May 10, 2019

Choose Friends Wisely

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. – Romans 1:21

Who are your friends? Are they drawing you toward God or are they pulling you away? That’s the question our pastor asked last Sunday and it’s something that has really been on my heart this week.

There are obvious people we should avoid. They are those who abuse alcohol or drugs, those who are abusers or thieves. Those who use foul language and bully those around them. We can certainly be kind and witness to them but, really, we must be careful not to let them draw us into their world. We know that.

But what about the others? What about the Christians who go to church on Sunday – when it’s convenient – then do as they please the rest of the week? What about the Christians who say a quick prayer every morning and that is the extent of their focus on God? What about those who are active in church but have hard hearts toward the poor, the immigrant, those with a past. (And don’t we all have a past?)

It is those pseudo Christians who can cause us the most harm. They go through the motions. Maybe they really are saved but they live their lives on their own terms rather than God’s. Without our even being aware of it, they pull us away from Him. They encourage us to be lazy in our time with God. They tell us through their actions that we don’t have to put God first. Except we do.

Who are your friends? Look around you at the people you spend the most time with. Are they drawing you toward a deeper relationship with Christ or are they showing you how to make excuses and linger in a shallow faith? If they aren’t pulling you toward Jesus, then maybe you should find friends that do.

November 4, 2018

Everyone Needs Someone

Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

– Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

We need each other. All of us need someone to call, someone to depend on, someone to carry them when the load seems unbearable.

Those who gather together aren’t always related by blood or marriage. Some of the strongest bonds come when a choice is made. There is a value, a determination, that makes us fight for the people who mean so much to us.

It’s not always easy to open up to others. We live in a fake world, where everyone pretends to be okay, to be successful, to be happy. We expect it of others. We expect it of ourselves.

But we all need people who see the bad, the insecure, the faults, and love us anyway. And we need to do the same with them. Because none of us are perfect and that is what makes us need others.

We’re more willing to share our successes though, aren’t we? We aren’t so willing to share our failures, our faults, our sins. But it is in those vulnerable moments that we become real to others. It is at those times when others, seeing us as we really are, allow themselves to become real with us.

Here’s the thing: No one sins in isolation. We want to think that our choices don’t impact others but they do. One lie begets another lie and on and on it goes until no one knows the truth from fiction. Everyone around it is impacted. And for what reason? Because one person didn’t want to tell the truth.

Or what about the person who spends uncontrollably. It’s their money so what’s the problem? Or they go out for a drink or two after work? Or they spend every night glued to the television? They are all choices that impact their families, their budgets, their jobs.

And where does church come in to all of this? Is church an option? Is faith a choice? Is God just the One we call on when we want or need something? It’s your choice but it impacts everyone you care about. It impacts you.

We need a church family. We need prayer warriors for the hard days. We need cheerleaders for the joys. We need each other. We need forever people who understand life is a journey toward home.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, make it a priority to surround yourself with people who truly know you. Let yourself be loved and love others. Really. Truly. One real, vulnerable person to another.

October 19, 2018

Sacrifices

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

– John 15:13

Jesus knew what was coming. He understood His purpose even though His disciples, His friends, didn’t have a clue as to what Jesus would soon face. Jesus loved them. Jesus loves us. Jesus loves us enough that He died so we could be set free from death.

We know that many sacrifice of themselves to keep us safe and protected. We think of the soldiers who serve around the world, separated from family and friends, to defend us and to try and bring a measure of peace to this chaotic world.

We understand that police officers, state troopers, sheriff’s deputies and others in law enforcement play a vital role in protecting us all. Sometimes they pay a price that is way too high. Sometimes they die in the line of duty. A North Carolina family today endures that unimaginable scenario.

And then there are all the others. Hurricane Michael has ravaged a large area filled with our friends and neighbors. While some send money and bottled water and such – a good thing right now – others show up and work.

One such man, a firefighter, lost his life yesterday. A tree fell on the tractor he was driving as he helped clear debris for family members. Hurricane Michael claimed another victim.

Even now, power companies have sent linemen into devastated areas. They’ve come from numerous states. Yes. They’re getting paid. They’re also doing dangerous work for really long hours in horrific conditions. We’re blessed to have them. We’re thankful to have them.

Eleven years ago my hometown suffered a devastating tornado that destroyed a large area, including the high school. Nine people died. Eight were high school students. Volunteers and emergency crews descended on the town and we were and are so grateful. We needed help and help came.

I also remember watching someone cutting a tree that was broken and hanging awkwardly. He almost causing someone else to be badly injured. It was an accident. The volunteer wasn’t trained. He knew how to use a chain saw. It wasn’t that. It’s that the trees after a storm are damaged in a way that can cause them to fall differently. The disaster team crews are specially trained in how to get them removed without injury. Most of the time no one gets hurt. Until they do.

There are people from all over the country who are making sacrifices right now to help those who are in desperate need. This isn’t some disaster that happened in another country. It happened in our backyard. These are our people. They are good, hard-working people who are now in desperate need.

I applaud those who go into the disaster zone and help. I admire the emergency workers and trained disaster teams. I am so grateful for the lineman and others who are working hard to restore power and water, to clear debris and to provide food for others. They are loving others like Jesus would.

Take a moment, if you would, to remember Gulf County Fire Coordinator Brad Price of Wewahitchka, FL. And remember North Carolina State Highway Patrol Trooper Kevin Conner. Pray for their families and friends. They are both gone way too soon.

August 3, 2018

Treasure Each Other

Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. – Ephesians 2:19-21

We shared memories today, my cousins and I. It’s one of the beautiful things of life when you can join together the past and today with unbreakable bonds that will carry you into the future.

It’s a sad time. The death of someone you love is never easy. Yes, we’ll see him again. But that doesn’t erase the pain of today. So, we remember the past even as we look toward the future of an eternal reunion.

We are all intertwined, these people I love and those who have joined the family through the years. My Dad went to school with the man who would become his cousin’s husband. I grew up down the street from the woman who would become another cousin’s wife. We were joined by blood at birth. We choose to be friends and family as adults.

Our lives are built on faith in Jesus Christ. Our foundation is solid even though the storms of life rock us now and again. We cling to Jesus and each other. A love that has weathered adversity becomes that much stronger.

We forget sometimes just who we are. We get so caught up in life, so comfortable with what we’re doing and what we “know” to be right, that we forget that we are unworthy sinners. We forget about what Jesus did for us.

Oh, we know. We tell ourselves that anyway. But our sin and Jesus’ death on a cross isn’t some vague something that’s mostly about someone else. It’s about us. It’s about what we have done and how He came to save me and you from eternal separation from God.

It’s not surprising that I became reacquainted with these cousins of mine in a church we all attended. We shared laughter and casseroles right along with Bible study and worship. I was blessed. I am still blessed. When the storm came, they stood beside me. Our foundations remained solid. That’s what faith is all about.

When my Dad died, his cousin came with food still hot from the stove. She came to love on Mother and I with hugs and support, stories that brought a tear and a laugh. She came to be there with us because that’s what a family born of God does. They show up. They help. They love and support those who are hurting. Today, I did that for her.

Life changes. Death reminds us that we are meant for someplace else. We are only transients here on earth. That’s something else we forget sometimes. We get so focused on the here and now that we forget nothing we possess on earth goes with us when we make the final journey home.

What remains are the relationships we forge with God’s people. If we are truly fortunate, we share the bond of blood family and spiritual family with the same people. Jesus Christ is the cornerstone of our lives. We cling to Him, just as we cling to each other.

I hope this day finds you surrounded by people of deep faith, people who share your stories, and people who remain steadfast no matter what life brings. The love shared by fellow believers is a bond that runs deep and true. It’s a gift from God. Treasure it as more valuable than gold because, as time often proves, it is.

July 30, 2018

Why Try to Fix Others?

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

– Matthew 7:3

It’s both amusing and aggravating, all wrapped up with sweet words designed to make a point without offense. Why do we believe we are better qualified to run someone else’s life than the person who is actually living that life?

And, here’s another question: Why do we believe it’s okay to stick our opinions into a conversation we weren’t invited to join? And why do we believe that our own lives are tidy enough that we’ve even got time to dictate how someone else should live?

If you don’t think this applies to you, it does. It applies to all of us. We’re just so quick to tell others how to think and feel, what kind of job they need, what type of food they should eat, even what brand of car they should buy. It’s as though we feel better about ourselves if we’re telling someone else what to do.

It also takes our focus off of our own issues. We don’t have to worry about that extra piece of pound cake when we’re lecturing someone else about all the fast food they eat. We don’t have to think about our own job situation when we’re telling someone else what type of job they should have. And we certainly don’t have to spend our own money when we’re telling someone else how to spend theirs.

It’s enough to strain the closest of relationships. I don’t need someone dictating my every move. How about you? That’s right. Most of us don’t need it.

A sweet lady I know has a son that has been in trouble more than out of it. She did all she could. She finally got help for herself, let go of trying to fix and control her son, and turned him over to God. Guess what? He’s out of trouble and appears to have completely turned his life around. What he needed most from her was space to grow up. When she gave him that, he actually did begin to accept responsibility for himself and change his life.

Another friend worries about a co-worker who is just so unhappy. She wants to fix this woman that she considers a friend. She wonders why the woman won’t listen, won’t change her eating habits and go back to church and just decide to be happy living where she’s at. Would you listen to someone – however well meaning – who constantly told you what you needed to do to “fix” your life?

It’s not about intentions. Both women had only the best of intentions. But sometimes the best gift we can give someone is to love them as they are and trust God to do any “fixing” He deems necessary.

We can’t fix anyone. It’s not our job. It’s God’s job. He doesn’t need your help and He doesn’t need my help. He’s God. And He’s good at it.

The only thing He’s told us to do is love people. Love draws more people to make right choices than anything else you could do. When you reject, criticize, and “guide” people incessantly, you push them away. And you make them dig their trenches a little deeper. We’ve all got that stubborn streak in us that doesn’t want anyone else to tell us how to live.

So, the next time you feel an urge to get that speck out of someone else’s eye, look in the mirror instead. That plank you see might take a while to get out.

April 6, 2018

Betrayal Hurts

Then one of the Twelve – the one called Judas Iscariot – went to the chief priests and asked, “What are you willing to give me if I deliver him over to you?” So they counted out for him thirty pieces of silver. From then on Judas watched for an opportunity to hand him over.

– Matthew 26:14-16

Can you imagine how much it hurt Jesus to be betrayed by someone so close to Him? Jesus knew Judas would ultimately sell Him to be murdered. That was why Jesus came, after all. But, still, it had to break His heart.

Jesus was fully God and fully human. He felt the same pain we feel when someone we trusted turns on us. And for what? Thirty pieces of silver. Was it really worth the cost?

On this side, we understand that it had to be. Jesus died so we who believe won’t have to face death and eternal separation from God. Death couldn’t hold Him and, because of Him, it can’t hold us. What a wonderful gift! What an awesome God!

But have we ever considered His pain? It’s difficult to accept that a co-worker would go behind your back and plot to destroy you. It’s hard when it’s someone you know, someone who claims to share your faith, someone you believed liked you. But when it’s someone close to you, well, that’s a whole different level of heartache.

After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, “Very truly I tell you, one of you is going to betray me.” – John 13:21

He saw it coming. Jesus knew His friend, His disciple, a man who had spend three years by His side, was going to hand Him over to be crucified. He could have stopped it but He didn’t. Jesus loved us that much.

But do you think knowing the end result lessoned Jesus’ pain? John tells us Jesus was troubled. I would have wanted to stop it, to demand that my friend admit what he planned and change course. It sounds good but, honestly, someone who would plot against you, speak ill of you, isn’t likely to change course where there’s money and/or power involved.

There’s no way to completely guard against the evil that sometimes springs forth from hearts we thought we knew. To do so would leave us with hardened hearts, incapable of feeling anything. That’s surely not the answer. Maybe there is no answer.

The truth is that there will always be people masquerading as your friends who, in the end, will intentionally do you harm. There are people who call themselves family, either by blood or by law, that will turn on you, spreading lies and the ugliness that lives in their hearts.

Jesus gets it. He understands how deep the hurts goes. He feels your pain because He’s been there. And He knows that sometimes you don’t have any other choice but to continue on into the storm, seeing the betrayal that’s coming but being powerless to stop it.

I wish people would do different, don’t you? I wish everyone would end the games and just put on a cloak of honesty. But that’s not the real world. That’s not what some people are capable of doing.

We’re all flawed human beings, struggling to do the best we can while living in a fallen world. Those who intentionally seek to harm and destroy are inevitable. Keep your guard up and watch your heart. Don’t let the lies and deceit of others cause you to lose your way. Just cling tightly to Jesus and trust that He’ll be with you as you weather the inevitable storm.

April 3, 2018

Love With Action

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” – John 15:12-13

It was enough to send normally rational people into a tizzy. They were ready to come to blows over their “rights”. How dare someone, anyone, but especially teens, question them!

Yet, how bold and courageous were those young people to stand up and voice their concerns and opinions. They defied the establishment. They demanded accountability and change.

It all started with a school shooting. It wasn’t the first time. But nothing had been done by the adults who should have rushed to make changes long before now. They were too busy pointing fingers while kids were dying just for being at school.

Instead of reducing the violence, it seemed to be escalating. Were school shootings becoming normal? That’s just unacceptable. Something has to be done.

So these teens, these survivors, marched in order to be heard. They descended on Washington and demanded answers and change. They were within their rights to do so. This is a democracy. Everyone heard them. And for that they were attacked and condemned.

I believe strongly in the Second Amendment. I own guns and I know how to use them. That would probably shock a few people. I am not a hunter. I use those guns to kill snakes and varmints on the farm. And I use those guns for protection. I have been trained by law enforcement officers. I hope I never have to shoot another human being but, if I must, I will.

I don’t want to take away guns from law abiding citizens. But we’ve got a problem. Agencies aren’t communicating and reporting issues in a way that alerts authorities when someone who is unstable or has a history of violence is purchasing a gun. We have serious issues with mental health. The time to act is before something happens but our system doesn’t allow for that. We’ve got to change it.

And regular folks don’t need AK-15s or other combat guns. We don’t need them for defending ourselves, for hunting, even for collecting. Those in the military who use those types of weapons train and train and train. They aren’t meant for amateurs. They aren’t intended for people who have no business using  them.

I don’t know how to stop school shootings. I wish I did. I do believe it’s going to take everyone talking – not pointing fingers and passing blame – to make a difference. I admire those kids for stepping up and doing what we adults should have done after the first shooting – demand change.

It would have been easier for them to soldier on, getting through the days until graduation. They could have filled their time with normal teen activities and tried to forget the horror they’d witnessed. They chose to step up and step forward, enduring criticism that was at times unfair and unkind. They chose to make sure that no other school would ever have to endure that kind of terror and that kind of heartbreak.

They loved with action those who no longer have a voice.

March 22, 2018

Everyone Needs A Wise Friend

The lips of the wise spread knowledge; not so the hearts of fools. – Proverbs 15:7

Who do you seek out when you need advice? Where do you turn when the path seems unclear and you don’t know which step to take?

The first place to turn is to God. Prayers for wisdom and discernment, strength and perseverance, make all the difference. We should always turn to God first when we need guidance.

But God also blesses us with the people He places before us. Some people just have the gift for giving good advice. I hope you have someone like that in your life.

A sweet friend who left this earth way too early for those of us who loved her always gave the best advice. It wasn’t just to me. Ask anyone who knew her. She was just so wise when it came to offering insights into the struggles someone else was facing.

Why? I pondered that after she was gone. I think the answer lies in her ability to see others in their light rather than in her own. She didn’t give advice based on what might be good for her in those circumstances. She based her advice on the person seeking guidance and that made all the difference.

So often we don’t really hear the people right before us. We listen to respond, as the experts say, rather than listening to understand. We’re quick to tell others what to do based on our wishes and desires rather than what is truly best for them.

Not too long ago a friend began pushing me to change internet providers. My speed was way too slow, she informed me. She was just so determined. I resisted. I had a bad feeling about it. Sure enough, the “new” company with the special offers has had outages time and time again. People are furious with its service. My service is dependable. I’m so thankful I listened to the Spirit inside of me rather than the friend telling me what to do.

Sometimes we also have a hidden agenda. We don’t always recognize it. We truly believe what we want for others is best for them. Maybe it is. Or maybe we want the benefits we can get if they do things our way.

In the area of women’s ministry, I’ve always got someone who wants a certain Bible study or a certain day or time for an event. They don’t want to do anything. Nor do they generally want to accommodate anyone else’s schedule or interests. They’re just quick to know what is best and expect others to come along to their way of thinking.

I’ve learned to consider all points of view and to spend a lot of time in prayer. A sweet friend tells me I always seem to choose just the right study, just when she needs it. I’m flattered by the compliment but I’m also quick to give credit where it belongs. God leads me. God knows the way and what is best. My job is just to get out of the way and follow where He’s leading. When the study matches her needs, it’s because God was directing the path and not me.

It’s the same with giving advice to others. We shouldn’t be so quick to tell others what is best for them. It’s important to really listen to what they’re saying. It’s good to ask questions and cause them to think about their choices and to take an honest assessment of the good and bad. Rose-colored glasses are great until they’re not. It’s always better to consider everything before you take the leap.

I miss my sweet friend so much. I cherish the times I had with her, laughing and commiserating and just doing life together. I’d like to think I’m wiser than I was before I knew her but I sure do miss her wisdom. I miss the truth she spoke into my life. I pray I can be that kind of friend to others.

March 19, 2018

It Takes A Community

And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him – a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

– Ecclesiastes 4:12

The small white calf stood on the wrong side of the barbed wire fence. I quickly pressed the brakes and turned around, heading back toward the disaster-waiting-to-happen. No one needed a wreck caused by a wayward calf in the road.

Another woman had already pulled over. She was a city-girl who’d somehow found herself living in a nearby country town. She liked cows. She just didn’t know anything about them. That was obvious when she explained that she’d tried to pet the calf but he ran from her. Newsflash: This calf was not an escapee from the petting zoo.

I decided I might need to hang around. My cousin had already called the owner (Who is married to another cousin. It’s a small-town thing.) I realized it would take him at least 30 minutes to arrive. I settled in to talk to my new “friend.”

The little calf decided the grass might be greener on the other side of the road. The woman and I quickly sprang into action, stopping traffic in both directions and herding the calf around a bend and away from the road. Another couple pulled off the highway and hurried to help.

We managed to corner the calf just as Mama Cow arrived. My new friend wanted no part of Mama Cow and backed off. With the couple’s help, we “encouraged” the calf to go back under the fence and to safety. Disaster averted.

It took all of us to make it happen. Have you ever attempted to force a wayward calf to go where you want him to? I have. It’s something only America’s Funniest Home Videos would enjoy. But with the help of others, we were able to herd the calf to safety.

That’s how life is. Some things are just hard or impossible when we’re struggling to get through them on our own. We need help. We need someone who understands. We need to know that we aren’t alone.

A dear friend talks about getting devastating news about her son. He’d done something awful and was sitting in a jail cell. Her heart was shattered. A friend came to her house and refused to leave. The friend sat with her, silently, as time passed slowly by. No words could alleviate her pain but the support of someone just being there helped her get through that time of shock and heartbreak.

Another friend talks about the stack of cards that she treasures. They are a visual reminder of the love and prayers that have surrounded her as she fights cancer. In these days when she can’t always safely be around others because of her weakened immune system, those cards tell her that she isn’t alone. She is loved. She is strengthened by the presence of others.

Friends take away our loneliness. They encourage us and advise us, laugh and cry with us. We were never meant to do life alone. It takes a community of believers to navigate this world and withstand the temptations and trials all around us. We are strengthened by the presence of others. We are blessed by community.

May 17, 2016

God Is The Best Friend We Have

11 When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. 12 When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. 13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. -- Job 2:11-13

Goosie was really excited to meet her nine new friends today. She walked around and around the pen, talking loudly to them. They spoke back too.

I wanted to let Goosie into the pen with the others but I was worried about her. What if the nine turned on poor Goosie?

We made the decision to let her into the pen. I had no need to worry about Goosie. She was just fine -- as she attacked the other geese. She latched on to one poor goose and the two went round and round. I got quite firm with her. She ignored me. But she did eventually let go.

Things are calm now. They have made a peace of sorts. Eventually we’ll turn them all out and it will be Goosie who shows the new geese the pond and all the ins and outs of living here. It’s what friends do.

Job had lost everything but his life and his God. His friends hurried to comfort him. Those who have read the book of Job know that those same friends criticized him, admonishing Job to confess whatever he’d done to deserve all that had befallen him.

That had to be hard for Job to hear. When tough times come along, we expect support and comfort from those closest to us. Sometimes we are fortunate and they step up. Other times they let us down.

Not all criticism is intended to harm. Job’s friends thought they were helping. But sometimes the best intentions come for all the wrong reasons. And sometimes the “best intentions” are merely an opportunity to attack.

There’s no hurt that goes so deep as that hurt which comes from those closest to you. Sometimes it’s the betrayal of a spouse. Maybe it’s being abandoned by a parent. It might be rejection by the person you thought was your best friend.

Life has taught me how to empathize just a bit with Job. I have learned to rely on God and God alone for guidance and support and love. He is true and faithful. His love never wavers. That’s important in a world where betrayal sometimes comes from those who are closest to us.

February 14, 2016

True Friends Are Rare

A friend loves at all times,
And a brother is born for adversity.

-- Proverbs 17:17

The funeral home is a place you see folks you don’t see very often. Life is busy and good intentions get sidetracked. But these times when we come together to mourn we remember true friendship.

One woman and I shared memories of her mother, who went home more than a year ago. She was stubborn and opinionated, a wonderful Southern cook who would do anything for her friends. Anything. You never had to ask for her support. If you were her friend, she had your back. She didn’t need you to explain anything to her, she knew your heart and that was good enough for her.

Our latest friend to go home was the same way. People packed into the funeral home because she was always willing to help. She volunteered regularly. She loved children. She was a terrific cook. She was loyal and loving and she always had your back.

Last year another friend told us that when all was said and done, we’d be able to count our true friends on the fingers of one hand. She was almost right. Thankfully, we have a few more than that. But most people either didn’t want to get involved or tried to walk a middle line. Neither worked. A true friend is a brother -- or sister -- who is there when adversity hits.

Anybody can be a goodtime friend. You’ve probably got tons of them. They are the rah-rah people. Keep it light. Keep it fun. Keep it upbeat and they are very happy to be your friend. Just don’t expect them to be around if you get sick, lose your job, lose your marriage, have a child get in trouble. You know the type.

But it’s the real friends that touch your heart. The ones who come. The ones who sit with you while your mourn. The ones who help you when you’re too sick to help yourself. The friends who know you, warts and all, and love you just the same.

We buried a true friend yesterday and the world is a gloomier place without her presence. I am thankful she is singing in that heavenly choir and enjoying some much deserved time with Jesus. I am. But, oh, how sad we all are to face the days to come without her by our side.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Actively Show You Care

When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. -- Job 2:11

He talked on and on and on, as though he just needed a fresh ear to hear what he had to say. The good news was not there. She was getting worse, not better. But they had found peace and strength in God and knew that whatever happened would be His will.

I had called to check on her, on them really. Because when two people have been married for so many years, nothing happens to one without also happening to the other. Her illness had spiraled them both downward, onto a path they never expected to take

Her sister had come to stay a few days, he explained. She’d provided a change of pace, a change of scenery if you will. Folks at church just weren’t stopping by, he said. Most explained that they didn’t think she was “up to visitors.” What they meant was, they weren’t up to visiting.

Some people excel at visiting sick people. Most of us do not. We don’t know what to say, or not say. We aren’t sure of the rules because, really, there aren’t any rules. Every person is different and every situation is different.

Mornings are best, he explained. By afternoon, she was just too tired to do anything but lay back in the recliner. But she loves company, he said. What I heard was that he welcomes any relief from the endless days of caregiving to someone who likely will only get worse.

Another dear friend is also facing a tough battle. Without divine intervention, cancer will likely claim her life. But not until it has finished ravaging her body with pain and her soul with anguish. Visitors are just too much. They are private people and the strength to put on a “good face” is more than they can bear.

I respect their unspoken request. It is sad. Because both couples could gather strength from the prayers, visits and ministering of people who care for them.

Therefore encourage each other with these words.

-- 1 Thessalonians 4:18

Of course, there is always someone who has dire stories to tell. Why does a serious illness make some want to “one up” the pain and agony of the sick person? A breast cancer patient will hear of those who didn’t survive. The heart patient will hear of repeated attacks. The arthritis patient will hear of endless pain and no help from anyone.

Words of comfort are such a joy. Prayer for God’s Presence in the midst of it all are welcome. Explanations aren’t necessary because, honestly, there is no explanation. Things happen and they’re awful. Being told that it is “God’s will” that your loved one is dying hurts. And it isn’t true. We live in a fallen world and bad things happen but God never wills pain on His children.

He does, however, promise to be with us every step of the way. He promises to comfort us and strengthen us. And as His people, how can we do any less? How can we ignore those who are sick and hurting because we are filled with excuses and unease?

Take a minute today to call and check on someone who is sick or injured. Send a note. Take a casserole. Call and then stop by for a brief visit. People need to know you care. You show it by your presence and your actions, not by empty words of intent.

Friday, June 29, 2012

We All Let Each Other Down

Now while he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Feast, many people saw the miraculous signs he was doing and believed in his name. But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all men. -- John 2:23-24

Someone has almost certainly let you down. Maybe you’ve been lied to or misled. Maybe you counted on a friend to be there when you were sick or someone hurt your feelings or didn’t do enough or care enough or give you enough time. Whatever it was, you ended up unhappy and feeling rejected.

And, you know what? Someone else could say all those things about you. Because we let people down just like they let us down. Nobody can always do and say the right thing. And nobody can always be there when we need something or someone. It’s just that simple and that complicated.

It’s always interesting to remember in this age of Facebook friends and twitter followers that Jesus let only a few people close to Him. Jesus had thousands who followed Him, but He chose 12 to closely teach. That should tell us something.

We laugh about that 15 minutes of fame, but it’s just so true. One minute someone is your dearest friend and the next minute that same person is gossiping behind your back. Friend or foe? Sometimes it’s really difficult to tell the difference.

Most of us want to be good people. We want to be good friends. It’s just that we get so caught up in ourselves and what we want and what we think is best for us, that we neglect the wants and needs of others. We forget to love people first and put everything else behind that.

Not long ago I heard a radio minister telling a story about a man who just had to see the minister right that minute. The man had been going through some things and suddenly it all made sense. The minister wasn’t available but suggested that there were two other pastors available to speak with him. They wouldn’t do.

The man waited for the minister as he headed out the door, insisting again that he had to speak with him. The man couldn’t believe that anything else could be more important than his needs in that moment.

Ah, but there was. The minister’s son had a ballgame and he’d promised to be there. As the minister explained to the man, other pastors could counsel with him but his son only had one father and he was going to the game.

Life sometimes comes down to choices. Sometimes those choices hurt one person in order to please another. And sometimes we’re just selfish and thoughtless and we just don’t have a clue.

We let each other down. Jesus knew and expected it. We should learn from that. It won’t erase the hurt but it will help us understand and forgive.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

True Friends Strengthen Us

If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. -- Ecclesiastes 4:10

Blessed is the person -- and I am one -- who have real, true friends when life is troubling and unkind. We all know many people but friends, well, that’s a different thing.

Friends listen without end and take your side when you’re under attack. They understand your hurt and pain, your troubles, and your joys. They give hugs, say prayers and join in your laughter.

True friends are trustworthy. You don’t have to worry that what you say will be repeated. That lets you be vulnerable and real. Children of God coming together to help and support one another.

I am blessed to have friends like these. And I am blessed to be part of a small group of women who have come together to know God better and to love and support one another. We didn’t plan it that way. Our intent was Bible study. Our result has been a safe place of sharing and laughter and friendship.

I have to believe that’s what God intended. I look at Jesus and His friends Mary and Martha and Lazarus. I think of David and Jonathan. We all need friends to walk by our sides on this life journey.

Some say that we only really have one or two true friends in our lives at any given time. That could be true. But I also believe that we can widen that circle, depending on where we are in our lives. We can participate in small, safe groups. We can have people who support us, and whom we support, in different areas of our lives.

For example, I have a dear friend who is struggling with mama issues. No. Not that kind. Her widowed mother is in failing health. She has two sisters to help but it’s still hard. She’s never done anything right in her mama’s eyes and time hasn’t eased that pain. In some ways it’s worse now, because of her mama’s health.

I can talk to her. I can listen. We understand each other because I, too, am dealing with elderly parents who are critical and in failing health. So we share and, in turn, support one another. Our bond of friendship gives each of us strength to face situations and days that seem so difficult at times.

I can’t imagine trying to face life without friends to laugh and cry with along the way. I value my friends so much. I pray that each of you has friends to walk with you and strengthen you, to understand and love you. It’s what God wants for each of us.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Who Influences Your Faith?

Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night.

-- Psalm 1:1-2 (NKJV)

Who is your counsel? Who are your friends? What movies and television shows do you watch? What books do you read? Where do you hang out?

We like to pretend that it doesn’t matter. We know Jesus in our hearts. We don’t really need to edit what we see or hear. We certainly don’t need to avoid certain people because some of their actions aren’t, gulp, godly.

Yet the Bible tells us that we are not to walk in the counsel of the ungodly. We are being influenced by the people around us and by the media we consume. Don’t try to fool yourself. It’s the reason advertisers pay big bucks for ads during prime times, such as the Super Bowl.

That’s also where Satan attacks you. He knows all your buttons, according to Mark Hall, lead singer of Casting Crowns and author of Your Own Jesus. He noted that we say we believe in God but we are standing there right in the midst of the world. We look no different. So if we aren’t different, why should anyone else believe?

Good point. As Christians, we’re supposed to stand out. We’re supposed to be different. We’re supposed to light the way for a dark and lost world. We’re supposed to represent Jesus on this earth.

It’s not that we mean to blend in. It’s a slow fade (Hall’s words) away from Jesus. We make one small compromise, assuring ourselves that it won’t matter. Then we make another one and another one. It’s a slippery slope downward from there.

“We are who our friends are,” Hall writes. “What we put into our heads and hearts today will influence our choices tomorrow.”

So who is your counsel? Who do you listen to most? Are they godly people who live by His Word? Or are they worldly people who lack His foundation? What do you listen to on the radio station? Songs of praise to Him or songs of cheating hearts and love on the sly?

Our choices define our lives and our faith. We can walk with godly people and make wise choices based on His Word. Or we can allow Satan a foothold in our lives. Free will. Your choice.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Value Your Friendships

How I weep for you, my brother Jonathan! Oh, how much I loved you! -- 2 Samuel 1:26a

Have you ever tragically lost a close friend? I hope you answered no because I truly wouldn’t wish that kind of grief on anyone.

David was king. God had finally freed him from the reaches of Saul. But the battle that took Saul’s life also claimed the lives of his three sons. One of those sons was David’s best friend Jonathan.

Good friends can be hard to find. This friendship was strange, at best. Think about it. David was a shepherd whom God had anointed as Israel’s next king. Jonathan was the crown prince, destined to be the next king until David arrived on the scene. Yet their fierce loyalty to one another withstood Jonathan’s father and David’s fear. Some time later David would seek out Jonathan’s family and find that one son, Mephibosheth, had survived. He took care of him -- just as he’d once promised Jonathan he would do. A friendship that survived death.

Because that’s what deep friendships do. Many years ago my best friend died suddenly of a blood clot exactly three weeks after he’d had a heart attack. There was no warning. Nothing. He’d survived the heart attack. He’d had open heart surgery the next day and was back at his sister’s recovering by the end of the week.

The last conversation I had with him was about rescheduling a trip we’d planned to Sedona, Arizona. I’d been forced to postpone it when he got sick. He wanted to go ahead and reschedule and I wanted to wait until the doctor released him. I wanted to make sure he was okay to drive in the snow because driving in the snow scares me. Sounds silly now. Neither of us had any idea that we’d never speak again on this side of heaven.

Beth Moore tells the store of losing her best friend when they were in high school. The young woman had stopped by Beth’s house to get her to go out to eat. Beth’s family was preparing to leave town and her parents said no. Thirty minutes later sirens permeated the air. All these years later and Beth says she still sometimes visits her grave. That’s friendship. Time eases the pain but it doesn’t dull the loss.

The lesson seems almost too simple. Value the people you treasure most. Tell them how you feel. Let them know that they are special to you. Your family, of course, usually comes to mind. But remember your friends too. My best friend knew I loved him. He knew the special place he had in my heart. I clung to that in the days and weeks that followed. Because deep, true friendship doesn’t die with death.

　

Monday, June 13, 2011

While the Israelites were camped at Acacia, some of the men defined themselves by sleeping with the local Moabite women. These women invited them to attend sacrifices to their gods, and soon the Israelites were feasting with them and worshiping the gods of Moab.

-- Numbers 25:1-2

Who your friends are matters. Just as you might influence someone for the good, they might influence you for the bad. Or vice versa. We’ve all heard we need to choose our friends carefully. Believe it.

Not all the Israelites believed it. They thought they could do whatever they wanted with whomever they wanted. They probably figured they could resist the allure of different gods. Yeah. Like they resisted the Moabite women. God got justifiably angry. The Bible tells us that 24,000 people died because of their sin.

Do you think the actions and attitudes of others won’t impact you? Are you sure? Really sure? If you hang out with someone who gossips, do you listen or change the subject? Do you look the other way at a co-workers not quite honest business tactics? Do you watch movies that have a lot of foul language and sexual jokes? Do you find yourself skipping church because you were out too late the night before or a “friend” has a better plan?

If you socialize with people who share your values, you’ll be happier and you won’t stray from yourself or God. You’ll reflect onto others. You’ll influence your co-workers, your friends, your family -- in a good way that reflects God in your life. Give it a try. You might amaze yourself.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Listen to Solomon's Wisdom

"Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house -- too much of you, and he will hate you."

-- Proverbs 25:17

I got a good chuckle out of this proverb. It's so true! It's just that the people who really need to read it probably would never, ever think it applies to them.

Years ago I had a friend and co-worker who stopped by a few times too many. We'd been in college together and ended up working in a different town at the same business. It was great knowing someone when I arrived.

Every weekend she went home -- about an hour's drive away -- to visit the man who eventually became her husband. And every Sunday afternoon she arrived on my doorstep to give me the play-by-play of her weekend. Every Sunday afternoon.

Now, don't get me wrong. I was happy to hear her stories. Really. It's just that Sunday was the only day I had off. Sometimes I really just wanted to spend it alone, just me and my dog. The only way to do that was to leave. Literally. That didn't seem fair. I even tried hiding out but got busted. She didn't even get the message. Just kept right on coming. I know. I was a wimp. I should have just not let her in but it would have hurt her feelings.

Oh, well. It was a long time ago and we have long sense lost touch. I left the South and moved back. But I've never gotten used to thant Southern visiting thing. You know what I'm talking about. Just stopping by without calling and assuming folks will be glad to see you. Isn't that why we have phones?

This proverb is just one more example of how relevant the Bible is today. It's just as true today as it was back in the days of Solomon.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Cherish True Friendship

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." -- Proverbs 18:24

What is a friend? Who is a friend? Many of us know a great many people. We know people at church and at work. We know neighbors and old classmates. We know people at the supermarket and our favorite restaurant. We know a lot of people.

Some of these people we call friends. "My friend from work," we say. Or "I got together with a bunch of my church friends," we tell our neighbor. They are friends of one sort, I suppose. We see them frequently. We have things in common. We laugh and talk and share. Or at least we do until something changes. We move to another church or job or neighborhood. Our interests carry us in a different direction. And those "friends" are just baggage that got left behind.

Sounds cruel, doesn't it? I don't mean it to be. It's just that sometimes I think we use the world friend a little loosely. We refer to people we know as friends whether we truly think of them in that way or not. Then something happens and it kind of sorts everything out for us.

If a person is truly a friend, a different job won't change that. Getting together might be a little more challenging but it still will happen. Same with a different church or neighborhood. Friends make time for each other. Acquaintances just drift apart. They may still like each other but they don't spend time together.

The same is true for wealth and poverty. In Provers 19:4, Solomon tells us, "Wealth brings many friends, but a poor man's friend deserts him." Yeah, you want to see "friends" come out of the woodwork? Have a windfall of cash. People will emerge from everywhere to see if they can get a piece of your good fortune. On the other side, want to see "friends" depart quickly? Experience a job loss or other economic disaster. Most won't even know your name, much less your phone number.

Friends are people who are there no matter what. You know that. There are some people you would drop everything for, give any amount to help, would stand by in good and bad times. Those people are friends. It doesn't make the others less enjoyable. They're fun to be around and have around. The trouble comes when we confuse the two. We spend so much time with the shallow folks who inhabit our lives, that we don't nurture the people who are close to our hearts.

Friends are awesome people to have around. Cherish them. Make time for them. Hold them close and be the best friend you can be to them. They are precious gifts from God. Don't ever, ever take them for granted.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Nurture Friendships

"Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you -- better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away."

-- Proverbs 27:10

Life is so busy. With work, kids, parents, and all the other things we have to fit into each day, it's no wonder that friendships sometimes get put on the backburner. We plan to call tomorrow. We say we'll do lunch next week. And we mean it. Really. We just never get around to it.

We tell ourselves it's okay. We're friends with our co-workers. Sort of. We're friends with people at church. Sort of. We're friends with the parents of our kids. Sort of. We know our parents' friends. Sort of. We've got lots of family. Sort of.

But what about those friends you hold close to your heart? The ones you've known forever and who've seen you when you laugh and when you cry? Friendships are like marriages. Neglect destroys them. It also destroys families but that's a whole other topic.

In years past, families were close. You knew who to call if something happened -- whether it was a car accident, a sudden illness or a blown fuse. Families aren't necessarily close anymore. We're spread all over the country and, sometimes, the world. And we're not close to the family who do live nearby. Think about it carefully before you deny what I'm saying. Think of who would drop everything -- and I do mean everything -- and come to your aid in an emergency. That's a good way to tell the depth of your relationship with that person.

We want to believe we can always count on our church. Sometimes we can. Church members are awesome at bringing food and praying for us. But they can't always be counted on for the smaller events that shake our world -- a job loss, a lingering illness that isn't life threatening, a troubled teen, a need to sob for an hour over a broken heart or a celebration for that longed-for promotion. Those things call for more.

That's one reason why there's nothing quite like a good neighbor. They're close. They know your comings and goings. And they can help you quickly just as you can help them quickly. Don't know your neighbors well? That's sad. You might want to make time to reach out to them before something happens in the neighborhood that forces the issue. Who knows? You could end up with some really good friends.

Which brings me back to my first point. Nurture your friendships. Don't ever neglect the people who have walked with you through your life. Children grow up. Spouses have other interests and divorces happen. Families splinter. But friends -- true friends -- can carry you through good times and bad times. Make that call today. Laugh. Go out to eat. Take a walk. Make time to be a friend.