February 4, 2018

Consider Yous Words and Choices

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. – James 1:19-20

I am choosing to keep my words to myself. I tell myself it is none of my business. Deep down inside, I am furious. They should know better.

He had surgery yesterday. Yes. It was minor surgery that only required an overnight stay in the hospital. But no surgery is really minor. Anything can go wrong, especially when the operation is on an older person with blood pressure issues.

He drove himself to the hospital. He went into surgery with no one in the waiting room. He has family who could have been there. They should have been there. They chose not to be.

I am sure this man is not innocent. He led me to believe that his daughter would be at the hospital as soon as she took the kids to school. Nope. That was never part of the plan. He didn’t contradict me when I asked if his son would be coming when his daughter left to pick the kids up.

Maybe I spent too many years as a caregiver. Maybe I was too close to his late wife, a woman who would never have allowed him to be at the hospital alone.

He is the only one in his immediate family who isn’t in the medical field. They should have known better. Apparently, they didn’t.

I should have known better too. Maybe that’s why I’m so angry. I know he plays word games with people. He’s just like my Mother in that. He misled me in order to get me to believe what he wanted. I never did convince her that she was being dishonest. I don’t think I’ll even try with him. What’s the point?

He had his reasons. He didn’t want to bother anyone. He didn’t want to worry them. Yet they should have been worried. We all should have been.

My gut told me to cancel the trip to take my cousin to see her sick daughter. I was so torn. Worry for someone I love vs. being there for someone I care about. I trusted his family to step up. I shouldn’t have. It won’t happen again.

I lost both of my parents within a short period of time. Their needs and illnesses consumed my life for years. I don’t regret any of it. I did what I needed to do to help them. I would do it again.

I am increasingly learning that most people don’t view it that way. It is their choice. It is their right. I need to hold my tongue and consider carefully before I speak. It isn’t my job to convict or admonish them on how they treat their parents. The Holy Spirit truly doesn’t need my help.

Caregiving isn’t easy or convenient. Nor is admitting that sometimes we all need help. And holding my tongue? Well, that’s not easy either. But I’m working on it. I really truly am.