Why Try to Fix Others?
“Why do you look at the speck
of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own
eye?”
– Matthew 7:3
It’s both amusing and aggravating, all wrapped up with
sweet words designed to make a point without offense. Why do we believe we are
better qualified to run someone else’s life than the person who is actually
living that life?
And, here’s another question: Why do we believe it’s
okay to stick our opinions into a conversation we weren’t invited to join? And
why do we believe that our own lives are tidy enough that we’ve even got time
to dictate how someone else should live?
If you don’t think this applies to you, it does. It
applies to all of us. We’re just so quick to tell others how to think and feel,
what kind of job they need, what type of food they should eat, even what brand
of car they should buy. It’s as though we feel better about ourselves if we’re
telling someone else what to do.
It also takes our focus off of our own issues. We don’t
have to worry about that extra piece of pound cake when we’re lecturing someone
else about all the fast food they eat. We don’t have to think about our own job
situation when we’re telling someone else what type of job they should have.
And we certainly don’t have to spend our own money when we’re telling someone
else how to spend theirs.
It’s enough to strain the closest of relationships. I
don’t need someone dictating my every move. How about you? That’s right. Most
of us don’t need it.
A sweet lady I know has a son that has been in trouble
more than out of it. She did all she could. She finally got help for herself,
let go of trying to fix and control her son, and turned him over to God. Guess
what? He’s out of trouble and appears to have completely turned his life
around. What he needed most from her was space to grow up. When she gave him
that, he actually did begin to accept responsibility for himself and change his
life.
Another friend worries about a co-worker who is just
so unhappy. She wants to fix this woman that she considers a friend. She
wonders why the woman won’t listen, won’t change her eating habits and go back
to church and just decide to be happy living where she’s at. Would you listen
to someone – however well meaning – who constantly told you what you needed to
do to “fix” your life?
It’s not about intentions. Both women had only the
best of intentions. But sometimes the best gift we can give someone is to love
them as they are and trust God to do any “fixing” He deems necessary.
We can’t fix anyone. It’s not our job. It’s God’s job.
He doesn’t need your help and He doesn’t need my help. He’s God. And He’s good
at it.
The only thing He’s told us to do is love people. Love
draws more people to make right choices than anything else you could do. When
you reject, criticize, and “guide” people incessantly, you push them away. And
you make them dig their trenches a little deeper. We’ve all got that stubborn
streak in us that doesn’t want anyone else to tell us how to live.
So, the next time you feel an urge to get that speck
out of someone else’s eye, look in the mirror instead. That plank you see might
take a while to get out.
