January 29, 2018

Measure Your Words With Care

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. – Ephesians 4:29

I live in a football crazy state. Friends joke that the first question they were asked when they moved here was “Which church do you belong to?” The second was “Which team do you cheer for?”

There is at times a bitter divide, causing some to get carried away with their allegiance. The hatred can seem so real at times.

One friend, a dear man whom I’ve known for years, supports “his” team with a vengeance. I have grown increasingly appalled at the comments he makes about the opposing team. It’s not enough to support “his” team. He must constantly bash the other team and speak awful things about that team’s supporters.

And when he is done, he turns around and posts things like “God is good!” Excuse me? I’m sure he has no idea how he trashes his own witness for Jesus by the hatred he shares in other posts.

Isn’t that the case for all of us? We’ve become so accustomed to simply saying whatever we think or feel in the moment. Facebook provides a wonderful outlet for bashing without any of the face-to-face consequences we might get if we spoke those words in an actual conversation.

It’s my opinion you might be saying right now. Absolutely. You have the right to express your opinion in any nonviolent way you choose. But it’s important to realize that your words have consequences, whether you feel them or not.

The same is true of the political comments made by so many. I have come so close to unfriending people because of their nastiness. I don’t care if someone disagrees with my views. So what? It’s the ugliness and hatred that bothers me, especially when that person is also claiming to follow Jesus.

Jesus talked so much about love. Why do we so easily forget that? Why don’t we care that words can never be recovered, never be erased, never be forgotten?

I’ve tried to measure my Facebook words with care. I share scripture and biblical commentary. And I share a great many lost and found dog posts. What I intentionally try not to share is hatred. Don’t we have enough of that in our world?

I know some of my friends would claim to be promoting God’s agenda. They view themselves as followers standing up to those who would oppose “our” values. Except “our” values rarely line up with the Bible. Why are we so blind to that?

We have become a know-it-all people who rarely seek God’s wisdom. We pray for His blessings on our own agendas. We spew hatred in His name, rather than loving people and promoting what is good and right.

The next time you decide to share something, whether it’s your own words or another post, think about how it will be received by nonbelievers or those struggling with their faith. Does it build people up? Will it benefit God’s kingdom? Are the words spoken in love? If the answer is no, then don’t post it.

When in doubt, remember this: “Be careful how you live. You may be the only Bible some person ever reads.” Well said, William J. Toms. Well said.

April 24, 2016

Pray For Your Pastor

19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. -- Ephesians 6:19-20

How often do you pray for your pastor? Seriously. How often do you lift your pastor up in prayer?

For most of us, the answer is “not often.” I’m not sure why but it is one area where I simply fail. I know better so I’m not sure why I’m not consistently doing this.

Maybe it’s because we assume deep inside that pastors are covered with some type of special grace. Maybe we don’t think they need our prayers. They do need prayers because their job is hard.

It’s not about showing up on Sunday and Wednesday nights. Though sermons and studies are important, that really is a small part of what they do.

Most pastors also function as CEO of the church and deal with the day to day issues that come up. There are budgets and staff and maintenance and all sorts of things needing their attention.

And that’s before you get to the people. Somebody is always in the middle of a fuss with somebody else. Pastors are seen as good mediators. Frankly, I’d get tired and cranky just dealing with all the squabbles.

Then there are those who come to the church seeking help. Some people are truly in need. Others simply try to play the Christian card and get a handout. Nobody wants to be an enabler and nobody wants to turn someone away who truly has a need. It’s a fine line and one most pastors walk frequently.

We can’t forget all of us. The flock. We get sick. We die. We divorce. And we never do it when it’s convenient. Our current pastor literally got up in the middle of the night and drove 35 miles to pray with me in the ICU waiting room I certainly didn’t expect it. I hadn’t asked her to come. But I was so grateful.

Isn’t that always true? When you’re going through something awful, you want your pastor there with you. Somehow their presence helps strengthen us, their prayers mean the world to us.

So we all should pray for our pastors. Pray that they’ll find the words they need to inspire new generations to follow Christ. Pray that they’ll find the balance between their own family and the church family they serve. Pray for workers to help them carry the load. Pray for strength and wisdom.

Today is Sunday. Have you prayed for your pastor? Then stop and do it now.

April 23, 2016

Build People Up

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. -- Ephesians 4:29

Have you ever been riding high, super excited about something wonderful, only to have another person burst your balloon? Yeah. It’s frustrating and needless.

Some people are just determined that no one can be happy or successful. I grew up hearing “Don’t toot your own horn.” That comment came whenever I accomplished something or someone complimented me. It was part of an immediate putdown.

How about you? Did you have cheerleaders or people who put you down? What about now?

A few years ago a couple left our class to lead another class. I can’t say I was sorry to see them go. I was always on alert because they would harshly criticize people and would throw out Biblical untruths as truth. I didn’t even realize how stressed I was until I noticed how relaxed I was when they weren’t there. How sad.

What really surprised me was the reaction of others. I assumed they were popular and well liked. I was wrong. They weren’t fooling anyone. Others expressed relief that they were gone.

I doubt they have any idea. They’re not bad people; just self-focused. I think that’s where all those critical comments come from. There’s just no compassion or kindness for anyone else.

That’s the key. When we criticize, do we use words in love or out of a need to feel better about ourselves? Are we critical because someone isn’t like us or because there’s truly something wrong with their view?

Either way, love makes all the difference. Kindness. Compassion. People listen when they know you truly care. It’s simple really. So why do so many people miss that basic point?

People frequently rise -- or fall -- to meet our expectations. When we see the good in someone and expect the best from them, they usually deliver. But when we are critical and expect failure before they even try, they usually deliver that too.

It costs us nothing to be a cheerleader. It takes nothing away from us but gives something wonderful to others. Give it try. The results might surprise you.

　

　

January 15, 2015

How Honest Are You?

 

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

-- Ephesians 4:25

Are you an honest person? All the time? Are you sure about that?

Most of us probably consider ourselves honest. We try to tell the truth. Most of the time. Well, we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. And we don't want to make ourselves look bad. And, well, those little "white" lies don't really count, do they?

Let's be honest here. No pun intended. Being honest all the time, in every circumstance, is hard. No matter how we try, our very humanness makes total honesty almost impossible. That doesn't make it okay. Do not lie is one of the Ten Commandments. That means God takes it pretty seriously.

So how do we do better? Admit it and work at being honest. Sometimes that means learning to be tactful so that we can be honest without hurting someone's feelings. Or at least we can be kind. Compassionate.

What about when being honest makes us look bad? Yeah, that hurts. I listened to a woman today tell her doctor that she did get out and walk. I couldn't believe it. The doctor is trying to help her. To do that, he needs the truth. But it isn't pretty. Sitting in a recliner all day every day, eating candy and watching television for years isn't a pretty picture. But it's the truth. And her health reflects it.

If you don't like your reality, admit it -- then change it. God will help you. But the first step is owning it.

Have you ever known someone who lies for no apparent reason? I dated a man like that once. I tried to understand. Lie after lie. I never did. He would lie about things that made no difference. It was sad for him and I'm not sure he even realized it. I'm just thankful we parted ways.

So let me ask you again: How honest are you? This time don't be so quick to answer. Take a moment and think about it. The answer might surprise you.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Put Down Your Baggage

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. -- Ephesians 4:31-32

How heavy are your suitcases? Do you have a few folks who’ve done you wrong that you need to forgive? And do you have a few folks you need to ask to forgive you for something you did or said to them? Yeah. All of us have some of that baggage we carry around.

So what are you doing about it? Are you resigned to carry it for the rest of your life? Or would you like relief this side of heaven? It really is possible, you know. But you can’t lighten your load without making a conscious decision to move forward.

How do you start? Pastor Danny recommends making a list, or two, in this case. Write down every person who has ever done you wrong. Get specific. Name the person who said you would fail. List the one who betrayed your confidence. Then forgive them, each and every one. Forgive them. Truly and sincerely from your heart.

They might not even remember what they did or said. Or maybe they do. Either way, you’re the one who is suffering. How much more of your life are you willing to give them? How much unhappiness and bitterness are you willing to hold on to, to suffer with, to let destroy your future?

Let it go. Forgive. Trust God to handle it. The end.

Now you can start on your next list. You know the one I’m talking about. Write down everything you ever did to someone else. Write down every harsh word, ever unkind thing, every wrong action. Get specific. Then tell them. Ask them for forgiveness.

Now, sometimes it isn’t possible or smart to talk directly with folks. Pastor Danny recommended talking to an empty chair like it’s the person you wronged or writing a letter, sealing it, and letting it go. (Be sure to destroy it or put it some place safe.) Just get rid of the guilt for something you can’t change.

This process lets you evaluate your relationships, both past and present, and get a clearer view of good things and bad. And that helps you make wiser choices in the future.

It also grants you an amazing freedom and peace. Because you never fully understand how heavy your luggage is until you put it down.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Churches Are All Flawed

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. -- Ephesians 4:29

The other day a wonderful man told me how better to do my job. He was only trying to help. Having participated in the activity one time, he knew exactly how I should do what I’ve been doing for many, many years.

I smiled into the phone and listened. No. I don’t plan to follow his advice. It would take too much time and resources and really not accomplish what he things it would. He doesn’t know that because, well, he’s only done it once. Still, I appreciate that he meant well.

He reminds me of those who move from church to church to church. No church ever meets their expectations, so they simply move on. They rarely stay in one place more than a few weeks. It’s too easy to find fault.

The truth is that no church will ever meet all of our expectations. Why? Because churches are made up of people who are flawed and imperfect. We mess up on a regular basis. We squabble. We say the wrong thing. We don’t say the right thing.

One thing I have noticed is that the people who church shop, as some call it, never seem to spend much time talking about God. Is He present in the churches they visit? Do they learn about Him in the messages they hear? Do they feel His Spirit in the songs they sing?

Why do we attend church? To worship God and to fellowship with other believers, to learn and grown as Christians. One women mentioned how valuable it is to get to know other believers and become part of a church family. Otherwise, you’re just looking at the surface that people show the world rather than seeing the brokenness each of us hide inside.

Because we all are flawed and broken in one way or another. And we all have strengths and goodness within us. As we band together in worship, as we bond in friendship and companionship, we learn and grown in Christ. Flaws and all.

It’s just so easy to do something once or twice and immediately start trying to fix what’s broken. It’s not so easy to stick around and work together to fix the broken pieces and celebrate the whole ones. It’s not so easy to ride the dark storm and to celebrate the blazing sun.

We want to participate in the good and criticize or move on when situations bring us to the valley. But when we journey together, we each become stronger and smarter and better than we ever thought possible. I’m thankful for my church family, flaws and all. And I’m grateful that they welcomed me into their lives, without first needing to check out my past or fix what they saw was broken.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

How’s Your Attitude Today?

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. -- Ephesians 4:22-24

How’s your attitude today? Are you feeling blessed? Joyful? Content in your circumstances? Trusting God with your challenges? Or have you already given up before the day has really begun?

It’s easy to make excuses, to tell me that I really don’t know your circumstances or the challenges you face each day. And I don’t. Nor do you know mine. We all have times in our lives when we feel beaten down and times when we feel like we’re on top of the mountain. What’s important to remember is this: The God who is with us on that mountain top is the same God who carries us through the valley.

A young woman related her mother’s story the other day. Her mother was out of work for almost two years. She lost everything and she and her children had to move in with her elderly mother. She eventually found another job and slowly rebuilt her life.

The woman could have sunk into bitterness. Her children could have felt insecure and upset about the unfairness of it all. But they don’t. As her daughter said, they were blessed to have some place to go. It was hard; a difficult adjustment for everyone. But they had food and good health and the challenges drew their family closer together.

And made them fearless. Losing everything can do that to a person. You understand firsthand that God truly means it when He promises to carry you through, to provide what you need, to never leave you alone in the storm. And you come to know the difference between minor things and major ones.

Another woman faces debilitating pain. She acts defeated, ready to give up without even trying to get up again. I contrast that with yet another woman who is dying from cancer. She could be depressed. She could choose to devote her remaining time to self and family. Who could blame her? Instead she has become involved in a women’s prison ministry. She is using her time to give back even as she fights the effects of chemo and disease.

So, I’ll ask you again: How’s your attitude today? Are you defeated before you begin or are you determined to live as a blessed child of God no matter your circumstances? It’s your choice. Which one will it be?