July 16, 2023

 

Are You Willing?

 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1:9

 

I was reading a devotional the other day about those who refuse to confess their sins. You know them. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions. They are forever pointing fingers and blaming others for their decisions. They don’t change because they don’t see the need to do so.

 

It really hit home with me because I love someone who is doing just this. He has destroyed his family and, likely, will eventually destroy himself because he won’t admit that he did something wrong.

 

We tend to think of people like this as drug addicts or thieves but that’s not always the case. Sometimes it’s someone who commits adultery. It might be someone who can’t manage money and bankrupts themselves and their family. It could be someone who always lies just because they can.

 

It can also be someone who is abusive. How often do abusers blame their victims? How many times do rapists say it wasn’t their fault?

 

Jesus offers us a lifeline. He beckons us forward to confess our sins. He promises to forgive us and help us to be different, to do different, if we will only draw near to our Savior. It might be the hardest thing we ever do. It will also be the best thing we could ever do.

 

In my loved one’s case, he’s still pointing fingers and blaming others. He’s angry and lashes out at those around him. He wants to be “happy” but he’s the unhappiest he’s ever been. No one can reach him. Jesus waits but for now He’s on the sidelines.

 

Do you know anyone like that? Maybe you are that person? Does anger consume you? Is everything bad that happens always someone else’s fault? Are you putting yourself before everyone you claim to love?

 

Jesus waits. He’s ready to help you. But first you have to confess your sins. You must accept responsibility. You have to lay down your pride and admit you don’t have all the answers. Jesus has the answers. He alone can free you and heal you. Are you willing to let Him?

November 1, 2018

Watch Your Words

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. – Ephesians 4:29

He was a really nice man – some of the time. His staff learned to read his mood before engaging in much conversation. If he was in a bad mood, they scurried away and avoided him. If he was in a good mood, they gathered to ask questions and engage in office small talk.

Other managers made excuses for him. Well, they’d say, he’s got a knee injury and he’s just in so much pain. Or, they’d explain, he’s just been working so much lately. His staff took the brunt of the viciousness that came when he “wasn’t himself.”

Have you ever known someone like that? Have you ever been that person? We all have moments when life isn’t going our way and we lash out at someone who doesn’t deserve it. We apologize and move on, trying to do better.

The problem comes when it happens on a regular basis. It’s not okay.

Unfortunately, that’s how some people live their lives. They take everything out on others. Sometimes they show no mercy to anyone. Sometimes they target one person. It’s like they need to vent and they’re going to do it. No matter the cost.

And there is a cost. People tend to avoid a verbal abuser. They tip-toe around them. They hold back from making comments or suggestions. They just don’t want to be around them.

Verbal abuse. We don’t talk about it too much. Physical abuse is something we can see. Or, at least, a doctor can examine someone and know that physical abuse has occurred. With verbal abuse the scars aren’t always visible but they are always there.

Stories abound of children who grow up insecure, fearful, with negative self-images because of insults and shame aimed at them. Adults cower before a spouse who tells them they are stupid or unworthy or ugly. Employees dread work because of an abusive boss but they are desperate for the paycheck so they go anyway.

When you use your bad day, your lack of sleep, your pain, your frustration, or any other thing as an excuse to take your ugly emotions out on someone else, you are verbally abusing them. You’re making them pay for something that isn’t their cost to bear.

Here’s the thing about words: You can never take them back. Not ever. You can apologize. You can try to make amends. But the words will remain. What’s been said can never be retrieved.

There are so many ways to handle anger and frustration. First, take it to God. He can handle it. And He can calm us as no other can. Then take a walk, read your Bible, veg out in front of the television. Do what you need to do to fill yourself with God’s peace.

Then apologize if you’ve hurt or offended anyone. And vow to yourself and God that you won’t do it anymore. Create a new pattern to deal with life’s issues. Above all else, put on kindness. People flock to someone who is kind. People want to please people who show mercy and grace.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

What kind of person are you? Do you encourage others or do you tear them down?

April 22, 2016

God Provides Justice

18 Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. 2 He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. 3 And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’

4 “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, 5 yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”

6 And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. 7 And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8 I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” -- Luke 18:1-8

Some people have a great faith in our judicial system. I’m not one of them.

I realize it’s impossible for judges and juries to always make the right decision. But I also believe our judicial system is flawed, especially when it comes to those who can’t speak for themselves.

I’m talking about children. Right now we are reeling from a judge’s decision to reconcile a baby with his mother. I guess I just believe that a mother who either failed to protect her baby (and never reported injuries) or abused that baby, should never get him back. Ever.

The judge has a different opinion. Stories of children returned to abusive homes only to be permanently injured or killed keep running through my head. Not this baby, I beg God. Not this sweet child!

Years ago a couple divorced when their child was still a baby. The mother didn’t want custody and so his daddy raised him. Sometimes the mother would get him on the weekend. Sometimes she cancelled at the last minute because something better came along. His daddy was his constant caregiver.

Years later she met someone else and had another child. Suddenly she decided she wanted her first little boy to live with her. That child was ripped from a good home, against his wishes. Why? Because a mother who didn’t want him changed her mind?

In both cases, the courts put the wishes of the mother above the best interests of the child. Yeah. I know. Outside looking in. Except I know these cases well and it breaks my heart.

That little boy lived with his mother until the day he was old enough to decide for himself where he would live. He’s back with his Dad, where he should have been all along. It’s an answer to prayer and we are thankful.

The other little boy, that baby, well, all we can do is pray for his safety. We continue to pray that God will intervene. This baby who raises his tiny hand in worship, this child who is learning to love Jesus, should have that chance to serve His God.

I don’t plan to back away from this. I don’t plan to go quietly. None of us do. We want to bug God, to plead with Him, to ask for justice for this little boy. He deserves protection. We all do.

We serve a God of justice and mercy. He takes care of His children, especially the little ones who have no voice of their own.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Scars Last Forever

 

The LORD will keep you from all harm --

He will watch over your life;

The LORD will watch over your coming and going

Both now and forevermore.

-- Psalm 121:7-8

The other day I found a nail in my bed. I was taking the sheets off the mattress to wash them and there it was. A shiny new nail.

How did it get there? My mind raced with possible scenarios. Could it have accidentally been washed and dried? It seems possible, though it isn’t the type of nail I ever use. Still, I want to believe it was just a freak thing.

I mentioned it to others. One response was immediate: “I didn’t put it there.” I bit back the words that wanted to force themselves out. I wanted to remind the person that I’d never said she put it there. I’d expected a similar theory, that the nail had come in from the wash. The immediate denial planted suspicion that took immediate residence somewhere deep inside of me. I struggled to kill the thought. It wasn’t true. I know that. Sort of.

Trust isn’t something we share. I lock my bedroom door every single night before I go to sleep. It is some measure of protection. I would feel better still if my dogs were there with me. No. I don’t trust. Not anymore. It is a product of a childhood with scars that remain long after forgiveness has been given.

Not long ago someone mentioned a teenager who was acting out. One person had approached the teen’s parents but was surprised at the lack of response. I was asked for my opinion on what could be done to bring the teenager back into line.

My response: Was the teen being abused? If the open mouths were any indication, I don’t think anyone expected my response. I was serious. Kids who are being abused tend to act out. It is both a cry for attention and a channel for their anger.

Those who were part of the conversation were horrified. They know the teen’s parents. They socialize with the family. It doesn’t matter. Abuse happens in the best of families. So does denial. I’m not saying the teen’s parents are abusers but it sure doesn’t make sense that they’d refuse to listen to their child’s cry for help.

The question then turns back to us: What are we going to do? I suggested that criticism - no matter how well intended - will only push the teen further away. Instead, open a dialogue. Make sure the teen knows you are a safe place, an open ear, a defender no matter what.

Abuse happens in the best of families. It happens to people we know. It breaks the hearts and destroys the trust of people all around us. Don’t turn a blind or critical eye onto the victim. Think before you act because you have the power to make the situation better or make it a whole lot worse.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Fear Keeps Us From Healing

I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will guide him and restore comfort to him. -- Isaiah 57:18

If you could have anything you want, what would it be? Millions of dollars in the bank? The home of your dreams? Fame and fortune? Good health? Respect? A happy marriage and children?

Everybody has a different answer. Some people will tell you what they think you want to hear. Others will reach for the moon. Some will seek what they think will change them. If I could have anything I want, I’d want to feel safe again.

I don’t expect that to happen so long as I inhabit this earth. It might. But it would be an unexpected delight and not a realized dream. I’m not alone. Because while some people grow up feeling loved and secure, many others grow up cowering in fear.

I listened to a wonderful speaker earlier today who said that about one-third of us were sexually abused as children. She didn’t give any source for that statistic but somehow I didn’t doubt it either. And that didn’t include those who were physically or verbally abused. Some among us could check all of the above.

We are a broken people. A sinful people. A people filled with pain and longing and a desperate need for healing. A healing that only God can provide.

Except that we’re so afraid of rejection, of revealing our secrets, of facing our guilt, that we keep all that pain bottled up inside us where it festers and grows. Because who could possibly understand? People don’t want to face the dirtiness of our lives. And we sure don’t want to be criticized and condemned yet again.

How can we ever heal if we don’t lay down our burdens before Christ? How can we ever learn to walk as whole, loved, cherished people if we don’t understand that the cross is all about us? Jesus’ blood washed us white so that none of those childhood stains remain.

But first we have to let them go. All those things we’re afraid of. All those silent hurts. All those things we never should have had to endure in the first place. We have to lay them at the foot of the cross, then get up and walk away.

Just the thought of it brings up that fear again. We know about fear. We’ve learned how to silence the pain through denial, drugs or alcohol, acting out. You name it, and at least one of us has tried it. And failed at it. Because that pain we keep trying to hide just keeps rearing it’s ugliness again and again.

The only real solution is giving it to God. Today. Tonight. Tomorrow morning at first light. Handing it over again and again until one day it doesn’t hurt so bad and we’re not so afraid anymore. And then we realize He is restoring us, loving us, comforting us, so that we can be made whole and complete in Him.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Abuse Comes From Darkness

“So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”

-- Matthew 10:26-28

It happened years ago. Well before the times of lawsuits and disclosures. Long before he’d gained the wisdom and strength of a long life. It bothers him still. A decision he’s still not comfortable with.

For good reason.

Because what that group of deacons did was protect a church’s reputation rather than punish an offender. They covered up a pastor’s sexual exploits with teenage girls rather than face the public repercussions. They took the easy path and we all know that easy isn’t always right.

He doesn’t know what happened to the man. He could be dead by now because it happened so long ago. But sexual predators rarely stop what they’ve begun. That church almost certainly sent a predator off to find other victims.

I know. Times were different. It was long before the Catholic church scandal rocked us all. It was before such things were talked about in the open. It was back when reputation was everything and protecting that reputation was to be done at all costs.

It is easy to look back in hindsight and see the flawed logic. It is easy to condemn and lecture. But we can’t change the past. We can’t undo the wrong that was done. We can’t change a decision that should have been made differently.

Perhaps I am more sensitive than most. Years ago I knew a young woman who was sexually abused. Because she didn’t remain silent, because she didn’t go along with the wishes of others, she was ostracized by her church and her family. Yeah. I could hardly believe it either.

She spent years in therapy. She tried to commit suicide. She was bright and shining on the outside but inside she was a wounded soul. She desperately needed Jesus but seeking Him didn’t feel safe anymore.

It is never okay to cover up abuse. It is never okay to look the other way. It is never okay to pretend abuse never happened. And it is never okay to blame the victim.

If you even suspect abuse, call the authorities. The police, the Sheriff’s department, many human resources agencies, are all equipped to handle investigations. Start a safe sanctuaries program at your church. Be aware and be vigilante. It is the responsibility of all of us to protect the children around us.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Show Love, Compassion To Victims

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” -- which is the first commandment with a promise -- “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” -- Ephesians 6:1-3

Fathers, do no exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. -- Ephesians 6:4

Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. -- Colossians 3:21

Today is Father’s Day. For many people it is a day of celebration, a day to honor someone they love, a day to rejoice in fatherhood and all that it means.

For others, it is a day of bitterness and regrets. While some celebrate their fathers, others try desperately to avoid memories and focus on their Heavenly Father. Because “father” to them is evil and abuse all rolled in to one horrible human being.

We don’t like to think about that. We want to be happy and sweep all that negative stuff under the proverbial rug. Many preachers today will celebrate fathers, ignoring the hurt that lies in many hearts. They will admonish children -- young and old -- to honor their fathers, telling them it is a requirement from God.

And it is. But no one on this earth will ever make me believe that God wants us to “honor” abusers. Jesus defended children. He loved children. He cared for children. He would never expect us to honor those who fail to protect their children. He wouldn’t expect us to celebrate those who abused their children.

Secrets have a way of rearing their ugliness on days like today. Memories that are kept in a safe place emerge and threaten to swallow up even the strongest Christian. We forgive. We make peace with the past through God’s strength and grace. But we never really forget because that horrific past molds and shapes who we are today.

A dear friend suffered years of abuse at the hands of her stepfather. He’s in prison now. He can’t hurt her anymore. Her biological father rejected her from birth so the only good role model she has when it comes to fathers is her Heavenly Father. She spent years in turmoil and self-destruction before reaching this place of safety and strength. But she’ll struggle this day -- just as she does every year -- because of those who really don’t understand the pain of abuse and its lingering impact on our lives.

Today is a day to celebrate those good, loving fathers who cherish their children and do what is just and right. But it is a day of memories and sorrow for those whose broken hearts will forever long for what they never had. Show compassion in your joy. Don’t assume. And don’t preach about showing “honor” to those who have suffered beyond anything most can ever imagine.

Saturday, June 15, 2012

Pray For Hurting Children Everywhere

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. -- 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

They meant well. They did. The person(s) who lamented the sorrow and hurt that John Edwards’ children have endured because of his actions and the death of their mother meant well. But to say that “no children” have endured worse was just such an exaggeration. Because many children have and do endure much worse.

I don’t want to belittle what the Edwards’ children have been through. They’ve suffered hurt, no doubt about it. But they also have lived without worrying about food or shelter. They’ve been loved by family and friends. Their uncertain lives have had many certainties other children don’t have.

Like the little boy mentioned in People magazine. His mother lost her job and now she and her children are living in a motel also inhabited with prostitutes and drug addicts. That eight-year-old helps feed his family by bringing home a backpack filled with food from school each Friday afternoon. He misses his old home and the basketball hoop that was at the end of the driveway. He’s suffering, too, through no fault of his own.

Or what about the grandchildren of a dear, sweet woman who lives in a neighboring community? This woman and her husband took the children in many years ago because their mother -- the couple’s daughter -- couldn’t stay off drugs and care for herself and her children. The older woman suffers from diabetes and congestive heart failure. She recently had a stroke and is now paralyzed on one side.

While the woman was hospitalized, the daughter returned to “care” for her children. Or so the world thought. Until the day she fell in the door and her daughter called 911. The woman was still on drugs -- and had stolen her mother’s jewelry and other items to feed her habit.

The children are now with their grandmother’s sister in a town 80 miles away. Their lives are uncertain and tragic. They didn’t ask for a drug-addicted mother. And they certain didn’t ask that their grandmother, the one person who has loved and cared for them no matter what, would now be unable to care for anyone, including herself.

This doesn’t even touch on the children around the world who are starving, dying from preventable diseases, sold into slavery, and abused on every level. Have the Edwards’ children suffered? Absolutely. But the saddest thing is that so many children suffer so much more every single day.

Paul tells us that God comforts us in our times of trouble so that we can then comfort others. I pray that these children will feel God’s Presence in their lives and that they will turn their tragedies into hope for other children around the world.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Cling To The Light

“They hate the light because they want to sin in the darkness. They stay away from the light for fear their sins will be exposed and they will be punished.” -- John 3:20

Sometimes the weight of the pain threatens to crush my very soul. Darkness bears down on me, taking away my very breath. I can’t imagine surviving the moment, let alone the endless moments yet to come.

I cry out to God and He hears me. His voice comforts me, strengthening my soul. His peace washes over me and calms me. Light rushes through me and I know that, once again, I will survive.

Some people have horrible memories that haunt them every day. Some experiences are so traumatic, so heartbreaking, that they change you forever. They force us to learn how dark a human soul can become and how bitter the taste on an innocent human being.

Other people live daily with abuse. It could be a spouse who uses his/her tongue as a whip. It could be a boss who does the same. It might be parents or siblings or, in the case of the elderly, a child who abuses a helpless parent.

It’s easy to say “get over it.” Perhaps it’s even easier to say “just leave.” But life isn’t so simple and options are sometimes not available. God never promised to keep us from bad experiences, from hatred and greed and abuse. He did promise to be with us through it all.

We are to honor those around us, particularly family members. That’s what the Bible and the preachers tell us. But for some that means honoring their abusers and that was never part of God‘s plan. How quick we judge what the darkness hides.

Jesus came so that we might have light to free us from the darkness that threatens our souls. We cling to it, to a Savior who came and will come again. But some days the darkness threatens us and we worry if it will consume us, reducing us to nothing more than what it claims we are.

The darkness tells us we are alone, suffering with no way out. Yet Jesus says to do what is right, to refuse the lure of darkness, to trust Him. And I do. How about you? Do you trust Jesus to carry you through the darkness and back into the light?

Jesus came to save us from the evil that lurks in the darkness. All we have to do is cry out to Him and there He is. Don’t suffer in silence anymore. Speak up. Cry out. Cling to the One who

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Be Sensitive This Mother’s Day

He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” -- Matthew 12:48-50

Mother’s Day is the only Sunday of the year that I’d really rather not go to church. I used to avoid it. Now I force myself to go. I smile. I get through it. But it brings up pain and memories I’d rather forget.

I know I’m not alone in this. But we who hurt on this day are a minority. It’s not that I don’t celebrate for all those who have children and grandchildren. I’m thrilled for them and thankful that they allow me to participate even a little in the lives of their children and grandchildren.

This day means nothing for some women. They never wanted children. When they think of mothers, they think of the woman who birthed them and not a longing that will never be fulfilled. They made a choice and are happy with it.

For others, this day brings great joy. A dear friend looks forward to the birth of a child in August. She and her husband are planning to adopt this baby. He will be an answer to prayers for so many people who have supported them, cried with them, and walked with them on this journey. This new life will be embraced by parents who have ached for a child.

Others dislike Mother’s Day because of their relationship with their own mothers. For those of us who were unloved and unwanted, this day is yet another reminder of what we didn’t have and won’t ever have. What is not important 364 days of the year, suddenly resurfaces on this day.

We’re told to celebrate our mothers. We’re expected to be filled with love and thanks and looked down on if we don‘t. One woman struggles even now with her mother. She goes through the motions, making sure her children know this woman who birthed her. Thankfully, her mother actually seems to love her grandchildren. But she remains critical and mean to her daughter. Who could ever be thankful for that?

Of course, some mothers are blessings. It’s wonderful to watch someone blossom into the truly loving, self-sacrificing person we think a mother should be. It’s truly joyous to see. And I am glad that those wonderful women have a day to celebrate who they are and that special role that have in their lives.

But please be sensitive this day to those who ache with emptiness. Please don’t assume that every mother is or was wonderful and loving and kind. For some, this day is filled with joy and happiness. For others, it is a day of pain.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Harvest Is Great

He said to his disciples, “The harvest is great, but the workers are so few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send out more workers for his fields.” -- Matthew 9:37-38

A man admits his frustration. He pastors a small, rural church and has for several years. While the attendance has grown, the congregation can still only afford a part-time pastor. So this preacher must work a regular job in addition to his pastoral duties.

He longs for the day when he can minister to his flock and others fulltime. He doesn’t understand why God won’t provide a way. He’s tried leaving before and making do with part-time jobs. The financial stress was just too great. The only way to help his three children get through high school and college was a regular job with a regular paycheck. So back he went.

He doesn’t see the harvest right before him. Or, maybe he does but wants something different. Something that looks better. Someone who is actively seeking rather than a bunch of broken people who desperately need a Savior they don’t know.

I see it so clearly. I suppose it’s easy to see what someone else is missing even while you blindly overlook what you are missing in your own life. I wonder if he is so busy just surviving that he no longer makes time to hear what God has to say? I’ve done that at times.

I look around and see a woman in an abusive marriage. There’s a young mother, pregnant with her second child, and still unmarried. Her mother is sick. Her mother’s boyfriend was just arrested for driving drunk and killing his own brother. Then there’s the worker who went to lunch one day and died in an accident. His grief-stricken co-workers are still struggling to make sense of something that no one can understand. And that’s just the surface things.

Why is this pastor still where he doesn’t want to be? Because this place he’d rather not be desperately needs Jesus. The workers need His hope and His love, His comfort and His strength. They are hurting and crying out for help.

And, yes, for those who are wondering what I’m doing, I do talk with them when I can. I don’t see them often but I reach out. Anyone would. Smiles and laughter can only cover so much pain before it spills out infecting everyone with anger and bitterness.

Jesus told us the harvest is great. Look around. It’s everywhere. Pray for more workers to tend the souls of those who are lost. Pray for strength and wisdom to work the harvest that grows right where you are.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Be The Very Best You

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. -- Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

“Why can’t you be like that?“ “Why can’t you do that?“ “Look how pretty she dresses. You should get her to help you.“ “Maybe if you worked harder you could get a job (or a man or a life) like that.”

Hurtful comments meant to sound helpful while slamming the other person as not being good enough. Why do some people incessantly need to “fix” or “change” the people around them?

Of course, I use the term people rather loosely. It seems that in every crowd there’s one person who does the bulk of the “fixing” and another who gets the brunt of the attacks. Every time I hear of another school shooting I wonder if the shooter was someone whom others thought needed fixing. I am not saying it’s okay. Obviously, it’s not. I just try to understand the depth of pain that would lead a kid to take a gun and kill other kids.

Maybe it’s something else. Someone once told me that when someone needs to fix or change those around them, it’s because they’re unhappy with themselves. I believe that. I do. It just doesn’t make the pain hurt any less.

This Scripture reminds us that we are wonderfully made by a God who loves us. We were created in His image, each uniquely formed to reflect a wonderful light outward. Do we mess up sometimes? Absolutely. Are we sinners? Without a doubt. But we are also wonderful just the way we are.

Whenever a nasty comment heads my way, I instinctively want to lob an assault right back. I’m good at it too. I don’t say that proudly. It’s just that I’ve had a lot of experience over the years. I went from silent victim to pointed tongue defender. Pain has a way of bringing out the worst in us.

But God says to pray for those who harm us. To turn the other cheek. To forgive again and again. And so I try. I must, just as you must. Because otherwise the pain is too much and the built-up anger and resentment eats away at our souls. Then we’re no good to anybody, especially God.

These days I try really hard to take a deep breath when someone lobs an insult my way. I don’t want to let that person draw me in to that hateful place of anger and resentment. I try to either ignore it or diplomatically deflect their words. I tell myself their opinions really aren’t worth getting upset about.

God made me in His image. He created me to be the person that I am. And I’m going to do everything I can to be the very best me I can be. So should you. So should you.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Cry Out To God

The LORD replies, “I have seen violence done to the helpless, and I have heard the groans of the poor. Now I will rise up to rescue them, as they have longed for me to do.” -- Psalm 12:5

Have you ever encountered a situation where your inner radar goes off and there’s really nothing you can do about it? There’s no proof of anything. There’s no obvious sign, just that niggling feeling that something is not quite like it seems.

A few days ago I spoke with a couple that I don’t really know. We are more of the nod, smile and “hello” type as we pass one another. Still, I wanted to invite the woman to a new ladies Bible study. I greeted the couple, spoke a few words, then handed the woman the flyer and invited her. Simple enough, right? The man was not amused. He took the flyer from his wife, handed it back to me and told me she couldn’t attend because she worked nights and would be sleeping during that time period.

Okay. She couldn’t tell me that herself? She smiled and started to speak. He cut her off. Controlling. Dominating. I held my tongue. I did. Really. I didn’t want to but I did. I smiled, said I understood, and walked away. But not before looking the man straight in the eye. My smile didn’t reach my eyes. Yeah, he doesn’t want his wife hanging around with me and a bunch of Christian women. She might get the idea that it’s okay to speak for herself.

Maybe I’m way off base here. Maybe my inner radar took a side road that has nothing to do with reality. I don’t think so, though, and it scares me. And it reminds me that there are women and children -- and some men -- who live in abusive relationships every day. Some of the abuse is verbal. Some is physical. And sometimes it’s both.

I am grateful that God knows and sees all things. I believe He’ll provide a way out of any situation where abuse happens. Because with God nothing is hopeless. He is with us in every situation. And God hates seeing His children being abused and mistreated.

If anyone reading this lives in an abusive situation, please reach out to someone. Talk with your pastor. Call the police. Seek out the House of Ruth or another organization trained to deal with abuse. But don’t stay in the situation. It won’t get better and likely will get worse.

If you don’t know what to do, either because you are a victim or because you suspect someone else is, take it to God. He will always provide a way out. If you’re suspicious, ask God to intervene. You can’t force a victim to get help but God can. Prayer is an amazing way to help. Because God will rise up and defend His

Friday, November 19, 2010

Be A Child Advocate

"I said, 'Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest -- I would flee far away and stay in the desert; I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.'" -- Psalm 55:6-8

The other night I watched a television progran where a child was kidnapped. I knew it was fiction. Hey, it's on TV! But it was so realistic. I suppose I will always relate to a suffering child. It breaks my heart when innocent children are left alone to face monsters. It's even worse when those monsters are people who should be protecting the children.

We've come a long way when it comes to child abuse and neglect. Once upon a time, law enforcement assumed that children from "good" families weren't abused. Yeah. Unbelievable, isn't it? It's difficult now to imagine that someone would associate bank balances and street address with whether that person could or would abuse a child. Or a spouse.

Now we know that abuse happens anywhere. I'm still not sure we're good at facing it when the abuser is someone "like" us. Our friends, our co-workers, the couple at little league, the family on the next pew at church -- it couldn't be any of them. Could it? Are we as aware as we should be? Are we open to what children tell us? Do we see and respond or do we look away because we'd prefer it be someone else's problem?

Children are the most vulnerable of all of us. They don't have a great many options. They are easily frightened and, thus, manipulated. That's one reason I love these verses from Psalm 55. When you're a kid who is suffering, all you really want is to be somewhere else. It seems impossible so you cry out to a God you may not know but toward a security you yearn for. And that's where God is.

I urge everyone to reach out to the children around you. Listen to them. Help them when you can. Believe them should the need arise. Don't stand on the sidelines and wait for someone else to call the police or child welfare. Help a child who needs an advocate. Let God use you to show a child that someone cares.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Don't Look the Other Way

"Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me." -- Psalm 27:10

Rarely a day goes by that I don't read in the newspaper or see on television that someone has abused another child. Sometimes it's a stranger but usually it seems to be an acquaintance or a family member. The very people who are supposed to protect the child, hurt the child.

I wonder how many people suspected something was going on. I wonder how many people told themselves it was none of their business. I wonder how many people were so wrapped up in their own lives that they couldn't or wouldn't take time to stick their nose into a child's life.

Many years ago I was working in a mall one Sunday afternoon. I could hear a child yelling. Soon a hysterical four-year-old was headed my way. He'd lost his parents. He was screaming and crying as he ran through the mall. Parents strolled nearby with their children. People glanced his way but kept going. No one tried to help the child.

I knelt down and held open my arms and he ran to me. A nearby store employee called security. People laughed at the boy's hysteria. His unconcerned parents said they'd merely been trying to teach him a lesson so he'd stay up with them next time. Yeah. Somehow I think they could have taught that lesson without traumatizing him.

I was most amazed at the lack of concern by anyone. Didn't they understand that anyone could have stopped that child, told him they would take him to his parents, then led him right out of the mall? I vowed then that I would never walk away from a child in trouble, no matter how busy I thought I was.

So why do we look away when it's up close and personal? It makes us uncomfortable to stand up for a child. We worry about retaliation. We think we must be wrong because they're a "good" family. Well, abuse happens in rich families and poor families. It happens in normal families down the street. It happens in white families, black families and hispanic families. It happens to people we know.

Sometimes the best thing -- and safest thing -- is to notify the police. They are specially trained to handle abuse cases. You don't even have to reveal who you are. Just remember it's better to be report abuse and be wrong than to not report it and be right.

The other thing we can do is become a safe haven for the child being abused. We can listen. We can offer support and compliments and time -- even when we think we don't have any. And, most importantly, we can tell that child about Jesus because Jesus is a refuge when no other refuge exists.

 Don't look the other way when you suspect someone is abusing a child. Jesus wouldn't stand silently on the sidelines. Why do we?