Sunday, May 13, 2012

Be Sensitive This Mother’s Day

He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” -- Matthew 12:48-50

Mother’s Day is the only Sunday of the year that I’d really rather not go to church. I used to avoid it. Now I force myself to go. I smile. I get through it. But it brings up pain and memories I’d rather forget.

I know I’m not alone in this. But we who hurt on this day are a minority. It’s not that I don’t celebrate for all those who have children and grandchildren. I’m thrilled for them and thankful that they allow me to participate even a little in the lives of their children and grandchildren.

This day means nothing for some women. They never wanted children. When they think of mothers, they think of the woman who birthed them and not a longing that will never be fulfilled. They made a choice and are happy with it.

For others, this day brings great joy. A dear friend looks forward to the birth of a child in August. She and her husband are planning to adopt this baby. He will be an answer to prayers for so many people who have supported them, cried with them, and walked with them on this journey. This new life will be embraced by parents who have ached for a child.

Others dislike Mother’s Day because of their relationship with their own mothers. For those of us who were unloved and unwanted, this day is yet another reminder of what we didn’t have and won’t ever have. What is not important 364 days of the year, suddenly resurfaces on this day.

We’re told to celebrate our mothers. We’re expected to be filled with love and thanks and looked down on if we don‘t. One woman struggles even now with her mother. She goes through the motions, making sure her children know this woman who birthed her. Thankfully, her mother actually seems to love her grandchildren. But she remains critical and mean to her daughter. Who could ever be thankful for that?

Of course, some mothers are blessings. It’s wonderful to watch someone blossom into the truly loving, self-sacrificing person we think a mother should be. It’s truly joyous to see. And I am glad that those wonderful women have a day to celebrate who they are and that special role that have in their lives.

But please be sensitive this day to those who ache with emptiness. Please don’t assume that every mother is or was wonderful and loving and kind. For some, this day is filled with joy and happiness. For others, it is a day of pain.