July 14, 2018

Double Standards Anyone?

The LORD detests differing weights, and dishonest scales do not please him.

– Proverbs 20:23

Come to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

– James 4:8

Okay, let’s all get our excuses out. “Everybody else does it.” “Well, so-and-so did it!” “I was just going along with everyone else.” “Well, it’s not against the law.” “I can handle it.”

Did you think of a few more? I’m sure you probably did. When it comes to making excuses for our actions, attitudes and words, we’re quick to justify ourselves.

Except there is no justification for doing something we know is wrong, no matter how many people do the same thing. There also is no justification for judging two people by two different standards.

We judge people we don’t know based on standards we don’t uphold. We don’t see it that way, of course. We’re too high up in our opinions to actually try and listen and understand another point of view. We shut their voices out. We’re disgusted by their views. We’re so busy being “right” that we can’t see how wrong we are.

Do you want to start a fight on Facebook? Just mention President Trump’s past marital indiscretions. The defense that comes from good Christians? Well, look at Bill Clinton.

Indeed, let’s look. Does one person’s bad behavior justify the bad behavior of another person? No. It doesn’t. Nor does it justify the sad fact that people who condemned Clinton – understandably – now make excuses for Trump. It’s called a double standard.

We’ve used it for years in politics and in social circles. Someone who is poor and an alcoholic is called every kind of name. No compassion is offered at all. Someone who is rich and an alcoholic gets offered sympathy and rehab and a hush-hush about it. News flash: An alcoholic is an alcoholic no matter how much money is involved.

It’s why for so long children in middle-class and upper-class homes were over looked when it came to abuse and neglect. We assumed it couldn’t happen in “good” neighborhoods like our own. We judged based on economics and appearance rather than fact and heart.

We do the same to justify our own behavior. Everyone fudges on their expense accounts, so what’s the big deal? Well, it was just a little white lie to make someone look good. It’s a cut-throat world and you’ve got to “get” someone before they do the same to you. My child has worked hard and deserves to be on the team, in the performance, or in the group. Besides, I give a lot of money to your organization. That can go away, you know.

Does any of this sound familiar? You’d be furious at anyone who did these things to you. Why do you think it’s okay to do them to someone else? Where did we ever get the idea that it was okay to judge with a double standard? Certainly not from God.

March 8, 2018

True Friends Are Like Gold

Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable? – Proverbs 20:6 (NLT)

Many a person proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find? -- Proverbs 20:6 (ESV)

How many friends do you have? Are you sure about that? Are they truly friends or merely acquaintances? Are they people you can count on in a crisis or are they people who only show up for the party?

I know. We don’t like to think about it, do we? We get so enamored by all the people we “know” that we allow ourselves to believe a warped perspective of it all.

I’m not bashing your friends. I’m also not bashing my friends. I am blessed beyond anything I could imagine by the people God has placed in my life.

However, I have learned something really important, something really basic, when it comes to friendship. It’s this: It doesn’t matter how wonderful someone is to your face. What matters is what they do and say, or don’t do and say, when you aren’t with them.

It’s not something we like to think about. We don’t want to consider what people say about us when we aren’t there. Do they defend us against unjust criticism? Do they voice their own negative views about us? Do they talk about us with others? Do they tell confidences, assuming we’ll never know?

Life is hard sometimes. What makes it harder is finding out that someone you trusted was someone who never really had your back. The betrayal stings. No amount of excuses ever quite erases the aftermath.

There’s a flip side to that, of course. What happens when you’re on the other side? Are you quick to defend your friends or do you remain silent when someone says something ugly about them? Do you join in the criticisms or do you speak up and walk away?

I’m sure none of us ever consider that we’re gossiping. We probably don’t think that sharing is the same as breaking a confidence. It is.

Here’s something else to consider: If someone is telling you something about someone else, what do you think that person is telling others about you? Do you believe your “friendship” makes you immune to the ugliness? It doesn’t. People who think it’s okay to bash one person usually don’t think anything about bashing others as well.

As I said earlier, I am blessed by the people God has brought into my life. I have been prayed for and carried when I didn’t think I could survive another day. I have wonderful people who laugh with me and teach me and check on me regularly.

And then there are those who ask all the right questions but for all the wrong reasons. Do you know what I’m talking about? Have you felt that sting of betrayal before?

I really don’t care so much anymore about how nice someone is to my face. I take it for what it is: A pleasant relationship. But friendship? That’s something way more. Friends are those who defend me behind my back and keep my confidences. They are more valuable than gold. And I treasure them beyond anything. I sure hope you are blessed to have true friends in your life. There’s nothing quite like them. Nothing at all.

January 18, 2018

Rid Yourself of Double Standards

The LORD detests differing weights, and dishonest scales do not please him. – Proverbs 20:23

He snarls at me in disdain. Venom drips from a mouth that usually smiles as insincerely as his words. He has judged me and found me guilty. It infuriates him that I won’t confess my “sin.”

I shake my head and walk away. No matter how many lies he’s heard and told, those lies don’t become truth. My conscious is clear. I am not perfect. No way. But I did not do this vile thing he’s determined to blame on me.

I consider his own life as I walk away. It is in shambles. His dishonesty and venom have finally poisoned those closest to him. They have moved away, deciding that distance is better than the drama and turmoil that is a constant in his life.

It is easier to judge me and a situation that is really none of his business than to look in the mirror and judge himself. Do you know someone like that? Have you encountered someone determined to condemn you while making excuses for their own disasters?

Maybe you’ve been that person. It sure is easier to see the speck in someone else’s eye than to see the plank in our own. (Matthew 7:3) We make excuses for our own conduct while condemning someone else.

Another woman speaks highly of trust. She just can’t have a relationship with someone she can’t trust. I hold my tongue – barely. She is one of the least trustworthy people I know. She is a backstabber and a liar. She manipulates people for her own purposes. Yet she gets angry if someone else doesn’t behave as she things they should. She is blind to her own double standards.

It’s just so easy to judge others with a different measuring stick than the one we judge ourselves with.

We hate lies but we told one today rather than admit to our friend that we went on an adventure without them. We can’t abide excuses yet that’s just what we offer up when we fail to do what we’ve promised our kids we would do. We preach a sermon to anyone who will listen but we don’t live our own lives with integrity.

None of us are perfect. None of us have all the answers. And not one of us truly knows the heart of another person. It doesn’t stop us from judging.

The next time you’re inclined to condemn someone else, take a moment to look in the mirror. What do you see? A flawed person who has made his share of mistakes. Close your mouth and ask God for forgiveness for the double standard that lives in your heart.