September 13, 2018

Watch Your Words

To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the proper answer of the tongue. – Proverbs 16:1

I don’t know her. It was one of those God things that brought us together. She wanted something I had to sell. I certainly didn’t know she was four months into her season of grief. And she surely didn’t know grief was something I understood. But God brought us together for a moment and that turned out to be a good thing.

She was trying to move on. Her friends were trying to be helpful, encouraging even. Get over it, they advised. Start a new life, they said. Redecorate your house with something that’s new and different, they told her. They wanted to help but all they did was pour more anguish into her fresh wounds.

Everyone grieves differently. There’s no right or wrong way. Some people have an uncanny knack for bouncing back. Most of us linger in the pain for a while. She is one of those.

Some days are good, she told me. Other days she can barely function. It’s all normal to me. It might have been normal to her had she not had such well-meaning people in her life. She thought she should push forward and pretend she was okay, even on the hard days. She was beating herself up because she just couldn’t.

My advice? Give yourself a break. Enjoy the good days and take care of yourself  on the bad days. If you need to cry, go ahead and cry. If you need to mope, go ahead and do it. Just don’t stay there. Grief is a journey and there are no quick fixes.

Her friends mean well. They do. They just don’t understand what they haven’t lived. That’s true in so many areas of life.

I had a friend tell me I didn’t know what it was like having children. She’s right. I don’t. But as I reminded her, she doesn’t know what it’s like to not have the children you once desperately wanted. The shock on her face still makes me chuckle. She had never considered the other side.

I am in a Bible study on Job. We talked about how well-meaning friends can say the absolutely worst things. Friends can hurt us deeply without realizing the weight of their words. They make assumptions. They speak from themselves without considering the differences. They aim to fix what only God can heal.

Sometimes the absolutely best thing you can say to someone hurting is – drum roll here – nothing. Just give them a hug. Sit quietly beside them. Walk with them. You can’t fix it. You can’t. But you can love them without hurting them.

That’s not to say that we don’t sometimes need friends to speak truth into our lives. Notice earlier that while I encouraged this woman to cry and mourn, I also told her not to live there. I speak from experience. I spoke from a heart that has known deep pain. And she heard that in my words.

Some seasons of life are just hard. I know it’s something I say a lot but I do so because it’s true. I also do so because there are just so many hurting people in this world. Don’t add to their pain with careless words. Don’t try to fix them or their situation. Just love them and trust God to heal them.

August 21, 2018

Gossip Destroys

A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.

– Proverbs 16:28

Our pastor calls it triangulation. One person talks negatively about another person. The person who hears the negative words then turns against the person being talked about. It doesn’t matter if the words are true or not. It destroys relationships. It destroys churches.

Can you imagine a church whose members refused to talk about anyone else except to build the person up? Can you imagine a church whose members prayed over those who were hurt, made a mistake, or didn’t measure up to the world’s standards?

It’s hard to imagine such a place, isn’t it? Do you know why? Because we aren’t certain such a church exists.

We call it church politics. All that behind the scenes maneuvering that puts the “right” people in the “right” positions to control what’s going on at the church. Pastors learn to step lightly lest they land on the toes of the wrong people. It’s not about doing what’s right. It’s about doing what’s politically correct within the church walls.

Gossip abounds. We call it “prayer requests.” We share all the sordid details, whether it’s an illness or a scandal. We just have to know it all in order to pray properly. Seriously?! God knows the details. And, honestly, how many of those listening to the requests will actually offer up fervent prayer for someone in need?

Have you ever had someone turn away from you for what seems like no reason only to find that someone else has spread lies about you? It’s a heartbreaking situation. There’s really nothing you can do. Once lies have been planted it’s impossible to erase their impact. You can get angry and turn vindictive. Or you can take your hurts to God and trust Him to handle it. He will. God hates gossip and slander.

Why do people gossip? I don’t know. Maybe it’s to focus on other people rather than themselves. It’s that voyeuristic side of us that fuels reality television. We tell ourselves that no matter how bad things are in our own lives, at least they aren’t as bad as in someone else’s life. It’s sad, isn’t it?

Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down. – Proverbs 26:20

We can be part of the cure. We can refuse to listen. We can walk away. We can change the subject. We can turn it immediately into prayer for both the person who is being talked about and the person doing the talking. The quickest way to stop gossip is to refuse to participate.

March 21, 2018

God Determines Our Path

The heart of a man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.

– Proverbs 16:9

We’re a lot alike, she and I. We’ve known each other more years than either of us publicly admits. In our 20s, we had dreams. Oh, the plans we made. Neither of us have the life we imagined.

Both of us remained single, without children. I never expected that to happen. Neither did she. How does time pass so quickly? What happened to the person we always thought we’d be?

It hasn’t been a bad life. Well, except for the hard times that is. Everyone has those. Illness doesn’t excuse anyone from her tirade. Broken hearts and bad choices abound. But mostly I think we just got busy and assumed we had plenty of time.

I never expected to be nearing the end of my life without a husband and children by my side. God had a different plan.

A dear friend still mourns his much-younger wife. She was the love of his life. They raised a son and created memories and were enjoying the grandchildren they adored. He always assumed he’d be the first to go. Age is supposed to determine those things. ALS is a cruel disease. She was gone way too soon.

Another friend expected to grow old with her husband. She was so in love. They’d created what she thought was a perfect family, complete with two young children. Until the day he told her he wanted out of their marriage. He just didn’t love her anymore.

We hold tightly to jobs we think we’ll have forever, to bank accounts we think give us security, to people who can be fickle and unkind, to a lifestyle we believe gives us status and worth. Then one day it is all gone. Our plans lay shredded all around us. We are numb with the shock, uncertain of the next step. We had such plans!

I’ve come to understand that God truly is the only One is trustworthy in all things at all times. Oh, I have some wonderful friends and family who have stood beside me in both devastating and joyful seasons of life. But nobody can be everything to someone else. It is God alone who has carried me through the dark nights and celebrated the seemingly small successes of my days.

He knows best. I’m so thankful for His protection. I’m thankful He didn’t always say yes. I’m even thankful He led me into the storm because it drew me closer to His side. God made a way when I never saw it coming. I am just so grateful for His Presence and protection.

A sweet friend talked about the plans she’d had for her life. Business. She wanted to be in business. She’s an elementary school teacher. She loves it! Her students are so blessed. She has the right amount of toughness mingled with a quick smile and genuine love for “her” kids. God knew where she needed to be, where she would make the most difference by touching the lives of young children.

Another friend got her call to teaching while she labored away in the medical field. She refused the first offer. The second time she was ready. Scared, I might add, but ready. Her high school students win awards all over the state. They gravitate toward her honesty and kindness. She doesn’t put up with any bad behavior but she is quick to forgive, quick to help, quick to defend those she calls her own. She never saw this career coming but she is so very thankful that it did.

God knows where we need to be to make the most difference in this world. God knows what has been and what is to come. He sees deep inside our hearts. My friend from so many years ago? Because she didn’t have her own family, she was able to spend 8 years caring for her invalid father. She also helped raise her brother’s children after their mother abandoned them. She has had a full life, filled with love. Just not the life she imagined.

As for me, well, I’m back where I belong, telling stories and teaching people about Jesus and caring for those who have no one else. It isn’t the life I would have chosen but it sure is the right life for me.

March 20, 2018

Double Standards Extinguish Light

A just balance and scales are the LORD’s; all the weights in the bag are his work. – Proverbs 16:11

The news caused barely a ripple in this conservative town. The President had lied to the leader of another country. He admitted it. And all the conservative Christians said nothing.

They are a vocal group, these folks I know. They are quick to point out, again and again, every sin from politicians on the other side of their aisle. But the standards are different when it is someone they support.

It isn’t the first time. Extramarital affairs are the norm in this man’s life. He does it again and again and again. No one says a word. If the media brings it up, then they are being mean and unfair to a good man.

Years after the fact they are still bad-mouthing a man who lied to cover up his own indiscretion. They are still condemning his wife for forgiving him and working to rebuild their marriage. Different standards? Without a doubt.

Why is it that we look past the bad behavior of some politicians and condemn the same behavior in others? Yet we don’t understand why the world around us doesn’t think too highly of Christians. They look at us and see hypocrisy but we can’t see the same thing in ourselves.

We fight to throw out foreigners God called us to be good to. We demand an end to support for the poor God called us to help. We respond with vengeance against those who do wrong, demanding justice rather than mercy and forgiveness. We seek to kill criminals and the broken, deny medical care to those without the means to pay for it, and cast aside the children who suffer through no fault of their own. In the next breath, we condemn abortion and call ourselves justified. Does no one see the double standard? Well, yes, the world sees it and turns away from God.

We pick and choose which of the Bible verses we will hold dear. We condemn homosexuality and throw out a verse to prove our point. We “forget” that God also condemns divorce unless it involves adultery or violence. We judge what was never our place to judge because it makes us uncomfortable. We don’t like different so we shove it aside rather than love where God has called us to love.

We cling to our possessions like they actually define us, forgetting they are gifts from God and not some “right” we have earned. We wallow in ourselves rather than reach out to the least, the broken, the widows and orphans in our midst. We choose who is “worthy” and ignore our own ignorance with a smile and a check to those we choose to care about.

And, yet, we don’t see the double standards in our own behavior. We don’t live with kindness and compassion in our hearts but rather with condescending judgment and hatred. We use God’s holy name to justify ourselves when He has no part in our ugliness. We push people away when God tells us to draw them near.

There is no politician that is either all good or all bad, just as there is no person who is all good or all bad. The same standards apply to everyone, whether we acknowledge that fact or not. Every time we cast a stone, we are holding ourselves up to a standard we’ve already failed to achieve. God judges evenly. Does that make you uncomfortable? It should.

April 26, 2016

Life Detours Plans

In their hearts humans plan their course,
but the Lord establishes their steps

 -- Proverbs 16:9

It was going to be a busy day at the start of a really busy week. I wasn’t sure how I could possibly fit everything in but I had a plan.

Well, you know how it is with plans.

The doctors appointment ran late, then there was lunch and a surprise stop. But another doctors appointment never materialized. That freed up time for work. Which I was doing. Until I heard it.

You know what I’m talking about. In my case, it was the dogs barking ferociously. This wasn’t one of those chasing a squirrel barks. This was much bigger and I knew something was dreadfully wrong.

I threw down my wire cutters and ran. Sammy had killed the copperhead snake before I arrived. I cut the snake’s head off to be sure. After a quick check, I raced to the vet with Sammy. And there went my afternoon.

I am not complaining. It could have been much, much worse. He’s going to be fine. I am thankful.

But here’s the thing: We all make plans for our days. We do. Even if it’s as simple as get up, have a cup of coffee and head to the beach. We make plans as though somehow we know what’s going to happen. We don’t.

I’m a big planner. I always have been. And I get frustrated when those plans get derailed. But this is life and life isn’t about plans. It’s about living our moments to the fullest and following God with all our hearts.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our “to do” list that we forget to enjoy the process. Did you notice the sunset yesterday? Did you see the beautiful flowers blooming this spring? Did you throw a ball with your dog? Did you read a book to your child?

When did we get so busy that we can’t enjoy our moments? When did we fill our days with so many tasks that we forget to enjoy the journey? When did we stop realizing it’s about loving God and loving people?

Sometimes life takes us on a detour to remind us of what’s important. Pay attention to the lesson.

March 12, 2016

God Directs Our Steps

In their hearts humans plan their course,
but the Lord establishes their steps.

-- Proverbs 16:9

Last night at dinner I heard a young man of maybe 15 telling his family about a friend from school. The young man was in love with his girlfriend of three weeks. He already had their future planned, right down to where they would live and how many children they would have.

Now this young man thought his friend was nuts. How can he know after only three weeks, he asked his family. Answer: He can’t.

I don’t know your age or where you are in life, but those young dreams seem so long ago. I had such plans. It all seems so silly now but at the time I knew with everything in me that those dreams would come true.

Life has a way of taking you down a road you never planned, to a destination you never would have chosen. Very few people end up where they planned to go. I’ve learned that along the way. It is a bittersweet lesson, if you know what I mean.

One thing I have learned is that God knows best and that His will always prevails. That’s a good thing. I have thanked Him many times for prayer requests He denied. I also have thanked Him for those times He gave me more than I could ever have imagined.

I joke about wanting a map with detailed instructions for this life. I like things to be orderly and with a certain routine. Somehow it frees me to be more creative and more productive in my life.

What I have found is that I can’t predict the actions of others. I can’t control what happens around me and that means I really can’t control my own steps. I am forever reacting to the choices of others. Do I resent that? Yes. But I’ve reached an age when I know it’s just part of life.

This young man who dreamed such wonderful dreams will likely learn that life rarely turns out the way we planned. But if we give it over to God and let Him guide our steps we will end up much wiser and happier than we ever could have imagined.

January 14, 2016

God Directs Our Steps

 

In their hearts humans plan their course,
but the Lord establishes their steps.

-- Proverbs 16:9

Before my feet hit the floor this morning, I had my day planned. I knew what needed to be done and when. It was going to be a jam-packed day but there’s nothing new about that.

And there’s nothing new about having my plans completely shoved aside. Things happen. People get sick. Someone else makes a decision and everything in my life gets shifted around.

I wonder why I bother making plans at all. It’s like I can’t seem to help myself. Deep inside, I want things to be orderly. I don’t like surprises. That’s an understatement. I hate surprises. Most surprises in my life have been bad. So I make plans that usually don’t work out.

God is a God of surprises. Good surprises. He is a God that blesses my messy life with His Presence. And He is the God who lights my path when the way seems so dark.

His plan prevails. Always and thankfully. I never could have imagined this season of life. But He knew. He’s got this. So when my plans fall apart, I can laugh and go with it, knowing everything will work out for His glory in His time.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Word Can Leave Permanent Scars

 

A wise man's heart guides his mouth.

-- Proverbs 16:23a

Words are so powerful. We know that. We use them as swords in anger. We pour them out like honey as we seek our own way. We offer them up as chocolate to those we like. We turn them bitter when we don't get our own way.

But the true power of words comes in that they can never, ever be retrieved. Once they're said, they remain forever. Nothing we can do or say will ever erase them.

A dear friend was offering an example in a class one day. She'd actually witnessed a youth director using this illustrator with her students. She took a piece of unblemished wood and showed it to everyone. In my mind I see a piece of white pine, soft and light, sort of like the skin we wear on our earthly bodies.

Hurtful words are like nails being hammered into that wood, she said. They damage the exterior and then go in, scaring the interior as well.

Apologies and regrets remove the nails. Time may even sand down the roughness of the marks. But the scars remain. The wood will never be the same as it was before the nails pierced it.

That's what angry, hurtful words do to us and to others. We are wise to guard our tongues and think through our words before we speak. What we may see as justified in the moment, may have consequences far beyond what we'd ever imagined.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

God Determines Our Path

We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps. -- Proverbs 16:9

Several years ago there was a country music song that had a line I’ve always remembered. I don’t remember the song title or the band but that line just contained such truth. It said, “If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans.”

I’ve repeated that line many times, usually because whatever I’ve planned either didn’t happen or didn’t go as I’d expected. That’s what happens when we go our own way, expecting God to agree, instead of asking God what He wants and then following His lead.

In all fairness to God, He’s always right. Many times He’s let me get my own way and I’ve lived to regret it. He never says “I told you so” like the rest of us would be tempted to do. He just picks me up, dusts me off, and sets me on the right path again.

We have many clichés that talk about life: Life is what you make it; Life is what happens when you’re making plans; Seize life. You know them all, I’m sure. But nothing happens without God first determining our steps. We tend to forget that.

I never planned to live where I live now. I never planned to teach Sunday school. I never planned to be an artist. I never planned to be single or childless.

Instead, I was a dreamer who thought I could conquer the world no matter what obstacles stood before me. I naively thought I could overcome scars by sheer willpower and that I could make my life fit the dreams I carried deep inside. Foolish, I now know. Time teaches us what we refused to learn through prayer.

I’m not sure what God originally had in mind for me. I never asked. In my own defense, I was too new at loving Him and just so lost that I didn’t have a clue. I wish someone had mentored me. I wished someone had brought me in and taught me how to rely on God.

Fortunately, He had a plan for me that included drawing me closer to Him. I’m grateful that He never gave up and never let me go.

I still don’t know what His plan is for me. I try to take it day by day and trust that God will always do what is best. I know that God will determine my steps, wherever He decides I should go. He’ll open doors or close them. He’ll grant me favor or carry me through a dark valley. God will hold me close no matter the path. I will walk by faith and trust His plan.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Age Can Bring Us Closer To God

Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life. -- Proverbs 16:31

There are such gems in the Bible! This one just leapt out the other day and I wondered how I could have possibly missed it all these years. Maybe gray hair just wasn’t such an issue in the past. It is now.

I doubt many of us view gray hair as a “crown of glory.” There are a few exceptions. One friend, certainly a godly woman, wears her gray hair with pride. I doubt she’s ever really thought about coloring it. She is who she is. I admire that.

Not that I’m following her trend. I’m old enough without having a desire to look even older. I’ve reached the stage in life where everyone puts a “Miz” before my name. I try not to be offended, especially when the person doing it is older than I am.

I know. It’s a sign of respect. Sometimes I’m not only glad about that, I’m happy about it. Other times I just feel old.

It is age gained on a mountainous trek through life. I suppose some folks have an easy path. Not me. Some of it was fate. Some of it was my own doing. But it all has led me to this point of salvation and love of Jesus beyond anything I could ever have imagined.

Maybe it’s that experience that Solomon referred to when he spoke of a godly life. Tragedy, mistakes, unexpected loss, disappointment -- all those things can either draw you closer to God or give you an excuse to go your own way. The wisdom comes in realizing that the only true way is closer to God.

Some days I’d love to go back and have a redo of parts of my life. Hindsight is like that. We can clearly see all our mistakes and the paths we should have taken. But we can’t go back and, really, would we want to? We are where we are because of where we’ve been.

I don’t know if I’ll ever embrace gray hair but I have learned to accept the path that led me to Christ. I have come to understand that my love of Jesus, my commitment to Bible study, my very salvation has deepened as I made my way on that uneven path. I would never want to go back to that time before I knew how valuable that was.

　

Friday, December 9, 2011

Boast Only In God

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. -- Proverbs 16:18

Most of us have heard this at one time or another. We might not have realized it came from Solomon but it’s familiar just the same. Maybe you’ve even muttered it to yourself as you watched someone thinking more of themselves than you did. Oh, come on. Sure you have.

Nobody likes to see someone being so full of themselves that they appear to believe they’re better than anybody else. It’s that arrogance that really grates. We struggle against it speaking out. We know we’re just as wrong to condemn as they are to think too much of themselves.

But what about that pride that comes from being good at something? I know a man who has always been really good with travel directions. He could go someplace one time and years later still find it. And he never missed an opportunity to let everyone know. He also never missed a chance to laugh at someone else’s inability to do the same thing.

Small strokes have now taken bits of his mind. He can’t remember where he’s been, much less how to get there. Oh, he fakes it pretty well when he’s in an area he travels regularly. But others are noticing even as he’s denying. What he once bragged about is now gone but his pride remains strong. He’d rather get lost than admit he doesn’t know things he once knew.

Several years ago a woman I know moved her elderly father into her home. Her mother had died and her father was having a tough time. She cared for him as best she could but she couldn’t bring herself to help with baths and such. He was her father after all.

She asked her husband for assistance but he refused. He would stay with his wife’s father sometimes. He would cook for him. But he wouldn’t help with those unpleasant toiletry tasks. The elderly man died a few weeks after his wife. Two years later his son-in-law was ravaged by a brain tumor. Before he died he understood how it felt to need help bathing and to be forced to wear diapers.

I don’t mean to sound judgmental. I know what it’s like to think you’re in control of your world and living a great life. And I know what it’s like to face illness and the loss of everything you thought kept you secure. I understand that nothing is permanent and we are all dependent on God for everything. We have no reason to boast of anything beyond what He has done for us.

It’s sad to see people deteriorate. We all do it, if we live long enough. The key is to admit when our skills aren’t what they were. We should show kindness and compassion for those who aren’t as capable in some areas as we are. And we should realize that all our abilities could end in a second.

God’s grace will see us through to the end if we’ll just get past our pride and admit that we need it to carry us home.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Read The Bible For Yourself

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline."

-- Proverbs 1:7

A news report on religion in America caught my attention. It basically said we don't have a great deal of knowledge when it comes to the Bible. I wish I was surprised. I wasn't. I am forever amazed at the number of Christians who have never read the Bible.

The study found that the most knowledgable people were atheists, agnostics, Jews and Mormons. The worst? Mainline Protestants, Catholics and those who described their religion as "nothing in particular." And we wonder why God is leaving our classrooms, our workplaces, our government. We don't know Him well enough to truly invite Him into our lives and our hearts.

It's scary. How can we truly love Jesus when we don't know anything about Him? How can we worship God without ever knowing, or caring, how much He has done for us? The answer is we can't. I guess that explains why so many people don't seem to attend church anymore. They don't understand the purpose of worshiping our Holy Father.

It also concerns me that people are okay with being spoon fed their scripture. By that I mean that when we don't read and study for ourselves the Word God has given us, we just assume that preachers or any religious teachers are telling us the truth. It's sort of like signing a contract without ever having read it. Not really bright. I want to know what God says. How about you?

I know studies don't reflect the views and knowledge of everyone. But it is scary to think that Americans just don't care enough to learn and study God's Word.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Trust God But Do The Work

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." -- Proverbs 16:3

We want to do good things. We want to succeed. We want God to pave the way so that we can kind of just show up and take the glory. Oops.

Don't get me wrong. I know some people truly do work hard for the Lord. They show up when other people sleep in. They don't mind getting dirty. They pray diligently. They raise money for good causes. A few even stay in the background, refusing to accept any glory or participate in any limelight things. Others do good for others so they can feel good about themselves. They want to like the person they see in the mirror. They want other people to look on them with favor.

Other people have great plans. They seek God's will, start the journey, then wait. After all, if it truly is God's will then He'll do all the work. Won't He? God is the creator of miracles so why should they have to work to make His plans happen. They just sit back and wait -- then blame God when nothing happens.

Of course, some people seek God's will and then work hard to make it happen. They show up every day, determined and focused. They give God complete control of the project -- until He goes one way and they want to go another. That doesn't work for them. So they snatch back control and God's will becomes a thing of the past. That's never a good idea and they eventually learn why.

It's not always easy to seek God's will and work hard toward the end result. Especially since we humans tend to want it done yesterday. We forget that God's time and ours are vastly different. We get discouraged. We get frustrated and give up.

I love what David said to his son Solomon when he gave him advice on building the temple. I imagine that project might have been a little overwhelming, regardless of the fact that David had everything ready. 1 Chronicles 28:20 says, "David said to Solomon his son, 'Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you...'"

What awesome advice!!! My Bible footnotes had another great piece of advice. It said to trust God as if everything depends on Him but work as if everything depends on me. Yeah, that sounds about right.