July 29, 2018

Forever Friends Remain

After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.

– 1 Samuel 18:1

One of the most beautiful friendships found in the Bible is that between David and Jonathan. It was a friendship that should have been torn apart by power and greed, by an insecure King Saul, and other exterior events and circumstances. But it endured.

We are blessed to have friends that stand with us as time and circumstances change. The sad reality is that most do not.

Perhaps, too, we call people close friends when the reality is that they are only with us for a season of life. It doesn’t mean we don’t care or that they don’t care. It’s just that when what bound us together changes or ends, there’s nothing left but history and nowhere else to go.

Think about the friends you made when you both had children attending the same school, the same classes, the same afterschool activities. When the children grow up, what do you have left in common with those friends? Maybe one child goes away to college while another gets married and has a precious grandchild. Suddenly, people who had so much in common don’t really share anything in common anymore.

Or consider the close friends who have moved away. Very few friendships survive great distance. It’s possible, of course. But the sad reality is that friendships require time and attention. We get so caught up with our daily lives that we can’t sustain the effort a long-distance friendship requires.

Some friendships are only for a season. Perhaps one person was going through a divorce, a season of grief, or a health crisis. When the person finds a new love or regains his health, the friendship changes. The need isn’t there anymore. Some people need to be needed and when that changes, so does the friendship.

And then there are those friends who are there for life. They don’t need to fix you or change you. They quickly defend you, support your decisions, laugh at your bad jokes. They’re the people who will drop everything and rush to help you. You’d do the same for them. And they’re people who don’t need to monopolize your time, or you theirs, for the friendship to remain solid and strong.

The Bible tells us we need such friends in our lives. The course is rocky and some days just leave us battered and bruised. We need people to sustain us. And we need people to laugh with us. We need people for celebration and joy just as much as we need people with a box of Kleenex and wise advice.

God has blessed me with wonderful people in my life. I hope you are blessed as well. True friendship is a treasure to be valued as the greatest of gifts.

And if seasons change and other friendships end, let them go. Don’t cling to what will never be again. Simply cherish the friends who remain.

May 28, 2018

Remember the Cost

“I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me.”

– 2 Samuel 1:26a

David and Jonathan were like brothers. They had remained loyal to one another despite Saul’s attempts on David’s life. They had remained friends even though God had anointed David to be the next king, rather than Jonathan who was King Saul’s son. Only death could truly separate the friends.

War has always taken its devastating toll. That was the case here. Both King Saul and his son Jonathan were killed in battle. It was a very real cost of war but that didn’t ease the broken hearts of those left behind.

Today is Memorial Day. It isn’t a day to barbecue with friends, hang out at the beach or laze around with a good book. Not that there’s anything wrong with any of that. It’s just that it misses the point.

This is the day we remember those who gave their lives for our freedom. It’s the day we remember those who never came home. We honor them and the families who were left with a gaping hole in their hearts. It is a somber day of remembrance.

In recent years some have tried to turn this day into a celebration of all veterans and those in active military service. That was never what was intended. I am grateful to those veterans and to those who are currently serving our country in the Armed Forces. But I truly hope and pray that their families won’t ever need to remember them on this day.

There are plenty of days to remember those who live. There is Veterans Day. There is Independence Day. There are lots of accolades and times to say “Thank You!” Today is for those who aren’t here with us anymore. Today is for those who died too soon.

The Vietnam Memorial stands as a stark reminder, the names etched in stone. Do you know someone whose name is on that monument? Yeah. Me too. It changes things, doesn’t it? Because none of those hero stories can ever replace the one who didn’t come home.

God understands our grief. He sees our tears. He stands with us as we remember, as we mourn, as we take those first steps alone. God knows how shattered hearts feel. Remember, He gave His Son so that we could live.

The cemetery just down the road will have a ceremony today. Flags will dot graves throughout the cemetery. One will rest beside my cousin, a young man who never had the chance to grow old. This day was special to his Dad, who was also a serviceman. It was the one day out of the year that everyone remembered what he had lost.

I don’t know what your plans are today, but I sure hope you take time to remember the cost of living in a free country. Please say a prayer for those who still grieve because, no matter what you may have been told, there’s no time limit on grief. Honor what they’ve lost by remembering what this day is all about.

April 13, 2016

True Friendship Is Priceless

Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’” Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town. -- 1 Samuel 20:42

Friendship. It’s more valuable than any amount of jewels. It means more than any amount of money. It carries you through the tough times and brings laughter during the good times.

I just got off the phone with a dear friend I rarely see. I haven’t spoken to her in months and yet we talked for more than a hour. It wasn’t idle chit chat. We can share our hearts, picking up where we left off no matter how long it’s been.

It’s just like that with some people. They matter to you and you matter to them. Maybe your lives aren’t the same anymore but your hearts are. That’s where the real connection lives.

David and Jonathan loved each other as brothers. They shouldn’t have. At least that’s the conclusion if you look at their friendship from the outside looking in. David was God’s chosen one, the man who would be king. Jonathan was the king’s son and next in line to the throne.

You would expect a power struggle. You would expect a jealous fight. You would expect them to betray each other in their battle to be king. Never happened. They were friends until the end and, even then, David brought Jonathan’s son to his own table and treated him as family.

True friendship is like that. You take care of one another. Distance comes and goes but you still take care of each other.

Another dear friend recently lost her mother. I haven’t seen her in a while. Our lives are filled with care giving and work and all the details of a busy life. And, yet, I would drop everything to rush to her side if she needed me. She would do the same. We’ve been friends since we were small children. Those are pretty strong bonds.

Everyone needs people in their lives they can count on. For some fortunate people, family fills that role. For others, friends become the family everyone needs. A few fortunate folks have both. I hope you have people you can count on. If you don’t, ask God to help you find friends that are dependable and true. They are priceless.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Value Your Friendships

How I weep for you, my brother Jonathan! Oh, how much I loved you! -- 2 Samuel 1:26a

Have you ever tragically lost a close friend? I hope you answered no because I truly wouldn’t wish that kind of grief on anyone.

David was king. God had finally freed him from the reaches of Saul. But the battle that took Saul’s life also claimed the lives of his three sons. One of those sons was David’s best friend Jonathan.

Good friends can be hard to find. This friendship was strange, at best. Think about it. David was a shepherd whom God had anointed as Israel’s next king. Jonathan was the crown prince, destined to be the next king until David arrived on the scene. Yet their fierce loyalty to one another withstood Jonathan’s father and David’s fear. Some time later David would seek out Jonathan’s family and find that one son, Mephibosheth, had survived. He took care of him -- just as he’d once promised Jonathan he would do. A friendship that survived death.

Because that’s what deep friendships do. Many years ago my best friend died suddenly of a blood clot exactly three weeks after he’d had a heart attack. There was no warning. Nothing. He’d survived the heart attack. He’d had open heart surgery the next day and was back at his sister’s recovering by the end of the week.

The last conversation I had with him was about rescheduling a trip we’d planned to Sedona, Arizona. I’d been forced to postpone it when he got sick. He wanted to go ahead and reschedule and I wanted to wait until the doctor released him. I wanted to make sure he was okay to drive in the snow because driving in the snow scares me. Sounds silly now. Neither of us had any idea that we’d never speak again on this side of heaven.

Beth Moore tells the store of losing her best friend when they were in high school. The young woman had stopped by Beth’s house to get her to go out to eat. Beth’s family was preparing to leave town and her parents said no. Thirty minutes later sirens permeated the air. All these years later and Beth says she still sometimes visits her grave. That’s friendship. Time eases the pain but it doesn’t dull the loss.

The lesson seems almost too simple. Value the people you treasure most. Tell them how you feel. Let them know that they are special to you. Your family, of course, usually comes to mind. But remember your friends too. My best friend knew I loved him. He knew the special place he had in my heart. I clung to that in the days and weeks that followed. Because deep, true friendship doesn’t die with death.