Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Biggest Critics Never Step Up

Moses returned to the LORD and said, “O Lord, why have you brought trouble upon this people? Is this why you sent me? Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has brought trouble upon this people, and you have not rescued your people at all.“ -- Exodus 5:22-23

Sometimes when it seems I are doing everything I can to follow God and do His will, there is a chorus all around of people giving directions. No one wants to step up but they sure seem to know how to tell me what to do and how to do it and, in some cases, even when to do it.

I try really hard to control my tongue. I seek words of wisdom, trying to unite rather than say exactly what I think and feel. The resentment builds up inside of me and anger emerges. Then it is no longer about them but about me. My heart is hurt and I want desperately to lash out, to hurt those who have hurt me.

Max Lucado says that resentment comes from hurt. I’ve come to see the truth in that. Knowing it, acknowledging it, helps me take it to God and lay it at His feet. I don’t want a hardened heart. I don’t want to be angry and bitter. I simply want to do His will in His way and in His time.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? It’s anything but simple. Because where there is ministry, there is a host of personalities and conflict is bound to arise. Everyone has a different view of what should be done and, to some degree, that’s okay.

My problem comes when those with the loudest voices refuse to step up and actually do what they are demanding that I do. They know which Bible study they’d like to do. They know the time they’d like to do it. They know the format. But they aren’t willing to do it. They aren’t willing to make the commitment to actually show up themselves. They simply want it available for them if it’s convenient.

And I resent that. Last spring I felt forced to do a second Bible study to finish out the school year. I didn’t want to do it. I was burned out and wanted a break. The chorus was loud and I agreed. God led me to a wonderful book and we were all blessed by it.

During the weeks of study, every single person in the group missed at least one session. Some missed two or three. Everyone seemed to have something better come up, from vacation to kids’ activities, to family events. I’m not denying the importance of those things. However, why was it that the one person (me) who most didn’t want to do the study ended up being the only person who had to be there every week?

I spent a lot of time with God on that one. And, as I said, we were blessed by the study. Yet here I am again. We are completing a study and the harping has begun over which will be the next study. I’ve already told them that someone else needs to step up. They keep pointing the finger at me. I’m not sure I can get past the hurt to do another one. Sadly, I’m not sure they even see past themselves to realize what their attitudes are doing to me.

So I’ve given it to God. He’s had it all along anyway. He needs to decide what study we should do, when we should do it and who should lead the discussions. Some folks are bound to be unhappy but, hey, that’s just how it goes. Either step up or shut up. As hard as that sounds, sometimes that’s just the only way.