Reveal Heart

Again Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen to me, everyone, and understand this. Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them.” – Mark 7:14-15

One man loudly proclaims his faith in God. He let’s everyone know he attends church. He even talks about the Bible. Yes, he loves to talk about Christian morals and values.

Unfortunately, his words don’t quite reflect his actions. He has had numerous affairs and is now on his third marriage. He routinely lies. He condemns anyone who dares to disagree with him and “leads” others by bullying and threatening them.

Another man also says he’s a Christian. He quietly attends church, though not with any regularity. He refuses to engage in religious debate. He doesn’t respond when naysayers insist he isn’t really a man of faith.

He works diligently to help the poor, the sick, the immigrants. He is quick to do handyman projects for his elderly neighbor, throw a football with a fatherless-child, or buy a meal for a man out of work. He is a man of integrity, a man who tries to do good even when it costs him friends and allies.

Which of the two men is truly a Christian? Is it the man who loudly proclaims his faith but lives as someone who doesn’t know Jesus? Or is it the man who refuses to boast of his faith but spends his days quietly doing good and loving people the way Jesus would?

None of us can ever truly know another man’s heart. Only God can look inside and see what’s really there. Our only true indication comes from the actions of those around us. What we see is a reflection of what’s inside.

We love to look at the outside and judge, don’t we? We see someone who regularly attends church and proclaim that he is a fine Christian. We ignore his racist rantings, his derogatory comments about women, and his tightly clenched fist when it comes to the poor.

We commend the woman who organizes food for a bereaved family. We consider her faithful service with children. We look at her husband, her children, her grandchildren and “know” that she is a fine Christian woman. We look past her tendency to gossip and spread rumors and lies. We laugh about her excessive spending habits. We brush aside how easily she judges those who don’t have designer clothes or a fine house.

What would happen if we considered the heart rather than loud proclamations of faith? What would it mean if we looked at actions rather than words before we proclaimed someone a “fine Christian”?

Being a person of faith, living a life for Jesus, isn’t about the surface. It’s about the heart. We go through the motions but do we feel it deep inside? Are we truly changed by what Jesus has done for us? Or are we merely answering questions correctly without ever trying to live a different life?

It’s an uncomfortable thought. We like to stay where we are, with the people we know, in the place that makes us feel safe. But true safety only comes in the arms of Jesus and He has never called us to stand on the sidelines while so many people are lost and hurting.

The sad truth is we don’t want to get dirty. We don’t want to change. We don’t want to look in the mirror and see our own sins glaring back at us. It’s just so much easier to stay on our lofty pedestal and point fingers at those who don’t quite measure up to our standards.

Do you spend your days judging others or humbly begging forgiveness from God? Do you waste time gossiping or do you spend that time praying and studying God’s Word? Faith isn’t about what you proclaim; it’s about what you do. Faith isn’t about textbook answers; it’s about your heart. Your actions reflect what’s inside. What do your actions say about you?

August 31, 2018

Words Reveal the Heart

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

– Luke 6:45

On the surface, she is a good person. She is a loving wife, mother and grandmother. She volunteers at church. She works hard at her job. She is a go-getter who gets things done.

Then there is the rest of the story. She is an arrogant bully who uses whatever means necessary – gossip, lies, political backstabbing – to get her own way. Even at church, where such things should never be in the equation, she is known as a bully. Ouch.

Do you know someone like her? Are you that person? Do you display an attitude if people don’t agree with your suggestions? Do you get angry and talk bitterly behind someone’s back when they choose something different? Are you a win-at-all-costs kind of person?

It’s as though we’ve developed a disconnect between living as Jesus and living to get what we want. In Jesus’ name, of course. We believe that it doesn’t matter how we reach our end goal. We justify our behavior as being okay because it’s for a worthy cause. It’s not okay.

I recently watched this woman turn to ice and struggle to even speak because she was so angry. The reason? Someone else decided to place a combination lock on a cabinet rather than the key lock she chose. What difference did it make? More people would have access to supplies without having to track down a key. It made sense. But it wasn’t her idea and she was furious.

When we find ourselves getting overly upset about small things, maybe it’s time to do a heart check. When we become furious because someone doesn’t do things exactly the way we think they should be done, maybe it’s time to rethink our motives. Pride comes immediately to mind. So do control issues.

Who’s in charge of your life? Who’s in charge of your heart? If the answer is anyone other than Jesus, then you’ve got a problem that impacts everyone around you. As Christians, we’re called to live for Jesus. Our words and our behavior should reflect that.

The hard truth is that we’re not always going to get our own way. And that’s okay. The hard truth is that not every idea we have is going to be well received by others. And that’s okay. The hard truth is that not everyone is always going to like how we do things. And that’s okay.

Life has taught me to let go of the small things that don’t really matter in the end. I’ve learned to let things roll off my shoulders when they don’t make a difference to Jesus. Consequently, I’ve grown stronger in standing up for things that really do matter. I’ve become someone who won’t back down when it comes to Biblical truths and decency.

We’re on the same team, you and I. We’re Christians trying to live as Jesus’ light in a dark and trying world. It’s when we lose sight of that, when we try to make it about us, that we end up spewing out anger and bitterness that have no place in God’s Kingdom.

So, the next time you get ready to have an attitude with someone else, look in the mirror first. You might find that the real problem lies in your heart.

August 13, 2018

What Are You Thinking?

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. – 2 Corinthians 10:5

How good are you at controlling the thoughts that race through your mind? Are you good at replacing ugliness with God’s truth? Do you obsess over wrongs done to you? Do you give your troubles to God or do you insist on worrying without ceasing?

Honestly, I struggle with this issue. It’s a constant back and forth. The only thing that seems to work for me is to find an appropriate Scripture verse and repeat it over and over and over again. And, yes, I sometimes struggle with that too.

I have taken Joyce Meyer’s Battle Field of the Mind Bible study. It’s wonderful, by the way. There’s just so much truth in it. What we think about, what we obsess over, is the god that is controlling us. If we think ugly thoughts, we’ll become ugly people. If we transform our minds into thinking like Jesus, we’ll become more like Jesus.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? And, I suppose, it is. In theory, anyway. But day to day frustrations, insecurities and issues have a way of coming full force at us and causing us to lose our peace and, ultimately, our way.

I sometimes wonder how much time we spend worrying about things we can’t change anyway. Have you ever thought of it that way? We want to control our own lives but the reality is that the actions of others impact so much of what happens. Think of it like this: You can be an incredibly safe, observant driver but you can’t control the speeding driver who, high on drugs, runs a stop sign and smashes into your car.

What we can control is how we handle what happens. We don’t have to respond to ugliness. We don’t have to be filled with anger and rage. We don’t have to host a pity party because something bad happened to us. We can give all that to God and walk forward, healed by the blood of Christ.

We also don’t have to give in to the ugliness others throw at us. Jesus told us to love our enemies and to do good to those who seek to harm us. He was right. (I know. He’s always right.) Have you ever done something good to someone who has purposely tried to hurt you? They don’t know what to do with it.

The same is true when you respond in kindness when someone lashes out in anger. They’re trying to pick a fight and you aren’t showing up. You can’t change them but you can refuse to be baited and pulled into ugliness.

Beth Moore wrote a book titled Praying God’s Word. It’s a wonderful book that I recommend to anyone. It has a section on praying for your enemies. It even comes with a fill-in-the-blank section so you can insert the person’s name into the open space. It’s incredibly powerful. It’s really hard to hold on to anger and bitterness when you are literally praying God’s Word over the person who harmed you.

I will probably always struggle with controlling the thoughts that ricochet through my mind. But I won’t give up. I won’t give in to Satan. I will ask God for help and continue to work toward replacing ugliness and worry with His Word. That’s the path to peace and joy.

July 24, 2018

Be Careful What You Say

“There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs.” -- Luke 12:2-3

A friend has decided to join Facebook. He’s unsure if it’s something he can do or if it’s something only for younger folks with far more technical skills than he has. It’s easy, I told him. Just remember one very important thing: Never post anything you wouldn’t want the world to read.

Some people would argue with me about privacy settings and such. I stand by my advice. If you say it, whether publicly or in “private”, those words could become public. So, watch your words.

Have you ever told someone something in private and then had them repeat it to others? We’ve probably all felt that sting of betrayal. Private conversations aren’t meant for everyone.

And you know what? We’ve probably all been guilty of doing the same thing to someone else. It might not have been intentional but we did it just the same.

That’s the thing about words, whether written or spoken. You can’t ever take them back. The same is true of things that we do. They can’t ever be undone. The consequences continue on and on. God will forgive us if we repent and change course, but the consequences of our actions remain.

The political arena is no different. Perhaps it’s even more so. Those backroom deals really do exist. People work hard to cover up misbehavior. And people sometimes skirt the law for financial or power gains.

The Democrats and Republicans are good at pointing fingers. The truth is that both sides are guilty. One party’s guilt doesn’t erase the other party’s guilt.

Certainly, we need compromise. We used to have that. We had statesmen who reached across to those with opposing views in an effort to find a middle ground that everyone could live with. We’re too polarized for that anymore.

I am tired of it. How about you? Is Donald Trump guilty of working with the Russians to influence the presidential election? I don’t know. But I believe that the truth will eventually come out. Is Hillary Clinton guilty of erasing emails? I don’t know. But I believe that the truth will eventually come out.

God has a way of exposing deceit that can shake us to our core. Denials don’t work. Lies piled on top of lies don’t work. Ugliness can only masquerade as righteousness for so long before it becomes a bitter expose on the life we really lead as opposed to the life we claim to lead.

There is freedom in truth and honesty. There is freedom in keeping your own counsel, in taking matters to God first. There is freedom in only saying what you wouldn’t mind anyone else hearing.

Truth comes out in the end. God makes sure of it. So watch your words, whether you think anyone else is listening or not.

July 15, 2018

Weigh Your Words

The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil. – Proverbs 15:28

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do is hold my tongue during what seemed to be an unrelenting attack. It is natural to want to retaliate, to jump into the fray, to defend oneself against lies and slander.

God says to hold our tongues. God says to weigh our words carefully. God says vengeance belongs to Him. God says we are safe and protected in the shelter of His wings.

Today’s Sunday school lesson was on forgiveness. It wasn’t about forgiving the small things. People hurt our feelings. People do us wrong. It’s part of life.

Today was about the big things. It was about Bart Millard forgiving the father who abused him. It was about the families of slain massacre victims forgiving the killer. It was about the big things. The things words can’t change. The things that alter lives and destroy people.

That’s the forgiveness we’re called to. That’s what Jesus did for us as He hung on the cross. Even as He suffered, He asked God to forgive those who had placed Him there. Me and you. We placed Him there.

Jesus didn’t hurl insults as those who mocked Him. Jesus didn’t defend Himself. Jesus didn’t fight back. He took the abuse and died so that you and I could live. How amazing is that?

One woman talked about trying again and again to restore a broken relationship. She talked about how hard it is to forgive, how hard it is to walk away. Yet, sometimes that’s the best thing. We can’t change the hearts of others. We can’t erase their words. Sometimes the best thing to do is walk away and trust God to handle it.

She spoke of holding her tongue when she really wanted to defend herself. I know about that. It’s tough to hear lies hurled at you and to walk away. It’s hard to allow someone to blame you for what they’ve done. But there is power in the name of Christ. There is forgiveness and healing. There is strength. There is grace in a better life.

Another woman noted that it’s usually those who are guilty who keep talking. It’s as though they’re trying to justify themselves, to convince even their own hearts that they’re right even when they know they’re wrong. It’s like refusing to engage with a bully. When you walk away rather become a victim, there’s a shift toward freedom.

The satisfaction that comes from saying your piece is often short-lived. It doesn’t change anyone. It simply fuels something that should be allowed to die. Trust God to handle your situation. If you need to speak, He will give you words. Otherwise, walk away and trust Him to handle it in His timing and His way.

July 13, 2018

Do You Reflect Jesus?

“They will put you out of the synagogue; in fact, the time is coming when anyone who kills you will think they are offering a service to God. They will do such things because they have not known the Father or me.” – John 16:2-3

When someone slays their children and claims they were doing the will of God, we know they are mentally ill, evil or both. But how many times do we “slay” others through our words, actions, motives, and claim we are doing God’s will?

How often do we offer opinions that aren’t from a place of love? How often do we judge as though we somehow have authority from above?

Don’t be so quick to think this doesn’t apply to you. It does. It applies to all of us. We use God and His Word as an excuse to judge others, to look down on those who have stumbled, to condemn what we don’t understand. We want to be comfortable and because of that we pull away from anything or anyone that isn’t like us.

Have you ever sat next to a homeless person during a church program? It isn’t always a pleasant smell. But it’s exactly what Jesus would do.

Do you seek out the recovering drug addict, the scarlet woman, the man who stole from his company? Do you welcome them to a place of grace and mercy or do you continue to shun them long after they have repented of their sins? Be careful how you answer. God just might challenge you to your lofty ideals.

Do you know that one of the loneliest places you can ever be is at a church service or at a church event? While you’re merrily visiting with friends and family, while you’re sitting with your people at your table or pew, there are others searching for a place to fit in. Do you call them over? Do you welcome them? Or do you assign that task to a pastor or staff member? Jesus would seek them out, include them, ask them about themselves. Do you?

We are a diverse group, we Christians. We come in all colors, shapes and sizes. We come with a wide variety of income levels, from barely getting by to beyond affluent. We come with a diverse set of skills and education, some acquired more from life than school. Yet we still seek to put people in a box labeled “like me” and, when we can’t, we shun them as being less and unworthy.

We are the ones who are unworthy. Jesus said that those who wanted to be first, must be last. He said that those who truly sought to follow Him would be servants. But we don’t want to be servants. We want to be leaders and judges, comfortable in our little cliques. Jesus wasn’t in a clique. He welcomed everyone.

It takes so very little to offer a smile and words of kindness. It doesn’t cost anything to invite someone new to your table or pew. How blessed we might be if we quelled our judgmental attitudes and really loved someone as they are. We are not called to be judges. We are called to love others, whether they are “loveable” or not.

Do we truly know and love God or are we merely using Him as an excuse to do evil, to tout our own agendas, to bring power and glory to ourselves? Live your life as though Jesus truly is walking by your side. Would your words, actions and attitude make Him praise you for reflecting His light to a dark world? Or would He condemn you for slaying those who are desperate for a living Savior?