Monday, June 4, 2012

Forgiveness Is Hard

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. -- Colossians 3:13

Forgiveness is one the hardest things we’re ever called to do. We don’t want to forgive. We want retribution. We want others to pay for hurting us.

We lash out. They lash out. And so it goes, building up to something that can never end in good. We want to be right, justified. All we end up being is hard and angry and hurt.

It always seems to start with hurt. Someone says or does something that hurts our feelings. Maybe wounds our pride. Maybe they betray us. Or steal from us. Or lie to or about us. And we just can’t get past it.

The other day I mentioned a name to someone I know. This normally kind, caring person just went off. That’s the only way to describe it. As I soon found out, many, many years ago, this woman whose name I had mentioned had badly hurt my friend. She’d told lies about her and really given her the cold shoulder.

It didn’t matter that so many years have passed. Nor did it matter that the older woman has serious health problems and emotional anguish from just having to put her husband in the nursing home. This normally compassionate woman couldn’t get past her anger to forgive.

I know. The woman hadn’t repented and asked for my friend’s forgiveness. So what? God doesn’t tell us to only forgive people who apologize. He tells us to forgive everyone who sins against us -- just as He forgives us when we sin against Him.

Oh, I know. Most of us try to apologize to God when we sin. But how many times do you apologize to those that you sin against? Really. Because, honestly, most of us don’t. We just let it slide, certain others will understand our bad mood, our lapse in judgment, our little mistake. We expect others to treat us differently than we treat them.

It’s especially hard with those people who just seem to know which buttons to push. It doesn’t seem to matter how determined we are to not let them get to us. They do. We get angry. They get angry. And neither side can forgive. And on it goes. We’ve all heard it before.

Do you really want to forgive? Or does holding on to that anger feed something deep inside of you? Maybe it’s something you need to talk out with God.

If you really want to forgive, pray for the person who harmed you. Treat that person with kindness. Is it easy? Not at all. But I’ve found it really impossible to cling to unforgiveness and pray for someone at the same time. Funny how God works that out. The other person may not change at all, but your prayers for that person

Friday, January 21, 2011

Let It Go

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." -- Matthew 18:21-22

In her book Praying God's Word, Beth Moore devoted an entire chapter to overcoming unforgiveness. It's right up there with unbelief, guilt, rejection and food addiction. Yeah. Beth isn't one for ignoring what is necessary just because it's hard.

In the chapter, there are plenty of Bible verses for changing us so that we can forgive others. Certainly that's a start. At the end of the chapter, readers are challenged to pray for those who have wronged us. It's really difficult to stay mad or hurt when you're praying for someone daily and specifically.

It's really tough to forgive someone who has hurt you or someone you love. That's especially true when they haven't apologized. Indeed, they may not seem sorry at all. But it really isn't about them. That's the point. It's about us and our need to forgive. The Bible tells us numerous times to forgive others so that God will forgive us. He gave us mercy and He expects us to show that same mercy to others.

Have you ever held on to a grudge? It eats you up inside. It builds and builds and you just can't let it go. So...give it to God. Go on. He can take it. Tell Him all about what happened and how that other person wronged you. Tell Him how angry you are. Then let it go. Really. Oh, I know it's not that easy. But it's a start and with prayer and determination and, well, more prayer, you can do it. You can let it go and let God take care of it. He will. In His own time. Funny thing, though. The more you pray for the person who wronged you, the less you'll care that the person "gets what he deserves."