August 21, 2018

Gossip Destroys

A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.

– Proverbs 16:28

Our pastor calls it triangulation. One person talks negatively about another person. The person who hears the negative words then turns against the person being talked about. It doesn’t matter if the words are true or not. It destroys relationships. It destroys churches.

Can you imagine a church whose members refused to talk about anyone else except to build the person up? Can you imagine a church whose members prayed over those who were hurt, made a mistake, or didn’t measure up to the world’s standards?

It’s hard to imagine such a place, isn’t it? Do you know why? Because we aren’t certain such a church exists.

We call it church politics. All that behind the scenes maneuvering that puts the “right” people in the “right” positions to control what’s going on at the church. Pastors learn to step lightly lest they land on the toes of the wrong people. It’s not about doing what’s right. It’s about doing what’s politically correct within the church walls.

Gossip abounds. We call it “prayer requests.” We share all the sordid details, whether it’s an illness or a scandal. We just have to know it all in order to pray properly. Seriously?! God knows the details. And, honestly, how many of those listening to the requests will actually offer up fervent prayer for someone in need?

Have you ever had someone turn away from you for what seems like no reason only to find that someone else has spread lies about you? It’s a heartbreaking situation. There’s really nothing you can do. Once lies have been planted it’s impossible to erase their impact. You can get angry and turn vindictive. Or you can take your hurts to God and trust Him to handle it. He will. God hates gossip and slander.

Why do people gossip? I don’t know. Maybe it’s to focus on other people rather than themselves. It’s that voyeuristic side of us that fuels reality television. We tell ourselves that no matter how bad things are in our own lives, at least they aren’t as bad as in someone else’s life. It’s sad, isn’t it?

Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down. – Proverbs 26:20

We can be part of the cure. We can refuse to listen. We can walk away. We can change the subject. We can turn it immediately into prayer for both the person who is being talked about and the person doing the talking. The quickest way to stop gossip is to refuse to participate.

April 17, 2016

Watch Your Mouth At Church

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. -- Romans 12:9-13

One of the most gossip-ridden places you can ever go is -- are you ready for this -- a church. One of the most hateful places you can ever go is -- you guessed it -- a church. One of the most polarizing places you can ever go is a church.

How sad is that?

We tell ourselves we aren’t really gossiping, we’re just giving a prayer request. Really? Sounds a lot like gossip.

What’s the difference? Did you give information you didn’t need to share? Did you criticize the person? Did you talk about finances or personal situations? Or did you simply say Jane is going through a divorce and needs our prayers -- and leave it there?

We don’t like to think of churches -- of Christians -- as being hateful. They are. Don’t think so? Take a listen next time someone “different” comes in the door.

“Did you see how she was dressed? That’s certainly not appropriate for church.” Or, “Can’t they control their children? I’d paddle them. That would make them mind.” Then there’s “I can’t believe they were asking for money for a mission trip. Sounds more like a vacation to me. If they want to do something good, they can start right here.”

Then there are the people who play people off of each other. They like to start a fuss. They are always critical and always have a better way of doing things. They go around badmouthing individuals they disagree with, all for the “good” of the church. Of course.

One of the saddest things ever is when a church splits because its members can’t work out their differences. That’s not about Christ and it’s certainly not from the Bible. It’s about pride and ego. No, sorry, it’s not about principles either. That’s just an excuse to get your own way.

We are called to love one another. We are to see the good in others and be patient when they fall short of our expectations, just as they are to be patient with us when we fall short of their expectations.

Watch your mouth at church today and every day. Be wise with your words, be kind and welcoming. Remember that Jesus hears every word. Be sure you’re saying something you would want Him to hear.