Scars Last Forever
The LORD will keep you from all harm --
He will watch over your life;
The LORD will watch over your coming and going
Both now and forevermore.
-- Psalm 121:7-8
The other day I found a nail in my bed. I was taking the sheets off the mattress to wash them and there it was. A shiny new nail.
How did it get there? My mind raced with possible scenarios. Could it have accidentally been washed and dried? It seems possible, though it isn’t the type of nail I ever use. Still, I want to believe it was just a freak thing.
I mentioned it to others. One response was immediate: “I didn’t put it there.” I bit back the words that wanted to force themselves out. I wanted to remind the person that I’d never said she put it there. I’d expected a similar theory, that the nail had come in from the wash. The immediate denial planted suspicion that took immediate residence somewhere deep inside of me. I struggled to kill the thought. It wasn’t true. I know that. Sort of.
Trust isn’t something we share. I lock my bedroom door every single night before I go to sleep. It is some measure of protection. I would feel better still if my dogs were there with me. No. I don’t trust. Not anymore. It is a product of a childhood with scars that remain long after forgiveness has been given.
Not long ago someone mentioned a teenager who was acting out. One person had approached the teen’s parents but was surprised at the lack of response. I was asked for my opinion on what could be done to bring the teenager back into line.
My response: Was the teen being abused? If the open mouths were any indication, I don’t think anyone expected my response. I was serious. Kids who are being abused tend to act out. It is both a cry for attention and a channel for their anger.
Those who were part of the conversation were horrified. They know the teen’s parents. They socialize with the family. It doesn’t matter. Abuse happens in the best of families. So does denial. I’m not saying the teen’s parents are abusers but it sure doesn’t make sense that they’d refuse to listen to their child’s cry for help.
The question then turns back to us: What are we going to do? I suggested that criticism - no matter how well intended - will only push the teen further away. Instead, open a dialogue. Make sure the teen knows you are a safe place, an open ear, a defender no matter what.
Abuse happens in the best of families. It happens to people we know. It breaks the hearts and destroys the trust of people all around us. Don’t turn a blind or critical eye onto the victim. Think before you act because you have the power to make the situation better or make it a whole lot worse.
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