May 13, 2018

Always Remember

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. – Matthew 5:4

I stopped by the cemetery today. It’s Mother’s Day. She’s not there. I know that. But it’s a place, a marker, that reminds everyone that she lived and that she was loved.

Some days seem like a nightmare that will never end. Still, I wouldn’t have her back the way she was. No one deserves to suffer like that. Heaven was waiting and she deserved to go home.

There’s an emptiness now. I’m told that a daughter never gets over losing her mother. I believe that. Our relationship was marked with turmoil and strife. I try not to gloss over that in my grief. I don’t want to rewrite history because it is that history that makes us who we are. Good and bad. The scars are reminders of where we’ve been.

The journey forward hasn’t been easy. Jesus understood there would be days of tears and sorrow so consuming that we could barely breath. And He understood that the only real comfort would come in His Presence. This is not our home. Goodbye is not forever. Love remains in our hearts even in the absence of a physical presence.

The church building was full today. Mother’s Day is a day for families. Two years ago I sat next to my Mother in the traditional worship serve she preferred. It was important to her. And though it wasn’t something I particularly wanted to do, I did it anyway. That’s what you do when someone you love asks you to do something you’d rather not do. You do it anyway.

Neither of us knew it would be her last Mother’s Day on this earth. We thought there’d be plenty of time. Isn’t that how it always is? We never realize the frailty of our days until we are standing beside an open casket.

I am grateful for the memories, for the healing that happened before she was gone. And I am grateful for the grace and salvation that mark my life as His. There is a confidence in that. Because of Jesus, goodbye is only a temporary thing for those of us who believe.

Mothers come to us in many ways. There is the woman who gave birth to me, the one I mourn each day. There are those women who have drawn me close, gathering me into a tight embrace, offering wisdom and love and a reminder that I am not alone. Jesus does that for us. He sends people toward us to soothe and to heal. I celebrate that.

They say that faith isn’t something you can touch or feel. You just know deep inside. I think it’s both. Faith is the peace and knowledge of a one-way ticket home. And it is the very real presence of those Jesus sends to comfort us and restore our hearts to laughter and joy.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Be Sensitive This Mother’s Day

He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” -- Matthew 12:48-50

Mother’s Day is the only Sunday of the year that I’d really rather not go to church. I used to avoid it. Now I force myself to go. I smile. I get through it. But it brings up pain and memories I’d rather forget.

I know I’m not alone in this. But we who hurt on this day are a minority. It’s not that I don’t celebrate for all those who have children and grandchildren. I’m thrilled for them and thankful that they allow me to participate even a little in the lives of their children and grandchildren.

This day means nothing for some women. They never wanted children. When they think of mothers, they think of the woman who birthed them and not a longing that will never be fulfilled. They made a choice and are happy with it.

For others, this day brings great joy. A dear friend looks forward to the birth of a child in August. She and her husband are planning to adopt this baby. He will be an answer to prayers for so many people who have supported them, cried with them, and walked with them on this journey. This new life will be embraced by parents who have ached for a child.

Others dislike Mother’s Day because of their relationship with their own mothers. For those of us who were unloved and unwanted, this day is yet another reminder of what we didn’t have and won’t ever have. What is not important 364 days of the year, suddenly resurfaces on this day.

We’re told to celebrate our mothers. We’re expected to be filled with love and thanks and looked down on if we don‘t. One woman struggles even now with her mother. She goes through the motions, making sure her children know this woman who birthed her. Thankfully, her mother actually seems to love her grandchildren. But she remains critical and mean to her daughter. Who could ever be thankful for that?

Of course, some mothers are blessings. It’s wonderful to watch someone blossom into the truly loving, self-sacrificing person we think a mother should be. It’s truly joyous to see. And I am glad that those wonderful women have a day to celebrate who they are and that special role that have in their lives.

But please be sensitive this day to those who ache with emptiness. Please don’t assume that every mother is or was wonderful and loving and kind. For some, this day is filled with joy and happiness. For others, it is a day of pain.