August 9, 2021

 

What Does Kindness Look Like?

 

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

– Colossians 3:12

 

Another year, another new school. She was used to it. It was the life of a military child. She joined the throng of teenagers and lined up to purchase her lunch. Where to sit? She started toward an open table.

 

Someone called her name and she turned. She recognized a girl from her morning history class. The girl’s smile was warm as she beckoned her toward a table where several other students already sat.

 

She joined the group, smiling at introductions and good-natured banter. She was included. The warmth of that kind gesture filled her up.

 

The elderly man shuffled to his mailbox. Cars zoomed by. Young families scurried into their homes. He hardly knew anyone in the neighborhood anymore. It was so different from when he and his wife first moved into their new house. Two babies soon followed and they were busy and happy. Life was good.

 

These days it was just him. It had been almost five years since his wife went home to Jesus. His kids and their families had long since moved away. Their lives were busy with careers and children. He rarely saw them anymore. He rarely saw anyone anymore. He just wasn’t able to get out much, especially when it involved driving the busy roads.

 

He noticed a young man cross the street and head toward him. A smile lit his face at the unexpected company. They sat on the front porch rockers and visited awhile. Then something extraordinary happened. The young man invited his elderly neighbor to church and lunch afterwards.

 

The next Sunday the elderly man dressed up and was ready way before the young man pulled his car into the driveway. He’d worried that he’d be too slow but the young man never seemed concerned. He met a lot of nice people at church and afterwards at lunch. The young man insisted on paying. His treat, he said. The elderly man felt his heart fill with warmth. It had been a long time since anyone had chosen to spend time with him.

 

We talk a lot about kindness these days. Be Kind the signs tell us. We know kindness is a fruit of the Spirit. But what does it look like? We’re nice to people, aren’t we? We try to do good things for our friends and coworkers. But strangers? Well, maybe not so much. We really don’t want to be inconvenienced. We’d prefer to spend our free time with “our” people and not invite someone new into the group.

 

But what if we did? What if we intentionally reached out to the lonely, the forgotten, those who couldn’t repay us? What if we chose to be kind not because of what we might gain but because of what we might give? What if we showed up and really loved people like Jesus?

October 30, 2018

Step Up

But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.

– 1 Timothy 5:4

I’m probably not the person you want to ask when you want advice about taking care of elderly relatives. That’s especially true if you’re looking for excuses or justification for not doing what you know you should do.

I don’t care about your job. I don’t care that you’ve got children. I don’t care that you’ve got a vacation planned or whatever else you’ve decided is your excuse. And I surely don’t want to hear you say that it’s someone else’s responsibility.

I’m pretty vocal about it yet, it seems, I am the one others seek when it comes to advice. Why? Probably because I’ve been there and I tell them the hard truth, whether it’s what they want to hear or not.

Don’t leave someone really sick alone in a hospital room, especially at night. That’s especially true when the person is elderly. This seems so basic to me. Yet, obviously, it’s not something that occurs to many people. If you can’t stay, then have someone else do it. Hire a sitter if you must. But don’t leave them alone.

I once shared an ICU waiting room with an elderly woman and a revolving door of children and grandchildren. The woman’s youngest daughter was in the unit and not doing well. She refused to leave the hospital for fear her daughter would die without her being there. Her children and grandchildren refused to leave the elderly woman there alone. It was such a beautiful site to watch their devotion to their mother and grandmother. It’s rare.

Most people view taking care of someone as an obligation or a duty. They resent it. They resent the intrusion into their lives. They don’t want to rearrange their time to accommodate hospital stays and doctor visits and such. So they make excuses. Again and again they make excuses.

We are responsible for those who once cared for us. It’s never convenient. It requires sacrifice. Don’t miss that word. Sacrifice. We are a selfish people who really only want to do what’s convenient. That’s not reality.

Don’t be meek when it comes to being an advocate for your loved one. It is your responsibility to demand that his or her needs be met at all times. That means paying attention, talking to the doctors and nurses, and being involved. I once walked into an ICU room to find my mother’s blood pressure over 200. Excuse me?! That isn’t acceptable. Ever.

This is just one more reason why you need to be there. It does make a difference. You are talking to doctors and nurses face to face. You are watching the care your loved one receives. You see how much or how little they eat. And on and on.

Most medical professionals are dedicated and will go above and beyond the requirements of their jobs for their patients. But they also need you. No one knows your loved one like you do. Talk to them. Ask questions. Write it down if you must.

Nothing can prepare you for the hard road of caregiving. Nothing. And no one can understand your journey if they have not walked it. Don’t make excuses. Step up. You’ll never regret the sacrifices that come with loving someone through your words and actions.

May 2, 2018

How Are You Serving?

The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the LORD, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, “The LORD is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him. -- Psalm 92:12-15

I was at an Education Committee meeting at church. The subject turned toward volunteers. Doesn’t it always? Grand ideas will never flourish without volunteers to turn them in to reality.

One of the many issues of getting enough volunteers are those who believe they’ve retired from service. It’s as though parents believe they can only volunteer for activities in their child’s age group. Others believe that when their kids are grown, they have retired from church service.

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard a person say, “Let someone younger do it. My kids are grown. I’m retired.” The Bible doesn’t say anything about retiring. It does speak of teaching the younger generation, of mentoring those younger than we are.

Certainly, our seasons change. One sweet lady volunteered to help prepare supplies and activities for the craft projects during Vacation Bible School. Her patience for young children was gone but her servant’s heart remained. She was able to serve behind the scenes and provide tremendous help to all of us.

Another woman recently declined a request to occasionally lead a Sunday school class. That is her right. I’m not here to do a guilt trip on her or anyone else. It was her excuse that made me pause. She said she’d already led an adult class and someone younger needed to do it. She’s barely passed 50. Seriously?!

Volunteer activities come in all shapes and sizes, just like the people who serve and are served. There something for everyone. Faith isn’t so much about taking as it is about giving back. When did we come to believe it was all about us, about what was convenient and only what we felt like doing when it suited us.

I’m so thankful that Jesus didn’t see it that way. I’ve no doubt that the very human side of Him grew weary as He preached and ministered, healed and served. Jesus never complained as He reached out to those who needed Him. He sought strength and guidance through prayer. And, yes, sometimes He rested.

We aren’t called to do every single thing someone asked us to do. That would be ridiculous. Each of us has special gifts and talents. We each have a unique way that we can serve. One man washes the silverware at church after every Wednesday night dinner. He willingly does it with no complaints. He has found a way to serve.

Another sweet lady, a woman who is no longer physically able to attend church, has become a prayer warrior. She routinely calls people who are sick or in crisis and prays for them and with them. She sends out the most beautiful cards. She has found a special ministry in the midst of her declining years.

How are you serving in your church? If you aren’t doing anything, maybe it’s time to look in the mirror. Everyone can give back in some way. Step up and serve.

March 15, 2018

Exhaustion Surrounds Caregivers

He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. – Isaiah 40:29-31

Exhaustion ran so deep that I wasn’t sure I could make it through another day. I had to. There were no other options. When you are a caregiver, it sometimes feels as though the whole world rests on your weary shoulders. Well, actually, it does.

People are quick to tell you what you must do. They are quick to condemn and criticize. Just don’t ever ask them to do anything. Excuses tumble out of their mouths. The truth is they can’t be bothered to do what they should. Why should they? You are there to carry their load.

Have you ever tried to sleep in a hospital? Nurses and others are in and out all night. Your patient is awake more than not. Unfortunately, you aren’t headed home the next day for a needed nap. There’s too much to do and your priorities are with those you love.

People are quick to tell you to take time for yourself. When? You are always on call even if you aren’t present with the patient. When it really hit me that my Mother had died was the first time I reached to shove my phone in my pocket and realized I didn’t have to carry it with me to go downstairs and let the dogs out. I was no longer on call every moment of every day. I was no longer a caregiver.

My heart broke into a thousand pieces all over again. The grief runs deep. Medical professionals had warned me about what was to come. When your life for years is consumed with the needs of someone else – in my case two people – you don’t know what you’re supposed to do in the aftermath.

But this is about the journey because I know there are so many exhausted, hurting people doing the best they can to juggle an impossible situation.

Are you a critic? Then hush. If you can’t, or won’t, step up and actually provide help, then you’ve no right to be critical of anything someone else is doing. Have you considered the demands? Do you know what it’s like to juggle never-ending doctor appointments or home health visits? Have you ever struggled to get an elderly, sick person to eat what they should? Or to do or not do things based on their abilities rather than what they once could do?

If you want to help, then stop thinking that you should do and just do something. Offer to sit for a while so the caregiver can get to the grocery store. Bring a meal. Mow the lawn. Send cards of encouragement with personal messages written inside. Be the hands and feet of Jesus.

If you are the caregiver, know that Jesus takes every step with you. Get your strength from Him. Know that while you can’t possibly take another step on your own, you can do all things through Him who gives you strength. Fill your heart and your mind with His words. They will carry you in a way nothing else can.

Do I regret the hours and the days, the years of sacrifice? Not even a moment. I’d do it all again. I know I did all I could to honor my parents and tend to their needs. Every caregiver knows that. It’s what makes the exhausting days worthwhile, knowing that in the end you truly have done the right thing to honor God and those you love.

March 4, 2018

Advocate For Those In Need

For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus. – 1 Timothy 2:5

A sweet friend turned to Facebook with her rant. Her mother had fallen and broken her arm. After much pain and surgery, this dear woman was on the mend. Unfortunately, Medicare denied the claim. Her mother faced a huge medical bill because of this injustice.

My friend did what all caregivers and advocates do: She fought the bureaucrats and resolved the matter. It took numerous phone calls and most of a day to get it done. She was furious and rightly so. She also wondered what would have happened had her mother not had an advocate. She likely would have struggled to pay a bill she didn’t owe.

It happens every day. Caregivers generally spend hour upon hour monitoring bills, medical care and other such things. The loved one rarely has the ability – either physically or mentally – to monitor those things. Yet it must be done or someone will take advantage of them.

Those who don’t have someone looking out for them face an uphill struggle. They are at the mercy of what they do or don’t know and whoever happens to notice their vulnerability. It is a sad plight.

We aren’t much different. We are at the mercy of this fallen world. We stumble daily as we try to do “good” amidst all the temptations that surround us. We fail. There is no way we could ever get it all right.

But Jesus sits at the right hand of God. He advocates for us. He places His righteousness on us and declares that His blood covers our sins. We are saved by His sacrifice and His grace.

Can you imagine doing life alone? Can you even contemplate trying to get into heaven without Jesus’ help? It would be a failed mission. None of us would stand a chance. I am so thankful for what Jesus did!

And because of that I seek to help others who need assistance. I share Jesus with the lost and hurting. I reach out to those who are grieving, those who are sick, those who are alone. I want to do more. I need to do more. We are Jesus’ hands and feet in this dark world. How can we ever repay Him for what He did for us? We can’t – but we can try by loving those He loves.

Look around your world. Is there someone who is alone, someone who needs a friend, someone who is vulnerable? Pay attention. Reach out. Make the time to help. It might be something as simple as making sure that person has enough food to eat. Don’t assume that they do. The elderly frequently struggle to buy medicine, pay utilities and purchase food. Guess which one comes last? They are usually the last to say anything, the ones most likely to not know about resources available to them, the people who don’t want to bother anyone with their struggle.

It is our job as Christians to advocate for those God places before us. Don’t sit back and let someone else do what you’ve been called to do.      

February 16, 2018

The Gift of Time

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. – Ecclesiastes 3:1

“Do you think if I paid her, she’d come to see us?” The question shocked me almost as much as the tears streaming down her face. She clutched a photo to her chest. Anguish lit her eyes.

What was I to say? The truth she didn’t want to hear or, well, the truth she didn’t want to hear?

I considered my words. “Probably,” I told her. “But you have to ask yourself that if you have to pay someone to come and see you, they probably aren’t worth the money.”

She nodded. “I know. I just miss her so much.”

My heart broke for her.

A sweet friend worked many years at a nursing home just over the state line. It wasn’t the illness and death that shredded her tender heart. Nor was it the loss of mental clarity by some residents that caused her anguish. No. It was the broken hearts of so many residents who longed for a call or visit from loved ones who never came.

But, she told me, just let that person come near death and the relatives would emerge, anguish spewing from their mouths. The thought of an inheritance would remind them of a love they hadn’t shown in years. Of course, if the crisis passed, they’d be gone again until the next time an emergency arose.

I’ve no doubt those scenarios play out in nursing homes, assisted living facilities and older homes everywhere. We have plenty of time for people so long as they are healthy and doing for us. They watch the children or take everyone out to eat. They are quick to pay for extras and always show up for sports, dance and recital events.

Then slowly they can’t do those things any longer. Their once abundant lives are fading and they find themselves alone for this last journey home. When do we get so busy that we can’t spend time with people who have loved us well?

Of course, it’s not always this way. One sweet woman lamented moving to be near her son and his family. She didn’t want to end up like her friends, alone in a new town. Her daughter-in-law is a jewel, something she shared with everyone. She made sure to include this woman in all the kids’ activities and brought those children by to see their grandmother several times each week. This elderly woman’s face lit with joy when she talked about how wonderful it was to be an active part of her son’s family.

No one expects to end up alone as their days on earth near the end. We think that surely those we have invested our time and money, our very hearts, into will be there. Surely, they love us as we have loved them? The answer will break your heart.

It’s not about us. Rick Warren wrote that many years ago. It’s still true. One day your busy life will fade away. All those important tasks that you think can’t wait will fall to someone else. You’ll be the one sitting alone waiting for someone to remember you with their precious gift of time.

Who do you need to call or visit today? Don’t wait. 

April 29, 2016

Age Doesn’t Determine Service

When Joshua had grown old, the Lord said to him, “You are now very old, and there are still very large areas of land to be taken over. -- Joshua 13:1

I recently went for my first bone density screening. It’s a right of passage I suppose. They assure me it’s more of a preventative measure, just making sure my bones are okay before I get old.

Except that they told me I am 1 ½ inches shorter than I used to be. What?! I am undeniably aging. There is proof. I can no longer deny it. But that doesn’t mean I’m done.

Joshua was between 85 and 100 years old (see Life Application Study Bible) when God told him there was still work to be done. I’m nowhere near that age and I know there’s still work to be done.

I’ve never really understood why some people think that if they reach a certain age, they no longer have to contribute to their church or community. I’m not talking about money. That’s a good thing, of course, but I’m not sure it’s even the most important thing.

Sometimes we need the experience of older people, coupled with the exuberance of the younger folks, to really make things work. Kids need older role models. There are many kids these days who live far from grandparents and extended family. Why not be there for them?

Stories abound of people who work hard and then finally reach retirement. Six months later they are dead. Why? They had no reason to get up in the morning. They had lost their purpose.

I once met a couple, both retired, who volunteered 40 hours per week. There wasn’t just one organization that benefited from their labor. They found a few groups they supported and divided their time. They were happy and busy and filled with purpose.

And, yes, they were forever trying to recruit others to their way of life. They had a point. Just think how much good could be done if retirees volunteered at least some of their time and expertise each week.

The Bible doesn’t say anything about retiring. I’m not sure why we think we should stop serving Him as we get older. I have no idea what the future holds or if I even have a future. God determines my time here on earth. But I sure hope that I will always find a way to contribute, to give back, for as long as I am here.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Reach Out to The Elderly, Those Alone

When Jesus saw his mother standing there beside the disciple he loved, he said to her, “Woman, he is your son.” And he said to this disciple, “She is your mother.” And from then on this disciple took her into his home.

-- John 19:26-27

Last year a dear friend said she wanted to find someone to visit. Her mother lives far away and she rarely gets to see her. Her desire was to visit with someone who lives in our town who might have family living far away.

This request led to a new group dedicated to visiting our elderly church members, providing companionship and help. We have people who are able to drive seniors to doctor appointments or the grocery store. We have people who do yard work and handyman chores. Helping these dear individuals blesses all of us so much.

One of the saddest things to see is a senior citizen “put out to pasture.” As their health declines, their isolation increases. The senior centers spread throughout our area help. They can transport seniors to the facility for a meal and fellowship. When the senior reaches the point where that isn’t possible, they can deliver meals to the home.

But that only touches the tip of the problem. And it is a problem. When people feel alone, when they feel abandoned by the people around them, it’s easy to also feel that God has forgotten them too. It isn’t true but those feelings can lead to depression.

On a different level, those who are older and alone frequently have no way of getting things done. Many don’t have the money to pay someone to do the chores. Others don’t know who to call. Even something as simple as weeding the flower beds or scrubbing the bathroom really makes a difference.

I know. The family should do it. Sometimes they do what they can. Other times they prefer to ignore the elderly person or, at least, the needs. Why is it we sometimes have trouble seeing what is right in front of us? Other times the family members simply don’t live nearby. They can’t monitor the situation.

That’s where our volunteers come in. Recently one such person noticed that the yard of an elderly woman she visited was over grown. The woman’s son had recently had back surgery and could no longer do the yard for her. It was a simple fix. A group of boy scouts headed out one Saturday morning and it was done.

Jesus did more than tell his Mother she had gained a son named John. And Jesus did more than tell John that Mary was now his mother. Jesus gave us all a model for caring for the elderly amongst us. Now it’s up to us to do the rest.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Show God’s Love With Your Actions

For the same God who worked through Peter for the benefit of the Jews worked through me for the benefit of the Gentiles. -- Galatians 2:8

Change is one of the most difficult things we ever face. Most of us know that. People we love get older. We get older. Children grow up. Jobs and financial circumstances change, growing and decreasing seemingly at will.

Some changes we accept as just being part of life. Other changes seem to ignite a fury of protests. I’ve been amazed -- sometimes laughingly so -- at the comments that have come since the formation of a new committee to minister to shut-ins, the sick and the lonely.

Who knew a committee already existed to handle this? I’d never heard of it nor had anyone else involved in this project. A committee that isn’t known, isn’t active and doesn’t really do anything isn’t worth the paper that proclaims its existence. If it exists. I’m still not convinced that it does.

The truth is that it should have existed. People should never have fallen through the cracks, seemingly forgotten when they can no longer get to church and participate in activities. Maybe that “should have” has colored the minds of some folks so that they can’t believe nothing was being done to minister to shut-ins.

Years ago, long before I became a part of this church, I witnessed this firsthand. A church member slowly lost her mind to Alzheimer’s. It was a sad progression. Her church carried Wednesday night dinner to her home. That was it. The only folks who came to visit were Mormons. I guess it was just too sad for the people who had known her most of her life.

Does your church have a special ministry for shut-ins? Or is it just one of those things that somebody else handles? Or does it depend on who you are and who you know? Sadly, that’s sometimes the case. But doesn’t everyone deserve to know that their church -- the people of Christ -- actually cares about them?

This doesn’t have to be a church-wide project. It can be a neighborhood project. Many have elderly or sick folks in their midst. They just aren’t willing to sacrifice their time to visit and do odd chores. It’s easy to point to somebody else. It’s easy to blame the family. Or the church. It’s easy to proclaim them to be somebody else’s responsibility.

A good friend has found himself in the midst of five widows. At first he was amazed. Then he realized that God had put him where he is so that he could show these widows that God cares. My friend does odd chores -- rolling the garbage can to the road or trimming hedges. He’s their advocate with repairmen. He’s there for what they need. And he is the better for it.

Stop expecting others to do what God has called you to do. Step up. Take part. Reach out. Minister to those who are forgotten and alone. Show them that God still cares.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Care For The Forgotten

And now, in my old age, don’t set me aside. Don’t abandon me when my strength is failing.

-- Psalm 71:9

Last night a group of wonderful people gathered together to launch a new ministry geared to those who are mostly forgotten. They have vowed to care with actions -- visits, phone calls, cards.

It is easy to become forgotten. An illness. Old age. Physical limitations that make getting out and about difficult or impossible. And, suddenly it seems, people don’t know who you are. They don’t remember your name. Or your birthday. Or the holidays that come and go.

It’s sad that no master list exists in our church of those who are elderly or in need. What about at your church? Can you, or anyone, name all those who need visits and assistance, those who are too sick or feeble to go out alone anymore?

Are there people in your life you should check on? Are there people who would love a visit from you? Do you know someone who can no longer drive that needs groceries, medicine or just a chance to attend church or eat at a restaurant? Maybe someone you know is too sick to cook but could really use a hot meal? The opportunities to show God’s love are endless. The chance to live your faith is right before you.

We organized a list as best we could. We divided up the names and we’re going to call and visit and report back to each other. When enough people are involved, no one gets overwhelmed. And we’re all blessed for being a part of something wonderful.

I’m not sure how this program will develop. I expect, as one person noted, that other names will emerge as we continue. Other people will suggest their family members, their neighbors, someone they haven’t seen at church in a while.

That’s how God always intended it to be. We were always supposed to take care of others. Our blood family, of course, but also our church family. And, then, those around us who are alone and in need. What happened? Did we get so caught up in ourselves that we forgot to care about others?

It’s easy to see why some people think that God has forgotten them. Everyone else has. That’s why it’s so important that we show up. That we care by giving of ourselves. Because it is through us that others see God. It is through us that others know that God is still there. He sees them. He remembers their names.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Make Time Today

Now that I am old and gray, do not abandon me, O God. Let me proclaim your power to this new generation, your mighty miracles to all who come after me. -- Psalm 71:18

One of my favorite people in the world is my cousin. She’s my second-cousin, for those who keep up with such things. She’s passed the big 80 mark, uses oxygen to help her breath most of the time, and is so tiny and frail that I just know a large blast of wind would blow her away.

I love spending time with her. We never seem to run out of things to talk about. We share so much -- family, faith, interests. Well, some interests. She sort of shakes her head when it comes to that hot pink, acid green and vibrant turquoise side of me. And that’s okay. We get a good laugh out of it.

So why don’t I spend more time with her? Why don’t I make a point to carve out time in my busy life (who isn’t busy these days?) and just stop by to see her? Why do I procrastinate? Why do I always seem to wait for a better day or a better time?

One day she’s not going to be there anymore and no one will be able to fill that void in my life. Do you have someone like that? Everybody should, whether it’s a cousin or grandparent or elderly neighbor. These older people are treasures and we take them for granted.

Our church is starting a new ministry geared toward older adults. It’s just so sad that those who are nearing the end of their lives seem to be forgotten. Oh, most have caregivers and family members to check on them. But that doesn’t release us from our responsibility to make the effort to continue to be a part of their lives.

I learn so much from my cousin. She has so much life wisdom and her faith is so strong. She knows pain -- she’s buried a husband and a son. She knows illness -- her late husband’s Alzheimer’s, her son’s cancer and her own cancer. She knows dedication -- daily visits for years with her mother as that fine woman’s health slowly declined.

Why do we think that someone who is older no longer has anything to offer? She wishes she had the physical ability to play with her great-grandchildren. I pray that they will understand and remember this woman who loves them so much and prays for them daily.

I vowed to make some changes this year. One is to actually visit the people I mean to visit. It’s just too easy to wait for a better day, a day that never seems to come. How about you? Do you have someone who greatly desires the gift of your time? Is there someone you’ve been meaning to call? Do it today -- because tomorrow may never come.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

What Does Your Faith Show?

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. -- James 1:27

It was simple. I went to a website, read some heartbreaking stories, and selected two seniors to “adopt.” I asked friends and Sunday school class members to help. The result was gifts for our two seniors and extra things for other seniors.

I delivered the items to the local senior center. The directors were nice and helpful. I asked if all the seniors had been adopted. That’s when my eyes got opened to a problem I didn’t realize existed. At least not to this degree. Donations are way off. We took the items to a small office. In past years they used the main room because the items were so plentiful.

The economy is bad. We’ve all heard and experienced that. We just can’t give like we used to. Except the very circumstances that make our financial lives more difficult also negatively impacts the elderly, many of whom live on fixed incomes. How far do you think $694 would go on any given month? Not far enough. And some of them don’t even receive that much.

I know. Few people can afford to give to every worthwhile cause. But how can we neglect our seniors, many of them alone or without people who care? Can’t all of us give a little so that others can receive?

The items the seniors want aren’t fancy phones, expensive clothing or glitzy jewelry. They ask for toilet paper, washing powder, cleaning supplies, food. Basics, you might say. A few asked for other items. One of our adopted seniors asked for a sweater and panties. Did I mention that she’s 90 years old?

It’s too easy to tell ourselves that it is someone else’s problem. It’s too easy to push it off on the church or the government or the family that doesn’t exist or doesn’t care. It’s harder to step up and do what you can to help.

We live in a world where self comes first in all things at all times. We spend our days filled with trappings that don’t matter and items we’ll soon grow tired of. What would it mean to change things up a bit? Actually put others before ourselves? To seek a little less for ourselves and give a little more to others?

In his book The Journey, Adam Hamilton talks about going to Mississippi after Hurricane Katrina. A woman told Hamilton and the others who’d made the trip how it felt to lose everything. Hamilton told her, “We just want you to know the reason we came was to be a visible sign that God has not forgotten you. We felt God sent us to remind you that God is with you.”

Is God calling you to be that reminder for someone? Faith that lives in our hearts shows itself in our deeds. What is your faith showing the world?

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Life Brings Changes

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Saul replied. “There is no way you can go against this Philistine. You are only a boy, and he has been in the army since he was a boy!” -- 1 Samuel 17:33

One of the most difficult parts of aging is coming to terms with things you are no longer able to do. It’s difficult to accept help you do not want. It’s difficult to admit that life is changing in a way you’d rather not face.

It happens to all of us. We spend our childhood and youth learning to be independent. Then we spend our later years learning to be dependent yet again. It can be a sad journey. Or it can be a remarkable journey. I am reminded that when God closes one door, He always opens another.

Several years ago I attended a church function that included a potluck lunch. One dear woman brought two or three dishes. It’s what she had always done, though one dish was plenty and no one would have said a word had she brought nothing. This woman is in her 90s. She’s done so long and so much for so many people. Yet she couldn’t seem to let go of doing what she’d done all her life.

That particular day she rested her head on the table. She was too weak to enjoy the program. She’d overdone it that morning cooking food. I sat down and spoke with her, being kind but firm. I didn’t say anything her children hadn’t already told her. It’s just that sometimes it’s easier to hear from someone else.

She’s a widow now. And she still attends many functions. She no longer takes food and someone drives her to and from whatever is taking place. We’re all thrilled to have her with us. She’s such an inspiration. And I think she’s finally come to understand that the blessing of her presence is all we really want from her. As I told her that day, “You’ve done so much for so many people, let us do for you now. It’s our time and our privilege.”

I’m not trying to say it’s easy. It’s not. I sure wish I could physically do the things I did even 10 years ago. I can’t. It’s frustrating. But I’ve also learned to ask for help. Most of the time anyway. I’ve found that it sometimes makes other people feel needed and useful when they know that you truly need what they can give.

I’m not a child anymore, pretending to be an adult. Nor am I yet an elderly person valued for my wisdom. I’m a worker who focuses on getting things done. And sometimes that means taking over tasks that someone else can no longer do. It’s not a burden. It’s being useful and needed. It’s how God planned our lives to be.

So look around and see where you’re at in life. Do what you can, where you can. And when it’s time to let go of a task you can no longer do, let it go graciously. Let someone else step up. And if you’re that person who’s stepping up, be kind and gentle. Value the task you’ve been given because one day, you too will be called to step aside for

Friday, July 1, 2011

God Turns Bad To Good

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. -- Romans 8:28

It was a tough situation. Heartbreaking. The man’s grandmother was no longer able to stay at her rural home. She was being forced to give up everything she knew and move into an assisted living facility close to her grandson and his wife. She was unhappy. Who wouldn’t be?

I’ve watched this couple try to care for his grandmother, whom they love so much. They’ve done what they could to make her life easier and, maybe, a little happier. A few years ago they arranged for her to receive cable. That’s not a big deal to most of us but for someone who has only ever had two or three television channels, it was huge.

My friend isn’t the only family member. But he’s the one having to make the tough decisions. He’s the one enduring her anger and rejection because he knows he’s doing what is best for her. Other family members, including her “favorite,” won’t help. This kind man holds tight to God, knowing that God will work it all out.

Tough decisions. Hard roads. Heartbreaking transitions. When those we love grow older, roles begin to reverse. It’s never easy. Another friend refers to it as the circle of life. He spent many childhood days in hospitals. He cares for his father now as his father cared for him then. Life circles around and causes us to grow closer to God.

Sometimes we don’t understand the reasons. Why do some people step up and bear tough burdens while others step back because the road is too hard? Why do favorites rise up while other family members are shoved back? Why do breaking hearts still love when abandonment seems the safer course?

God works in all circumstances. Sometimes it is the storms of life that better allow us to feel the shelter of His wings. Good will come. We know that because it is His promise. Good from bad. Healing from pain. Light from darkness. Strength to make it through another day.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Call On God For Guidance

"I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought." -- 1 Corinthians 1:10

It was as typical as it was sad. Another family disagreeing over how to care for an elderly parent. My friend, an in-law with no vote, was exhausted as she tried to help with daily care for someone she loves. Everyone in the family wants what is best but sometimes what's best depends on whether you're thinking with your mind or your heart. And, really, who can separate the two when love is involved?

Sometimes the hardest thing to accept is the failing health of a close relative. We want to ignore it. We want to believe it's temporary and that our loved one will soon be better. We want to believe we can hold out to care for them the way our love dictates that we must. We resist hiring help because no one can care like a family member. But physical limits, jobs, children and other responsibilities get neglected as everyone focuses on the elderly relative. There is no easy answer.

Why do we resist asking God to intervene? Why do we try and work it out on our own? Why do we hold tightly to our opinions, refusing to listen to outside counsel? Why are we determined to hang on to our hurt rather than open our hearts to others who share our pain?

Maybe the first step -- after praying together -- is to talk calmly. Maybe it is listening even when our hearts cry out with pain because we don't want to hear the words. Maybe it is talking with a trusted advisor, such as a pastor, doctor or hospice worker. Surely it is continuing to pray together and alone for guidance from God.

In times of crisis, it's so important for families to draw together, using their love of Jesus and their loved one to unify their family. Don't let pain drive you apart. Instead, let God use it to draw you, together, toward Him.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

God Journeys With Us

"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." -- Isaiah 46:4

I am so glad that God promises to be with me as I age. I know. I've heard the joke. Aging beats the alternative. I try to remember that when I have trouble getting up -- or getting down -- and moving fast seems to be a thing of the past. Where did all the years go? When did I get so old?

Our bodies age. They just do. We may exercise and try to basically eat right. We may get enough sleep and take our vitamins. But we still get old. We creak and groan as we age. And that's just the physical stuff.

One of the hardest things is accepting that the young people who once delighted in our company no longer have time for us. They're grown now, focused on their own families. That is as it should be. Still, the days grow longer and the weeks pass and still the silence lingers. We pass our time with daily chores and time spent with others equally alone.

God takes this journey with us. He was with us before we were formed and He'll be with us when our time on earth is gone. God is with us always. In the dark nights of solitude, when childish laughter no longer echoes in our homes, He is with us. When our bodies can no longer perform the tasks our minds remember, He is with us. And when our minds become confused and we can no longer remember our daily tasks, He is with us. How great is our God. He is with us always.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Take Time To Care

"Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life." -- Psalm 142:4

This verse really spoke to me with its honesty. Yeah. I know. King David was being pursued by his enemies when he wrote this. But what spoke to me is how many people are truly without anyone who cares for them.

A good friend of mine recently moved to Washington state to be near her son. She didn't want to move. Hadn't planned to move. But her daughter moved to Oklahoma and here she was, alone but for friends and her church family. That should have been enough. It isn't. Right now she is healthy and loving life. That could change in an instant. And friends are wonderful people but few, if any, are willing to care for someone day-to-day.

I have another friend who is also alone. She doesn't drive and must rely on the kindness of others to get from here to there, whether it be church, the doctor's office or a movie. She is spirited and kind. And she is alone.

Maybe this verse hits me so hard because I see myself there one day. Alone with no one to care. I have accepted that, at least in my mind. My heart is a different story. I try to never dwell on the future. It's not guaranteed and none of us knows what it will bring. Then someone makes a comment or I read a Bible verse and I remember.

Yet another friend has mentioned a desire to start a ministry that reaches out to the forgotten. These mostly older folks who can no longer get out and about like they once did but still have a need and a desire to see and talk with people. I'm there, I told her. Just let me know what I should do. But I already know the answer. I need to stop thinking about doing something and simply do it. Make that phone call. Stop by for a visit. Run an errand or two. Give someone some of that time I don't think I can spare.

Each of us are called to care for others, especially those who have no one else. It's plain and simple. So why do we have such a difficult time seeing it?