Sunday, June 24, 2012

Predators Can Look Like Us

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like white-washed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.” -- Matthew 23:27-28

Child predators have certainly been in the news lately. The Jerry Sandusky trial makes headlines daily and that brings out all sorts of comments and focus on other, lesser known cases.

What is so striking is that so many predators were “normal” people. They were well respected. Some were in positions of authority. They had power over their victims because the victims knew no one would believe them. They were probably right.

Because we have a stereotype floating around in our minds of what someone who abuses children looks like. We know what sort of family he or she comes from. We know what to watch for -- and it is never the family next door, the coach, the pastor, or someone who sits a few pews down from us at church.

And that is part of the problem. We don’t see child abuse, we don’t hear it or believe it, because we can’t see past the exteriors of those who look, act and seem just like us. The thought is just too horrifying.

One woman said her son didn’t want to go to the coach’s house but she made him anyway. Who wouldn’t? He was well respected. He was married with kids of his own. His influence could only be good. Right?

It sure seemed that way, except for the nightmare that those kids endured. And still endure. Because abuse never leaves you. It shapes who you are. You can grow past it but you can never undo what it has done to your psyche.

That’s especially true for those kids who tried to tell someone what was going on. It takes a lot of courage to tell an adult someone has done something wrong to you. Can you imagine how devastating it is to have that adult get angry, tell you that you’re lying? Do you know how alone those kids must feel when no adult can see past the exterior to understand the horror of the interior?

People aren’t always who they seem to be. Sounds simple. We know it. We do. We just don’t believe it when it comes to the people around us, people we know personally. We expect we’d just “know” that something was off but Satan is very cunning.

Sure, we should trust people but we also should be wary. Watchful. Alert. And we should remember something really important: Better to believe a child and have that child be wrong than to dismiss a child and have that child be right.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Abuse Comes From Darkness

“So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”

-- Matthew 10:26-28

It happened years ago. Well before the times of lawsuits and disclosures. Long before he’d gained the wisdom and strength of a long life. It bothers him still. A decision he’s still not comfortable with.

For good reason.

Because what that group of deacons did was protect a church’s reputation rather than punish an offender. They covered up a pastor’s sexual exploits with teenage girls rather than face the public repercussions. They took the easy path and we all know that easy isn’t always right.

He doesn’t know what happened to the man. He could be dead by now because it happened so long ago. But sexual predators rarely stop what they’ve begun. That church almost certainly sent a predator off to find other victims.

I know. Times were different. It was long before the Catholic church scandal rocked us all. It was before such things were talked about in the open. It was back when reputation was everything and protecting that reputation was to be done at all costs.

It is easy to look back in hindsight and see the flawed logic. It is easy to condemn and lecture. But we can’t change the past. We can’t undo the wrong that was done. We can’t change a decision that should have been made differently.

Perhaps I am more sensitive than most. Years ago I knew a young woman who was sexually abused. Because she didn’t remain silent, because she didn’t go along with the wishes of others, she was ostracized by her church and her family. Yeah. I could hardly believe it either.

She spent years in therapy. She tried to commit suicide. She was bright and shining on the outside but inside she was a wounded soul. She desperately needed Jesus but seeking Him didn’t feel safe anymore.

It is never okay to cover up abuse. It is never okay to look the other way. It is never okay to pretend abuse never happened. And it is never okay to blame the victim.

If you even suspect abuse, call the authorities. The police, the Sheriff’s department, many human resources agencies, are all equipped to handle investigations. Start a safe sanctuaries program at your church. Be aware and be vigilante. It is the responsibility of all of us to protect the children around us.