July 15, 2018

Weigh Your Words

The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil. – Proverbs 15:28

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do is hold my tongue during what seemed to be an unrelenting attack. It is natural to want to retaliate, to jump into the fray, to defend oneself against lies and slander.

God says to hold our tongues. God says to weigh our words carefully. God says vengeance belongs to Him. God says we are safe and protected in the shelter of His wings.

Today’s Sunday school lesson was on forgiveness. It wasn’t about forgiving the small things. People hurt our feelings. People do us wrong. It’s part of life.

Today was about the big things. It was about Bart Millard forgiving the father who abused him. It was about the families of slain massacre victims forgiving the killer. It was about the big things. The things words can’t change. The things that alter lives and destroy people.

That’s the forgiveness we’re called to. That’s what Jesus did for us as He hung on the cross. Even as He suffered, He asked God to forgive those who had placed Him there. Me and you. We placed Him there.

Jesus didn’t hurl insults as those who mocked Him. Jesus didn’t defend Himself. Jesus didn’t fight back. He took the abuse and died so that you and I could live. How amazing is that?

One woman talked about trying again and again to restore a broken relationship. She talked about how hard it is to forgive, how hard it is to walk away. Yet, sometimes that’s the best thing. We can’t change the hearts of others. We can’t erase their words. Sometimes the best thing to do is walk away and trust God to handle it.

She spoke of holding her tongue when she really wanted to defend herself. I know about that. It’s tough to hear lies hurled at you and to walk away. It’s hard to allow someone to blame you for what they’ve done. But there is power in the name of Christ. There is forgiveness and healing. There is strength. There is grace in a better life.

Another woman noted that it’s usually those who are guilty who keep talking. It’s as though they’re trying to justify themselves, to convince even their own hearts that they’re right even when they know they’re wrong. It’s like refusing to engage with a bully. When you walk away rather become a victim, there’s a shift toward freedom.

The satisfaction that comes from saying your piece is often short-lived. It doesn’t change anyone. It simply fuels something that should be allowed to die. Trust God to handle your situation. If you need to speak, He will give you words. Otherwise, walk away and trust Him to handle it in His timing and His way.

May 11, 2018

The Little Things Reveal Truth

The greedy bring ruin to their households, but the one who hates bribes will live.

– Proverbs 15:27

Have you ever sold anything on Facebook with one of those buy/sell groups? It surely does attract all kinds of people. It’s amazing what some of them will do to get what they want.

Some people think nothing about using a private message to try and get ahead of a pending sale. I guess they think it’s okay. It’s just business, you know. It’s okay to try and outmaneuver someone else to get what you want. It’s not really dishonest. Everyone does it.

Except it is dishonest and, no, not everyone does it. There’s a reason why most of the sites ban this type of behavior. It’s just wrong.

I doubt the people doing this really see themselves as dishonest. They’re just playing the game of life, trying to win. It’s just a little compromise. The only trouble with little compromises is that after a while they start to add up, leading to even bigger compromises. And pretty soon your life has headed in a direction you never intended to take.

It’s like the person who helps himself to pens or a notebook from his workplace. Everyone does it. Then it’s an easy step to padding expenses because, again, everyone does it. Where does it stop? What’s the line you won’t cross? Because stealing is stealing, no matter how small or how large the amount.

We like to point fingers, don’t we? Everyone does it so that makes it all okay. Or, he was going to do it and I just did it first. That’s another good excuse. We feel like victors when we take advantage of someone so we can get a bargain. There’s no guilt in our hearts. How sad is that?

During this season of life, I’ve found that those who preach the loudest are the ones most likely to try and take advantage of me. In the name of Jesus, of course. I doubt they even consider what their testimony looks like for those looking in at them from the outside world. People don’t see a man of God. They see a hypocrite. They see someone they don’t want to be.

A sweet friend this morning noted that we may be the only Bible some people ever read. It’s a common saying but that doesn’t lesson its truth. You can say all the right things but, at the end of the day, it’s what your actions say that reveals your heart. Are you taking what isn’t yours to take? Are you attempting to deceive, to destroy, to harm? Are you dishonest in the small things of life? Are you a cutthroat businessman? Do you judge what you don’t know?

Integrity pops up at the oddest times. So does dishonesty. It’s the little things that, when added together, make a life. What does your life say about you?

March 26, 2018

Watch Your Words

A person finds joy in giving an apt reply – and how good is a timely word.

– Proverbs 15:23

Are you one of those people who always think of the right thing to say – long after the moment has passed? Me too.

I wish I were someone who could just let things go. I can’t. I just go over and over it in my mind. It drives me crazy, especially when I think of something wonderful to say a few hours later.

It’s always those people with the biting remarks that get me. You know who I’m talking about. They are the people who smile sweetly even as they seek to crush you with their words. Their not-always-subtle putdowns hurt. I wish I could turn my hurt into prayer – for the person who hurt me and for my own heart to heal and forgive. Sometimes I can. Sometimes not so much.

Years ago a co-worker bragged on the nice athletic jacket he’d received with his purchase of season baseball tickets. I told him that was great and wished I received the same giveaway with my season ticket purchase. That was the opening he wanted. He made a smart comment about how much better his tickets were than mine.

He was right. His tickets were premium seats right behind home plate. My tickets were slightly off and much higher. There was one difference however. “At least I can afford to keep mine,” I said without hesitation.

He wasn’t expecting that. “That was good,” he acknowledged. I nodded. His putdown had missed its mark because I knew the rest of the story. I knew that every year he sold his entire ticket package because he couldn’t afford the tickets.

These days I likely would have kept silent. It’s something I work on. I have a sharp tongue, especially when someone intentionally hurts me or pushes that button we all have. I really didn’t accomplish much with my own ugly comment. This man might have respected me a little more but he didn’t change his ways. He was a putdown artist and proud of it.

The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil. – Proverbs 15:28

Sometimes I wonder if I should have said the words I held back in other situations. Silence leads people to believe that you’re too dumb to understand their motives. A quiet tongue means that you’re too insecure to defend yourself.

Well, actually no. I’ve come to understand that God protects and defends those who depend on Him. Vengeance belongs to God alone. It’s better to let things go than to try and handle the situation myself. I’ll only make it worse. God can only make it better.

I also know that words can never be unsaid. Have you ever said something you wish you could take back? Have you ever tried to erase from your memory hurtful words someone has said to you? No amount of apologizing, no amount of forgiveness, can ever completely silence them.

A kind word can heal a fragile soul. Wisdom given at just the right moment can help a person take the right path. But hurtful words, powerful zingers designed only to maim, are best turned away with silence. Don’t respond in kind – no matter how much you’d rather do so. Trust God to handle it because He always does.

March 24, 2018

True Friends Are Rare

Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise.

– Proverbs 15:31

The other day a friend told me he didn’t have too many people who spoke truth in his life. I was one of them, he said.

I was surprised. He shook his head, explaining that most people just tell you what will make you happy or what they believe you want to hear. It takes a true friend to tell you what you need to hear, whether you want to hear it or not.

He was right. There seems to be two different camps: Those who want to keep you happy and those who want to tear you apart. A true friend wants to provide guidance with a large dose of kindness and love mingled in. That’s rare.

Years ago I was out shopping with a friend. I debated on purchasing a beautiful dress. I didn’t need it. I didn’t have any place to wear it. But it was just so fine. I asked for advice. My friend encouraged me to buy it. I did.

Months later she sniped that I’d wasted money on that dress. I was shocked. Wasn’t the time to say something before I bought it, when I’d actually asked for her opinion? If she’d told me her opinion back then, I probably wouldn’t have bought the dress.

No. I didn’t throw those words at her. I didn’t really say anything, just let that ugly comment pass on by. We aren’t friends anymore. We haven’t been for years. That day I realized I could never trust her to be honest with me. Yeah. It was just a dress. But what if it had been something more important? Could I trust her to tell me her honest opinion when it came to life issues? I don’t think so.

We all have those folks in our lives that are surface friends. They’re the ones who give easy compliments and laugh at our jokes and chat with us about life. We’re likely just that way with them. But we all need people who speak truth in kindness.

Don’t miss that kindness part. If someone speaks “truth” in order to hurt you or put you down, they don’t have your best interests in their mind. They are jealous and insecure. Some people, unfortunately, can only feel good about themselves when they are downing you or someone else. It’s sad.

Don’t let yourself be a victim to that kind of ugliness. Walk away. There’s no need to get into an argument about it. You can’t fix cruelty. Only God can do that. Pray for them. Be kind. But keep them at a distance.

Surround yourself with people who truly care, people who truly want what’s best for you. Treasure those people. Value them. They are your tribe, your people. Listen to their truth and honor it and them, whether you agree with their words or not. True friends are rare.

March 22, 2018

Everyone Needs A Wise Friend

The lips of the wise spread knowledge; not so the hearts of fools. – Proverbs 15:7

Who do you seek out when you need advice? Where do you turn when the path seems unclear and you don’t know which step to take?

The first place to turn is to God. Prayers for wisdom and discernment, strength and perseverance, make all the difference. We should always turn to God first when we need guidance.

But God also blesses us with the people He places before us. Some people just have the gift for giving good advice. I hope you have someone like that in your life.

A sweet friend who left this earth way too early for those of us who loved her always gave the best advice. It wasn’t just to me. Ask anyone who knew her. She was just so wise when it came to offering insights into the struggles someone else was facing.

Why? I pondered that after she was gone. I think the answer lies in her ability to see others in their light rather than in her own. She didn’t give advice based on what might be good for her in those circumstances. She based her advice on the person seeking guidance and that made all the difference.

So often we don’t really hear the people right before us. We listen to respond, as the experts say, rather than listening to understand. We’re quick to tell others what to do based on our wishes and desires rather than what is truly best for them.

Not too long ago a friend began pushing me to change internet providers. My speed was way too slow, she informed me. She was just so determined. I resisted. I had a bad feeling about it. Sure enough, the “new” company with the special offers has had outages time and time again. People are furious with its service. My service is dependable. I’m so thankful I listened to the Spirit inside of me rather than the friend telling me what to do.

Sometimes we also have a hidden agenda. We don’t always recognize it. We truly believe what we want for others is best for them. Maybe it is. Or maybe we want the benefits we can get if they do things our way.

In the area of women’s ministry, I’ve always got someone who wants a certain Bible study or a certain day or time for an event. They don’t want to do anything. Nor do they generally want to accommodate anyone else’s schedule or interests. They’re just quick to know what is best and expect others to come along to their way of thinking.

I’ve learned to consider all points of view and to spend a lot of time in prayer. A sweet friend tells me I always seem to choose just the right study, just when she needs it. I’m flattered by the compliment but I’m also quick to give credit where it belongs. God leads me. God knows the way and what is best. My job is just to get out of the way and follow where He’s leading. When the study matches her needs, it’s because God was directing the path and not me.

It’s the same with giving advice to others. We shouldn’t be so quick to tell others what is best for them. It’s important to really listen to what they’re saying. It’s good to ask questions and cause them to think about their choices and to take an honest assessment of the good and bad. Rose-colored glasses are great until they’re not. It’s always better to consider everything before you take the leap.

I miss my sweet friend so much. I cherish the times I had with her, laughing and commiserating and just doing life together. I’d like to think I’m wiser than I was before I knew her but I sure do miss her wisdom. I miss the truth she spoke into my life. I pray I can be that kind of friend to others.