September 13, 2018

Watch Your Words

To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the proper answer of the tongue. – Proverbs 16:1

I don’t know her. It was one of those God things that brought us together. She wanted something I had to sell. I certainly didn’t know she was four months into her season of grief. And she surely didn’t know grief was something I understood. But God brought us together for a moment and that turned out to be a good thing.

She was trying to move on. Her friends were trying to be helpful, encouraging even. Get over it, they advised. Start a new life, they said. Redecorate your house with something that’s new and different, they told her. They wanted to help but all they did was pour more anguish into her fresh wounds.

Everyone grieves differently. There’s no right or wrong way. Some people have an uncanny knack for bouncing back. Most of us linger in the pain for a while. She is one of those.

Some days are good, she told me. Other days she can barely function. It’s all normal to me. It might have been normal to her had she not had such well-meaning people in her life. She thought she should push forward and pretend she was okay, even on the hard days. She was beating herself up because she just couldn’t.

My advice? Give yourself a break. Enjoy the good days and take care of yourself  on the bad days. If you need to cry, go ahead and cry. If you need to mope, go ahead and do it. Just don’t stay there. Grief is a journey and there are no quick fixes.

Her friends mean well. They do. They just don’t understand what they haven’t lived. That’s true in so many areas of life.

I had a friend tell me I didn’t know what it was like having children. She’s right. I don’t. But as I reminded her, she doesn’t know what it’s like to not have the children you once desperately wanted. The shock on her face still makes me chuckle. She had never considered the other side.

I am in a Bible study on Job. We talked about how well-meaning friends can say the absolutely worst things. Friends can hurt us deeply without realizing the weight of their words. They make assumptions. They speak from themselves without considering the differences. They aim to fix what only God can heal.

Sometimes the absolutely best thing you can say to someone hurting is – drum roll here – nothing. Just give them a hug. Sit quietly beside them. Walk with them. You can’t fix it. You can’t. But you can love them without hurting them.

That’s not to say that we don’t sometimes need friends to speak truth into our lives. Notice earlier that while I encouraged this woman to cry and mourn, I also told her not to live there. I speak from experience. I spoke from a heart that has known deep pain. And she heard that in my words.

Some seasons of life are just hard. I know it’s something I say a lot but I do so because it’s true. I also do so because there are just so many hurting people in this world. Don’t add to their pain with careless words. Don’t try to fix them or their situation. Just love them and trust God to heal them.

April 6, 2018

Betrayal Hurts

Then one of the Twelve – the one called Judas Iscariot – went to the chief priests and asked, “What are you willing to give me if I deliver him over to you?” So they counted out for him thirty pieces of silver. From then on Judas watched for an opportunity to hand him over.

– Matthew 26:14-16

Can you imagine how much it hurt Jesus to be betrayed by someone so close to Him? Jesus knew Judas would ultimately sell Him to be murdered. That was why Jesus came, after all. But, still, it had to break His heart.

Jesus was fully God and fully human. He felt the same pain we feel when someone we trusted turns on us. And for what? Thirty pieces of silver. Was it really worth the cost?

On this side, we understand that it had to be. Jesus died so we who believe won’t have to face death and eternal separation from God. Death couldn’t hold Him and, because of Him, it can’t hold us. What a wonderful gift! What an awesome God!

But have we ever considered His pain? It’s difficult to accept that a co-worker would go behind your back and plot to destroy you. It’s hard when it’s someone you know, someone who claims to share your faith, someone you believed liked you. But when it’s someone close to you, well, that’s a whole different level of heartache.

After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, “Very truly I tell you, one of you is going to betray me.” – John 13:21

He saw it coming. Jesus knew His friend, His disciple, a man who had spend three years by His side, was going to hand Him over to be crucified. He could have stopped it but He didn’t. Jesus loved us that much.

But do you think knowing the end result lessoned Jesus’ pain? John tells us Jesus was troubled. I would have wanted to stop it, to demand that my friend admit what he planned and change course. It sounds good but, honestly, someone who would plot against you, speak ill of you, isn’t likely to change course where there’s money and/or power involved.

There’s no way to completely guard against the evil that sometimes springs forth from hearts we thought we knew. To do so would leave us with hardened hearts, incapable of feeling anything. That’s surely not the answer. Maybe there is no answer.

The truth is that there will always be people masquerading as your friends who, in the end, will intentionally do you harm. There are people who call themselves family, either by blood or by law, that will turn on you, spreading lies and the ugliness that lives in their hearts.

Jesus gets it. He understands how deep the hurts goes. He feels your pain because He’s been there. And He knows that sometimes you don’t have any other choice but to continue on into the storm, seeing the betrayal that’s coming but being powerless to stop it.

I wish people would do different, don’t you? I wish everyone would end the games and just put on a cloak of honesty. But that’s not the real world. That’s not what some people are capable of doing.

We’re all flawed human beings, struggling to do the best we can while living in a fallen world. Those who intentionally seek to harm and destroy are inevitable. Keep your guard up and watch your heart. Don’t let the lies and deceit of others cause you to lose your way. Just cling tightly to Jesus and trust that He’ll be with you as you weather the inevitable storm.

March 31, 2018

Hope Is Coming

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. – Hebrews 6:19a

He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. – Isaiah 53:3-4

Today is the day in between. We have suffered through Good Friday but we haven’t yet seen the miracle of the Resurrection. We our lost, alone, abandoned. Where is hope in the midst of our circumstances?

If you’ve never experienced deep betrayal, harsh words thrown at you, sudden illness, even death, then count yourself fortunate. Jesus warned us that in this world we would have trouble. We see it all around us. We ache from the pain that rips our hearts apart.

We forget that He also said, “I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) We are not lost or alone or abandoned. Hope is coming. Jesus is coming. We just have to get through today.

In the deep valley, it’s sometimes hard to see the sun coming up on the horizon. We look around and see only darkness. The path is rocky, the way unclear. We have been abandoned, rejected by those closest to us. Lies surround us and we wonder if the truth will ever raise its head. It will. Hope is coming.

He was despised by those who didn’t understand. Jesus was mocked and ridiculed. He came to save us all from our sins but we wanted no part of it, of Him. We wanted to live and be a part of this world. We were greedy, arrogant even, in our demands. Until the moment it was all gone. Why did we fight so hard for something we were never meant to have?

This world is not our home. We hear that and nod in agreement. We know what we’re supposed to say, what we’re supposed to believe. Yet we live as though this is all there is. We puff up in self-importance, refusing to acknowledge that it was never about us.

Hope is coming. He hung from a cross. He died so you and I wouldn’t have to spend eternity separated from God. All we have to do is believe, to put our trust, our hope, in Him. Why is it so hard to let go of the things of the world in order to embrace the inheritance that awaits us in heaven?

Maybe we don’t really believe. We know the answers but our hearts tell a different story. Our actions push aside what really matters. We live with our eyes on the prize before us rather than the home that awaits us.

Hope is coming. Jesus was arrested, ridiculed, rejected and abandoned. And yet He loved us enough to conquer death and offer us a way to salvation. Hope in the midst of darkness. Hope in the midst of pain. Hope in the midst of rejection.

Reach out. Don’t you see? There is light just over the horizon. Hang on. Hope is coming.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Give God Your Pain and Suffering

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. -- Psalm 27:10

I was 15. And I was just so tired of trying. Of hurting. Of being rejected again and again, day after day.

So I made a decision. With her words of hatred echoing in my mind, I planned it down to the last detail. The notes were written. I felt a peace that can only come after deep despair.

All that remained was to wait until night, when their family was asleep. This was one thing I wanted to do without an audience of critics. I grabbed a tattered Bible, a hand me down that I treasured, and headed outside.

Tears streamed down my face as I sank to my knees. I held the faded black book to my chest, as a parent might hold a small child close. It was the closest I got to hugs most of the time.

I wiped my eyes and opened the Bible. My eyes fell on this Scripture from Psalms. I’m sure it doesn’t seem like much to some but to this battered teen desperate for love and acceptance, it was everything. It gave me enough hope and courage to put those plans aside and hang on for another day, another week, another year.

That’s the day, the moment, when the Holy Spirit entered me. I know many people view their Baptism as “the” day but for me it was that afternoon when I was all alone and He came to me. And changed me.

Some memories never fade and that is one of them. Perhaps it has been on my mind more lately because several people -- none that I’ve known personally -- have committed suicide. I see families and friends struggle with heartbreak and questions that will never really go away.

And I remember how close I came to ending it all because I’d lost hope that tomorrow would ever be a better day. That’s what Jesus gives to us -- hope. A promise that God is with us, that He never leaves us. Strength to make it through the hard times of failure and rejection, hopelessness and despair. A light that reminds us that no matter how dark life seems, there’s a candle flickering ahead to beckon us forward into another day.

I somehow want to tell those who are lost, who feel forgotten, worthless, desperate, that there is an answer that promises life. His name is Jesus Christ. And He’s waiting for you to call His name.

That’s what I did that day. I didn’t even know it at the time. But in desperation I cried out to God -- and He heard me. He answered me. He saved me. And He’ll save you too, if you’ll only trust Him with your life.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Suffering Brings Us Closer To Jesus

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. -- James 1:2-3

Okay. I’d like a show of hands. How many of you enjoy trials of many kinds? Okay. How many of you enjoy pain and suffering? Right. Not a single hand went up. Not that I expected anything different.

We know that we will suffer during our lifetimes. And we know that we’ll endure pain, both physical and emotional. We even know that we’ll struggle from time to time. But to consider any of those things joyful seems like quite a stretch for anyone.

Yet that is what we’re told to do. Why? Because it is through suffering that we rely on God the most. If we could handle it all by ourselves, we wouldn’t need a Savior and Creator. Our trials draw us closer to God and make us stronger in our faith.

Those same trials can also cause us to move further from God. There are some common illusions about faith and every now and then we come face to face with them. One illusion is that Christians -- real Christians -- don’t suffer greatly. I’m not really sure where that one came from because the Bible tells us repeatedly that we will suffer.

And not necessarily because of sin. Sure, we can cause our own circumstances by making bad decisions. But no one decides to get cancer or have a cheating spouse or lose a child in a car accident. Bad things happen, not because we’ve sinned but because we live in a fallen world.

It’s just so sad when someone thinks they’re sick because God is mad at them. Or people look down on someone as being less a Christian because he/she struggles financially. Or we think that if we could just be a better Christian, God would protect us from all bad things.

It just doesn’t work that way. God doesn’t work that way. God never said He’d keep us from harm. God said He would walk with us through the valley. God promised to love us no matter what. God promised to give us strength and peace no matter what we face.

It is true that trials and pain change us from the inside out. They cause us to cling to Jesus, to hold tight to His hand because, honestly, when our world is caving in He’s the only steady thing we’ve got. He’s the One who will hold us up when we can’t face another moment of agony and despair.

Perhaps that is the joy James writes about. That closeness which comes when we draw closer to God, when we learn to rely on Him above all else, when we rest in His love no matter what turmoil swirls around us.

Pain and suffering are part of this world. But we don’t ever have to face it alone. Cry out to Jesus and feel His comfort surround you with peace.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Jesus Understands Your Pain

All the people in the synagogue were furious when they heard this. They got up, drove him out of the town, and took him to the brow of the hill on which the town was built, in order to throw him down the cliff. -- Luke 4:28-29

It’s amazing how we skim over things sometimes. This verse comes right after Jesus took the scroll and read from Isaiah. We remember that part. And we know Jesus didn’t stop there. He was and is the voice of truth and those listening didn’t want to hear what He had to say about them.

We know that Jesus suffered and died for us on the cross. But how often do we consider that Jesus suffered long before He reached the cross? We don’t. And maybe skimming over that very real truth causes us to disbelieve that Jesus really, truly understands our pain.

Think about it for a minute. Those around Him, those in leadership positions, hated Jesus and wanted Him dead. He was criticized for being gracious to sinners, sharing meals with them and forgiving them. He was condemned for healing on the Sabbath.

One of His trusted friends betrayed Him, and this after Judas stole money from the moneybag the disciples had entrusted to him. Peter, the man who vowed to stand beside Jesus no matter what, denied Him three times. Thomas doubted Him. Jesus begged His friends to stand watch with Him, and yet they slept, unable to perform even that simple request.

And, still, we think Jesus doesn’t understand how it feels to be rejected by those whose opinion we value. He does. And we don’t consider that Jesus knows what it’s like to tell a secret to a trusted friend and learn that the secret was told to everyone else. He knows. And we don’t believe Jesus feels the sting of rejection from a dear friend. He does.

Jesus is so much more than the God-Man who died for us on the cross. We focus on that, naturally, because belief in the cross and resurrection is the foundation of our faith. We can endure the cross because we know the outcome. We see the resurrected Christ. We behold the scars and know the glory.

And we skim past the three years leading up to those final moments. How hard it must have been for Him to feel the pain of constant criticism, to be wary of those who wanted Him dead. And yet Jesus continued to do good. He told us to love our enemies. He told us to do good to those who harmed us. We think Jesus doesn’t understand our circumstances. The truth is that we don’t understand His.

Pain is inevitable on this earth. Some of it comes from the very humanness of our relationships with others. We are imperfect people struggling to survive in an imperfect world. We let people down. We betray people we care about. We deny who we are to impress those we shouldn’t. Jesus understands it all. He forgave us on the cross, knowing that we didn’t understand what we were doing.

So the very next time someone lets you down, take it to Jesus. The next time someone betrays you or hurts you, take it to Jesus. He understands your pain. Really. Truly. He does.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Choose Joy Even In Pain

O my Strength, to you I sing praises, for you, O God, are my refuge, the God who shows me unfailing love. -- Psalm 59:17

Some days are just hard. And so is the next day and the next. Because life isn’t all about the mountain tops. It’s got a lot of valleys in between.

Our neighbor is in a Birmingham hospital. She desperately needs a liver transplant but right now she is just too weak to survive the surgery -- even if a liver was available. How a woman who never drank got cirrhosis of the liver is anybody’s guess. It’s just one of those unexplained things. That doesn’t ease the pain for those who love her.

A dear friend is also in Birmingham. She is seeing a cancer specialist, hoping and praying for a miracle. The doctors here believe she has stage 3 colon cancer. She doesn’t feel sick. She doesn’t look sick. She clings to God’s peace as she waits for answers.

Another friend nurses her sick child, as she cares for an older child with a major illness. Another sweet friend agonizes as she and her husband wait to be matched with children they pray they’ll one day adopt.

Yesterday some folks were just driving down the road when someone else made a bad decision. Two were life-flighted to an area hospital. A little boy was taken 200 miles in the opposite direction to a different hospital. Definitely not how they’d planned their day.

I could go on and on. I’m really not trying to bring you down but rather to point out that there is joy amidst the pain and struggled. Sometimes it isn’t easy to find. Some days it seems nonexistent.

A wonderful woman is fighting a losing battle against cancer. Anyone would understand if she chose to spend her days with family and close friends. It would seem right if she decided to live fulfilling her own wishes and desires. Instead, she feels God has called her to prison ministry. She spends her time -- when she’s able -- ministering to those most of society shun.

Another woman recently found out she’s in remission from an incurable cancer. That’s the good news. The bad news is that she’ll have to take the chemo drugs that make her so tired and sick for the rest of her life. She loudly praises God for healing and strength to make it this far. Blessings in a long, difficult battle.

We all make choices each day. We can choose to see the good, to feel His strength, to think of others while still in the midst of our pain. Or we can wallow in self-pity and remain where we are. Which choice will you make today?

Monday, January 9, 2011

Jesus Soothes Hurts

To those you have punished, they add insult to injury; they scoff at the pain of those you have hurt. -- Psalm 69:26

A friend recently came home from a family affair wishing she hadn’t bothered to attend. Her bruised feelings were obvious to everyone -- except the person who had caused them.

Or maybe that person did know. Some people take great joy in reminding folks of who they once were. They feel power in talking down to others. They see themselves as superior when they look at the past sins of others.

It’s sad to think that some people get their own “self-worth” by putting others down. But they do. Our heads tell us to feel sorry for them. But our hearts ache at the injustice of it all.

I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t have something in their past they’d prefer to forget. Something they wish nobody knew. Something they wish no one would ever bring up again. But there’s always somebody determined to make sure that they, and everyone else, never forgets.

In my friend’s case, she was a wild child when she was younger. She caused her family a lot of grief. Of course, we won’t talk about the pain they caused her by always talking down to and about her. Funny thing about kids, especially as they become teenagers: They’ll pretty much try to live down to your opinion of them and they’ll do all they can to hide the pain of parental rejection by acting out and pretending it doesn’t exist. But that’s another topic for another day.

Some things never seem to change. People who are verbally abusive -- and don’t see it in themselves -- continue their ways. Fortunately, my friend changed the course of her life when she accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. She has changed her ways. And she has come to value herself just as Jesus values her.

The Bible tells us to forgive and I know she tries. She maintains a relationship with someone who doesn’t deserve her. She makes sure her children know the family that, while rejecting their mother, has embraced them. It is hard and still she does what she knows is right.

God understands her pain. He knows how difficult this situation is and He strengthens her. Her friends rally around her, praying that she will feel His peace and that those who enjoy hurting her -- people she loves despite everything -- will one day come to know Jesus as she does.

Jesus changes everything and everyone. He died so that we could live. He gives hope to all of us in all things -- including painful relationships.