May 4, 2018

Why Won’t God Answer?

Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.

– Isaiah 59:1-2

“Why won’t God answer my prayers?” Her voice was quiet, the weight of sadness heavy on her shoulders. Unshed tears watered her eyes.

It does seem like God is ignoring us sometimes, doesn’t it? We pray and pray and pray and still it seems that God won’t respond. Nothing. No word. No sign. No indication that He’s even heard us.

We wait and wait and wait. The time of decision is at hand and still we wait. Where is God? You desperately want to do His will but how can you know what His will is if God won’t tell you?

There are many reasons why He doesn’t respond to our prayers. Maybe it’s because we have unconfessed sin in our hearts. God may be waiting for us to acknowledge our own inequities and change our behavior, our words, our hearts, before He acknowledges our prayers.

David asked God in Psalm 139 to search his heart and point out anything that might be wrong. We can do the same. Sometimes we harbor sin without really being aware of it. God will show us if we ask. The rest of it – confession and repentance – rests with us.

Other times God simply wants us to wait. His timing and ours rarely seem to be following the same clock. We get anxious, ready to move ahead. God wants us to feel His peace where we are. There is a lesson in the waiting. Look for it.

And sometimes God wants us to take a step forward in faith before He’ll clearly show us the way to go. This is a hard one. We want to know the path before we cut ties with the past. Where’s the trust in that? Is God nudging your heart in a certain direction? Pay attention to His still, quiet voice.

In the study Breathe, Priscilla Shirer talks about a season with small children and an overwhelming travel schedule for ministry. She and her husband prayed and prayed and they felt God calling them to step back and take a Sabbath. It took a while. They had commitments booked out for about two years. But they set a goal.

Here’s the thing: They didn’t know what that Sabbath would look like. They didn’t have a plan. But they trusted that God would take care of them and lead them where He wanted them to go.

They followed God first. Then the call came from Lifeway asking Priscilla to join their team as a speaker at large events. God wanted her to stay in ministry, just in a different way that was better suited to her young children and that particular season of her life.

When God seems distant ask yourself if you have really listened for His voice? Or have you been waiting for Him to answer the way you think He should? Sometimes we keep praying about something because we don’t like what God has told us. That’s not a comfortable thought, is it?

God always hears our prayers. God always answers our prayers. But we hear from Him in His timing, not ours. And we hear from Him what He thinks is best and not what we have asked Him to bless.

When you feel God’s silence, hit your knees and look inside. What are you missing that God wants you to see? Clean your heart and open it wide. Wait. God is right there.

January 22, 2016

Prepare For When You’re Gone

Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

-- Psalm 139:16

One of the most difficult things we do on this earth is prepare for the time we will leave it. We need to make our wishes known, in writing, but it’s not as easy as it sounds. We want to procrastinate, to put it off for another day. There is no guarantee that another day will come.

We know that this is not our home. Thankfully, I might add. This is just temporary. But our minds can’t conceive how wonderful heaven will be. We can’t imagine not being here. And that’s what preparing for death is all about -- imagining what will happen when we aren’t here anymore.

I am looking forward to heaven. I can’t wait to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to Him talk. I want to hear the stories of old from those who lived the moments. And I desperately want to hug my loved ones who have already gone home.

That doesn’t mean I want to think about the time when I’m not here to have a say in what happens to what I valued when I was alive. So I take steps to make sure I do have a say, that my wishes are honored, that people I trust will handle it all.

I’ve also taken steps to ensure that the end of my life comes as it should. I’ve seen friends who agonized over end of life decisions because they weren’t sure what their loved one wanted. I don’t want there to be any doubts. I don’t want to be here with my body tethered to machines with no hope of recovery. Let me go. It takes a strong person to make that call. It takes a person of faith. The decision comes easier when wishes are made known ahead of time.

I have no idea how long I’ll live on this earth. None of us do. God numbers our days. Prepare for the trip home by preparing what you’ll leave behind.

Monday, October 22, 2012

God Provides Security, Reassurance

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there,

If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

If I settle on the far side of the sea,

Even there your hand will guide me,

Your right hand will hold me fast..

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

And the light become night around me,”

Even the darkness will not be dark to you;

The night will shine like the day,

For darkness is as light to you.

-- Psalm 139:7-12

God has an amazing way of speaking to my heart when I need it most. He provides the exact Scripture, the perfect song, the perfect moment to reassure me in His special way that I am His and nothing can ever change that.

My greatest fear is that I’ll somehow lose my way again. I’m afraid that the darkness will descend and I’ll be back where I was before I truly understood who He is. Lost. Alone. My life in shambles. Hope gone.

It has been a long journey. I have traveled many miles. I have suffered the ups and downs that is depression. I have had much and lost much but I have never felt as complete, as whole, as I am with Him. God has filled that worship chip inside of me that Pastor Danny talks about. I don’t want to lose that.

My fear is that I will. There are temptations everywhere. I am surrounded by people who value money, prestige, and status as the determination of a person’s worth. I get angry and frustrated at the demands of those around me -- both at home and in church. It seems that people are always taking and sometimes I’d like to rest and receive for a while.

That makes me seem selfish and the voices go off in my head. God has blessed me so. What right have I got to complain about giving back? And so the argument goes. We are called to serve, to be His light in a darkened world. Some days I don’t feel so bright. It’s as though the darkness waits, ready for me to stumble, to fall into the pit once again.

And so the cycle goes. My fear returns and God soothes my soul. Then it begins again. When will I ever feel secure in His love? When will I ever know, all the time, that I am His and He will never let me go. No matter what happens. No matter what I do or don’t do. No matter what anyone else says. I bear His mark. I am loved. That is where I find my security, in the arms of my Heavenly Father.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Days Pass Quickly By

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. -- Psalm 139:16

Another week has come and gone and my list of things I’d really like to do barely has a dent in it. Sometimes it’s just frustrating. My life seems like a runaway train and I am powerless to stop it.

I know I’m not alone in this. We are so busy getting through the moments that time just zips by. I laugh sometimes when I remember what my elders used to say about time passing slowly as a child and quickly as an adult. They were right.

Perhaps, too, I’ve reordered my priorities a bit. That is mostly a good thing. Until my life fades away and the duties of the world take over. Then I shake my head in wonder. Will it always be this way? Will I die without ever accomplishing the things I really mean to do?

I can’t say that I would change the week. There were sick people to visit and families to comfort as they readied to bury their dead. There was work to be done, a doctor appointment for a parent, and the usual things of laundry and food and dishes to be washed.

And then the week was done. Or almost anyway. This morning I headed north for work, forgoing the craft show and yard sales I’d planned to visit. I am grateful for the work and always remember that some have no opportunities to earn money at all.

Oh, and I’ve spent hours preparing for my Sunday school class and women’s Bible study group. I enjoy them both. I do. But some days it seems overwhelming until I remember that God called me to this place. He gives me words and direction and somehow that makes it alright.

But I wonder sometimes why I don’t laugh like I used to do. Or did I ever? Surely I did once upon a time. In days gone by I did things just for fun. I attended concerts and plays. I watched baseball at the stadium instead of catching a game every now and then on television. I went to the beach. I drank coffee at sidewalk cafes. I miss that life sometimes.

Then I remember how empty it could be. It was a life filled with activity and fun, with friends and lighthearted laughter. Until tragedy came and then it wasn’t fun anymore.

This week went quickly by because so many people around me are hurting. And people come first for me now. Some weeks are just like this one. I wish they weren’t. I long for laughter where there is now grief. I pray for healing where there is now illness and despair. And I stand with those who need the comfort of people who care. That’s where my week went and somehow that’s okay.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Let Everyone Be Themselves

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. -- Ephesians 2:10

The other day several of us discussed our various “buttons.” Everyone is unique, so different things make kindness and love difficult to show. One woman gets upset with telemarketers. Another gets upset about rude drivers. I get upset when people try to turn me in to someone else.

No. I’m not about to launch into repeat episodes of Bewitched. It’s just that my life sometimes seems to be one big struggle against the will of others as they try to turn me into someone like them. It’s frustrating, insulting, and just really pushes my button.

Oh, I’ve gone along at times. And always regretted it. Once upon a time I longed to be like everyone else. I wanted to wear khakis and be part of the “in” group. I wanted to like what others liked. I wanted to just get along. But I never fit in and I was incredibly unhappy.

Why? Because I was trying to be someone other than the person God made be to be. I wanted to be the person who always held her tongue and never said the wrong thing. I wanted to be the person who kept her own counsel and didn’t upset people with a truth they don’t want to hear. I am not that person. God created me to be someone to stir up the waters with His truth. I’ve come to understand that but it has been a painful journey at times.

These days I’m still someone other people don’t understand. How could they? I don’t fit the mold. I take care of elderly parents, transport cars and work as a folk artist. And somehow I manage to put together an income of sorts.

I try to keep a sense of humor when people don’t understand that, yes, I do work for a living. And, yes, I have responsibilities and things I must do each day. I also have a particular style of painting. Really. I’m not interested in copying anyone else. And, no, I don’t appreciate people telling me I should do what someone else is already doing. I’m not that person. And that person is not me.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous -- and how well I know it.

-- Psalm 139:14

God made me to be who I am just as He made you to be who you are. We are each uniquely and wonderfully made. So you be who God made you to be. Shine brightly with all the qualities and talents He gave you. And let me do the same.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Be The Very Best You

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. -- Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

“Why can’t you be like that?“ “Why can’t you do that?“ “Look how pretty she dresses. You should get her to help you.“ “Maybe if you worked harder you could get a job (or a man or a life) like that.”

Hurtful comments meant to sound helpful while slamming the other person as not being good enough. Why do some people incessantly need to “fix” or “change” the people around them?

Of course, I use the term people rather loosely. It seems that in every crowd there’s one person who does the bulk of the “fixing” and another who gets the brunt of the attacks. Every time I hear of another school shooting I wonder if the shooter was someone whom others thought needed fixing. I am not saying it’s okay. Obviously, it’s not. I just try to understand the depth of pain that would lead a kid to take a gun and kill other kids.

Maybe it’s something else. Someone once told me that when someone needs to fix or change those around them, it’s because they’re unhappy with themselves. I believe that. I do. It just doesn’t make the pain hurt any less.

This Scripture reminds us that we are wonderfully made by a God who loves us. We were created in His image, each uniquely formed to reflect a wonderful light outward. Do we mess up sometimes? Absolutely. Are we sinners? Without a doubt. But we are also wonderful just the way we are.

Whenever a nasty comment heads my way, I instinctively want to lob an assault right back. I’m good at it too. I don’t say that proudly. It’s just that I’ve had a lot of experience over the years. I went from silent victim to pointed tongue defender. Pain has a way of bringing out the worst in us.

But God says to pray for those who harm us. To turn the other cheek. To forgive again and again. And so I try. I must, just as you must. Because otherwise the pain is too much and the built-up anger and resentment eats away at our souls. Then we’re no good to anybody, especially God.

These days I try really hard to take a deep breath when someone lobs an insult my way. I don’t want to let that person draw me in to that hateful place of anger and resentment. I try to either ignore it or diplomatically deflect their words. I tell myself their opinions really aren’t worth getting upset about.

God made me in His image. He created me to be the person that I am. And I’m going to do everything I can to be the very best me I can be. So should you. So should you.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Stop Sin From First Thought

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. -- Psalm 139:23-24

Where does sin start? No. I’m not talking about Adam and Eve and the apple and the serpent. In your life today, where does sin start? Beth Moore says it starts in your mind, then goes to your mouth and then comes the deed. She may be right.

Most times before we sin, we think about it. We consider what we want. We wonder how we can get it. We make excuses for ourselves. We let our imaginations run wild. We tell ourselves we just can’t help ourselves. And we do it all in our minds.

Then we start heading toward the sin. We lash out in anger. We flirt with someone we shouldn’t be flirting with. We spend money we don’t have. We lie about where we’ve been. We spend hours online with people we don’t know so we can avoid interacting with the people we do know. We tell ourselves it’s not a big deal. We laugh and pretend that everything is okay. We haven’t actually done anything yet.

And then we do. We cross a line. We live out our fantasies. We do something we shouldn’t do because we wanted to. We couldn’t help ourselves. No one will ever find out. No one will ever get hurt. Yeah, right.

Moore gives the example of David and Bathsheba. David wasn’t at war, like he should have been. He was restless and bored. He spotted a beautiful woman bathing and lusted after her in his mind. Then he sent people to find out who she was. Still, he wasn’t satisfied. So King David sent messengers to bring Bathsheba to him and he slept with her. The story might have ended there but, as we all know, it didn’t. She became pregnant and David eventually had her husband killed. So lust turned to an unplanned pregnancy and the murder of an innocent man. Sin has consequences.

Imagine how different our lives would be if we could stop sin while it was still a product of our minds. We could confess our sin to God, meditate on His word, and move on. No one else would get hurt because it would stay between us and God.

Ask God to search your heart and mind. Ask Him to tell you where your mind is leading you astray. Stop sin before it has a chance to wreck havoc and destroy lives.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

God’s Light Penetrates Darkness

I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night -- but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are both alike to you. -- Psalm 139:11-12

The woman smiled brightly at the world. She seemed happy, carefree, full of life. Except the brightness never reached her eyes. The vibrant blue was clouded in sorrow and despair. I worked with her for a number of years. It never changed.

She was an adult who’d been cast aside by her family when she rejected their cult. I call it a cult because even though they professed to know and love Jesus, He had no part in their mind games. This young women had been sexually molested throughout her childhood. Her parents knew and refused to intervene. When she became an adult, she left them. The scars she carried with her.

Oh, she’d seen a number of doctors. She was on anti-depressants and participated in weekly talk therapy. But she couldn’t shake the past. She couldn’t believe herself worthy of anything but the labels her family had pinned on her: demon, jezebel, worthless.

They had denied her self-worth when she was vulnerable and without a champion. And, as an adult, she carried that with her. She couldn’t seem to separate the wonderful person she was from the child who’d suffered at the hands of people who preached the gospel in public and lived as Satan in private.

I wish she’d reached out to God but she couldn’t seen to separate God from her abusers. She couldn’t understand a God who would allow such horror to happen to her. She couldn’t believe that He loved her and still allowed such awful things to take place.

How can any of us ever understand or explain what happens in this fallen world? We know that God is all-powerful and can save us from all evil. But the truth is usually He doesn’t intervene in the choices we make, even when the choices of a few destroy those around them. Instead, God takes what is horrible and turns it into something good. If we let Him.

God would have offered her a safe haven, a healing touch, a way out of the darkness. He waited for her to cry out to Him but she never did. At least in the years I knew her. She preferred to pretend that everything was okay. That she was fine. That the past was where it belonged.

Until the day she didn’t show up for work. I called a mutual friend, who found her suffering the effects of too many pills washed down by alcohol. Our friend walked her around and kept her awake for hours. Why didn’t the friend call an ambulance? Why not make a fuss?

I called her doctor the next day. I know. I was sticking my nose in someone else’s struggle. I don’t know if she ever received the peace she deserved. I do know she never forgave me for making the call. I’d do it again. I just wanted her to live. And she just wanted the pain to end.

We forget sometimes that darkness can never, ever hide God’s light. When we’re in the midst of something so horrific, so bleak, so unyielding that we can’t see our way out, God can and will provide the light if we’ll only call out to Him. It takes a lot of courage. It takes hitting rock bottom and admitting that you’re there. It’s not easy but sometimes calling to God from the darkness is the only way to make it back to the light. I sometimes wonder if she ever figured that out.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Check Your Own Heart First

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thought. -- Psalm 139:23

It’s Sunday and lots of folks are heading to church. Some are dressed in their finest and others wear casual attire. Some enter a solemn sanctuary while others get ready for a boisterous gathering.

The differences could be defined by that old cliché “different strokes for different folks.” Except some people get downright upset. They’re almost always the ones who prefer the traditional way of doing things. I would be the upset one on the other side. What difference does it make? God cares about our hearts not whether we’re wearing a skirt and high heels.

One suit-attired man said it didn’t bother him for others to dress down if that’s all they have to wear. But he expects people to wear their best when they come to church. He also prefers the traditional service. When he goes to church, that is. Seems like he doesn’t make it that often anymore. Maybe it’s a heart thing.

Another friend sometimes wears shorts and a casual top to the contemporary service. She warns people around her that she going to stand and clap and sing to the music. Her Bible is ready and open the moment the sermon begins. She pays attention and takes notes. She loves Jesus and she tells everyone she knows about all He’s done for her. She rarely misses a Sunday service.

Who do you think gets what worshipping God is all about? The one obsessed with the dress code or the one celebrating her salvation and craving more knowledge? Which one do you think arrives at church with the right heart?

It’s easy to become obsessed with the external stuff that surrounds us. We’d rather point the finger at someone else than look inward and acknowledge our own sinful nature. So next time you’re at church and you want to fuss about the music or how someone else is dressed, take a moment a check your own heart. Maybe you're the one who needs to heart adjustment.

Monday, March 21, 2011

God Knows Best

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. -- Psalm 139:6

The town where I live has a small arts and crafts show each spring. I generally purchase a booth. I don't make a great deal of money but I enjoy seeing so many people that I know. Frankly, it's fun.

A few years ago God told me not to do this show. Really. It was like He was standing right in front of me and shaking his head. I begged and pleaded. Still, God's answer was no. I submitted to His will. I didn't send in my application and money. I was disappointed. I was really unhappy. I didn't understand why He didn't want me to participate in this wonderful event.

That year the rains came. The area where the event is staged was flooded and the event was canceled. Had I gone ahead and applied, I would have lost my booth fee. God told me not to participate because He knew what was going to happen. He was looking out for me and I greeted His help with a major attitude. And, yes, I did apologize and thank Him.

Isn't that frequently how it is? We want something so badly and yet God refuses to grant our wish. He just says no. I'm not talking about the big stuff here, like life and death. Though, I know from experience, that sometimes He says no on those issues too. I'm talking about the smaller stuff: jobs, relationships, even a special trip.

Walking with God means that sometimes we don't get what we want. Sometimes God has a different plan, a better plan, for us. We must remember even in the midst of our disappointment that God always wants to bless us. He wants to give us good things. It's just that what is best for us may not seem apparent right now. We may not even understand it until we get to Heaven. We just have to trust in His love and wisdom and know it'll all be okay. That we'll be okay.

I've never regretted following God but I sure have regretted not following Him. Even when it hurts.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

God Knows What I Meant

"Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord." -- Psalm 139:4

I am a person who doesn't always phrase things correctly when I'm talking. I'm not referring to grammar. Sometimes what I'm saying in my mind and what I'm saying with my tongue really aren't the same thing at all. That can be a real problem.

I'm so grateful that God always knows what I really mean. I can say anything to Him and He understands my intentions, whether that's what came out or not. I figure He sometimes gets a good laugh. Other times He's probably pretty disappointed that I didn't think a particular thought through before I let it go out into the world.

Have you ever done that? Yeah, probably so. Most of us have had one of two of those open-mouth-insert-foot moments. Not fun. But those times can be educational. Embarrassment is a wonderful learning tool.

I've learned that if I have something particularly sensitive to talk about, I ask God ahead of time to give me the words. I don't want to hurt people. I don't want to be insensitive. I want to be one of those people who always knows what to say to lift people up and to help them on their journey.

Oh, I still sometimes say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I phrase things awkwardly. Words get twisted. I suppose I'll always have some of that. But I'm grateful that God knows my heart and He knows what I really meant to say.