September 23, 2024

                                    Be the Light

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” – Matthew 5:43-45a

How do you respond to hatred? How do you react to bigotry? How do you combat lies engineered to fuel unrest?

Haitian migrants have moved to our community. No one seems to know exactly how many but the numbers are small. They’ve been here for about 10 months. And now certain people have decided to use the migrants as a political agenda based on hate.

The migrants haven’t caused trouble. They haven’t “drained” our resources. For example, one elementary school in our town has ONE Haitian child. They are working people who are trying to build a new life.

This has caused some people to react in anger. Their hostility mirrors the hate they are attacking. Their loud voices will not change the opinions or hearts of those who attack people they don’t even know. It will just create an escalation that does no one any good.

It came up before and after church yesterday. While some were focused on what we can do to help integrate the Haitian migrants into our community, others were more focused on lashing out at those who have unfairly attacked the migrants.

I am all about freedom of speech and freedom to express your opinion. I am an editorial columnist after all. But there is a way to make your point without inflaming an already bad situation.

Martin Luther King, Jr. put it this way:

Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.

I would go a step further and say that hatred begets hatred.

How much more powerful to simply love on the people who are now facing such vocal cruelty? How much better to SHOW how to live a life of faith than to try and argue with people who are filled with hate?

I know. Many of the people who are behaving so ugly are also people who are in church most Sundays. But do we allow them to drag us down or do we, by our own behavior, lift them up?

Jesus told us to love our enemies. He went on to ask what it will accomplish to love those who are good to us? The power, if you will, comes from loving people who aren’t behaving in a loving manner.

We are to be the light. It’s in the Bible. Read it for yourself. Let go of the darkness and pray for those who would do harm. God can do anything if His people will only seek from the depths of their hearts.

July 16, 2023

 

Are You Willing?

 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1:9

 

I was reading a devotional the other day about those who refuse to confess their sins. You know them. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions. They are forever pointing fingers and blaming others for their decisions. They don’t change because they don’t see the need to do so.

 

It really hit home with me because I love someone who is doing just this. He has destroyed his family and, likely, will eventually destroy himself because he won’t admit that he did something wrong.

 

We tend to think of people like this as drug addicts or thieves but that’s not always the case. Sometimes it’s someone who commits adultery. It might be someone who can’t manage money and bankrupts themselves and their family. It could be someone who always lies just because they can.

 

It can also be someone who is abusive. How often do abusers blame their victims? How many times do rapists say it wasn’t their fault?

 

Jesus offers us a lifeline. He beckons us forward to confess our sins. He promises to forgive us and help us to be different, to do different, if we will only draw near to our Savior. It might be the hardest thing we ever do. It will also be the best thing we could ever do.

 

In my loved one’s case, he’s still pointing fingers and blaming others. He’s angry and lashes out at those around him. He wants to be “happy” but he’s the unhappiest he’s ever been. No one can reach him. Jesus waits but for now He’s on the sidelines.

 

Do you know anyone like that? Maybe you are that person? Does anger consume you? Is everything bad that happens always someone else’s fault? Are you putting yourself before everyone you claim to love?

 

Jesus waits. He’s ready to help you. But first you have to confess your sins. You must accept responsibility. You have to lay down your pride and admit you don’t have all the answers. Jesus has the answers. He alone can free you and heal you. Are you willing to let Him?

January 18, 2022

 

Love

 

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

– Romans 12:18

 

To get a vaccine or not? To accept the presidential election results or not? To welcome illegal immigrants or not? The list never ends. We are a country at odds within itself.

 

God’s people have been ugly and vocal. They have reigned down criticism and aligned themselves with one side or another. Everyone knows what is best. Just ask them. Except they are all so focused on themselves that it is impossible to truly see God in them.

 

Ah, there is the true problem. Seeing God. It’s impossible to truly see Him when you are hurling angry insults at people who disagree with you. It’s impossible to truly hear God when your ugly words are aimed to tear apart anyone who dares disagree with you. It’s impossible to love like Jesus when your eyes are filled with hatred toward anyone who disagrees with you.

 

We have become a nation filled with arrogant people who have lost sight of God. Oh, we shout His name. We quote scripture and serve diligently. But our hearts? Well, our hearts don’t even know His name.

 

The saddest thing for me in the last couple of years hasn’t been Covid. It hasn’t been election results or isolation or illegal immigrants. The saddest thing has been listening to people I truly believed were God’s people ranting at those who don’t share their viewpoints. The ugliness is appalling. And for what end?

 

It’s possible to share different views without turning hateful and mean. It’s possible to live under the banner of love and service and still disagree. If you’ve got ugliness in your heart, I wonder if you truly know Him. It becomes less about your opinion and more about your arrogant belief that you are like God.

 

Hatred and God cannot exist in the same heart. Why? Because God is love. (1 John 4)

September 12, 2021

 

Ugliness and Jesus

 

Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others. -- Proverbs 12:15

 

At least he now knows Covid is real. There’s nothing quite like a hospital stay, complete with breathing trouble, achiness and fatigue, to convince someone that the virus they once said didn’t exist truly is real. Unfortunately, it didn’t change his heart or his attitude.

 

I simply can’t reconcile the anger and hatred, the ugliness, that comes from his mouth with the faith he so loudly proclaims. It goes so much farther than Covid and a vaccine. It’s about recognizing that we aren’t always right.  And it’s about understanding that ugliness and Jesus don’t really belong in the same sentence.

 

How often do we hide behind our beliefs and use Jesus to try and justify ourselves? He wants no part of it. Jesus tells us to love. He tells us to forgive. He tells us to do good to those who seek to harm us. Except sometimes we’re so busy being “right” that we miss Jesus.

 

The Pharisees missed Jesus. They were so busy being right that they missed the Messiah. They clung fervently to their power and their own holiness, raising themselves above the lowliness that Jesus embraced. We haven’t learned that lesson yet, have we? We’re still looking down on people who don’t see Jesus as we do. We’re clinging to our verbiage rather opening our proud hearts to the possibility that we could be wrong.

 

Anger begets anger and hatred begets hatred. What comes from the heart truly reveals the person who lies within. What does your heart reveal about you? What “belief” do you need to cast aside so that you might embrace the truth?

December 5, 2018

Quiet Your Heart

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. – Isaiah 9:2

He was angry. He was upset with the media and the Democrats. He wasn’t too happy with folks in his own political party either. He ranted about opinions and stupidity and how upset his Mama got when she watched the news.

I tried to turn the conversation to a different topic. He kept bringing it back. It’s as though he just needed to be angry at something. I wasn’t sure it was really about what others were doing or not doing. It was just a way to avoid dealing with his own unhappiness.

I recognized his pain. He’s buried too many people who were far too young to die. How do you explain the death of two young children and their mom in a freak traffic accident? How do you understand the death of a spouse with no warning, no symptoms, no indication that she would never wake up?

We can’t get angry with God. Oh, we might somewhere deep inside. It just seems so unfair even though we know life is often unfair. But we cling desperately to the hope that one day we’ll see them all again. We don’t want to do anything to change that. So, no, we don’t want to be angry with God. We’re secretly afraid He might turn us away and then where would we be?

And we don’t want to wear our sorrow outside for all to see. Shouldn’t we be over it by now? Shouldn’t we have moved on, come to terms with what happened, adjusted somehow? Except those reactions are a fantasy conjured up by someone who couldn’t face the reality of loss.

The truth is life hurts. The pain is unbearable sometimes. The loss that surrounds us reminds us again and again that we aren’t in control. We can’t fix the broken. We can’t heal the sick. We can’t change the circumstances of today.

So we get angry at the world. We focus on something else. We lash out in an effort to somehow feel better inside. It doesn’t work. The anger doesn’t erase our unhappiness.

Our world is covered in darkness. Unhappiness is the new normal. We are never satisfied, never content, never joyful. We point fingers, spew angry words, blame everyone but ourselves. We are searching for what we already have but we can’t seem to find our way. Because we’re looking in the wrong direction.

I’m not talking about those who don’t know Jesus. Sure. There are plenty of those and we must try and reach them all. But the saddest people are those who do know our Savior and still find themselves consumed with anger.

Why? Because we’re so focused on the circumstances of today that we’ve lost the light. We are surrounded by darkness and we can’t seem to find our way out. We’re trying to save ourselves when that’s never going to be possible. We are floundering in the boat while Jesus says again and again, “Peace! Be still!” (Mark 4:39)

Give your anger to Him. Give Jesus your despair. Give Him your hurt. Stop trying to wrestle alone with what you cannot understand. Give it all to Jesus. Let Him fill you up with His peace.

We were never made for this world. Look toward the light. Jesus will guide you. Quiet your heart and focus on Him. It might not change your circumstances but it will still your anguish. It will remove your anger. Jesus will fill you up with hope and endurance and strength for the journey.

Take a deep breath. Be still.

September 9, 2018

Let It Go

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. – Ephesians 4:30-31

She is a pleasant woman. She smiles brightly but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. She says all the right things but there’s an underlying bite to her words. Her life doesn’t quite match the façade she tries to keep up.

Her mother died a few years ago. It was awful. A medicine used to treat one ailment caused another and she didn’t survive. Now this daughter is consumed with rage at God. Bitterness dots her every move. She refuses all suggestions for grief counseling. Anger and unhappiness are destroying her life.

This is not what her mother would have wanted. I knew her well enough to know her deep faith in God was unshakeable. She would be horrified that her daughter remains so angry at God for taking her home. Her heart would be broken as she watched the daughter she loved shove everyone away.

This woman’s anger and bitterness is extreme. Most of us will thankfully never reach that point. It doesn’t mean we don’t sometimes let anger and bitterness direct our steps. You don’t think it applies to you? Think again. Every time you want to retaliate against someone, whether it’s another driver who cut you off in traffic or a co-worker who stole your idea, you are letting evil emotions control your actions.

Jesus tells us to love our enemies and to do good to those who would harm us. I know. It’s easy to say but not so easy to do. It’s hard to swallow the rebuttal that rises up when someone harms us. It’s difficult to show mercy when someone has done something awful to us.

How much more so when we think God is the culprit? How sad that the One who can heal and sustain us is the One who bears the brunt of our heartache. This sweet woman – who was indeed a sweet soul before her mother’s death – needs Jesus to heal her. But she won’t let Him in.

What about you? Do you let Jesus come close to you? Do you share with Him the parts of you that hurt the most? Do you tell Him your disappointments? Do you let Him heal you from the inside out?

He knows about betrayal. He knows about bearing the cost of the sins of others. He knows about lies and greed and a heartache that goes deep into your soul. He gets it. We forget that sometimes.

I don’t know what will happen to this woman.  She is self-destructing before the eyes of those who love her most. No one can force her to get help. No one can make her let go of her rage and bitterness. Jesus is the only One who can heal her and she won’t let Him.

What do you need Jesus to heal you from today? Don’t wait. Don’t give Satan that foothold on your heart. Hand it over to the One who loves you most. Let it go and move on.

May 15, 2018

Let It Go

See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

– Hebrews 12:15

Bitterness makes an awful companion. It will cloud your thinking, harden your heart, give the devil a foothold into a life dedicated to God.

The dictionary defines bitterness as anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly. It is also resentment. It is a small kernel that, if not dealt with, will grow into an all-consuming thing that directs the paths of our lives to a place we never intended to go.

In the Christian faith, we talk a lot about forgiveness. We forgive not because the other person deserves it but because God forgives us. We forgive because of what Jesus did for us, dying a cruel, merciless death, so that we would be washed white by His blood.

We don’t deserve mercy. None of us deserve forgiveness. But it’s what God gives us anyway when we accept Jesus as Lord and Savior. That kind of puts things in perspective, doesn’t it? When we complain about the sins of others, about the unfairness of it all, we are condemning ourselves.

I can do all things through Christ. That’s what the Bible tells me. But I am prone to give it to God, then take it back again and again. How about you? Every time we replay the offense over in our minds, we are filling our hearts with anger and bitterness yet again.

Don’t sin in your anger. That’s another jewel from the Bible. Anger causes us to be people of hate rather than people who reflect God’s love to the world. We can’t get past old wounds because we’re too focused on the very real hurt.

Forgiveness doesn’t make it all okay. Nor does forgiveness mean you should always invite those people back into your life. It took me a while to understand that. Some people simply aren’t safe to be around. One of those Pinterest posts reminds us that if God removes someone from your life, don’t chase after them. God did it for a reason.

Letting go can be hard. We want to defend ourselves. We want revenge. We want that lost dream restored. Walk away. Cleanse your soul of the filth that situation caused and move forward toward God’s calling.

Bitterness will only destroy you and cause you to sin repeatedly against God. Let it go. You are called to walk in freedom from the sins of the past. That happens one step at a time.

April 16, 2018

We Are Family

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! – 1 John 2:1a

Do you ever think about your church as your family? Yesterday our pastor pointed out that family is exactly what we are. That can be good and not so good.

Because we’re family, we all function differently in relationship to other people. Think about it for a moment. There are likely some people in your church who are like parents or grandparents. Some are like siblings. Still others are like children or grandchildren to you. We may not consciously think about it that way, but it is.

As a family, we sometimes fuss and fight. One member has a bad day and takes it out on the rest of the family. They, in turn, take it out on others. It soon spirals out of control. We end up taking our anger and frustration out on those who love us the most.

It doesn’t take long before we’re more focused on the negative, the wrong, rather than all the things that are right. I wonder how many people have let something small escalate into leading them away from their church.

I also wonder how many people have used anger to justify talking bad about someone else. We are so focused on how we’ve been wronged – or, at least, perceive we’ve been wronged – that we tell everyone about it. We want others to feel the same way we feel. We want others to believe the same things we do. Truth is irrelevant. Our goal is to persuade others to our viewpoint, harming the one we’re angry with in the process.

Another way people get hurt in church is because others don’t listen. We really don’t want to hear anyone else’s problems. We cling to what we once knew about a person rather than looking with fresh eyes onto the person who stands before us. We don’t have a problem receiving grace, Pastor Ryan Martin said. But we sure do have a problem giving grace to others.

A couple recently joined our church. Someone soon noted that they had a past. Don’t we all. I refused to listen to the details. I don’t care. They have changed their lives, become new in Christ. None of us live perfect lives. We all need grace and acceptance and another chance. Church should be where we find it.

We also push people away from church, from Jesus, by not including them. Recently, I was looking for a seat at Wednesday night dinner. A sweet woman called out to me and beckoned me to her table. I was so grateful. Thankful.

You see when I hadn’t been attending that church long, I had something totally opposite happen. It was one of those Sundays when everyone shows up with their families. I was asked to move more than once to make room for a family to sit together. I still remember looking around and thinking that there was no place for me at that church. I was about to leave when someone noticed and called me over to sit with he and his wife. That made all the difference. If I’d left that day, I likely would never have come back.

We are family. We are. All the good and the bad, all the laughter and the tears. We come together to celebrate and to grieve. It’s not a perfect relationship because we aren’t perfect people. Still we try. We extend grace and receive it. We speak truth when it hurts and we embrace it when we need to. Family. God’s family. That is who we are.

February 25, 2018

Live the Change You Want to See

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. – Romans 12:21

What should we do? Should we ban assault rifles? Should we make background checks more thorough? Should we throw money and resources at our failing mental health system? What is the answer?

Maybe the real answer, the permanent solution, lies within us. Sure, we need all those things listed above and more. But the only way to combat the kind of anger and hate that ignites mass shootings is to change ourselves.

Only someone who is truly broken inside could do something so horrendous as kill innocent students and teachers. I am not naïve. Some evil will always exist among us. But I truly believe that we manufacture much of the evil in this world by our indifference to those who are marginalized in our society.

Is it any surprise that school shootings have increased right along with incidents of bullying? Is it any wonder that violence has escalated as our families are broken, pulling away from extended families and stable neighborhoods? Are we really shocked that children who no longer grow up with a foundation of faith have no where to turn with their hurt?

Our society as a whole has taken a wrong turn and that means you and I need to be the change. We’re so focused on “my” freedom that we’ve forgotten we all belong to each other. We’re so independent that we’ve forgotten we all need each other. We’re so absorbed with ourselves that we’ve for too long ignored those who desperately need to be included.

We are all just so very busy. We are too busy to reach out to the latch-key children down the street. We are too busy to include an elderly neighbor in our dinner plans. We just don’t have the time for coffee with a co-worker going through a hard time.

We don’t want to be bothered by the troubles of others. We don’t want to deal with the hurts and trials of those around us. What if it rubs off on us? We have enough on our plates without taking on someone else.

Except what we’ve done is left hurting people with nowhere else to go. They become angrier and angrier until they finally erupt. It’s a tough scenario for an adult. Can you imagine how difficult it must be for a teenager?

We fail each other every single day. We just do. We forget to be kind and giving, to be generous with what matters. People. They’re what matters. We seem to focused on stuff, on status, on our own little world, to see those who are on the fringes, desperate to be noticed.

This debate will likely rage for quite some time. There are no easy answers. But instead of focusing on what “someone else” should do, look in the mirror and focus on what you can do. Be kind today. Smile at a stranger. Include someone who would otherwise be alone. Live the change you want to see.

February 21, 2018

Get Rid of the Anger

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. – Colossians 3:8

What is your button? What instantly makes you angry? What do you have trouble shaking off, putting aside, letting go and moving on from?

We all have something. It could be a snide comment from someone. It could be an unfair judgement from a person who has no business even concerning themselves with your situation. It could be reminders of leftover anger from situations long ago.

Most anger is normal. Contrary to what some believe, anger alone isn’t a sin. The sin comes when we harbor bitterness and chronic anger. Then it overtakes us and consumes us in ways that aren’t healthy for us and lead us to sin in other ways.

Anger and resentment can’t coincide with forgiveness. We are to forgive others because God has forgiven us. It has nothing to do with worthiness. None of us are worthy of forgiveness. It is about grace and mercy.

Forgiveness also isn’t about the other person repenting and asking for forgiveness. We can’t control what other people do or don’t do. We can’t control what they say about us or how they feel about us. We can control how we react. We can forgive and walk away.

Chronic anger is a result of deep hurt. That’s what our pastor said last Sunday. There’s so much truth in that. We lash out at others. We allow jealousy and anger to take control. We sin, then use our own anger in a vain attempt to justify our sin. It’s a vicious cycle and everyone gets hurt in the end.

Some people try to put salve on their wounds by attempting to control everyone and everything around them. They want to be in charge, no matter the cost. And make no mistake, the cost is great. No one wants to be controlled by others. While they might go along for a time, eventually that will erupt into something awful. We can’t run other people’s lives. It’s that simple and that complicated.

We must exercise self-control over our own lives. We need to get rid of the anger and resentment and jealousies that consume us. It doesn’t feel natural, does it? Don’t we have a right to rise up against those who have harmed us? Not according to the Bible. God is the One who takes care of revenge when His children are harmed. We’re to forgive and move on.

How can we possibly get past it all? By giving it to God. Again and again, I might add. God sees your struggle. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to heal you and allow you to move past the ugliness in your heart. Let go of the anger and bitterness and allow God’s peace to fill your heart.

February 4, 2018

Consider Yous Words and Choices

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. – James 1:19-20

I am choosing to keep my words to myself. I tell myself it is none of my business. Deep down inside, I am furious. They should know better.

He had surgery yesterday. Yes. It was minor surgery that only required an overnight stay in the hospital. But no surgery is really minor. Anything can go wrong, especially when the operation is on an older person with blood pressure issues.

He drove himself to the hospital. He went into surgery with no one in the waiting room. He has family who could have been there. They should have been there. They chose not to be.

I am sure this man is not innocent. He led me to believe that his daughter would be at the hospital as soon as she took the kids to school. Nope. That was never part of the plan. He didn’t contradict me when I asked if his son would be coming when his daughter left to pick the kids up.

Maybe I spent too many years as a caregiver. Maybe I was too close to his late wife, a woman who would never have allowed him to be at the hospital alone.

He is the only one in his immediate family who isn’t in the medical field. They should have known better. Apparently, they didn’t.

I should have known better too. Maybe that’s why I’m so angry. I know he plays word games with people. He’s just like my Mother in that. He misled me in order to get me to believe what he wanted. I never did convince her that she was being dishonest. I don’t think I’ll even try with him. What’s the point?

He had his reasons. He didn’t want to bother anyone. He didn’t want to worry them. Yet they should have been worried. We all should have been.

My gut told me to cancel the trip to take my cousin to see her sick daughter. I was so torn. Worry for someone I love vs. being there for someone I care about. I trusted his family to step up. I shouldn’t have. It won’t happen again.

I lost both of my parents within a short period of time. Their needs and illnesses consumed my life for years. I don’t regret any of it. I did what I needed to do to help them. I would do it again.

I am increasingly learning that most people don’t view it that way. It is their choice. It is their right. I need to hold my tongue and consider carefully before I speak. It isn’t my job to convict or admonish them on how they treat their parents. The Holy Spirit truly doesn’t need my help.

Caregiving isn’t easy or convenient. Nor is admitting that sometimes we all need help. And holding my tongue? Well, that’s not easy either. But I’m working on it. I really truly am.

May 5, 2016

Treat Your Enemies Well

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” -- Luke 6:27-28

Have you ever had to regularly deal with someone who hates you? Maybe a co-worker? Or another church member? (That happens more often than we like to admit.) Or maybe it’s a family member?

It’s hard to love someone who hates you, isn’t it? It’s hard to pray for people who are lying about you and trying to harm you. It’s difficult to do good and be kind to someone who wishes you were dead.

Yet this is exactly what Jesus tells us to do.

Do they deserve it? No. But neither do I deserve His love, forgiveness, and grace. I remind myself of that regularly, as I struggle with these words of Jesus.

Jesus was telling the Jewish people to treat the Romans who oppressed them with respect. He no doubt lost a few followers over that one. We don’t want to be kind to people who wish us harm.

It’s understandable. Our human reflex is to fight, to defend ourselves, to lash out with words that refute their lies. And then it escalates. No one wins. Everyone loses. And you are left more broken than before.

So you remain silent. You walk away from the conflict. You do good where you can. You stay strong, not because you are strong but because God is strong.

This is where you take it all to Him. You get down on your knees and, in the words of one Bible teacher, you tattle on the person who seeks to harm you. That’s right. Tell God all about it. Pour out your hurt and your anger, rant about the unfairness of being blamed for someone else’s mistake. Tell God how upset you are that someone else took credit for your idea.

Then get up and leave it with God. That’s the hardest part. Leaving it with Him and trusting Him to take care of it. Sometimes I think that’s the only way to get through it all is to know that God will always avenge those who belong to Him. Always. His Word is so clear on that. Be patient. Do your part to follow Him and trust God to fight for you.

January 16, 2015

Give Anger to God

 

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;

do not fret -- it leads only to evil.

For evil men will be cut off,

but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

-- Psalm 37:8-9

When was the last time you got angry? I don't even have to think about it. I got angry today. Then I got angry with myself for getting angry about something, or more specifically with someone, that I can't change. My anger didn't do either of us any good.

Not that she was even aware of it. That's part of the problem. Some people are so self-focused that they can't see how their destructive behavior is destroying those around them. Or maybe they see but just don't care. And that makes me angry.

It's pointless. A never ending destructive cycle that holds me hostage and makes my life miserable. I want to be the person who always gives it over to God and leaves it there. But I keep taking it back. Again and again. Has anyone else done this? Probably most of us at one point or the other.

I'm simply not willing to live this way anymore. Famous last words. Isn't that how the clique goes? I suspect I'll be asking God for forgiveness again over this same issue. Satan has a way of pointing out our weak spots.

It's just frustrating to see someone you care about being so destructive. That's not just my opinion. Every doctor she's seen says exactly the same thing. But she simply refuses to do what she needs to do to get well. It's her choice. It is. But where do you draw that boundary line? How do you let someone make her own choices and still keep her from destroying you and other family members in the process?

You turn it over to God. And you leave it with Him. God can do far more than we could ever imagine. His goodness and His wisdom surpass anything we could ever know or understand. He'll work it out. Maybe not in the way I would but it will be the best way. And He'll bring good from it because that's what He promises. God always keeps His promises.

So today I give it to Him. All my anger and frustration. I give it to God and trust Him to do what's right, in His timing and in His way.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Biggest Critics Never Step Up

Moses returned to the LORD and said, “O Lord, why have you brought trouble upon this people? Is this why you sent me? Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has brought trouble upon this people, and you have not rescued your people at all.“ -- Exodus 5:22-23

Sometimes when it seems I are doing everything I can to follow God and do His will, there is a chorus all around of people giving directions. No one wants to step up but they sure seem to know how to tell me what to do and how to do it and, in some cases, even when to do it.

I try really hard to control my tongue. I seek words of wisdom, trying to unite rather than say exactly what I think and feel. The resentment builds up inside of me and anger emerges. Then it is no longer about them but about me. My heart is hurt and I want desperately to lash out, to hurt those who have hurt me.

Max Lucado says that resentment comes from hurt. I’ve come to see the truth in that. Knowing it, acknowledging it, helps me take it to God and lay it at His feet. I don’t want a hardened heart. I don’t want to be angry and bitter. I simply want to do His will in His way and in His time.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? It’s anything but simple. Because where there is ministry, there is a host of personalities and conflict is bound to arise. Everyone has a different view of what should be done and, to some degree, that’s okay.

My problem comes when those with the loudest voices refuse to step up and actually do what they are demanding that I do. They know which Bible study they’d like to do. They know the time they’d like to do it. They know the format. But they aren’t willing to do it. They aren’t willing to make the commitment to actually show up themselves. They simply want it available for them if it’s convenient.

And I resent that. Last spring I felt forced to do a second Bible study to finish out the school year. I didn’t want to do it. I was burned out and wanted a break. The chorus was loud and I agreed. God led me to a wonderful book and we were all blessed by it.

During the weeks of study, every single person in the group missed at least one session. Some missed two or three. Everyone seemed to have something better come up, from vacation to kids’ activities, to family events. I’m not denying the importance of those things. However, why was it that the one person (me) who most didn’t want to do the study ended up being the only person who had to be there every week?

I spent a lot of time with God on that one. And, as I said, we were blessed by the study. Yet here I am again. We are completing a study and the harping has begun over which will be the next study. I’ve already told them that someone else needs to step up. They keep pointing the finger at me. I’m not sure I can get past the hurt to do another one. Sadly, I’m not sure they even see past themselves to realize what their attitudes are doing to me.

So I’ve given it to God. He’s had it all along anyway. He needs to decide what study we should do, when we should do it and who should lead the discussions. Some folks are bound to be unhappy but, hey, that’s just how it goes. Either step up or shut up. As hard as that sounds, sometimes that’s just the only way.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Remember Why We Are Here

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vine; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation. -- Habakkuk 3:17-18

Okay. It hurt my feelings. Really. It did. He was upset because people weren’t doing what they were told. And I was convenient. But, honestly, it wasn’t my fault.

I bit my tongue. Sort of. I reminded them that everyone had been told what to do -- twice. If they still failed to follow directions, I asked, what was I supposed to do? No answer.

That little, pitiful voice inside of me wanted to lash out. I wanted to remind him that I wasn’t being paid to hire and supervise drivers for him. I wanted to tell him how much time I spent doing it and to remind him that I also kept excellent payroll records to make his life easier. And I wanted to point out a few of his shortcomings of the morning. But I didn’t.

That didn’t stop Satan from toying with my mind the rest of the day. And the day after that. Satan kept reminding me that I’m unappreciated, that the man has no clue how valuable I am and all the times I’ve saved him money.

Then I remembered that none of that matters. God matters. And doing everything I do to the very best of my ability, regardless of the circumstances or attitudes of others, reflects on Him. Because I belong to God.

It’s not easy to remain silent. I don’t always. And sometimes words must be spoken because no one deserves abuse. But other times words are said in frustration and aren’t meant to be taken to heart. They shouldn’t have been said but they also shouldn’t be agonized over.

It’s called letting it go and moving on. Honestly, it’s not worth the time or effort. Continuing to think about them and refusing to let them go only gives Satan a foothold into your mind and your actions. And that always leads to trouble and destruction.

He is a good man. Kind most of the time. With a tremendous amount of pressure resting on his shoulders. I know all that. And knowing that makes it easier to let it go.

Not that it matters. Because we are here for His glory and not our own. Our lives, our actions and our words should reflect God’s light outward toward the world. Sometimes that means we must walk away when we really would rather give them what we think they deserve.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

What Makes You Angry?

My dearly loved brothers, understand this: Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. -- James 1:19

What makes you angry? Now don’t get all worldly here. It’s too easy to list social injustice and war and things that happen to other people. What makes YOU angry? What’s that button that is sure to set you off?

Let’s take it a step further. Do you have a problem with anger? I’m not talking about hitting or being verbally abusive, though those extremes definitely indicate a problem. My question has more to do with day to day stuff, like traffic, and work, and kids that won’t clean their rooms. Do you find yourself getting angry every day? Maybe even several times a day?

Certain things make us angry. They just do. We can pretend we’re not angry. We can hold it all inside, refusing to let others know. But they know. Because it always comes out in one form or another.

The key to stopping anger is finding out what the triggers are and why they send us from calm to heated in two seconds flat. My trigger is being ignored, like I don’t exist, that my opinion doesn’t matter, that I’m of no importance. I could psycho-analyze myself, outlining all the whys, but I won’t bore you. Let’s just say that people who have no respect for me do not make me a happy camper.

A friend shook his head one day as he outlined something his six-year-old daughter had done. He struggled for calm, took several deep breaths, then asked her why she continued to do something that she knew made him mad. No answer. I laughed and told him that it was because she knew she’d get a reaction from him. He agreed. She’s young but she already knows how to push those buttons.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten better at letting things go. When you start burying people you love and letting go of old dreams, life gains a different perspective. You start to understand that most things simply aren’t worth the effort anger takes. And, honestly, most people aren’t either.

Why waste time getting upset at another driver on the road? Why hold a grudge against a co-worker? Why get upset when your child doesn’t do what he’s supposed to do? Just hand out the punishment, turn a deaf ear to the whining, and move on. Life is too short for battle every day.

So slow down, take a deep breath, and let it go. While some anger is justified and understandable, most anger just zaps energy best used to cultivate joy.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Let Go Of Anger, Bitterness

Absalom behaved in this way toward all the Israelites who came to the king asking for justice, and so he stole the hearts of the men of Israel. -- 2 Samuel 15:6

Absalom was a very angry, very bitter man. His older brother had raped Absalom’s sister and their father didn’t do a thing about it. So Absalom took his time and, eventually, murdered his brother Amnon. That didn’t satisfy his need for vengeance. I wonder if anything would have.

It’s not that he didn’t have reason to be upset. But who did he hurt the most by staying angry for so long? Who ultimately paid when he turned his anger on his father, King David? How could Absalom really imagine he could take on God’s anointed and survive? He wasn’t thinking and that was the root of the problem.

Nothing Absalom could do would change what happened. Nothing would change David’s response. But forgiveness could change Absalom’s heart. Forgiveness would allow Absalom to move forward and have a productive life. But he just couldn’t, or wouldn’t, let it go. So he plotted to take over his father’s throne. He made another bad decision fueled by anger and bitterness he just couldn’t seem to let go.

What are you holding on to? What do you refuse to hand over to God for justice? What are you allowing to destroy your today for a tomorrow you can’t change/

Understand that giving something to God, letting it go, forgiving day-by-day, doesn’t make it right. It doesn’t wipe away the wrong. It doesn’t give the person responsible a free pass. It just means that you refuse to allow that person to control your today and your tomorrow. It means that you choose to forgive a wrong. It means that you trust God to take care of it in His own way and His own time.

Forgiveness is hard. Sometimes you have to do it again and again. And often the person responsible won’t even acknowledge the wrong, much less ask for forgiveness. Do the people committing the wrongs deserve forgiveness? Probably not. But neither do you or I deserve God’s forgiveness for our sins. We are to forgive -- and let God take care of the rest.

So let it go. Give it away. Move on. You deserve better. God will take care of it. Trust Him. He will put your enemies in their place.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Show Mercy, Not Anger

"But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." -- Matthew 5:44

"They shouldn't even bother with a trial," the woman said, referring to the Tuscon shooter. "Just do away with him." This Christian was filled with vengeance. She was judge and jury rolled into one. No compassion. No kindness. Certainly no love anywhere in her. Just another hard heart lashing out in her "eye for an eye" justified mind.

Oh, what a sad state is our world. No wonder people look on Christians with scorn. How can we preach love and then, also, preach revenge? Who do we think we are, dragging Jesus into something so awful? Oh, wait. He's there already. Comforting the families and friends of those who died and were wounded. He's holding on to the parents of that young man who did this horrible thing. And He's waiting, patiently, in hopes that this mentally ill person will heal, repent and invite Jesus into his heart.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not advocating letting this young man out where he can harm others. He clearly is mentally ill. He did a horrible, horrible thing that changed people forever and sent some really good folks home earlier than anyone planned. But God loves him as much as he loves those who were killed or wounded. God is hurting for the shooter just as much as he's hurting for the wounded and the families, friends and witnesses of this awful tragedy.

We tend to forget that as we lash out in anger and pain. The husband of the wounded congresswoman said he'd be willing to meet with the shooter's parents because the shooting wasn't their fault. Another victim said she'd already forgiven the shooter. Compassion. God's love and forgiveness living and breathing in those who are hurting as they reach out in kindness and mercy.

None of us knows how we would react if we were in such an awful circumstance. We don't. We can only pray that God would lead us in such a way that others could see Jesus living within us. Jesus doesn't have a hard and unforgiving heart. He is the face of love and forgiveness. He died to prove it. The least we can do is open our hearts to those He loves as much as He loves us.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Let God Handle It

"Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret -- it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land." -- Psalm 37:8-9

I caught myself doing it again today. I was obsessing over something I can't control. Yeah. It's that same ol' somebody done me wrong song. Why do some people take financial advantage of others? Why do they disregard laws? And why do I put up with it?

Ever walked that path? I have. I once left a job after I found out a fellow employee with less experience and fewer responsibilities made more money than me. I asked our boss why. His answer? My co-worker was married and had a child. I always said I wouldn't tolerate that again. So here I am, tolerating it again.

I enjoy the driving that I do. It gets me on the road while my art mostly keeps me home alone for hours. The money helps fill in the financial gaps between art shows as well. I even like most of the people I deal with. But it burns me up inside that drivers out of the Dothan office get paid minimum wage and I don't. We won't even talk about the legal issues.

So why do I put up with it? I enjoy it. But the anger is starting to get to me. Not the boss' anger. He's happy as a clam. I'm the one who is angry. I'm angry at him for treating me unfairly and I'm angry at me for putting up with it. That would be the evil coming out in me.

God finally managed to get through to me this afternoon. While I was ranting to myself, I might add. I want to do something to change my circumstances but I don't want the consequences. I want to do something. Me. Hello? Whatever happened to turning it over to God and asking Him to handle it? Yeah. That would be the smart thing to do.

So that's what I'm doing. I've asked God to forgive me for getting angry and trying to take over His job. I know He loves me and He'll take care of this, in His own time and His own way. I also know I may not like the journey. But I trust God. I know He's in control and, in the end, it'll all turn out just fine. He really does know what He's doing.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Remember Your Blessings

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." -- James 1:19-20

I had an opportunity to count my blessings today. I have quite a few. Health, home, family, friends. I could go on and on. And, to be honest, I do try to count my blessings every day. I don't want to ever take for granted all that God has done, and continues to do, for me.

But today I got really angry and frustrated at a cell phone company. Ever been there? Someone, somewhere made a mistake and I am left to deal with the consequences. I got a new cell phone in December. Apparently the phone number that I have had for years didn't get transferred properly. So now that number is somehow lost in cell phone land and I've got a new number.

Sorry, they tell me. It doesn't help. I want my old number back. You know the one I'm talking about. The number all my family, friends and business associates have programmed in their phones. The number I can still call and hear my voice on the voice mail recording. It just no longer rings my phone. No amount of pleading changed the situation. Anger didn't work either. Yeah, I know.

When I got off the phone, I started replaying the hour-plus conversation. Then I moved on to all the excuses I've heard over the past weeks. Finally, I realized what I was doing. I immediately prayed for peace and the ability to accept a situation I couldn't change. Then I started counting my blessings. Before too long the anger had left. I was spent and exhausted and even a little sad. But, really, this is small potatoes compared to what some folks faced today.

Thank you, God, for blessing me again and again and for loving me even when I blow it.