July 16, 2023

 

Are You Willing?

 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1:9

 

I was reading a devotional the other day about those who refuse to confess their sins. You know them. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions. They are forever pointing fingers and blaming others for their decisions. They don’t change because they don’t see the need to do so.

 

It really hit home with me because I love someone who is doing just this. He has destroyed his family and, likely, will eventually destroy himself because he won’t admit that he did something wrong.

 

We tend to think of people like this as drug addicts or thieves but that’s not always the case. Sometimes it’s someone who commits adultery. It might be someone who can’t manage money and bankrupts themselves and their family. It could be someone who always lies just because they can.

 

It can also be someone who is abusive. How often do abusers blame their victims? How many times do rapists say it wasn’t their fault?

 

Jesus offers us a lifeline. He beckons us forward to confess our sins. He promises to forgive us and help us to be different, to do different, if we will only draw near to our Savior. It might be the hardest thing we ever do. It will also be the best thing we could ever do.

 

In my loved one’s case, he’s still pointing fingers and blaming others. He’s angry and lashes out at those around him. He wants to be “happy” but he’s the unhappiest he’s ever been. No one can reach him. Jesus waits but for now He’s on the sidelines.

 

Do you know anyone like that? Maybe you are that person? Does anger consume you? Is everything bad that happens always someone else’s fault? Are you putting yourself before everyone you claim to love?

 

Jesus waits. He’s ready to help you. But first you have to confess your sins. You must accept responsibility. You have to lay down your pride and admit you don’t have all the answers. Jesus has the answers. He alone can free you and heal you. Are you willing to let Him?

August 15, 2018

Do You Make Mistakes?

Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

– Proverbs 28:13

It’s comical. Really. It is. She absolutely refuses to accept responsibility, insisting that I am somehow at fault for her missing a committee meeting.

Let me explain. At the last meeting, the committee set the day, time and place for the next meeting. She was sitting right next to me in that meeting. She never said one word about a conflict or that a particular day never works for her. Until she realized three weeks later that she couldn’t come because of another meeting.

I don’t know her schedule. Honestly, I don’t want to know her schedule. We’re all adults. I checked my calendar, as did the other committee members. She didn’t. That’s not my fault. It’s not anyone else’s fault. She made a mistake. But she won’t admit that, not will she let it go. We are all shaking our heads in astonishment.

Why is it so hard to admit when we’re wrong? We all make mistakes. We all mess up. Why can’t we admit it and move on? Why do we need to keep defending ourselves and pointing the finger long after we should have moved on?

I suppose it’s easier than looking in the mirror and facing the truth. This was such a small issue but small issues have a way of revealing larger truths. What we do in the small things reflects how we live our lives in the big things. Maybe that’s what we are trying to hide.

A friend shared a story about a new pastor who rode a city bus one day. When he got to his seat, the pastor realized the bus driver had given him an extra quarter in change. What to do? It’s only a quarter. It really isn’t a big deal. Surely, it’s not worth the time to give it back?

But the pastor, when he got ready to get off the bus, felt a nudge inside. He handed over the quarter to the driver, explaining that he’d gotten too much change. The driver simply smiled. It seems the driver was looking for a new church and the extra quarter was a test. He had heard about the pastor but he wanted to check him out first. The bus driver told the pastor he would see him on Sunday.

It was just a quarter. But it wasn’t about the quarter. It was about integrity. What we do with the small things in life reflects how we will live the big ones.

I am sad for my friend. I am sad for any of us who feel we can’t confess a mistake and move on. I’m sad about pointing fingers. And I’m sad that I can’t really trust her on the big things anymore.

Most people are filled with mercy when others make a mistake. Why? Because we’ve all been there. It’s what makes us human. It’s what helps us unite with others. Think about it. Who wants to hang around someone who is perfect all the time? Who wants to share secrets and life with someone who always gets it right?

So, the next time you make a mistake just admit it. Then move on. And the next time someone else makes a mistake, be gracious and move on. No one wins when someone refuses to step up and take responsibility for his own mistakes.

April 27, 2016

Take Responsibility

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. -- James 3:13

We go through our days making decisions and every decision has consequences. Some consequences are good and some aren’t. But every decision has a consequence.

As adults, we have the right to make our own decisions. So long as what we are doing is legal, that is. But do we have the right to make decisions that harm others? People do it all the time.

It’s not always an easy choice. Let’s look at it this way: You are offered a new job. It means more money, better insurance benefits. That sounds wonderful. You’ll be better able to care for your family.

But what happens if that same job will take you out of town all the time, so that your spouse becomes a single parent and you miss your kids activities? It’s your choice but that choice will impact your family. Shouldn’t they have a voice in that decision?

Let’s take it a step further. Shouldn’t we then accept responsibility for our choices? We do that when things turn out well but not so much when things blow up. We start pointing our guilty fingers, trying to put the blame on someone else. Anyone else. And that just makes the whole thing so much worse.

A television talk show host yesterday talked about respect. She made a really good point. She was talking about respect in the workplace but I think it’s true in life. When we take responsibility for our choices, we are showing respect for those around us. We owe them that.

Maybe that’s especially true when our choice turns out to be really, really bad. When people get hurt. When lives are forever altered. Like when one spouse has an affair and it destroys a family.

Don’t lie about it. Don’t try to cover it up long after it’s been revealed. And for sure don’t blame your spouse for your choice. There are always consequences. Always.

So try always to use wisdom and lead a good life. Seek God’s counsel and make wise choices. Let Him guide your footsteps and take responsibility for your missteps.

March 23, 2016

Admit Responsibility

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. -- 1 John 1:9

A dear friend is heartbroken. Her son -- her only son -- is in jail again. My prayer, and hers, is not for a merciful judge who will hand down a lighter sentence. Nor is it for evidence to make his latest mistake go away.

No our prayer for this young man is that he will come to understand what he has done is wrong. No more excuses. No more pointing the finger at someone else. Because until he looks in the mirror and accepts responsibility for his actions, he will never truly heal and change. Until he admits what he has done and sincerely tries to change, relationships with those he loves can never be fully restored. It is a hard truth.

It is almost natural for our fallen human nature to deny responsibility for anything bad. We deny our part. We make excuses. We dig ourselves deeper and deeper into the abyss. It’s like we somehow think we can fake our way out of it.

But truth always catches up with us. Always. You’ve probably heard that what goes around, come around. It’s a cliché but it’s true. Lies don’t stand the test of time. They are always revealed in the end.

Have you ever watched someone trying to cover up a mistake? It starts with one lie, one bad choice. Denial leads to another lie, then another and another, until the entire episode takes on a life of its own. The person never intended for it all to unfold as it did but pride won’t let him take it back.

There’s nothing wrong with “I’m sorry.” The words “I was wrong” are pretty powerful. But we don’t want to say them. In fact, we’ll do just about anything to keep from saying them.

Except, of course, for those who throw the words out and don’t mean them at all. “I’m sorry” doesn’t mean much when you go and do it again. “I was wrong” loses its effectiveness when your smirk indicates you don’t mean it.

God is faithful to forgive us when we confess and change our ways. But to do that, we’ve got to admit we need to take a different path. This young man has made mistake after mistake, each one escalating in degree as he denied responsibility. It’s easy to judge him but are any of us really any different? We all make mistakes. Admit it, ask for forgiveness and make a different choice.

March 3, 2016

Take Responsibility

When Pilate saw that he was getting nowhere, but that instead an uproar was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd. “I am innocent of this man’s blood,” he said. “It is your responsibility!” -- Matthew 27:24

Pilate didn’t want to take responsibility for killing Jesus. It was what the crowd demanded, the Jews, the ones Jesus had come to save. It had to happen this way. We know that. Because Jesus would die, rise three days later, and save all of us who believe.

But on that day, Pilate wanted no part of what was happening. He was part of it. We all are. We all played a part in the death of Jesus. We still do. Every time we look the other way, every time we have something better to do, every time we put ourselves first, we kill Jesus all over.

Years ago I had a roommate who informed me one day that she just didn’t feel at home in the apartment we shared. The blame of course was mine. Except it wasn’t. I suggested she stop treating the apartment like a hotel and start cleaning it like a home. After she got over the shock, she did. See it was never going to feel like her home until she started taking responsibility for its upkeep. So long as she simply showed up to watch television with her boyfriend and to sleep, it was never going to feel like home.

We’re like that with church. We show up on Sundays and wonder why we don’t feel close to other church members. We don’t have time for classes or special events or programs. We want the church -- its members -- to be there for us when it’s convenient but we don’t want to be bothered when it’s not. We can’t develop close relationships, whether in church, family, neighborhood or work, without spending time cultivating those relationships. We have to take responsibility for making it happen and not wait for someone else to do it for us.

We’re always full of ideas for things other people should do. We want to fix everyone else but ourselves. We don’t want to take responsibility. It’s just so much easier to point the finger elsewhere, to wash our hands so to speak, of whatever we’re facing. Then we get angry when it doesn’t work out the way we wanted.

Pilate didn’t want to kill Jesus. He knew Jesus was innocent. But the crowd, well, the crowd was determined. Pilate washed his hands and refused to take responsibility but he could never erase his own guilt. Neither can we. Whether you accept responsibility or not, it still belongs to you.