May 10, 2019

Choose Friends Wisely

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. – Romans 1:21

Who are your friends? Are they drawing you toward God or are they pulling you away? That’s the question our pastor asked last Sunday and it’s something that has really been on my heart this week.

There are obvious people we should avoid. They are those who abuse alcohol or drugs, those who are abusers or thieves. Those who use foul language and bully those around them. We can certainly be kind and witness to them but, really, we must be careful not to let them draw us into their world. We know that.

But what about the others? What about the Christians who go to church on Sunday – when it’s convenient – then do as they please the rest of the week? What about the Christians who say a quick prayer every morning and that is the extent of their focus on God? What about those who are active in church but have hard hearts toward the poor, the immigrant, those with a past. (And don’t we all have a past?)

It is those pseudo Christians who can cause us the most harm. They go through the motions. Maybe they really are saved but they live their lives on their own terms rather than God’s. Without our even being aware of it, they pull us away from Him. They encourage us to be lazy in our time with God. They tell us through their actions that we don’t have to put God first. Except we do.

Who are your friends? Look around you at the people you spend the most time with. Are they drawing you toward a deeper relationship with Christ or are they showing you how to make excuses and linger in a shallow faith? If they aren’t pulling you toward Jesus, then maybe you should find friends that do.

October 13, 2018

Step Up Or Stay Home

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” – Matthew 25:40

She was done. Fed up. This normally even-tempered woman was going to have her say. I understood.

Her town received much damage in Hurricane Michael. She isn’t complaining about that. She’s still got a home and she’s grateful. Power will be restored eventually. All the limbs will be cut and hauled off. Life will resume. She knows it could have been much worse.

Her complaint stems from the looky-loos driving slowly down her street. They aren’t there to help. They’re there to get a good look at all the damage. They obviously don’t have a lot of damage at their own homes. If they did, they wouldn’t have time to be out driving around.

They need to go home, she said with uncharacteristic anger. If they aren’t here to help, they don’t need to be here at all. I know. She was tired. Stressed to the max. Trying to clean up what the winds tore up.

But she has a good point. We’ve been blessed by those who have shown up and put feet and hands to their faith. We’re so fortunate by those who are gathering supplies – water, generators, toiletries, food – and heading to those areas where people are in desperate need.

And then there are those who want to talk about it but never actually get around to doing anything. They are the looky-loos who would rather observe than actually get their hands dirty with work.

Of course, I can handle that better than those who make empty offers they never plan to follow up with. You know the ones. “Call me if I can do anything,” they’ll say. “Just let me know what you need,” they add.

But they are never available and never follow through. A sweet friend had some serious health issues a couple of years ago. She was so frustrated by those who offered to help but, when called on, could only make excuses. She wanted to know why people make offers when they have no intentions of doing anything.

I think it’s because they want to feel good about themselves. Somehow it makes them feel like they’ve done something simply because they’ve made an offer. They’ve somehow convinced themselves they’ll never get called, never be asked, never have to step up.

We’ve all seen it. Just make a call and they’re just too busy. Or the time isn’t convenient. Or they just can’t physically do it. Then why offer? Just don’t say anything. That was my friend’s frustration. No one asks you to offer so, unless you plan to step up, don’t say anything.

These are challenging days. Mexico Beach is gone. Panama City, Port St. Joe, Lynn Haven and so many other coastal communities have major damage that will take years to rebuild. And that’s just along the coast. It doesn’t consider all the communities inland who also suffered severe damage and destruction. These storm victims don’t need empty words or looky-loos. They need real help. They need people who are willing to sweat, sacrifice, give. They need hugs and hope.

So, if you aren’t willing to help, stay home. People are hurting and they don’t deserve to be your entertainment.

September 2, 2018

Actions Reveal Heart

Again Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen to me, everyone, and understand this. Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them.” – Mark 7:14-15

One man loudly proclaims his faith in God. He let’s everyone know he attends church. He even talks about the Bible. Yes, he loves to talk about Christian morals and values.

Unfortunately, his words don’t quite reflect his actions. He has had numerous affairs and is now on his third marriage. He routinely lies. He condemns anyone who dares to disagree with him and “leads” others by bullying and threatening them.

Another man also says he’s a Christian. He quietly attends church, though not with any regularity. He refuses to engage in religious debate. He doesn’t respond when naysayers insist he isn’t really a man of faith.

He works diligently to help the poor, the sick, the immigrants. He is quick to do handyman projects for his elderly neighbor, throw a football with a fatherless-child, or buy a meal for a man out of work. He is a man of integrity, a man who tries to do good even when it costs him friends and allies.

Which of the two men is truly a Christian? Is it the man who loudly proclaims his faith but lives as someone who doesn’t know Jesus? Or is it the man who refuses to boast of his faith but spends his days quietly doing good and loving people the way Jesus would?

None of us can ever truly know another man’s heart. Only God can look inside and see what’s really there. Our only true indication comes from the actions of those around us. What we see is a reflection of what’s inside.

We love to look at the outside and judge, don’t we? We see someone who regularly attends church and proclaim that he is a fine Christian. We ignore his racist rantings, his derogatory comments about women, and his tightly clenched fist when it comes to the poor.

We commend the woman who organizes food for a bereaved family. We consider her faithful service with children. We look at her husband, her children, her grandchildren and “know” that she is a fine Christian woman. We look past her tendency to gossip and spread rumors and lies. We laugh about her excessive spending habits. We brush aside how easily she judges those who don’t have designer clothes or a fine house.

What would happen if we considered the heart rather than loud proclamations of faith? What would it mean if we looked at actions rather than words before we proclaimed someone a “fine Christian”?

Being a person of faith, living a life for Jesus, isn’t about the surface. It’s about the heart. We go through the motions but do we feel it deep inside? Are we truly changed by what Jesus has done for us? Or are we merely answering questions correctly without ever trying to live a different life?

It’s an uncomfortable thought. We like to stay where we are, with the people we know, in the place that makes us feel safe. But true safety only comes in the arms of Jesus and He has never called us to stand on the sidelines while so many people are lost and hurting.

The sad truth is we don’t want to get dirty. We don’t want to change. We don’t want to look in the mirror and see our own sins glaring back at us. It’s just so much easier to stay on our lofty pedestal and point fingers at those who don’t quite measure up to our standards.

Do you spend your days judging others or humbly begging forgiveness from God? Do you waste time gossiping or do you spend that time praying and studying God’s Word? Faith isn’t about what you proclaim; it’s about what you do. Faith isn’t about textbook answers; it’s about your heart. Your actions reflect what’s inside. What do your actions say about you?

March 6, 2018

Look Carefully At What’s Inside

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean.” – Matthew 23:25-26

Have you watched with fascination the fall of once powerful men caught up in scandals of their own making? This “Me Too!” movement has really caught on. Once fearful women have come forward with their tales of sexual harassment and abuse.

It’s about time, some say. Others are more skeptical, thinking that perhaps not all the complaints are true. Whatever your view, there’s a firestorm brewing as people are intent on taking down those who made them feel small and worthless.

These are some of the most powerful men around. They used their wealth and position to threaten women into submission. Some of the assaults were verbal. Others were physical. All were demeaning abuse.

And then there are the lesser comments and actions. There is the boss who made it clear that the only way to a promotion was a sexual encounter. Was it a big city company? No. That actually happened to a co-worker who worked for a reputable company in a small town. Her boss? A fine, upstanding man. A deacon in his church. Happily married with children. The sort of person you look up to because of his outward appearance. Inside? Well, not so much.

I once asked my boss why a male co-worker earned more money than me. I had more responsibility and experience. His answer? Well, the male co-worker had a wife and baby and needed the extra money. Seriously! I debated suing and finally just decided to leave. I was blessed to find a better paying job with a boss who didn’t consider gender in the pay equation.

What’s your story? Male or female, we all have them. Some discrimination comes from gender, some from color, some from nationality. Unfortunately, it’s often the ones who look the “cleanest” on the outside who are the most guilty.

We are all guilty of falling for the ruse. As the old saying goes: if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, then it must be a duck. Anyone who challenges that is just wrong and, sometimes, viewed as a troublemaker. Until one day, they’re not.

Some condemn these women for not speaking up sooner. Have you ever walked their path? Challenging someone powerful can cost you your livelihood, your reputation, your friends and family. We want to believe the smooth-talking man and not the woman who stumbles over her words as she tries to share her horror and disgust.

And for what? Do you believe them? Or do blame them? We live in a time when it’s common to blame the victim for the sins of the victimizer. Especially when money and power are involved.

Powerful people sometimes believe they are above the law, that they are above the standards of decency. Be wary of those who look too good. Be cautious around those who appear too smooth, too greedy, too self-indulgent. Just because someone looks good on the outside doesn’t mean they are clean behind closed doors.

February 12, 2018

Love People Where They Are

Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.

 – 1 Corinthians 9:19-23

Paul was determined to do whatever it took to win people to Christ. No. That didn’t mean sin was okay. It simply meant Paul wasn’t going to get caught up in what didn’t matter and, thus, turn away people who otherwise might give their lives to Jesus.

The hard truth is that we’re not going to reach too many lost souls by never going beyond the walls of our churches. We aren’t going to reach those who are most desperate by staying in our manicured neighborhoods and surrounding ourselves with people just like us.

Nor will we draw people to Christ by getting hung up on rules and customs that really have nothing to do with faith. People can spot someone self-serving. We instinctively know when someone is going along with the crowd rather than providing a voice for what Jesus would want.

Our pastor recently reminded us that some people think they are exclusively right. They determine who is truly baptized by whether that person was dunked or sprinkled. They have their own traditions about how things must be done. They tell others, including other churches, that if you’re not like me, then you are not like Jesus.

“If you insist that your own way is the right way, then you have set yourself up as an idol,” our pastor said. Oh, wow. How painfully true is that?

Paul started with people where they were. He did this so that he might save some. Jesus did the same thing. He didn’t lecture the woman at the well. He didn’t condemn the adulteress. He simply offered them a better way. Who did Jesus get angry with? The Pharisees and all their laws designed to keep the lost in their “place”.

Jesus and Paul had no trouble getting past the sins of others. We do. We are so busy looking on and judging that we can’t see the person created in God’s image. The problem isn’t the sinner. It’s our judgements. We become the blind. We become the Pharisee.

We turn to the Scriptures to justify our actions. We draw a line designed to keep people out. We seek to protect ourselves and to sanctify the image we have of ourselves.

For us, it’s not so much about Jesus as it is about being “right”. We want to feel good about ourselves and we’ll insulate ourselves to the point where we “know” who we are. Except we don’t know who Jesus is. We’ve missed the point of the gospel.

We are all sinners, the most pious of us being the worst. Get over yourself. It’s about Jesus. Love people where they are and trust God to do the rest.

February 11, 2018

Ignore the Hypocrites

“The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach.” – Matthew 23:2-3

She was upset. Someone had lied to her. He’d told her two different things and she was so disappointed in him.

He is a man who quotes the Bible with great proficiency. He can offer up beautiful prayers that draw you in. He can make you believe he is on a different level of faith, one you’ll probably never achieve.

Except it’s all an illusion. It really hurts to learn that lesson. It happens when we think some people are greater than we are in the kingdom of God. They will let us down every time. They are only people, just like you and me.

I have known this man my entire life. I have seen the hypocrisy play out again and again. Those closest to him have no respect left for him. There have been too many lies, too much skirting of the law, too many comments about those “he” has saved.

Because you see it’s not about Jesus with him. Maybe once upon a time it was. I don’t know. But in my adult years every comment, every outreach, every thing he has done, has been to bring glory to himself. I have a problem with that. Our lives are to be spent glorifying God, not the other way around.

He can certainly quote the Bible. He’s spent hours memorizing its words. But he doesn’t seem to think those words apply to his life. He explains it all away. He speaks with authority. Few people bother to search the Scriptures for themselves. Few dare to challenge someone who can throw God’s word back at them.

The Pharisees were like that. They were scholars and teachers of the law. They knew exactly what the Scriptures said. Yet they missed the most important part. They missed Jesus.

They didn’t see it that way. They were just so proud of themselves and all their rules. They knew exactly what to say. And who to condemn. And they understood that Jesus was a threat to them. Why? Because He came to tell the truth, to show the way, to love on people where they were and offer mercy and kindness.

The Pharisees liked their power. They basked in the respect of their positions. They wanted to continue to look down on people and lift themselves up. But that was never the way it was supposed to be in the kingdom of God.

Don’t let anyone cause you to feel inferior as you learn and grow in Christ. Don’t lift anyone up onto a pedestal and believe that their faith is somehow greater or their prayers were powerful than your own.

God looks at the heart. When you don’t know what to pray, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us. You are just as valuable to God as anyone else.

And when someone starts talking about how “he” has saved souls, run in the opposite direction. When someone tries to throw Scripture in your face, remind them that God reveals Himself to all who seek Him. It’s not about memorization. It’s about growing more like Christ with each passing day.

God loves you. Don’t worry about the hypocrites. Spend your days trying to live so that others can see Him in your life. Love the LORD your God with all your heart. Then love others as yourself.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Hypocrites Repeat Mistakes

The wicked conceive evil; they are pregnant with trouble and give birth to lies. They dig a pit to trap others and then fall into it themselves. -- Psalm 7:14-15

She holds herself up as a righteous woman. She casts a haughty glance down at the sinners who surround her. She spends her days watching preachers and teachers on television. She reads her Bible daily.

And yet she sins. Adultery haunts her past. And her present. She can’t seem to get beyond the desire for something different. To be someone else.

Her choices tend toward users. She feels in control as she spends money on her lovers. They stay until the money is gone and then so are they. She is alone…again. Except for the husband who has finally had enough.

She has forgiven herself and tells all who listen that God has forgiven her. Still, she is a hypocrite. Because she refuses to extend the same grace she claims to those around her.

Most days I understand that this arrogance of faith really comes from a deep rooted insecurity. She and her siblings were abused children and all have carried scars into adulthood. It isn’t an excuse but certainly explains how someone so aloof could give themselves away so freely.

Why do some people think that forgiven sin doesn’t matter anymore? Refusing to step up, to make amends, to admit wrong, only means that she hasn’t really taken responsibility. She’s keeping her sin at a distance, pretending that it has gone away. Until she does it again. And again.

It isn’t just this woman. And it isn’t just adultery. A friend’s son is once again in prison on a drug conviction. His first conviction came with plenty of excuses and blame. He wanted help but couldn’t get it so he robbed a store so he could get help.

He never accepted responsibility for what he’d done. It wasn’t his fault he was a drug addict. It wasn’t his fault he’d robbed a store. Nothing was his fault. He got out of jail and it wasn’t long before he was right back again. Still blaming anyone but himself for his own actions.

God offers us mercy and grace. He extends forgiveness when we repent and ask. But He expects us to learn and grown from where we’ve been so that we won’t repeat the same mistakes again and again.

We are all sinners. We all fall down. Don’t hold yourself up as superior to others and don’t blame other people for your own actions. Accept responsibility and ask God for strength, wisdom and guidance to keep you from making the same mistakes again.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Help Others Where You Are

“For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home.” -- Matthew 25:35

A number of years ago a coworker walked into the office declaring that she’d be unpopular that day. She explained that she’d left a homeless man sitting in the back of her truck while he ate breakfast. She figured no one would appreciate passing a homeless person as they walked from their vehicles to the office. She was right.

She’d hadn’t planned to do it. She was buying herself breakfast from a food cart when she noticed him. He was hungry. What was she to do? She bought him breakfast.

Of course, many were quick to criticize her precedent. He should get out and get a job, is always a popular complaint. It’s his own fault, others added. Those more compassionate noted that there were food banks and soup kitchens for people like that. Some wondered how she could possibly help by buying him one meal. What would he do for lunch or dinner? Where would he sleep that night? And what about his long-term prospects for a job and housing?

She just shook her head. She wasn’t trying to save the world or even this man. She saw a need and she could help so she did. It really was that simple.

I wonder how different our world would be if every person who checks that “Christian” box simply did what he or she could where he or she saw a need. We don’t. It’s always somebody else’s problem -- the pastor, local charities, the government. Anybody but us.

It’s not that we don’t do anything. We write a check. We volunteer when there’s a group need, like after a storm or during a “work day” organized by our church or local civic club. But we don’t really want to get dirty in the day-to-day work of helping others. We don’t want to give away our hard-earned money to people we don’t think deserve it. We don’t want to take time we’d rather spend on our own activities and give it to a needy stranger.

And yet we claim to be Christians. We say that Jesus lives inside of us. We tell ourselves and others that we want to live a good life, a Christian life, a life like Jesus. Without the sacrifices.

That last part stings doesn’t it? Because Jesus wouldn’t walk past someone who is hungry, telling Himself it was someone else’s problem. And Jesus wouldn’t ignore that elderly neighbor down the street who is just so lonely. And Jesus certainly wouldn’t look the other way when someone else’s child desperately needed extra help with homework.

We don’t need to save the world. We don’t need to make the large contribution, the big commitment, the huge effort. We just need to do what we can, where we are. One person at a time. One meal at a time. One smile. One kind word. One step toward doing what Jesus would

Sunday, March 4, 2012

God Wants Our Love

And so the Lord says, “These people say they are mine. They honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far away. And their worship of me amounts to nothing more than human laws learned by rote.” -- Isaiah 29:13

They go through the motions. They follow the rules. They know the rules well. They interpret them as they see fit, frequently looking down on those who either don’t know the rules or don’t follow them. They’ve got religion figured out. It’s the faith that alludes them.

We are all hypocrites of one kind or another. We want to be better than we are. We pretend we’re happy when we’re not. Part of life is always fake, whether we intend it or not. We are taught to be nice, to tell people what they want to hear, to be tender with the feelings of others.

Some of that is good. Taming the tongue, James says, is impossible. But we must try because our tongue sends forth evil whether we intend it or not. That is a different kind of hypocrisy than that of those who believe they are better people, better Christians, than those around them.

I once attended the same Sunday school class as a woman who did just that. She was so filled with the rules -- some of which were just simply not part of the Bible. For example, she insisted that the Bible tells us not to drink alcohol. It doesn’t. It warns us against drunkenness, which is not the same thing. She insisted that we aren’t suppose to do anything to lead someone else to sin. True. So what about banning desserts from the potluck? Our nation has an obesity problem and that’s just too much temptation. She didn’t find it funny.

I suppose it isn’t. Because telling people something is in the Bible when it isn’t is wrong. And misrepresenting something is wrong as well. It’s why I encourage people to read or listen to the Bible for themselves. Ask questions. Study. Pray.

But I digress. One topic that really upsets the rules folks is the traditional vs. contemporary church serves. They can get quite vocal when it comes to the “proper” way to worship God. From their point of view, it’s about the proper songs and the proper liturgy, the proper dress code and the established length of time. I always thought it was about the heart.

God wants us to love Him for who He is. God wants us to worship Him for who He is. God wants us to desire a relationship with Him for who He is. It’s not about rules and tradition and style of music. It’s about love and trust and faith.

There’s that word again: Faith. It’s dancing before the throne of God because He is who He says He is. It’s about singing words with hands lifted up toward the Almighty who has joined us in His place. It’s about standing beneath the light of His love and knowing, really knowing, who we are in Him. It is loving God and giving Him all we have because of all He has already given us.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Who Are The Hypocrites?

When Peter came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he was clearly in the wrong. Before certain men came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group. The other Jews joined him in his hypocrisy, so that by their hypocrisy even Barnabas was led astray. -- Galatians 2:11-13

What is a hypocrite? Who is a hypocrite? Seriously. How do you determine who is a hypocrite and who isn’t? To me, a hypocrite is someone who pretends to be something or someone they aren’t. To others, a hypocrite is someone who proclaims what is good and then does who is wrong.

Which is right? Both? Neither? The dictionary defines a hypocrite as someone who pretends to have admirable principles, beliefs, or feelings but behaves otherwise. So maybe both views are right.

Let me ask you another question: Should we stay away from church because of the hypocrites we’ll no doubt find there? There are many, many people who offer up that excuse when someone wants to know why they don’t attend church. Personally, I think we should attend church to worship God and not worry so much about what other people do or don’t do. It’s that whole plank in the eye thing the Bible talks about.

But we do care about what other people think and do. Especially, it seems, in church. Do we believe that somehow we cease to be sinners when we walk through the doors? Do we think those around us somehow leave all their flaws outside?

Peter cared so much about what the church leaders thought, that he pulled away from the Gentile believers lest the Jews think less of him. Remember that before Jesus, Jews and Gentiles didn’t exactly hang out together. But Jesus tore down that barrier. Didn’t He? So why did Peter care what this “circumcision group” thought?

Paul didn’t care. Paul was fearless in his faith and he challenged Peter face-to-face. He didn’t go behind Peter’s back. He didn’t discuss it with the church elders. Paul went directly to Peter and confronted him.

So how do you handle disagreements within the church? How do you react when someone does something you don’t agree with? Do you gossip and complain and leave church over it? Do you take it to the church elders? Or do confront the person directly and work it out?

Hypocrisy happens when we pretend to be better people than we are. And when we expect others to be better people than they are. The thing is, we’re all human. We’re all sinners. And we all fall short of the Glory of God. Give yourself a break. Give those around you another chance. And don’t let anyone keep you from worshipping and servicing our great God!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Reflect Jesus Outward

“You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you: ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.’” -- Matthew 15:7-9

The question was from his heart. He wanted to know what we’re supposed to say when an nonbeliever questions a God who does such awful things. Excuse me? Not my God!

But I understood where he was coming from. There are many awful, tragic things done in God’s name. Wars have been fought in His name. Governments are overthrown in His name. Mass suicides are organized in His name. Mothers murder their children in His name.

Anyone can claim to do something in God’s name, by God’s direction. That doesn’t make it true. And that’s what we need to tell people who question a God they think approves of such awful actions.

God is loving and kind. Does He punish those are do evil? Absolutely. Does He punish His children who stray? Without a doubt. But all He does comes from a place of love. He is fair and just. And He forgives those who repent. He restores those who stray.

Of course, most Christians -- or those who claim to be believers -- don’t start wars or murder people. It doesn’t mean we live our lives as we always should. We stumble and fall. We treat people unkindly. We argue. We get snippy with the store clerk. We cut off other drivers in traffic. We fail Jesus every day.

We are called to live our lives to a higher standard than others. We are called to reflect Jesus’ light outward and to view the world through His eyes. And sometimes we don’t. Our actions can cause others to turn away from God. Our behavior leads others to blame Him for our choices.

If you were the only Christian someone would ever see, what would that person think being a Christian means? If you were the only Christian someone would every know, what would that person learn?

Everyday “Christians” go about their hypocritical lives, giving nonbelievers excuses to never hear what God has to say. You can help negate that by living your life so that others see Jesus’ light reflected outward from your heart to the world.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

He Judges Me Worthy

"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, thank you that I am not like other men -- robbers, evildoers, adulterers -- or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

But the tax collector stood at a distance, He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'"

-- Luke 18:10-13

The Pharisee is alive and well in numerous churches across our land. The self-righteous are shouting their own praises as they walk down the aisles to their established seats. Their eyes rest during the sermon. They've heard it all before. They're satisfied with who and what they are and they'll gladly tell you all about it.

I relate so much with the tax collector. No. I'm not a public official or even as accountant. I'm just a sinner trying to live her life as best she can. I fall down and God picks me, brushes me off and sets me on the correct path once again. It's a path He and I have walked numerous times throughout my life. I know I am not worthy of His love. I am forever amazed at His compassion, His forgiveness and His never ending belief that I am worth all the trouble I cause.

I have been a Christian since I fell to my knees as a teenager, lost and alone and ready to call it quits. My struggle with religion has been ongoing. I am put off by the hypocrites and judges who look down on people who have not always lived a "christian" life. I see people who have struggled in the past try to right their wrongs and move forward toward Christ. And I have seen the people who regularly inhabit churches treat them as unwelcome guests and screw-ups who will never be worthy. It was never what Christ intended when He hung from the cross.

My insecurity fuels my anger. I am deemed unworthy to teach a class or lead a discussion. My great sin? I wasn't raised in church. I read my Bible and pray many times a day. I study alone and with others. I seek knowledge and God's will in all things. I am humbled by all I do not know.

I have at times felt like the child who gets shoved aside so that the adults can have their say. One woman, a long-time Sunday school teacher, is quick to offer correction and guidance on anyone else's comments. She patted herself on the back one Sunday. She'd finally read the Bible from cover to cover. She had passed her 70th birthday. I am amazed and appalled yet she didn't see the hypocrisy in teaching a book she'd never read. She felt justified in seeing herself as above others because she'd spent almost every Sunday morning of her life in church.

I can't go back. I will never be the adult who grew up attending church. I didn't learn all the little songs with hand movements and I didn't memorize all those verses. But I am an adult who loves the Lord with all her heart. I fully understand what He has done for me and what He continues to do for me. I will never be worthy. Ever. I know that. But I also know He sees my heart, He knows where I've been and where I'm trying to go. He has reached out His hands, grabbed my own and pulled me into His embrace. I am loved. He judges me as worthy and that's all I will ever need.