March 30, 2018

False Flattery Leads to Ruin

Those who flatter their neighbors are spreading nets for their feet.

– Proverbs 29:5

“I’m a good-looking man,” he told me. “I’m quite the catch.”

There was no way to hide the shock from my face. I wasn’t sure what well-meaning person had given him this information but they had done him no favors. They had fueled his arrogance, leaving him vulnerable to predators he couldn’t possibly see.

He had buried his wife, the love of his life. They had both suffered through her horrible illness. It had been only a few months but he was ready to move on. Rather than choose someone nearer to his age, someone who would be a companion through his late years, he set his mind on someone young enough to be his daughter. His heart craved a woman who was filled with activity, a job and kids and volunteer work, rather than someone retired with plenty of the time he expected to share.

I choose to believe that the person who told him this had good intentions. It might have come from someone trying to help him fill his days. He drives those he loves crazy with his need to be involved in everything they do. He is lost yet refuses to devote himself to volunteer work or another job. He doesn’t want to commit to anything, just in case he gets invited to spend time with his family.

It’s just sad. Now it’s sadder. They have created a situation they never expected and maybe don’t even see.

I have no idea how it will all play out. I’ve lived long enough to watch friends make good decisions and bad. One man married again, seeking a young and vibrant mate. The union lasted a few years. He is bitter and vows never to marry again. She took advantage of him and his pocketbook. He needed someone like his first wife, a woman who loved Jesus and sought to spread good wherever she went. He got a party girl who looked good on his arm and told him exactly what he wanted to hear.

Another friend was a bit wiser. Yes, he found a woman quite younger but he wanted that for a different reason. He wanted someone who would look after him. He understood his children wouldn’t sacrifice their lives to care for him when the time comes and he needs a caregiver. In turn, he has provided her with a home and health benefits, security the low-paying job she still works will never give her. They seem happy, content even, with each benefiting from the other’s presence. It is not a love match, but maybe it doesn’t need to be.

I hope this man finds the same. He is a good man. But vanity can cause the very best people to make absolutely the worst choices. They get caught up in who they think they are, letting pride cloud their eyes with falsehood masquerading as truth.

God certainly doesn’t want us walking around in defeat. He also doesn’t expect us to walk around with puffed up opinions of who we are and what we deserve. It can only lead to disaster, laying a net of disaster for its unsuspecting victim.

March 21, 2018

God Determines Our Path

The heart of a man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.

– Proverbs 16:9

We’re a lot alike, she and I. We’ve known each other more years than either of us publicly admits. In our 20s, we had dreams. Oh, the plans we made. Neither of us have the life we imagined.

Both of us remained single, without children. I never expected that to happen. Neither did she. How does time pass so quickly? What happened to the person we always thought we’d be?

It hasn’t been a bad life. Well, except for the hard times that is. Everyone has those. Illness doesn’t excuse anyone from her tirade. Broken hearts and bad choices abound. But mostly I think we just got busy and assumed we had plenty of time.

I never expected to be nearing the end of my life without a husband and children by my side. God had a different plan.

A dear friend still mourns his much-younger wife. She was the love of his life. They raised a son and created memories and were enjoying the grandchildren they adored. He always assumed he’d be the first to go. Age is supposed to determine those things. ALS is a cruel disease. She was gone way too soon.

Another friend expected to grow old with her husband. She was so in love. They’d created what she thought was a perfect family, complete with two young children. Until the day he told her he wanted out of their marriage. He just didn’t love her anymore.

We hold tightly to jobs we think we’ll have forever, to bank accounts we think give us security, to people who can be fickle and unkind, to a lifestyle we believe gives us status and worth. Then one day it is all gone. Our plans lay shredded all around us. We are numb with the shock, uncertain of the next step. We had such plans!

I’ve come to understand that God truly is the only One is trustworthy in all things at all times. Oh, I have some wonderful friends and family who have stood beside me in both devastating and joyful seasons of life. But nobody can be everything to someone else. It is God alone who has carried me through the dark nights and celebrated the seemingly small successes of my days.

He knows best. I’m so thankful for His protection. I’m thankful He didn’t always say yes. I’m even thankful He led me into the storm because it drew me closer to His side. God made a way when I never saw it coming. I am just so grateful for His Presence and protection.

A sweet friend talked about the plans she’d had for her life. Business. She wanted to be in business. She’s an elementary school teacher. She loves it! Her students are so blessed. She has the right amount of toughness mingled with a quick smile and genuine love for “her” kids. God knew where she needed to be, where she would make the most difference by touching the lives of young children.

Another friend got her call to teaching while she labored away in the medical field. She refused the first offer. The second time she was ready. Scared, I might add, but ready. Her high school students win awards all over the state. They gravitate toward her honesty and kindness. She doesn’t put up with any bad behavior but she is quick to forgive, quick to help, quick to defend those she calls her own. She never saw this career coming but she is so very thankful that it did.

God knows where we need to be to make the most difference in this world. God knows what has been and what is to come. He sees deep inside our hearts. My friend from so many years ago? Because she didn’t have her own family, she was able to spend 8 years caring for her invalid father. She also helped raise her brother’s children after their mother abandoned them. She has had a full life, filled with love. Just not the life she imagined.

As for me, well, I’m back where I belong, telling stories and teaching people about Jesus and caring for those who have no one else. It isn’t the life I would have chosen but it sure is the right life for me.

January 31, 2018

Care For Others

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. – James 1:27

They would come if it was necessary. One would have to take sick leave. The other would have to make it a long day because she couldn’t leave her dog. At least they offered. The third sibling didn’t even do that.

Their special needs sister was in ICU at a hospital more than 100 miles from their elderly parents. The flu had placed all the area hospitals at capacity. It was the closest available ICU bed to the facility where she lived.

This sister had lived at home until seizures destroyed her memory. It became impossible for her parents to care for her and they found a wonderful facility 32 miles from them. Her mom especially had devoted her life to this daughter’s care. This forced separation was tearing her apart.

This 86-year-old woman called me. Could I drive her to see her daughter? Absolutely. I never considered anything else. I was glad to do it.

Let me explain a little bit about my life. I am self-employed. If I don’t work, I don’t make money. There are no paid sick days or vacation days in my world. I also have a farm with animals that must be cared for whether it’s convenient or not. In fact, I called on a dear friend to stop by and check on the animals while I was gone that day.

I should also explain that this mom and her daughter are family. I know what it’s like to try and care for someone you love with no physical support from the people who should step up and help.

It isn’t always possible to hire someone. It isn’t always practical. And, frankly, it isn’t always what needs to be done. A loving family member can accomplish so much more.

At the hospital that first day, I was the one asking questions. I was the one helping the medical staff gently explain that this was not going to have a happy ending. While this illness might not kill her daughter, the mom needed to prepare herself because her daughter was nearing the end.

Maybe God planned it that way. I knew what to ask because there are lessons you learn as a caregiver that really can’t be forgotten. Experience can be a painful teacher. Preparation does help when the days near their end.

But there was another part of me that was angry at the other children for not being there for their mom. She shouldn’t have had to ask them to come. She shouldn’t have had to explain that she needed them.

I think of a sweet friend who used to travel to Arizona several times a year to give her brother and sister-in-law a break from caring for their elderly mother. Yes, they had sitters around the clock. But they rightly wouldn’t leave their mother without another family member there to supervise and monitor the situation. It makes a difference. It really does.

She gladly did it. She gave of herself, at great financial sacrifice, because it was the right thing to do. Was it easy? No. But she did it anyway.

Sometimes we are called to sacrifice of ourselves to provide care for those we love. We shouldn’t need to be asked. And we shouldn’t let someone else do it for us. It’s our responsibility, whether it’s convenient or not.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Love Travels From Heart to Heart

Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help. -- 1 Timothy 5:3-5

Yesterday I attended the funeral of a dear lady. She was two months shy of 89 years old. Her family gathered round. Her friends remembered. There was music and a sermon as the skies poured water on the earth.

She was a widow twice over. She never had children. She could have lived a life of sorrow. Instead, she lived a life of love. She drew people to her with her laughter and good nature. She “adopted” many children over the years, loving her nieces and nephews, neighbors and friends.

The preacher remembered that she was always particular about her appearance. Her hair, makeup, and clothing was stylish and just right all the time. Yet she was just the sort who would be out picking up pecans or canning vegetables. She grew up working and really never stopped until her health sent her to the nursing home.

As she aged, as her health began to fail, those she had loved rallied to care for her. We picked up her pecans. We gathered vegetables for her. We visited. We picked her up when she fell. We loved her like she had loved us.

A wonderful friend rode with us. She’s almost blind now and she needed a ride. A friend reaching out to a friend. A community -- God’s people -- taking care of its own. Seeing a need. Reaching out. And being glad to do it.

I have to believe that’s what Paul was talking about. Helping people. Yes, we’re to take care of our own families and do for them. But we’re also supposed to take care of those who really don’t have anybody else or who aren’t cared for as they should be. It’s not somebody else’s “problem.” It’s our responsibility as Christians. We forget that sometimes.

We forget to be kind. And compassionate. We forget to make time. We forget to include people in our lives. Where do people who are alone go on holidays? Who remembers their birthdays? Who takes them out to eat, or to the grocery store, or calls to check on their day? No one -- unless we do.

This dear woman fed her neighbors every night while their kitchen was being remodeled. She cared for her older brother while his wife was hospitalized. She kept great-grandchildren that were not hers. She cared with her actions and with her life. How could we do any less for her?

God puts people in our lives for a reason. Look around. Is there someone you need to notice? Someone you should visit? Someone who would love to be a part of your life?