July 21, 2023

 

We Are All Pharisees

 

The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed, ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people – robbers, evildoers, adulterers – or even like this tax collector.’

– Luke 18:11

 

How many times have we read the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector and condemned the Pharisee for thinking his sins weren’t as bad as the tax collector’s sins? How many times have we been the Pharisee by justifying our own sins while soundly condemning the sins of others?

 

Ouch. Most of us live pretty good lives, at least according to ourselves. We try to be good people. We don’t go around shooting people or robbing others or blatantly telling lies. We help those we think need it. We pray sometimes. We may even read the Bible. But we still don’t get it.

 

I’m struggling now to show grace and mercy to someone who is committing adultery. I see the heartbreak he has inflicted on his wife and children. It drags on and on as he tries to discover what will make him “happy.” I honestly would like to throttle him. I suspect God would like to throttle me sometimes too.

 

No. I haven’t committed adultery. But I have judged the sins of another. I have condemned what is not mine to condemn. I have failed to show love and grace, mercy even, as I have held onto my anger. My sins are great.

 

The hard truth is that we are all Pharisees. Pastor Adam Hamilton described himself as a recovering Pharisee who sometimes falls off the wagon. That is true of all of us. We are quick to point fingers, gossip, and condemn the sins of someone else all the while justifying our own sins.

 

I am not excusing his actions. But I also refuse to excuse my own. I pray that God will open both of our hearts so that we may be healed. That’s where he’ll find “happy.” That’s where I will find it too.

July 10, 2023

 

Stop Gossiping

 

Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. – James 1:26

 

She started her Facebook post with the words “I heard.” That was the telltale sign. She wasn’t passing on factual information. She was passing on something that may or may not be true. Her justification? It might be against her religious beliefs.

 

I could only shake my head and remove the post from my news feed. It’s not the first time this “devout” Christian has passed on something like this. She’s a huge gossip who never bothers to check her “facts” before posting something.

 

You will never convince her that this is wrong. I’ve tried. If pushed, she just explains that it’s her opinion. That she’s harming people, sometimes people she doesn’t even know, doesn’t faze her a bit. Her “values” are tied up falsehoods. And she wonders why so many people are turning from God.

 

We Christians don’t live by the same standards we require of others. Yes. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. I’m really not talking about that. It’s more a lofty, condescending attitude that we know better than anyone else.  How sad.

 

Whoever conceals hatred with lying lips and spreads slander is a fool.

– Proverbs 10:18

 

She claims to love everyone. She tosses the words around like they are a given. And then she puffs up to proclaim judgement. It’s that hypocrisy nonbelievers keep talking about. Her talk of love belies her quick condemnation of anyone who disagrees with her views. Her knowledge of the Bible is skewed as she uses its words as weapons to slaughter rather than words to heal.

 

Maybe I am no different. How many times have I used words to harm rather than heal? Haven’t we all done so? As Christians, we are called to bring others toward Jesus with the light we shine into this dark world. That begins with paying attention to our words. Stop gossiping and start feeding people hope.

August 21, 2019

Careless Words

Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. – James 4:11

It was a casual comment. One of those meant – supposedly – to offer a suggestion. Hurt feelings. Allegedly. Some unnamed person or committee “should” have done things differently. Words said in a group of people who aren’t involved and have no knowledge of actual events.

Was it about gossip? Was it about concern? Only God truly knows. But one thing is certain: the words shouldn’t have been said.

The subject was immediately changed but the seeds of division were planted. This is how rumors and gossip get started. We offer public opinions on what might or might not be true. We judge situations that don’t involve us. We speak words when we should have remained silent.

As brothers and sisters in Christ, we have a responsibility to guard our tongues and our attitudes. We should use our words to build others up. Why do we find it so difficult to stay in our lane and out of discussions that have nothing to do with us. Why do we insist on trying to destroy ourselves from within by spreading slander?

Careless words can cause harm far beyond what we could ever imagine. Choose your words carefully and, when in doubt, remain silent.

November 26, 2018

Spreading Lies

“Do not spread false reports. Do not help a guilty person by being a malicious witness.

“Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong. When you give testimony in a lawsuit, do not pervert justice by siding with the crowd,” – Exodus 23:1-2

A wicked person listens to deceitful lips; a liar pays attention to a destructive tongue. – Proverbs 17:4

It was one of those outrageous lies. You know what I’m talking about. Someone says something on Facebook and everyone starts sharing it without bothering to check the “facts.”

California is not trying to ban the Bible. The state legislature couldn’t even if it wanted to. The First Amendment still exists. Nor is the state attempting to shut down faith-based bookstores.

A legislator trying to stir up support for his campaign spread falsehoods about a proposed piece of legislation. It was something easily checked. But, well, the lie sounded right to people who want to think only the devil and his followers live in California.

What bothers me is our willingness to share lies like it’s nothing. It matters. When you seek to harm people by stirring up hatred and discord, you become part of the problem. You become a liar too.

I lived in California. I attended one of many churches in California. I know. It’s shocking to some of you. California is the home of many Christians. There are many, many homes filled with people who pray and study the Bible and try to live according to God’s Word.

Many of the people who spread Facebook lies consider themselves to be honest, Christian people. They would argue vehemently, defending themselves and saying they believed the lie. They didn’t bother to check the “facts” but, well, they’re entitled to their opinion. It’s just too easy to hit that share button. But when you repeat lies – gossip at its worst – you are a liar.

I know. Some people point the finger at Facebook and certainly that company must share the blame. But we each have individual responsibility to make sure that what we share is factual, not because it sounds right but because we’ve checked the facts.

Stop spreading lies, and hate, on Facebook and other social media outlets. It not only makes you look bad, it turns people away from Jesus.

November 10, 2018

Your Choice

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. – Galatians 5:1

We are blessed to live in this country. We are blessed by the many freedoms we enjoy. We have the freedom to worship as we choose. We have the freedom to speak freely. Do we use that freedom wisely?

I spent the early years of my career as a journalist. That’s right. A newspaper reporter. In Mass Communications classes, we studied how tabloids can use words to manipulate the truth. It seemed so clear. In reality, it wasn’t. That’s why so many people bought tabloids filled with lies that were bolstered by tidbits of truth.

It breaks my heart to see that happening in such a widespread way. I know. People love it. They buy into the lies. In our deepest parts, we love gossip and the drama that it brings. But it is just so wrong.

The press corps has become filled with people who are out to make a name for themselves. They will report almost anything just because they can. It’s all about being first rather than being right. It’s that mob mentality that turns frenzied at the first sight of its victim.

President Trump fuels that. He’s good at it. He always has been. Except this isn’t reality television where ratings determine your success. This is real life, real people, real events. It’s not okay to use your power and platform to condemn at random and to spread lies when it’s convenient.

Christ died to set us free so that we could live like Him, not so that we could implode in a field of lies. We don’t get to pick and choose which parts of the Bible we believe. Either you love Jesus as He is or you don’t.

That means loving people, including people you disagree with. That means tempering your words, being kind and forgiving and merciful. It means standing up for what’s right, even if it steps on your own political toes. It’s not about you. It’s not about me. It’s about Jesus. When did we lose sight of that?

It’s hard these days to determine fact from fiction. There are some really good reporters out there who deserve respect from everyone. They try hard to get the story right. That means stepping on toes. That means upsetting everyone. Because when you’re walking that line of truth, no one is happy with you.

It would be far easier to gather a bunch of folks together, call them reporters or news anchors, throw out a few “facts” and let them hash out their opinions. Label it news and watch the ratings skyrocket. Most folks don’t bother to check out what they’re hearing or reading to make sure it’s truth. I suppose if something is said enough times people stop doubting its validity.

Christ didn’t set us free to spread lies and hate. Every time we watch a “news” channel that does that, we are betraying Him. Every time we “share” something without making sure it’s true, we betray Jesus. We spread hate and discord because the drama feels good. Otherwise, why would we bother to listen or read something that upsets us?

Lies beget lies. Hate begets hate. Jesus? Well, Jesus is all about love. You have the freedom to choose who you will follow. Will it be the world with all it’s anger and hate? Or will it be Jesus, who beckons us to love and care for others? Your choice. I pray you choose wisely.

October 26, 2018

Some People Stir Up Trouble

Rescue me, LORD, from evildoers; protect me from the violent, who devise evil plans in their hearts and stir up war every day.

– Psalm 140:1-2

She was not a gossip. Oh, no. Not her. She merely listened to everything she could possibly hear, whether she was part of the conversation or not, then went running to the pastor to tattle.

I know. But there really is no other way to put it. When we were kids, we called people like that tattle tails. Unfortunately, she never outgrew it.

This was not a case of mentioning to the pastor that so-and-so was about to have surgery and maybe a call was appropriate. Her commentary was on anything from those who opposed the new carpet color to someone allegedly having an affair.

Unfortunately, this pastor encouraged her behavior by listening. It was gossip that sometimes had no factual foundation. Who she was passing the information on to was irrelevant. Gossip is gossip and her gossip was designed to stir up trouble.

Another woman does the same thing at her job. She is known as the “spy.” She runs back to the bosses with any tales of inadequate work or attitudes that should be adjusted. She does it with a sugary smile but her words are designed to bring trouble.

She’s also quick to take credit for anything good that happens. She doesn’t bother to mention her team. She doesn’t extend credit to anyone else. It’s all about her until something goes wrong. Then she’ll find someone else to take the fall for her mistake.

Some people just thrive on drama. They love to stir up trouble. They enjoy turning one person against another. It’s as though they get a power rush from seeing it all unfold.

I wonder sometimes if insecurities fuel their behavior. Maybe. But other times I think people like this are just mean. They don’t seem to care who they hurt.

I wish I had a grand plan to put a stop to this behavior. I don’t. Because people who don’t see anything wrong with their words or actions aren’t going to change just because you or I think they should.

I do believe that we should take everything to God first. Take your hurt to Him. Take your frustration to Him. Take your tears to Him. And trust Him to work it all out.

Also, be sure to pray for the person who is harming you or others. Ask God to open your heart to that person so that you can forgive and let it go. Be kind even when you know it’s wise not to trust. Don’t allow their behavior to lead you into sin.

September 17, 2018

Words Can Heal or Destroy

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. – James 3:6

Who are you? What’s your name? How do you identify yourself? What do others call you?

Our pastor made a really interesting point on Sunday. James understood firsthand the dangers of condemning someone without cause. He knew what happened when others referred to someone with names that were really just lies. Think about all the names his brother was called. Consider the lies from the Pharisees. Yes. James understood the cost.

Condemnation is referring to someone by their problem or their sin and not their name, our pastor said. They are “liars,” “trash,” “stupid.” They are “drug addicts,” “homely,” “fat.”

We call people by what we see as their sin. And that, in turn, is how they come to see themselves.

Pastor Ryan Martin said there are two truths about sin. The first is that every sin we commit is the direct result of us believing a lie. The second is that all sin is the result of idolatry.

When we condemn someone with our words we tell them they aren’t worthy. They aren’t worthy of us and they aren’t worthy of God. And they start to believe those lies we spew at them. It’s a sick kind of game. Sin begets sin.

And it becomes like a god to us. We can make ourselves the god. We can make our sin – say vaping or gossiping – our god. It becomes more important than anything or anyone. It becomes more important than God.

There is a shame that comes with the harsh words others direct at us. We get down on ourselves. We forget how wonderful we are. We forget we were created in the image of God Almighty. We forget we are loved and chosen and special. We forget everything but the condemnation in the words directed toward us.

Words can create life or they can destroy it. What about your words? Do you talk bad about people? Do you try to turn the opinions of others against someone you don’t like? Do you build yourself up at the expense of others?

Or maybe you’re the person who always finds something good in others. Maybe you’re the one who gives a genuine, specific compliment to another person. Maybe you’re the one who refuses to spread, or even listen, to the ugliness some try to share.

Each day is filled with choices. Make your words be words of healing and hope.

September 15, 2018

Watch Your Motives

Whoever slanders their neighbor in secret, I will put to silence; whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart, I will not tolerate. – Psalm 101:5

There’s always that one person. You know who I’m talking about. It’s the one who is constantly jockeying for position. The one who simply must be in charge. The one who is convinced that he or she knows more than anyone else. In Jesus’ name, of course.

It’s almost comical but, really, it’s just so sad. They miss the opportunity to be part of a team. They miss the chance to share ideas and, maybe, come up with something even better. They miss the comradery that comes when you work together to glorify God.

But it’s not about glorifying God. It’s about being in charge. It’s about looking good. It’s about me, my, I. It’s about power and ego.

A man began a good work. He went into the county jail and ministered to the men who were incarcerated there. How wonderful! It’s what the Bible tells us to do. I want to believe he was sincere in the beginning. I choose to believe he truly was called and it really was about Jesus.

But somewhere along the path, it became about him. “He” saved people. “He” was in charge. I once had a conversation with him about the ministry. Really, it was more about me listening and him talking. He never once mentioned Jesus or God or the Holy Spirit. He didn’t even mention the inmates. All he talked about was himself and the good he was doing. It was just sad.

A woman took over a ministry at church. She was certainly qualified on the skill level. It seemed like a perfect fit. And, in some ways, it is. But it’s not about leading others to Christ. It isn’t about growing in faith or deepening our relationship with Him or even each other.

It’s about growing her business as she constantly invites attendees to her store. It’s about “her” students and “her” choices. It’s about the pretty baskets and the gossip and the fun. She’s invited so many people but it’s pretty obvious she hasn’t invited Jesus. What a wasted opportunity.

Did you pick up on that word I mentioned? Gossip. Both of these people are all about gossip. They’re just telling the “facts.” They’re just passing on a prayer request. They’re just sharing useful “information.” But it’s all the same thing: they’re talking badly about others in an effort to turn those who listen against someone else or, at the least, cause others to think badly of someone.

And they’re using Jesus’ name to do it. I know. This is one of my buttons, if you will. Don’t use Jesus to try and justify your sin. Just don’t. It doesn’t matter if it’s gossip, slander, looking down on the poor, or being cruel to people who are different. Jesus isn’t in any of that. He isn’t.

Now that we’ve talked about someone else – without naming names of course – what do you do when you’re there with them? Do you ignore it and just do your thing? Do you listen but refuse to comment? Do you join in because you want to be part of the group? Peer pressure isn’t limited to adolescents. It’s alive and well among adults.

It’s not easy to call someone out for gossiping. It’s not easy to refuse to be part of something that is wrong. Yet that’s what we are called to do. Do you have the strength of character to tell someone not to talk publicly about another? Or are you too afraid of what they might say about you behind your back?

The man I mentioned earlier? Well, God caused him to lose his hearing for a time and he no longer participates in that ministry. When we behave badly, God will do what He must to get us back to where He wants us to be. Every time.

August 21, 2018

Gossip Destroys

A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.

– Proverbs 16:28

Our pastor calls it triangulation. One person talks negatively about another person. The person who hears the negative words then turns against the person being talked about. It doesn’t matter if the words are true or not. It destroys relationships. It destroys churches.

Can you imagine a church whose members refused to talk about anyone else except to build the person up? Can you imagine a church whose members prayed over those who were hurt, made a mistake, or didn’t measure up to the world’s standards?

It’s hard to imagine such a place, isn’t it? Do you know why? Because we aren’t certain such a church exists.

We call it church politics. All that behind the scenes maneuvering that puts the “right” people in the “right” positions to control what’s going on at the church. Pastors learn to step lightly lest they land on the toes of the wrong people. It’s not about doing what’s right. It’s about doing what’s politically correct within the church walls.

Gossip abounds. We call it “prayer requests.” We share all the sordid details, whether it’s an illness or a scandal. We just have to know it all in order to pray properly. Seriously?! God knows the details. And, honestly, how many of those listening to the requests will actually offer up fervent prayer for someone in need?

Have you ever had someone turn away from you for what seems like no reason only to find that someone else has spread lies about you? It’s a heartbreaking situation. There’s really nothing you can do. Once lies have been planted it’s impossible to erase their impact. You can get angry and turn vindictive. Or you can take your hurts to God and trust Him to handle it. He will. God hates gossip and slander.

Why do people gossip? I don’t know. Maybe it’s to focus on other people rather than themselves. It’s that voyeuristic side of us that fuels reality television. We tell ourselves that no matter how bad things are in our own lives, at least they aren’t as bad as in someone else’s life. It’s sad, isn’t it?

Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down. – Proverbs 26:20

We can be part of the cure. We can refuse to listen. We can walk away. We can change the subject. We can turn it immediately into prayer for both the person who is being talked about and the person doing the talking. The quickest way to stop gossip is to refuse to participate.

August 16, 2018

Who Do You Talk About?

Therefore confess your sins to each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. – James 5:16

Who have you talked about today? Oh, come on. Be honest. It’s only between you and God and He knows the truth anyway.

We love to talk about people, don’t we? We love to pass on the “news” and hear all the details that are really none of our business. Does it make us feel better about ourselves? Does it help us avoid focusing on our own problems?

We’re all guilty. We are. We’d rather talk about someone than spend time in prayer about them and for them. In fact, oftentimes gossip masquerades as a “prayer request.” It’s a common way of talking about others in a small-group church gathering. Stop it! God knows the details so you don’t have to repeat them. Simply ask your group to pray for someone and leave it at that.

We often consider ourselves justified. We get angry at someone and we go around telling “our side” to anyone and everyone who will listen. We stir up trouble. We tear apart relationships. We wallow in sin.

Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. – James 4:11

We like to justify ourselves, don’t we? We claim a faith we don’t live but we don’t have a clue we aren’t living it. We stay so focused on fixing others, judging them, telling others about their “sins” that we miss our own sins.

Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.

– James 1:26

What would happen if Christians started praying for people instead of talking about them? How would your life change, how would your heart change, if every time you thought badly of someone you prayed for them instead? How would your words change if you stopped sharing anything except what would build someone else up? How would our world change if we stopped fighting about our differences and prayed for unity?

Some of the most hateful people I know are “prayerful” Christians. They are so busy pointing fingers and commenting on the flaws of others that they miss the point. They miss Jesus’ words about loving others. Or, if they “heard” them, they mistakenly think He meant to love only people exactly like themselves.

Our pastor reminded us Sunday that John Wesley had three rules of faith. The first was to do no harm. That means never sharing a falsehood about someone else. It means not airing your personal grievances about someone to everyone who will listen. It means learning to control your loose tongue.

The second rule was to do good. If someone harms you, treat them with kindness. If you can help someone who can never repay you, do so with a smile and with gracious words. Go the extra step. Be kind. Be merciful.

And abide in fellowship with God. In all things and at all times, seek Him. Words can never be recovered once they are spoken. They carry a lasting impact long after the fuss has disappeared. They destroy far more than we realize.

Pray for people. Don’t talk about it. Just go into a quiet room and pray. Focus on fixing yourself and trust God with the outcome of all the rest.

May 29, 2018

Each Calling Is Unique

Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”) When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord what about him?”

Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” – John 21:20-21

Cows are some of the nosiest creatures on this earth. They always want to know what’s going on, especially when it’s something that shouldn’t concern them at all.

The other day the dogs had a tussle with a racoon. The cows had been in a completely different pasture. They heard the dogs barking and here they came. I almost felt sorry for the racoon. It had escaped from the dogs to the other side of the fence but was too badly injured to go any further. The cows were going up to it, sniffing, and trying to figure out what had transpired. Just like it was any of their business.

We are exactly the same way. We want to know all the details about something that isn’t even remotely our business. We are “concerned.” Give us all the details and we’ll be sure to pray about it. It’s almost comical except it’s just so sad.

Do we not realize that gossip is a sin? If you’ve discussed it with someone else, you’ve gossiped. There is a huge difference between sharing necessary information and getting involved in something that doesn’t involve you.

We have a natural curiosity, just like the cows do. Most of us live fairly boring lives (of which I am thankful) and nothing really exciting happens. So we fill our days with the drama and stories that come from others. I guess that’s why reality television shows are so popular. They allow us to be voyeuristic in a socially acceptable way.

Does it make us feel better about ourselves to see the mess other people can make of their own lives? Does getting caught up in the dramatic outbursts of others bring excitement to our own lives? It’s almost like the soap operas that my grandmother watched so faithfully.

Maybe it makes us feel better about our own lives, our own sins. “Well, at least I haven’t gone through that,” we tell ourselves. “Oh, I would never stoop that low,” we think as we play judge over someone else.

We assume someone else’s journey is better than our own. We want their marriage, their children, their jobs, their house, their cars, their vacation. And on and on it goes. We’re so busy wishing we could have the lives of someone else that we miss the blessings of the life God has so graciously given to us.

And we miss the calling God has placed on our lives. I have a sweet friend who is an exceptional pianist with an amazing voice. I am filled with gratitude every time I hear her. But that is her gift, not mine.

I have another friend with an amazing talent for arranging flowers. Every week she takes the altar flowers and rearranges them into small vases that bless the sick and the shut-ins from our church. That is not my gift either but I am so grateful for the encouragement she brings to others with her gift.

We each have gifts and talents, blessings and lives to live according to God’s calling. Don’t get so concerned with what someone else is doing or not doing that you miss the special plans God has for you.

May 6, 2018

Ask God For Guidance

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

– James 1:5

It was the third week in a row she’d shown up with some type of drama bubbling from her mouth. She needed prayers, she immediately proclaimed. I silenced the “don’t we all” that instinctively rose up inside of me.

She seems like a really nice lady. She does. But sometimes I wonder if she's really requesting prayer or if she just wants everyone's attention focused on her. Do you understand what I'm saying? Do you know someone like that?

I believe strongly in prayer. I do. But sometimes we share way too much information with way too many people. It's probably always been this way. Still, the age of social media just fuels it forward.

That and the old school Southern prayer request/gossip session that takes place in many Sunday school rooms each week. A prayer request keeps building until everyone seems to be sharing an opinion about poor so and so and all that they're going through. We are given way more information than we need. Of course, that wasn't the point. The point was to gossip without feeling guilty about it.

We all talk about others. We do. Don’t get all high and mighty. It’s true of you as much as it’s true of me. We don’t call it gossip. We call it sharing information. Are we sure where that line is between gossip and information? Do we even care?

There’s a sign I’ve seen on Facebook that asks, “Have you prayed about it as much as you’ve talked about it?” There’s a simple truth to that. Most of us spend way too much time talking to others about someone else and far too little time praying to the God who can make it all right.

We work ourselves into an emotional frenzy over something we can’t begin to change. We speak loudly against someone, speculating about their motives, without talking to them or asking the simple questions. Churches are no different than anywhere else. Sometimes we may be the worst offenders.

Think about it for a minute. All any of us need to know is that someone is sick, hurting, going through a tough time. That’s it. Nothing more. God knows the details. 

The only time we need to know more is when there is a legitimate need. For example, a few years ago a young woman lay dying of bone cancer. She was only 25. She and her husband had three young children. We couldn't change the sad facts but we could provide practical help. We collected money to anonymously pay the electric bill. Others took groceries and casseroles. Specific needs that were met by a community that cared.

Have you ever had people talking about you behind your back without bothering to speak to your face? Have you heard people asking for prayer and then telling way too much information? Have you been in a group and listened as they speculated and gossiped about a “prayer request” for long periods of time?

James tells us to seek wisdom from God. We don’t have to talk about our issues with others. We don’t need a pastor, a friend or another group to intercede for us. Because of Jesus, we can go directly to the throne. Why do we think we have to air everything in public? Why do we need to give our opinions on things that are really none of our business?

If you've got a problem or concern, take it to God first. Seek His wisdom and guidance. Then, if you feel the need for further counsel, seek out one person you know and trust. Gossip doesn’t solve problems, even when it’s covered in a “prayer request.” In fact, it just makes them worse.

April 12, 2018

Stop Gossip

Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down. As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife. – Proverbs 26:20-21

During Lent, a sweet friend gave up gossip. It drove her mom crazy. I witnessed her encouraging her daughter to do it anyway because “what else is there to talk about.” Indeed.

We are forever talking about people, aren’t we? Are we gossiping? There’s a huge difference in giving information and gossiping. Most of us cross the line on a regular basis.

Several years ago a church friend struggled to remain silent about something she knew. The pastor had lectured her on gossiping and she was determined not to tell. Except she needed to share. A friend and neighbor to us all had suffered a severe stroke that morning. We all needed to know. His wife and children needed support and prayer. Their livestock needed to be cared for. They needed immediate help and we could only provide that if we knew what had happened.

Another friend, also a pastor, tried to explain to her the difference between gossip and sharing news. Gossip would be talking about the marriage, the mistakes, the dirty secrets. We didn’t need to “know” any of that. But we did need to know the man had a bad stroke and the hospital he was in.

She was right to hold back some information. Prayer requests often masquerade as gossip sessions. Have you ever considered that? We need to pray for so and so who’s having marital troubles. And then we proceed to discuss them in detail. Or we need to pray for so and so who had a heart attack. And then we proceed to talk about his weight, his eating or drinking habits, or his work schedule.

What would happen if we stopped gossiping? What would happen if we simply walked away from the comments, refused to listen and refused to participate?

After hearing the conversation between my friend and her mom, I started paying attention to the words her mom said at other times. I was amazed at how often her conversation centered on other people. Gossip. Not news and information. She was critical, always with a smile of course. She “shared” things no one needed to know, imparting information that was likely inaccurate.

And I was shocked at my lack of response to it. The gossip had become “normal” and I didn’t even hear it anymore. It didn’t register as gossip. It didn’t register at all. I wonder if other people are the same. Is gossip now so prevalent in our world that we don’t even think about it?

Gossip hurts people. It spreads lies and distorts truth in a way that paints an unflattering picture of the people those word arrows are directed toward. And for what reason? So someone can feel important for sharing “news”? Or so that someone can feel good about themselves and somehow justify their own bad behavior?

Pay attention to the words others speak around you. Walk away when the gossip starts. Or, better yet, speak up. Be kind. The other person might now see their words as gossip. But don’t just do nothing. The only way to stop the fire is to put it out.

March 23, 2018

Focus On What’s Important

But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless. – Titus 3:9

I wasn’t raised in the church. I have few memories of the days when we attended a little country church. By the time I was in school, we’d stopped going to church at all. I was in college before I found my way back.

It happens. I’m grateful that while I lost God for a while, He never lost me. But here’s the thing: I never learned all those little songs that teach children the books of the Bible – in order. I learned the Ten Commandments, Psalm 100 and Psalm 23 in school.

It placed me at a disadvantage, though I didn’t know that until I attended a church not too far from where I grew up. I found other women looking down at me because I didn’t “know” all they knew. I learned to keep my mouth shut. Not that it mattered. Because nothing I said would be taken seriously. After all, I was surrounded by people who had attended church all their lives. They had all the answers. Or so they thought.

God had a different lesson for me. As I grew stronger in my life, as I read and studied, both in Bible studies and alone, I came to know more and more. I will never know all I seek to know. My heart is hungry for Him. I hope it always will be.

But what I found is that while I moved forward in faith, the other ladies were simply content to rest in the knowledge they’d gained as children. There were a few who sometimes attended Bible studies. Most had the attitude that they were “retired” and had no need for such things.

I began noticing how they lived. God pointed out that sometimes “prayer requests” were just a sanctioned way to gossip. Did we really need to know all the details? No. The joke was that if you wanted to know what was going on in the community, just go to church. Except that truth was so sad.

I also noticed the upturned noses when someone showed up that wasn’t “appropriately” dressed. They frowned on jeans, for example. There seemed to be no gratitude that two long rows were filled with teenagers. Weren’t they happy about that?

They were always quick to complain. The politics of the church were almost comical. They’ve been through a lot of pastors because not one of them was ever perfect enough to suit their needs. They can be mean to outsiders, refusing to help anyone in the community who isn’t one of their own.

I don’t mean to pick on this church. There are way too many just like them. Some of the members lament society and how far our standards have fallen. They’d never consider themselves to be part of the problem.

We get so caught up with things that aren’t important that we miss what’s right in front of us. Do you love Jesus? Do you accept Him as Lord and Savior? Are you trying to live right and do good to others, whether you like them or not? Do you extend a helping hand, a kind word, maybe a meal, along with a dose of grace and mercy?

The world has way too many judges and not enough workers in the kingdom of God. Cleanse your own heart and trust God to take care of the rest.

March 8, 2018

True Friends Are Like Gold

Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable? – Proverbs 20:6 (NLT)

Many a person proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find? -- Proverbs 20:6 (ESV)

How many friends do you have? Are you sure about that? Are they truly friends or merely acquaintances? Are they people you can count on in a crisis or are they people who only show up for the party?

I know. We don’t like to think about it, do we? We get so enamored by all the people we “know” that we allow ourselves to believe a warped perspective of it all.

I’m not bashing your friends. I’m also not bashing my friends. I am blessed beyond anything I could imagine by the people God has placed in my life.

However, I have learned something really important, something really basic, when it comes to friendship. It’s this: It doesn’t matter how wonderful someone is to your face. What matters is what they do and say, or don’t do and say, when you aren’t with them.

It’s not something we like to think about. We don’t want to consider what people say about us when we aren’t there. Do they defend us against unjust criticism? Do they voice their own negative views about us? Do they talk about us with others? Do they tell confidences, assuming we’ll never know?

Life is hard sometimes. What makes it harder is finding out that someone you trusted was someone who never really had your back. The betrayal stings. No amount of excuses ever quite erases the aftermath.

There’s a flip side to that, of course. What happens when you’re on the other side? Are you quick to defend your friends or do you remain silent when someone says something ugly about them? Do you join in the criticisms or do you speak up and walk away?

I’m sure none of us ever consider that we’re gossiping. We probably don’t think that sharing is the same as breaking a confidence. It is.

Here’s something else to consider: If someone is telling you something about someone else, what do you think that person is telling others about you? Do you believe your “friendship” makes you immune to the ugliness? It doesn’t. People who think it’s okay to bash one person usually don’t think anything about bashing others as well.

As I said earlier, I am blessed by the people God has brought into my life. I have been prayed for and carried when I didn’t think I could survive another day. I have wonderful people who laugh with me and teach me and check on me regularly.

And then there are those who ask all the right questions but for all the wrong reasons. Do you know what I’m talking about? Have you felt that sting of betrayal before?

I really don’t care so much anymore about how nice someone is to my face. I take it for what it is: A pleasant relationship. But friendship? That’s something way more. Friends are those who defend me behind my back and keep my confidences. They are more valuable than gold. And I treasure them beyond anything. I sure hope you are blessed to have true friends in your life. There’s nothing quite like them. Nothing at all.

April 17, 2016

Watch Your Mouth At Church

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. -- Romans 12:9-13

One of the most gossip-ridden places you can ever go is -- are you ready for this -- a church. One of the most hateful places you can ever go is -- you guessed it -- a church. One of the most polarizing places you can ever go is a church.

How sad is that?

We tell ourselves we aren’t really gossiping, we’re just giving a prayer request. Really? Sounds a lot like gossip.

What’s the difference? Did you give information you didn’t need to share? Did you criticize the person? Did you talk about finances or personal situations? Or did you simply say Jane is going through a divorce and needs our prayers -- and leave it there?

We don’t like to think of churches -- of Christians -- as being hateful. They are. Don’t think so? Take a listen next time someone “different” comes in the door.

“Did you see how she was dressed? That’s certainly not appropriate for church.” Or, “Can’t they control their children? I’d paddle them. That would make them mind.” Then there’s “I can’t believe they were asking for money for a mission trip. Sounds more like a vacation to me. If they want to do something good, they can start right here.”

Then there are the people who play people off of each other. They like to start a fuss. They are always critical and always have a better way of doing things. They go around badmouthing individuals they disagree with, all for the “good” of the church. Of course.

One of the saddest things ever is when a church splits because its members can’t work out their differences. That’s not about Christ and it’s certainly not from the Bible. It’s about pride and ego. No, sorry, it’s not about principles either. That’s just an excuse to get your own way.

We are called to love one another. We are to see the good in others and be patient when they fall short of our expectations, just as they are to be patient with us when we fall short of their expectations.

Watch your mouth at church today and every day. Be wise with your words, be kind and welcoming. Remember that Jesus hears every word. Be sure you’re saying something you would want Him to hear.

January 10, 2016

Choose To Do Good

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. -- Galatians 6:7-10

“A man reaps what he sows.” How many times have you heard that phrase thrown out? It usually comes when someone (maybe us?) is judging someone else and that person is getting what we believe he deserves. We forget that others could say the same of us.

It’s what happens when we lose focus on what’s really important in life. It’s what happens when we forget about mercy and kindness and love.

Who has never made a mistake? No one. Just Jesus. That’s it. But we like to categorize things. We value ourselves more than others and we show that by cutting them down in a vain effort to build ourselves up.

We become that proud couple bragging on their new son-in-law. They go on and on about his money as though it’s really important. Does he know Jesus? Does he attend church? Volunteer? Is he kind? Compassionate? None of that seems to matter. It’s his bank account they look at. They are not alone.

“God cannot be mocked.” That phrase keeps echoing in my mind. It always seems to come back to the heart. What does your heart tell you? Do you choose to gossip and spread lies and put others down? Or do you choose to do good despite the costs? God knows. You can’t hide your heart from Him.

We all reap what we sow. Choose to sow kindness and compassion. Choose to sow God’s love in this dark, dark, world. Choose to do good despite the costs.

March 19, 2015

Don't Be A Busybody

 

 

But let none of your suffer as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or as a busybody in other people's matters. -- 1 Peter 4:15

 

Isn't it interesting that Peter put busybody right up there with murderer, thief and evildoer? In a way, it fits. A busybody can murder a reputation, steal your peace of mind and cause all sorts of evil.

 

Make no mistake: We are all busybodies to some degree. We are. Have you ever asked questions about something that has nothing to do with you? Have you ever tried to find out what is going over at your neighbor's house -- without asking them directly? Have you ever been tempted to eavesdrop on a co-worker's phone conversation?

 

The reality television show business is booming. Why? Because we like to watch other people. We like to look down on their drama and be thankful it's not us. We like to tell other people how to live their lives. It's just so much easier than trying to live our own lives for Jesus.

Years ago a pastor got upset with a woman in the church who was a known busybody. Or gossip, if you will. She knew everything about everyone. There can be some benefit in that at times. On that particular Sunday she was still stinging from the pastor's words and determined to keep her mouth shut. Yet, she had something to say. Something important. Something we all needed to know. A church member had suffered a devastating stroke earlier that morning. He and his family needed prayer and, frankly, support in many ways. In the coming weeks there would be a house that needed to be remodeled and food that needed to be delivered. Another preacher explained to her the difference between passing on gossip and telling something we all need to know.

Of course, there are other times when we get involved in something that we really need to stay out of. Two people I know are getting married. I wish them the best. Unfortunately, I knew the man's first wife and know way more than he realizes I know. I look at him and see the same issues because he hasn't changed a bit. I fear history will repeat itself and this dear woman will be devastated. I've told myself repeatedly, "Not my monkeys, not my drama." I saw that on Facebook a while back and it helps me remember to stay out of it. Maybe this situation will work out for the best. Maybe it won't. But my nose needs to stay out of it. My mouth needs to stay closed.
 

What are your button points? What makes you want to get involved in other folks' business? Why do we have this "need" to insert ourselves into situations that aren't about us? Maybe it helps us focus somewhere besides what we aren't doing for Jesus. Maybe we'll feel better about ourselves if we focus on the faults of others.

Don't be a busybody. Find some Scripture and repeat it to yourself. Or tell yourself that whatever is going on in someone else's life really isn't your drama. Walk away. It's better for you and it's better for them.

 

 

 

 

 

Friday, September 21, 2012

Stay Focused On Your Tasks

When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?”

Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”

-- John 21:12-22

Isn’t that just like us? We’re so concerned about what someone else might be doing, or not doing, that we can’t focus on our own tasks.

Jesus was right. What difference should it make to us? We’re to do what we’re called to do and let everybody else do what they’re called to do. It shouldn’t make us do any less or do what we’re called to do with any less enthusiasm and hard work. But it does, doesn’t it?

One person I know is always asking about everybody else. She wants to know what everybody else is doing. She wants to get involved in the tasks of everyone around her. She drives me crazy. Not with her questions but with the fact that she’s so busy minding everybody else’s tasks that she can’t do her own. Sound familiar?

I understand that we don’t want to do more work that everybody else. And we want to make sure everybody else is doing what they’re supposed to be doing. But, really, why should it matter to us? We’re not judge and jury. We’re to do what we’re supposed to do and let God worry about the rest.

We don’t see it that way. It’s that toddler mentality where we want to tattle on the slackers. And we want to use someone else as an excuse to not clean up our own mess. Yet, whether they do their tasks or not doesn’t excuse us from doing our own.

Do you have any co-workers like that? They always seem to know all the gossip. They can tell you the status of everyone else’s projects, sales figures, and other information. And they rarely seem to get anything done. They’re too busy minding everybody else’s business.

And then there’s the neighbor who always seems to know the news, otherwise known as gossip. Just don’t expect her to show up with a casserole when somebody dies. And don’t expect her to volunteer to help someone in need. She doesn’t have time. Seems to me that her priorities are a little misplaced.

One of the most frustrating things I deal with are the folks who won’t do what they say they’ll do. It would be so much better if they would just say no to begin with. But they want to be included. They want to be a part of the group. They want to know what everybody else is doing. They just don’t want to do any of it themselves.

We all could use this reminder from Jesus and stay focused on our own tasks. We’re called to do what God has called us to do. Let Him worry about what everybody else is doing while we get our own jobs done.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

No One Is Ever Good Enough

While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and “sinners” came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”

On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

-- Matthew 9:10-13

“For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.” -- Hosea 6:6

A woman I’ve known for more than 30 years grew up attending a neighborhood church. She has all the answers. Just ask her. She doesn’t need to talk about the Bible or religion of faith. And she doesn’t. Why waste time on what she already knows when she could be gathering gossip on something she doesn’t know?

Yeah. That’s right. She’s also the neighborhood gossip. And judge.

It’s not that she’s a bad person. She isn’t. She’s done many wonderful things for others over the years. She also did an admirable job of caring for her husband as he lay dying. She’s in church most Sundays and even on Wednesday nights as well. She does everything right on the outside. But what about the inside?

I always wonder when folks know too much to keep learning about Jesus. I realize that group Bible study isn’t for everyone but I can’t imagine not wanting to read and study the Bible for as long as I can. I want to grow closer to God, not assume I’m close enough already.

It always comes back to relationship. I want to have a relationship with God. I am His child and I want to know Him in all things. I can’t understand why anyone would want to keep Him at a distance. In His place, so to speak. Because His place is everywhere in my life.

She knows all the right answers. She grew up memorizing the little songs and books of the Bible. But sometimes I wonder about her heart. Because faith is a heart thing or it isn’t faith at all.

She’s so quick to look down at others who don’t have all the answers. She doesn’t bother looking in the mirror because she assumes she’s already good enough. I don’t want to ever be like that. I don’t want to ever think I’m better than others and I don’t want to ever assume I’m good enough.

I want to always remember what Jesus did for me. I want to forever understand God’s mercy and kindness that I could never deserve. But He loves me anyway. He loved me enough to send His Son to die for me. My God. My Father. My Creator.