July 10, 2023

 

Stop Gossiping

 

Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. – James 1:26

 

She started her Facebook post with the words “I heard.” That was the telltale sign. She wasn’t passing on factual information. She was passing on something that may or may not be true. Her justification? It might be against her religious beliefs.

 

I could only shake my head and remove the post from my news feed. It’s not the first time this “devout” Christian has passed on something like this. She’s a huge gossip who never bothers to check her “facts” before posting something.

 

You will never convince her that this is wrong. I’ve tried. If pushed, she just explains that it’s her opinion. That she’s harming people, sometimes people she doesn’t even know, doesn’t faze her a bit. Her “values” are tied up falsehoods. And she wonders why so many people are turning from God.

 

We Christians don’t live by the same standards we require of others. Yes. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. I’m really not talking about that. It’s more a lofty, condescending attitude that we know better than anyone else.  How sad.

 

Whoever conceals hatred with lying lips and spreads slander is a fool.

– Proverbs 10:18

 

She claims to love everyone. She tosses the words around like they are a given. And then she puffs up to proclaim judgement. It’s that hypocrisy nonbelievers keep talking about. Her talk of love belies her quick condemnation of anyone who disagrees with her views. Her knowledge of the Bible is skewed as she uses its words as weapons to slaughter rather than words to heal.

 

Maybe I am no different. How many times have I used words to harm rather than heal? Haven’t we all done so? As Christians, we are called to bring others toward Jesus with the light we shine into this dark world. That begins with paying attention to our words. Stop gossiping and start feeding people hope.

August 21, 2019

Careless Words

Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. – James 4:11

It was a casual comment. One of those meant – supposedly – to offer a suggestion. Hurt feelings. Allegedly. Some unnamed person or committee “should” have done things differently. Words said in a group of people who aren’t involved and have no knowledge of actual events.

Was it about gossip? Was it about concern? Only God truly knows. But one thing is certain: the words shouldn’t have been said.

The subject was immediately changed but the seeds of division were planted. This is how rumors and gossip get started. We offer public opinions on what might or might not be true. We judge situations that don’t involve us. We speak words when we should have remained silent.

As brothers and sisters in Christ, we have a responsibility to guard our tongues and our attitudes. We should use our words to build others up. Why do we find it so difficult to stay in our lane and out of discussions that have nothing to do with us. Why do we insist on trying to destroy ourselves from within by spreading slander?

Careless words can cause harm far beyond what we could ever imagine. Choose your words carefully and, when in doubt, remain silent.

September 15, 2018

Watch Your Motives

Whoever slanders their neighbor in secret, I will put to silence; whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart, I will not tolerate. – Psalm 101:5

There’s always that one person. You know who I’m talking about. It’s the one who is constantly jockeying for position. The one who simply must be in charge. The one who is convinced that he or she knows more than anyone else. In Jesus’ name, of course.

It’s almost comical but, really, it’s just so sad. They miss the opportunity to be part of a team. They miss the chance to share ideas and, maybe, come up with something even better. They miss the comradery that comes when you work together to glorify God.

But it’s not about glorifying God. It’s about being in charge. It’s about looking good. It’s about me, my, I. It’s about power and ego.

A man began a good work. He went into the county jail and ministered to the men who were incarcerated there. How wonderful! It’s what the Bible tells us to do. I want to believe he was sincere in the beginning. I choose to believe he truly was called and it really was about Jesus.

But somewhere along the path, it became about him. “He” saved people. “He” was in charge. I once had a conversation with him about the ministry. Really, it was more about me listening and him talking. He never once mentioned Jesus or God or the Holy Spirit. He didn’t even mention the inmates. All he talked about was himself and the good he was doing. It was just sad.

A woman took over a ministry at church. She was certainly qualified on the skill level. It seemed like a perfect fit. And, in some ways, it is. But it’s not about leading others to Christ. It isn’t about growing in faith or deepening our relationship with Him or even each other.

It’s about growing her business as she constantly invites attendees to her store. It’s about “her” students and “her” choices. It’s about the pretty baskets and the gossip and the fun. She’s invited so many people but it’s pretty obvious she hasn’t invited Jesus. What a wasted opportunity.

Did you pick up on that word I mentioned? Gossip. Both of these people are all about gossip. They’re just telling the “facts.” They’re just passing on a prayer request. They’re just sharing useful “information.” But it’s all the same thing: they’re talking badly about others in an effort to turn those who listen against someone else or, at the least, cause others to think badly of someone.

And they’re using Jesus’ name to do it. I know. This is one of my buttons, if you will. Don’t use Jesus to try and justify your sin. Just don’t. It doesn’t matter if it’s gossip, slander, looking down on the poor, or being cruel to people who are different. Jesus isn’t in any of that. He isn’t.

Now that we’ve talked about someone else – without naming names of course – what do you do when you’re there with them? Do you ignore it and just do your thing? Do you listen but refuse to comment? Do you join in because you want to be part of the group? Peer pressure isn’t limited to adolescents. It’s alive and well among adults.

It’s not easy to call someone out for gossiping. It’s not easy to refuse to be part of something that is wrong. Yet that’s what we are called to do. Do you have the strength of character to tell someone not to talk publicly about another? Or are you too afraid of what they might say about you behind your back?

The man I mentioned earlier? Well, God caused him to lose his hearing for a time and he no longer participates in that ministry. When we behave badly, God will do what He must to get us back to where He wants us to be. Every time.

August 21, 2018

Gossip Destroys

A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.

– Proverbs 16:28

Our pastor calls it triangulation. One person talks negatively about another person. The person who hears the negative words then turns against the person being talked about. It doesn’t matter if the words are true or not. It destroys relationships. It destroys churches.

Can you imagine a church whose members refused to talk about anyone else except to build the person up? Can you imagine a church whose members prayed over those who were hurt, made a mistake, or didn’t measure up to the world’s standards?

It’s hard to imagine such a place, isn’t it? Do you know why? Because we aren’t certain such a church exists.

We call it church politics. All that behind the scenes maneuvering that puts the “right” people in the “right” positions to control what’s going on at the church. Pastors learn to step lightly lest they land on the toes of the wrong people. It’s not about doing what’s right. It’s about doing what’s politically correct within the church walls.

Gossip abounds. We call it “prayer requests.” We share all the sordid details, whether it’s an illness or a scandal. We just have to know it all in order to pray properly. Seriously?! God knows the details. And, honestly, how many of those listening to the requests will actually offer up fervent prayer for someone in need?

Have you ever had someone turn away from you for what seems like no reason only to find that someone else has spread lies about you? It’s a heartbreaking situation. There’s really nothing you can do. Once lies have been planted it’s impossible to erase their impact. You can get angry and turn vindictive. Or you can take your hurts to God and trust Him to handle it. He will. God hates gossip and slander.

Why do people gossip? I don’t know. Maybe it’s to focus on other people rather than themselves. It’s that voyeuristic side of us that fuels reality television. We tell ourselves that no matter how bad things are in our own lives, at least they aren’t as bad as in someone else’s life. It’s sad, isn’t it?

Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down. – Proverbs 26:20

We can be part of the cure. We can refuse to listen. We can walk away. We can change the subject. We can turn it immediately into prayer for both the person who is being talked about and the person doing the talking. The quickest way to stop gossip is to refuse to participate.

August 16, 2018

Who Do You Talk About?

Therefore confess your sins to each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. – James 5:16

Who have you talked about today? Oh, come on. Be honest. It’s only between you and God and He knows the truth anyway.

We love to talk about people, don’t we? We love to pass on the “news” and hear all the details that are really none of our business. Does it make us feel better about ourselves? Does it help us avoid focusing on our own problems?

We’re all guilty. We are. We’d rather talk about someone than spend time in prayer about them and for them. In fact, oftentimes gossip masquerades as a “prayer request.” It’s a common way of talking about others in a small-group church gathering. Stop it! God knows the details so you don’t have to repeat them. Simply ask your group to pray for someone and leave it at that.

We often consider ourselves justified. We get angry at someone and we go around telling “our side” to anyone and everyone who will listen. We stir up trouble. We tear apart relationships. We wallow in sin.

Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. – James 4:11

We like to justify ourselves, don’t we? We claim a faith we don’t live but we don’t have a clue we aren’t living it. We stay so focused on fixing others, judging them, telling others about their “sins” that we miss our own sins.

Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.

– James 1:26

What would happen if Christians started praying for people instead of talking about them? How would your life change, how would your heart change, if every time you thought badly of someone you prayed for them instead? How would your words change if you stopped sharing anything except what would build someone else up? How would our world change if we stopped fighting about our differences and prayed for unity?

Some of the most hateful people I know are “prayerful” Christians. They are so busy pointing fingers and commenting on the flaws of others that they miss the point. They miss Jesus’ words about loving others. Or, if they “heard” them, they mistakenly think He meant to love only people exactly like themselves.

Our pastor reminded us Sunday that John Wesley had three rules of faith. The first was to do no harm. That means never sharing a falsehood about someone else. It means not airing your personal grievances about someone to everyone who will listen. It means learning to control your loose tongue.

The second rule was to do good. If someone harms you, treat them with kindness. If you can help someone who can never repay you, do so with a smile and with gracious words. Go the extra step. Be kind. Be merciful.

And abide in fellowship with God. In all things and at all times, seek Him. Words can never be recovered once they are spoken. They carry a lasting impact long after the fuss has disappeared. They destroy far more than we realize.

Pray for people. Don’t talk about it. Just go into a quiet room and pray. Focus on fixing yourself and trust God with the outcome of all the rest.

April 15, 2018

Don’t Bring Your “Rules” To Church

Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. – James 4:11

I wonder what would happen if we looked to see the good around us rather than focusing in on what is wrong. I wonder how we would all change if we bit back our critical words and instead offered words of encouragement and strength?

I know this has been a column theme for several days. It keeps showing up all around me. God’s Spirit leads me to focus in, to see, to point out, all the ways we use words to destroy rather than build up.

Am I guilty? Absolutely. This column isn’t about me looking down on others but rather about seeing the guilt that belongs to all of us. And we are all guilty. We have all used words to slander others. Anger. Hurt. Bitterness. Rage. They’re all factors.

Some people say that when you criticize someone else, you’re really criticizing yourself. We see our flaws in other people and it upsets us so we lash out. I don’t know if that’s true or not. I do believe we sometimes lash out at others to hide our own flaws, our own hurts, our own disappointments.

The Pharisees got it wrong. So do we. How often do we get so focused on what we want that we miss what God wants?

Our pastor recently shared something on Facebook about children in the church. The commentary encouraged people to bring their kids, to sit up front, not to hang our heads and be upset if they were noisy or didn’t always pay attention. Kids are kids. Welcome them as Jesus did.

Not everyone sees it that way. They expect every child to be perfectly behaved at all times. That’s not realistic. Does it mean children and their parents should stay home? Of course not! But every time we cast a disapproving glance their way, every time we make an ugly comment about their unruly child, every time we shake our heads, that’s exactly what we’re telling them.

One of the reasons I like the contemporary worship service I attend is the mixture of folks who attend. Some are dressed in the traditional suit and tie. Others come in jeans and flip flops. Nobody cares. Everyone seems to know God is more interested in our hearts than our attire.

It also solves another issue that many people don’t understand. Those who can’t afford fancy clothes don’t feel out of place. Are you shocked? Don’t be. A sweet friend tells about a young family with three small daughters who didn’t attend Easter services at her church. The reason? The family couldn’t afford three new dresses and the mama didn’t want her children to be the subject of comments and putdowns. It’s sad. I’ve heard those comments. I’ve witnessed the ugliness when some believe that the “rules” of the church have been violated.

Sometimes it seems that we’ve lost our focus and the purpose of Sunday worship. We focus on the things that don’t matter – like dress, style of music, and children crying – and forget to worship God and cleanse our own hearts of filth.

The law is a good thing when it accomplishes God’s purposes. Don’t use it to dirty His message with your own views.

February 19, 2018

Trust God

The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool. – Proverbs 10:18

He is a friend, a relative, a co-worker. She is a neighbor, a fellow parent or church member. You think you all get along. While you aren’t super close, the relationship in your eyes is friendly and warm.

Then you find out – quite by accident – that you’ve been unfriended on Facebook. You ask a few subtle questions of mutual friends. Nothing. Do you start a conversation with this person? Do you just let it go?

It stings. There’s no way around it.

Then there’s the person who spends his days bashing you. Never to your face, of course. He’s so sweet and kind. You almost believe his lies. Except for the people who ask if you know what he’s saying behind your back. It happens once, twice, numerous times.

You could confront him. What’s the point? He is following a pattern of behavior he’s engaged in throughout his life. You’ve heard him bash others the same way he is now bashing you.

What bothers you the most about it all is the hypocrisy of it. That’s especially true when the offender is a fellow church member or someone who loudly proclaims his faith to the world. You wonder if anyone else sees the trouble with someone who is nice to your face and yet slams you behind your back.

One man is such a public Christian. He can quote the Bible verse after verse. He offers up the most beautiful prayers, being sure to lay hands on people and proclaim their healing. He is quick to teach, to save souls, to proclaim all God has done for him.

His life behind this persona is totally different. Those who have known him long and well just shake their heads. They hear the lies and have for as long as they have known him. They don’t miss how he takes credit for things only Jesus can do. As one relative said, “The devil quotes the Bible too.”

He is a snake, waiting in the grass to attack his unsuspecting victims. His mouth runs wild with venom, lies designed to destroy. All in God’s name of course. And all behind the back of those he claims to care about.

It’s never easy to feel the sting of rejection and betrayal. Understand that it’s not about you. And know that it doesn’t come from God. You can face the situation and try to resolve it or you can simply let it go. Forgive and move on, being ever watchful for the next attack.

People who think it’s okay to slander people behind their backs are fools not worth knowing. Don’t stoop to their level. Don’t retaliate. God is the defender of His children. Keep your own counsel, venting only to God. Trust that He will handle it because He will.