Sunday, May 13, 2012

Be Sensitive This Mother’s Day

He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” -- Matthew 12:48-50

Mother’s Day is the only Sunday of the year that I’d really rather not go to church. I used to avoid it. Now I force myself to go. I smile. I get through it. But it brings up pain and memories I’d rather forget.

I know I’m not alone in this. But we who hurt on this day are a minority. It’s not that I don’t celebrate for all those who have children and grandchildren. I’m thrilled for them and thankful that they allow me to participate even a little in the lives of their children and grandchildren.

This day means nothing for some women. They never wanted children. When they think of mothers, they think of the woman who birthed them and not a longing that will never be fulfilled. They made a choice and are happy with it.

For others, this day brings great joy. A dear friend looks forward to the birth of a child in August. She and her husband are planning to adopt this baby. He will be an answer to prayers for so many people who have supported them, cried with them, and walked with them on this journey. This new life will be embraced by parents who have ached for a child.

Others dislike Mother’s Day because of their relationship with their own mothers. For those of us who were unloved and unwanted, this day is yet another reminder of what we didn’t have and won’t ever have. What is not important 364 days of the year, suddenly resurfaces on this day.

We’re told to celebrate our mothers. We’re expected to be filled with love and thanks and looked down on if we don‘t. One woman struggles even now with her mother. She goes through the motions, making sure her children know this woman who birthed her. Thankfully, her mother actually seems to love her grandchildren. But she remains critical and mean to her daughter. Who could ever be thankful for that?

Of course, some mothers are blessings. It’s wonderful to watch someone blossom into the truly loving, self-sacrificing person we think a mother should be. It’s truly joyous to see. And I am glad that those wonderful women have a day to celebrate who they are and that special role that have in their lives.

But please be sensitive this day to those who ache with emptiness. Please don’t assume that every mother is or was wonderful and loving and kind. For some, this day is filled with joy and happiness. For others, it is a day of pain.

Monday, October 10, 2011

A Good Man Who Lived His Faith

“A good person produces good words from a good heart, and an evil person produces evil words from an evil heart.” -- Matthew 12:35

Today would have been his 76^th birthday. He died last week. His wife, his sons, his family and friends all grieve his loss. There was visitation and a beautiful funeral service followed by a touching burial. There was an abundance of food and many, many hugs and tears.

He was a good man. He saw a need and tried to fill it. He saw someone hurting and tried to provide comfort. He lived life simply, with an emphasis on faith and family. He never shouted his good deeds out loud, preferring to quietly do what he felt God had called him to do.

The day of his funeral, a mission team visited an orphanage on another continent. The director thanked the team for the financial gift the year before, a gift that allowed the orphanage to have heat through the winter. One team member explained that the money had been a gift from a dear man who had died. They prayed for his family and his generosity. A legacy lives on amid people who never met him.

As often happens when someone dies, people took time to remember his life. He was once scoutmaster for a boy scout troop. The boys -- men now -- believe he had more fun that they did. He served in many different volunteer positions at his church. He offered wise advice to those who were lost. He offered forgiveness and acceptance to the lost who became found.

He lived his faith. Plain and simple. No fanfare. With a humble attitude that clearly spoke of his dependence on a Savior he embraced with his whole heart. He taught. He read. He studied. Priorities in the life of a man who worked long hours to provide for his family.

He knew deep tragedy. He lost one son to illness. And he almost lost another son to illness. That son told how in the weeks after his liver transplant, when he was too weak to feed himself, his daddy spoon-fed him every morsel of food that entered his body. Patient and kind, strong and steady, no matter the circumstances.

Maybe that’s why he carried his faith so deeply. It was a faith born not just of a childhood spent in church but a faith born of deep anguish and God’s strength. He knew grief and he knew salvation. The combination rooted him with an unwavering strength that carried him and those around him through so many hard times.

And now that strength is a legacy passed on to his wife, the two sons he left behind, and his grandson. It will provide a steady hand as they learn to navigate life on this earth without his presence. Don Martin’s faith, deeply imbedded in his family and friends, will surround them until they join him in heaven one day.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Choose Words Carefully

“But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.”

-- Matthew 12:36

Careless words. Hateful words. Words meant to harm and tear down. Words meant to criticize and ridicule and wound. Words can seem to innocent, yet they can wield so much power.

Some days I would give just about anything for a kind word. Just a nice comment meant to build me up rather than tear me down. Ever been there before?

Every day we have many opportunities to build someone up. Or tear them down. We can praise someone sincerely for a job well done or we can point out how we could have done it better. We can compliment their flattering outfit or chuckle at the extra pounds. We can see the good or see the bad.
We have a choice and that choice can make so much difference to another person. Think about the person struggling financially. Consider the couple on the verge of divorce. Remember the teenager who feels like a misfit.

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. -- Proverbs 12:25

Worries can fade when kind words are heard. Anxiety can lessen when another person chooses comfort over condemnation.

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. -- Proverbs 16:24

What do you choose? Or do you even choose? Maybe your words are out before you even think about their target. So think before you speak. Consider carefully the words you’re about to send into the world. Choose to build up, to comfort, to be kind and compassionate. Look to Jesus for guidance. Make the right word choices. Somebody’s life might depend on it. Including yours.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

What Do Your Words Reveal?

"But I tell you that men will have to give an account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." -- Matthew 12:36-37

Words hurt. A careless comment, peppered with jealousy or resentment, can leave a lasting impression. Words change relationships. And they can never, ever be taken back.

All of us have said things we wish we hadn't said. We've all had moments when what we meant to say and what we actually did say were different. We've all been embarrassed and hurt as we've stumbled through this life. And sometimes we've even said things that needed to be said even though we knew there would be horrible consequences.

Those words are different from those meant to injure. Some people use words as weapons. And they're really good at it. There's no point trying to engage in a fight because you won't win. People who need to put others down, to criticize and condemn those around them, have hearts that are void of Jesus. They wound because they are wounded. It doesn't make it okay but it is easier when you understand that it really isn't about you.

Perhaps the saddest part of this is that some of those warriors insist they are Christians. But how can a person love Jesus, and carry that love inside them, and constantly seek to injure others? The two simply can't co-exist. Jesus is love. He loved us enough to die for us so we could have eternal life. How, then, as believers could we possibly seek to destroy others just because we think we can?

Jesus tells us that all of us will one day be held accountable for our words. As we go about our day, we should remember that our words reflect outwardly what lives inside us. Words have the power to heal and build up. Words can comfort and bring joy. And words can destroy. What do your words say about you? Thank about it.