February 16, 2018

The Gift of Time

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. – Ecclesiastes 3:1

“Do you think if I paid her, she’d come to see us?” The question shocked me almost as much as the tears streaming down her face. She clutched a photo to her chest. Anguish lit her eyes.

What was I to say? The truth she didn’t want to hear or, well, the truth she didn’t want to hear?

I considered my words. “Probably,” I told her. “But you have to ask yourself that if you have to pay someone to come and see you, they probably aren’t worth the money.”

She nodded. “I know. I just miss her so much.”

My heart broke for her.

A sweet friend worked many years at a nursing home just over the state line. It wasn’t the illness and death that shredded her tender heart. Nor was it the loss of mental clarity by some residents that caused her anguish. No. It was the broken hearts of so many residents who longed for a call or visit from loved ones who never came.

But, she told me, just let that person come near death and the relatives would emerge, anguish spewing from their mouths. The thought of an inheritance would remind them of a love they hadn’t shown in years. Of course, if the crisis passed, they’d be gone again until the next time an emergency arose.

I’ve no doubt those scenarios play out in nursing homes, assisted living facilities and older homes everywhere. We have plenty of time for people so long as they are healthy and doing for us. They watch the children or take everyone out to eat. They are quick to pay for extras and always show up for sports, dance and recital events.

Then slowly they can’t do those things any longer. Their once abundant lives are fading and they find themselves alone for this last journey home. When do we get so busy that we can’t spend time with people who have loved us well?

Of course, it’s not always this way. One sweet woman lamented moving to be near her son and his family. She didn’t want to end up like her friends, alone in a new town. Her daughter-in-law is a jewel, something she shared with everyone. She made sure to include this woman in all the kids’ activities and brought those children by to see their grandmother several times each week. This elderly woman’s face lit with joy when she talked about how wonderful it was to be an active part of her son’s family.

No one expects to end up alone as their days on earth near the end. We think that surely those we have invested our time and money, our very hearts, into will be there. Surely, they love us as we have loved them? The answer will break your heart.

It’s not about us. Rick Warren wrote that many years ago. It’s still true. One day your busy life will fade away. All those important tasks that you think can’t wait will fall to someone else. You’ll be the one sitting alone waiting for someone to remember you with their precious gift of time.

Who do you need to call or visit today? Don’t wait.