July 25, 2019

Jesus Is There

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. – Psalm 27:10

The Bible was old and tattered, written in a language that was hard for me to understand. Still, I clung to it.

The suicide notes were written; my death planned out. Pain had numbed what was left of my heart. I was only 15 and, yet, all these years later I still remember the deep, wounding hurt.

I went outside still clutching my Bible, a remnant from childhood of the woman who hated me so, and sank into the grass. My tears were gone. My task was to survive until evening came.

I flipped open the Bible and looked down to read wherever my eyes landed. This verse drew me as I read it over and over again. God. He met me there in my brokenness, giving me a hope I didn’t feel and a purpose I couldn’t understand.

I wish I could say that life became perfect in the days and weeks that followed. It didn’t. My mother didn’t love or want me. It was a hard truth.

I wish I could say that I lived a perfect life, always pleasing God. I didn’t and I haven’t. Brokenness has a way of begetting more brokenness. That’s not an excuse but rather a fact. Recovery programs are littered with broken people. But there are just as many broken people who walk invisible amongst us each day. They carry their scars inside. They pretend so that others won’t see their pain.

My Bible today is littered with marks. Its easy-to-read words are highlighted and underlined. I cling to it whether times are good or bad. It tells the story of my life.

I don’t know your story. I don’t know your struggles or heartache. I don’t know your pain. But Jesus does. He meets us where we are. He comforts us, guides us, and fills us up inside. When the days are hard and the nights seem never-ending, call on Him. Don’t give up. Jesus is right there.

September 26, 2018

He Chose Me

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit – fruit that will last – and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.” – John 15:16

It had been a particularly bad day in a life that hadn’t been that great. I was only 15 but I’d known more than my share of rejection. I just couldn’t take it anymore.

My Mother hated me. No one understood. They assumed I was exaggerating or it was just a fight. I didn’t try to talk about it to anyone anymore. They didn’t hear her words. They didn’t see the hatred in her eyes.

I planned to kill myself that day. As I waited for night to come, I went outside and sat on the grass. I held a Bible – her childhood Bible – and sobbed to God. I can’t say I knew Him but I sure wanted to. There was no one else to listen.

I opened the Bible to the Psalms. We were not a church going family, but I always found comfort in the words. Do you know what the first verse I read was?

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. – Psalm 27:10

And because of that verse, I lived. Nothing in my circumstances changed. I lived in a house filled with hatred that was mostly directed at me. But the peace I felt carried me through the days. God’s Presence fueled my determination to survive and to create a different life for myself.

It wasn’t until many years later that I fully understood that the peace I felt came from the Holy Spirit. I didn’t become a Christian when I was baptized in college. I became a Christian that day I cried out to God in pain and He answered me with Himself.

I have not always lived up to His standards. I’m sure I’ll continue to let Him down again and again as I continue my journey home. But I know where I’m going. He chose me that day. Everyone else had rejected me but He called me His.

We like to think the choice is ours. We like to believe that we’re in control. And I guess we could say no. But how can anyone really say no to Jesus? Knowing Him has been the best gift I could ever receive.

I believe He sought me out long before I cried out to Him that day. There was a reason I clung to that tattered Bible. There was a reason I’d read the Psalms when I was heartbroken from the daily battles. I instinctively sought the One who could save me. And He, in turn, drew me near, bit by bit, until I became fully His.

I don’t know what your story is. Some people grow up in church and say they’ve always felt His Presence. Others know all the answers but that doesn’t seem to make a difference in their lives. I’m thankful it’s up to God to judge our hearts.

I love Him. It really is that simple. I love Him because He first loved me. I love Him because when everyone else thought I was worthless He called me beloved. I love Him because He never left me. He gave me hope. He chose me. I am so very thankful.

September 16, 2018

Ignoring It Doesn’t Erase It

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

– 1 Peter 5:8

Does ignoring something make it go away? Does silencing the voices of hurt take away the pain? Does refusing to acknowledge a problem erase the problem?

A suicide rocked a local high school. She was apparently bullied on social media. Threats were left in her locker. Nothing was done. She died. End of story?

Obviously, not. There are kids who are hurting. Is it from guilt because they said and did things they shouldn’t have? Is it pain that comes from not knowing, not seeing, not listening to a girl hurting so badly that she only saw one way out? Is it because there’s a real chance that others feel as she did?

Today I learned that teachers were warned not to mention the girls name. There’s no grief counseling. There’s no outlet for processing what has happened. Nothing. Maybe the school administration thinks that by ignoring one girl’s suicide, it will all just go away. It won’t.

There are kids who will live with the aftermath of this for the rest of their lives. There are teachers who will struggle with what if questions. There are those of us on the outside who will wonder about a school system that refuses to deal with trauma head on.

Did you ever see the movie or read the book The Prince of Tides? It’s a powerful story of trauma covered up, only to resurface years later. One woman buried her trauma so deep she didn’t remember it, even though depression and suicide attempts were her normal. Her brother had to face the trauma, to talk about it, to finally cry, in order to help his sister live. The story is about what happens when we aren’t allowed to process something awful. We may survive the moment but the horror is only hidden just below the surface.

Let me ask you another question: Are you enough just the way you are? Don’t throw out a flippant answer. It’s a serious question. Every day we hear thousands of messages that say we aren’t enough. You may not acknowledge them but they are there just the same.

Think about it. Are you a little too heavy? Do you lack hair? Is it the wrong color? Maybe you need an alcoholic beverage and a party so you can be with the “in” crowd? What about a tropical vacation? Or a new car? Everywhere we look we are being bombarded by messages that tell us we need something more or to be someone better in order to fully enjoy life.

Now add adolescent pressure to the mix and what do you get? A horrible scenario where kids are acting out in order to be someone they aren’t so they can fit into a system that’s beyond broken.

Do we really believe that not talking about this girl’s death will keep it from happening to someone else? Do we really believe that looking the other way will remove all the guilt kids and teachers feel? Do we really believe that ignoring a problem means it never really happened?

We are giving Satan a foothold into our broken hearts. We are exposing our open wounds to more trauma. We are asking for more of the same because we aren’t brave enough to offer the hope that is Jesus. Shame on all of us.

September 11, 2018

Stop the Bullying

You, LORD, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, so that mere earthly mortals will never again strike terror.

– Psalm 10:17-18

I didn’t know her but I think I would have liked her. Artistic. Sweet. Different. And dead. Because of the relentlessness of bullies.

No one helped. No one. Did anyone even notice? Did they brush off the threats she found in her locker? Did they ignore the laughter when her words didn’t come out quite right? Did they read the Facebook posts that bashed her again and again?

It’s too late to bring her back but it’s not too late to change ourselves. It’s not too late to make sure that this doesn’t happen to anyone else ever again.

Those who made threats and posted ugliness on social media are guilty. Those who looked the other way are guilty too. Bullies are after attention and power. Why do you let them have it?

I know. Some bullies are trying to cover up an abusive home or inability to do the school work. Some bullies are hurting and they’re lashing out, trying to control what they can. It’s not an excuse. There is no excuse. It’s just a desperate attempt to understand horrific cruelty.

What can a victim do? Most people, including parents, school administrators and teachers, don’t want to get involved. We don’t want to defend the least. We don’t want the bully to turn his or her attention toward us. We remain silent. What is wrong with us?

This week is National Suicide Prevention Week. Ironic, isn’t it? Or maybe not. Maybe her death will open the eyes of all of us, both the victims and those who bully them.

If you are a victim, tell someone you trust. Just do it. Don’t suffer in silence. If you’re in that black hole of despair, reach out. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline number is 1-800-273-8255. There are people willing to help 24/7. Sometimes having someone who understands, who’s willing to listen as you cry, can make all the difference.

But don’t give up. Just don’t. Don’t allow those bullies to steal your unique self from this world. God created each of us. We are made in His image. We are meant to be different and special and loved. You have a unique calling on your life. Don’t give up.

I understand how hard those dark days can be. I know what it feels like to think you can’t make it through another hour. Hold on anyway. Cry out to Jesus. Cling tightly to His Word. Reach out.

I know. I said that before but it’s just so true. All it takes is one person to throw you a lifeline. There are some pretty awful people in this world. But there are some pretty amazing people in this world too. Find one.

And if you’re part of the problem, stop it. Don’t hang out with people who think bullying is okay. Get involved in a church youth group. Attend a Bible study. Surround yourself with people filled with kindness and compassion. Ask God to help you change into a person worthy of His calling on your life.

Bullying will only stop when we stand firm against it. And suicide will only end when we care enough to get involved, to notice, to lend a hand. She was only 16. What a heartbreaking loss for all of us.

September 10, 2018

Do We Defend the Victims?

“The King will reply, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ – Matthew 25:40

“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

– Matthew 25:45

Our faith is most revealed in how we treat people who aren’t like us, people who disagree with us, people who are marginalized, people who can’t do anything for us.

Do you call people “stupid” because they disagree with you? Do you view people who are from a different country as “thieves” or “terrorists”? Do use throw out racial slurs toward someone who looks different than you? Do you make off-color jokes about someone of the opposite sex? Do you laugh and go along with anyone who does any of the things I’ve mentioned?

You are a bully. You are fueling hate. You are not living Jesus. Are you sure you even know Him in your heart?

Harsh words. I know. It’s past time I stood up and called it what it is. I don’t care how many times you praise Jesus. If you’re also calling people names just because they’re different than you or putting people down because they see issues differently, then you are a hater and Jesus has no part in your life.

I have tried to stay out of the political fray. Most of my friends are staunch Republicans. Many of them strongly support Donald Trump. I do not. I never have. It’s not about politics for me. Trump is an arrogant bully. He always has been. I will likely never understand how anyone could support and, thus, condone his behavior.

Trump calls people who disagree with him all types of names – and his supporters applaud his words. Trump seeks to destroy anyone who tries to thwart his agenda – and his supporters applaud his actions. Trump doesn’t care about democracy or diplomacy. He cares only about himself and that’s truly dangerous.

I know. He talks about God. Sometimes he goes to church. But please reread the book of James. What evidence do you see in Trump’s life that he actually lives for Jesus? Works and words may not save us but they surely reveal the heart.

What has prompted me to voice my opinions? What has made me realize I can no longer remain silent in order to keep the peace in my own life? A 16-year-old girl died last week. Suicide. Because she was ruthlessly bullied by kids who think it’s okay to destroy someone who is different, someone who is weaker, someone they can hurt with words and threats and cruelty.

We are teaching our children it’s okay to be a bully. Every time we open our mouths and call someone a name because they view issues differently, we teach our kids it’s okay to down someone who likes a different type of music. Every time we laugh at someone who dresses differently or lives in a “bad” part of town, we are teaching our children to do the same. It’s your actions that carry the weightiest lessons. You can tell your children not to bully many times but if they see you do it, they’ll learn to do it too.

And if you continue to condone a political figure who bullies others, then you are teaching your children it’s okay to bully others too. Stop looking through your rose-colored glasses and start standing up for what is right. Stop talking about Jesus and start being Him in this world!

August 30, 2018

Just Love People

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. – 1 John 4:7-8

When did we get to be so mean? We pass off our words as “our opinion.” We defend our right to “our choices.” We say whatever we want without ever considering the impact it might have on others.

As Christians, we should know better but, apparently, we don’t. In fact, we’re the ones usually leading the charge.

We have no problem these days with calling someone stupid when they disagree with us. We have no trouble slinging lies out to defend ourselves when someone dares to disagree. We get angry and march off with our grudges if someone refuses to do things our way.

It’s not about us. We’re supposed to know that. But it seems as though we’ve forgotten as we focus on “me” and “I” in this fast-paced, cutthroat world.

Jesus loved people. He loved them where they were. They cleaned up their acts, so to speak, because He treated them with kindness and compassion. They were moved by Jesus because He reached out to those society had cast aside.

Today we cast those same people aside and claim we’re doing it “in Jesus’ name.” Today we turn ugly in political discussions and insist that we’re defending the Bible. Today we point fingers and draw lines without showing the slightest compassion or mercy. We’d do well to remember that the only time Jesus truly got angry was at the Pharisees for their rules that excluded or harmed those who were the least.

We talk about kids who bully other kids and we wonder why bullying has increased so much. We need only look in the mirror. Kids hear the anger in our voices as we condemn those who disagree with us. Kids hear the way we ridicule how some people dress or talk or where they live. Kids hear how we put others down and they seek to do the same.

Suicide rates are up. Mental illness rates are up. People go and go and go until there’s nothing left and they fall apart. We struggle to keep up the frantic pace in a world that is way too focused on money and prestige. Whatever happened to helping each other? Whatever happened to encouraging others when they’re going through a tough time?

We become shocked when someone falls apart. We didn’t see it coming. We have mass shootings. We have horrific things happen. And we’re surprised. Why? We are a world of hurting people who have no where to go for kindness, acceptance and love. They don’t have Jesus because we’ve forgotten that we’re supposed to be His hands and feet on this earth.

The next time you feel a “smart” comment about to erupt from your mouth, just swallow the words. The next time you get ready to criticize someone, think something good about that person and shove the criticism aside. If it isn’t good and kind, just don’t say it. Don’t repeat gossip. Don’t be part of the problem.

Imagine how the world would change if we truly lived as Jesus has called us to live. Then be the change that ignites a nation back into loving those Jesus has called us to love.

July 2, 2018

Mental Illness Destroys

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18

The tears came down. He was in a church, surrounded by family and friends who’d come to support him as deep grief laid her ugly hand on him. He wasn’t there for a funeral service. He was there to hold a news conference about his wife’s death.

Suicide is such an ugly thing. We don’t want to talk about it. We want to focus on the life of the person we’ve lost and forget that she chose to leave us. But did she? Mental illness is a disease. It’s not a choice.

Mental illness is something that is so misunderstood. We want to believe that because we can’t “see” it, maybe it doesn’t really exist. That’s especially true when the sick person appears healthy and normal to most of us. Masks can hide pain but the pain is still real.

It’s hard for some to accept that. They get angry and remind us of all those who fought hard to live. Those that died from cancer and ALS and heart failure and so many other diseases. They wanted desperately to live and yet here is a person who made a choice to die.

But did she? Is suicide ever really a choice when the person is mentally ill? Perhaps the choice comes when someone is terminally ill and chooses to end their life rather than suffer to the end. But not someone who is mentally ill. They aren’t capable of making that choice.

We ask how they could possibly commit suicide when so many people love them. Someone who is mentally ill doesn’t see it that way. They are tired, weary of the struggle, convinced that those who love them would be better off without them.

There’s a part of me that hopes you can’t understand. That dark hole is unforgiving. It sucks the very life from your soul. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

There are many ways to commit suicide. None of them are pretty. All of them come with a high cost. We can ignore that cost or we can turn it to good. We can use it to teach others, to hold them close, to show them a different way.

I am alive today because of Jesus. I could talk about medicine and therapy and so many other things that are good and helpful. But I learned to keep going through the hopelessness because I learned to lean heavily on my Savior.

I am not here to judge anyone. None of us truly know the inner workings of another’s mind and heart. But I do know that hope, true hope, comes in knowing deep inside that you are not alone. There is someone greater than all of us that carries us when we just can’t face the hours in the day.

My heart breaks for Alabama Attorney General Steve Marshall, his daughter and their family. Nothing can take away their grief and the questions that will forever haunt them. But we can support them and others who walk this path. We can seek to understand his wife’s illness. And we can be kind to those around us. We never really know what they are going through until it’s too late to make a difference.

March 14, 2016

God Can Make A Way

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.

-- Isaiah 43:19

Sometimes life throws you a curveball and you don’t know what to do or how life will ever be alright again. It’s in those times when we remember that God can make a way when we can’t see a way.

I told a wonderful young man that at church yesterday. His heart is broken. His wife has attempted suicide three times. The last time she was finally hospitalized but she’s home again. Still depressed. Still refusing to do anything that might help herself. Oh, and did I mention, she isn’t a believer.

I’m not sure how someone who doesn’t believe in Jesus Christ, who doesn’t embrace the hope and salvation He offers, can make it. But I do know Jesus touches hearts through His Spirit. I know that He speaks works we cannot hear. And He hears our heart’s anguish cry when we don’t know what to say or ask.

It’s really impossible to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. He has tried to help his wife. Her mother is in from out of town and has tried to help her daughter. Doctors have tried to help. No one can reach her. Her two teenage sons are devastated. How much stress can one family take?

Quite a bit. I’ve learned that the hard way. But I’ve also learned that God is there when emotional devastation surrounds you. He carries you when you can’t take one more step. He comforts you when the pain seeks to destroy you. God knows what you need when you don’t know how you’ll even get through the next moment.

When I reminded him that God can make a way when we can‘t see a way, he gave me a half smile. He had walked outside on that beautiful Sunday morning and sensed God telling him that exact same thing. Then believe it. Hold on to that. God is sending you a message.

Too often we give up because we can’t see how life could ever be any different than it is right in that moment. Sometimes we are so focused on what we think we want that we don’t realize God has something way better planned for us. He will make a way and it will be the best way. Embrace it. Trust it. As hard as this season is, God’s got this.

December 28, 2014

Don't Give Up

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

-- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Her funeral was yesterday. She left behind two children, a husband and many other family members. Cancer didn't claim her life. Nor did a car accident or any other misfortune. She took her own life. She was only 35.

No one saw it coming. At least that's what friends tell me. She was an active parent. A giving person who taught and gave of herself to others. She and her husband were having trouble. She was staying at her brother's house. But she had such a deep faith, they insisted. No on saw this coming.

I didn't know his woman. I don't know her heart or her circumstances. But I do know quite a bit about depression and faith and trying to hang on when it seems the only relief is a one-way ticket to heaven.

First, let me remind everyone that depression is an illness. It's not something you can shake off or just get over. Sometimes depression stems from a traumatic event. Other times it is a physiological condition, a serotonin imbalance. Often, it's a combination of the two that creates a perfect storm. Think of it as a cancer of the soul that eats away at self-worth and hope that tomorrow will dawn a better day.

Next, let's just be clear about depression: It is not about being rational. It's not about punishing someone else. It's a deep emotional suffering that is impossible to explain unless you've been there.

I wish she had known enough to cry out to Jesus. He would have saved her from herself. I wish she had reached out to someone around her. Maybe she did. Depression makes us uncomfortable. Suicide horrifies us to the point that we don't want to talk about it. We brush it aside. We laugh off comments that in hindsight were clear indicators that someone desperately needed help.

Sometimes you can do everything right and the person you love still ends it all. It's devastating. You keep asking yourself what you could have done different, better, more thoroughly. But it's an illness that doesn't always have a cure. Forgive yourself and forgive the one you lost.

Faith doesn't mean we're immune to depression. Look at Elijah. (1 Kings 19) God will minister to us -- if we'll let Him.

So if you know someone who is going through a tough time, pay attention. Listen. Don't try to fix the person. That's for God. Just be there. And don't hesitate to call in professional help. That call could save a life.

This woman gave up. She had so much to live for and in that moment of deep distress, she gave up. She was only 35.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Don’t Ignore Hurting People

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. -- Philippians 2:4

Many years ago a co-worker failed to show up to relieve me at work. I was worried. She could be flaky about some things but not about work. I called another friend to go to her home and check on her.

What she found scared us all. Our co-worker had taken too many pills and was having trouble staying awake. Unfortunately, she never went to a hospital. Fortunately, she survived.

I wish it had been something easily passed off as an accident. But given her fragile mental state, I couldn’t believe it was. She’d been raised in a religious cult and was sexually violated repeatedly. As an adult, she walked away -- and was ostracized by her family. She liked to pretend it didn’t matter but, of course, it did. And she’d spent years in therapy and on various anti-depressants trying to deal with it.

The day after I did what I felt I needed to do. I called her therapist and told him I believed she’d tried to commit suicide. He immediately took action. He couldn’t hospitalize her -- that was the unfortunate part of not going to the emergency room -- but he did get her in to his office repeatedly over the next days and weeks.

She never forgave me. In a way, I understood. She felt I’d meddled where I didn’t belong. Maybe I did. But she was alive to tell that story. I’m not sure she would have been had I not sent someone to her home and then called her doctor. I’ve never regretted the decision.

Sometimes taking action to help someone means risking that they’ll never forgive you. Sometimes doing the right thing means stepping on toes and making people angry. Do it anyway.

Please understand that I’m not telling you to ignore lines of respect and choice. Sometimes that line isn’t easy to see. But prayer works every time. Take courage and follow the Spirit where He leads you.

More than 36,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year. I wonder how many of those wounded people talked about dying. I wonder how many of them spoke of feeling helpless or alone. I wonder what might have happened had someone actually heard their words and responded with kindness and compassion.

Sometimes we have to get in other people’s business when it means saving their lives. Don’t hesitate. You may not ever get a second chance.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Reach Out To Hurting People

Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

For I will yet praise him,

My Savior and my God.

-- Psalm 43:5

There’s an epidemic of suicides, he told me. It seems like it’s one after another after another. Why?

I thought about giving him statistics. I thought about telling him what he already knew. But, instead, I told him the truth as I see it: People are hurting all around us and we don’t see them.

Oh, we talk to them. We know their names. But we see only what we want to see. Or, at least, what they want us to see. Sometimes it seems that those who are hurting the most are the ones best able to tell us exactly what we want to hear.

And usually we don’t want to hear anything negative or bad. We don’t view anger or sarcasm as anything other than meanness or lack of respect. We refuse to see it as a cover for pain. Angry people are hurting people but it’s easier to just walk away.

Or ask inappropriate questions at inappropriate times. In high school I wrote a lot of poetry that was published in the school newspaper. Sad poetry. One teacher -- who was working on her master’s degree in counseling -- asked me why I was so sad. Not a bad question. And certainly the only adult who bothered to ask. But she asked in front of all my classmates and friends. I did what any teenager would do under the circumstances. I laughed it off. But without God’s intervention, I would have been one of those statistics.

I’m not trying to point fingers or assign blame. Ultimately we are all responsible for the decisions we make. And no one can keep someone else from suicide or other self-destructive behavior. We can help but they have to do it themselves.

So how can we help? We can give them a hope called Jesus. We can pray with them. We can reassure them that God sees them, that He hears them. Because isn’t that what we all want? To be seen and heard for who we really are.

Open your hearts and your eyes to those around you. Really look at them and hear what they’re saying and not just what you’d rather see and hear. Take time to actively care about the people in your life. Your words, your attention, your prayers, could have a life-changing impact on someone who is hurting deep inside.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Give God Your Pain and Suffering

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. -- Psalm 27:10

I was 15. And I was just so tired of trying. Of hurting. Of being rejected again and again, day after day.

So I made a decision. With her words of hatred echoing in my mind, I planned it down to the last detail. The notes were written. I felt a peace that can only come after deep despair.

All that remained was to wait until night, when their family was asleep. This was one thing I wanted to do without an audience of critics. I grabbed a tattered Bible, a hand me down that I treasured, and headed outside.

Tears streamed down my face as I sank to my knees. I held the faded black book to my chest, as a parent might hold a small child close. It was the closest I got to hugs most of the time.

I wiped my eyes and opened the Bible. My eyes fell on this Scripture from Psalms. I’m sure it doesn’t seem like much to some but to this battered teen desperate for love and acceptance, it was everything. It gave me enough hope and courage to put those plans aside and hang on for another day, another week, another year.

That’s the day, the moment, when the Holy Spirit entered me. I know many people view their Baptism as “the” day but for me it was that afternoon when I was all alone and He came to me. And changed me.

Some memories never fade and that is one of them. Perhaps it has been on my mind more lately because several people -- none that I’ve known personally -- have committed suicide. I see families and friends struggle with heartbreak and questions that will never really go away.

And I remember how close I came to ending it all because I’d lost hope that tomorrow would ever be a better day. That’s what Jesus gives to us -- hope. A promise that God is with us, that He never leaves us. Strength to make it through the hard times of failure and rejection, hopelessness and despair. A light that reminds us that no matter how dark life seems, there’s a candle flickering ahead to beckon us forward into another day.

I somehow want to tell those who are lost, who feel forgotten, worthless, desperate, that there is an answer that promises life. His name is Jesus Christ. And He’s waiting for you to call His name.

That’s what I did that day. I didn’t even know it at the time. But in desperation I cried out to God -- and He heard me. He answered me. He saved me. And He’ll save you too, if you’ll only trust Him with your life.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Cry Out To God

Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. -- Psalm 142:6

The Scriptures are filled with anguished cries from God’s people. He always hears. He always answers. He always saves.

We forget that sometimes.

Wednesday a man decided to take his own life, leaving his wife and children anguished and struggling to understand. There was no note. No obvious reason. Nothing that seemed to be a trigger. Just a decision that cannot be undone and grief that is beyond comprehension.

No one knows the demons that lie deep within us -- except for our Creator. God knows our deepest thoughts. He knows our paralyzing hurts. He understands how desperate despair can sometimes seem.

I know a thing or two about depression. It is not fun. Nor is it something easily talked about. People look down on you, expecting that if you truly wanted to you could just snap out of it. They don’t understand suicide. In a way, I’m glad they’ve never experienced something so awful.

None of that will comfort this family. They will survive not just one day at a time, but one moment at a time. They are surrounded by friends and their church family. They will draw strength from the God who loves them and will reign down mercy on them.

My strength comes from God. Period. There have been moments when all I could do was cry out His name, trusting that the Holy Spirit would somehow translate my thoughts and feelings to the Great Healer. I’m convinced that’s the only reason I’m alive today. God gives me hope when I have none left to give myself.

Several years ago I overheard a radio talk show host say that depression is selfish. I couldn’t believe it. I still can’t. Perhaps there was more to the conversation than what I heard but just that statement still makes me cringe. How could a Christian counselor say such a thing?

Depression -- something that is very real and very debilitating -- exists in the Bible. Look at Elijah. He wanted to die. Instead, God sent him angels to care for him and strengthen him until Elijah could once again face life. That’s a wonderful example of how God cares for those suffering from depression.

I pray that all those who suffer from depression will feel God’s love and know that when all seems lost, when hope is gone, when there seems no way out, there is a God who will hold us up and strengthen us until we can stand on our own again. Suicide isn’t the answer. God is the answer. Every time. No matter how deep the despair. Cry out to God and let Him hold you in His loving arms and heal the darkness that lies deep inside.

...God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.

1 John 1:5

How quickly life and circumstances can change. My friend began her week as she usually did. She taught Sunday school. She laughed with friends. She cared for her children and grandchildren. Two days later she kept vigil at the hospital as her daughter began her journey toward death.

People ask why. How could she, they demanded to know. Two children. A mother and sisters who adored her. Yet she chose to end her life, distraught in the very real belief that all those who loved her so desperately would be better off without her presence.

I kept my silence. How can anyone who has not suffered deep depression understand the darkness that invades the mind of the sufferer? It isn't something you can shrug off. It isn't something you can toughen up and face. It is an agony beyond explanation. It is an inability to see the light of Jesus and the hope He offers to us all. It is failure to grasp the promise that as His children He will give us strength and healing.

Her illness momentarily separated her from her heavenly father. But she is no doubt singing in the heavenly choir praising Him just as she did in the bright days of her life. As those she left behind struggle to move forward, they draw comfort from that even as they struggle to understand.