October 15, 2018

Integrity

“What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?” 

– Mark 8:36

“Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another.” – Leviticus 19:11

He’s nearing the end of his career. Over the years he’s formed friendships that blur the lines of objectivity. It’s easy to slip a little here, a little there. What difference does it make, after all?

He was once a good man. He was a man of integrity. At least, that’s what they say. It isn’t evident now. He cuts corners. He’s dishonest. He doesn’t follow regulations. And, most of the time, he doesn’t try to hide it.

He’s not a bad person. He’s someone you would like. He’s just like you and me. He’s a regular guy who goes to work everyday and puts in his time. He’s heading toward a pension. He’s got retirement in his sights. I wonder sometimes if he realizes how easily he could lose it all. Maybe arrogance and time have made him feel immune. He isn’t.

Maybe you would never compromise your integrity for a job. Are you sure? I have a friend who is a firm believer in showing up, doing your job, and going home. Don’t get involved in anything you don’t need to be involved in, he says. Don’t pay attention to what someone else might being doing. Just do your thing and let it be.

But is that the right thing to do? Should we turn a blind eye to behavior that is wrong, dishonest, illegal? If we do that, are we part of the problem? We relax our own standards when we refuse to speak up against something that is wrong.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. – Colossians 3:2

I represent Jesus, whether I am at church, at home or in the workplace. That’s true of every believer. We are His light, His hands and feet, in this world. If we ignore wrong behavior, how can we expect anyone else to step up and do something?

Jesus always defended the underdog. He reached out to the outcast, the sinner, those who were hurting and desperate. He never once said it was someone else’s problem. Jesus directed His disciples to do the same. We’re to speak up when something wrong is happening.

It’s not an easy task. Do you confront the wrongdoer directly? Do you go to someone higher up, risking that he might also be involved too? Do you remain silent?

And do you participate, directly or indirectly, in what’s happening? What do you do when a supervisor tells you to do something that you know is wrong? Do you have the courage to walk away from a paycheck if that means keeping your integrity? Do you trust God enough to refuse to be sucked into wrongdoing?

Paul tells us to do everything as though we are working for the Lord. Would Jesus look the other way? Would Jesus risk everything to be honest? Would Jesus do what was right no matter the cost?

That’s how you live your life. It’s the difference between being a person who lives his faith and being a person who doesn’t.

April 21, 2018

When Is A Lie A Lie?

An honest witness does not deceive, but a false witness pours out lies.

– Proverbs 14:5

When is a lie a lie? I know. You’re probably dismissing this question, thinking the answer is obvious. Are you sure?

A friend asks if you like her new dress. It is hideous. Do you tell her it looks great on her? Do you try and come up with something nice to say, such as “All that matters is that you like it,” avoiding telling your honest opinion. You don’t want to hurt her feelings. What do you say?

Or maybe your co-worker is ranting about something at work. You remain silent until he asks for your support. You desperately try to sidestep the issue because you don’t agree with him. Do you tell him you think he’s wrong? Or do you sidestep the issue, trying to find a way to avoid speaking your truth?

Truth isn’t always black and white. Sometimes it’s the gray area between being honest and avoiding hurting someone we value. We aren’t all wordsmiths, able to instantly come up with a truth that works without giving away our honest opinions. Sometimes we tell a “white lie” to avoid the pain. Is that wrong? Surely God understands. Doesn’t He?

Here’s another question: If you intentionally mislead someone to believe something you know isn’t the truth, did you lie to them? Technically, you didn’t. You used words to skirt the truth, knowing they would believe a falsehood. You didn’t bother to correct their conclusion because that was your point.

I call it playing word games with people. The deception causes much hurt. What happens when the truth emerges? What happens if your words lead others to think badly of someone? Maybe that was your point.

Is the intent to deceive really a lie? Well, that’s for God to judge but here’s what the Bible says: God looks at the heart. In your heart, did you lie? Did you deceive? There’s your answer.

My first semester of college included a Mass Communication 101 course. One of the things we studied was how tabloids can twist information to make it sound like something that isn’t true. They rarely get sued because it’s all based on a tidbit of truth. But it sure does mislead readers and viewers and hurt those who are the targets.

Oh, yes. The media. We all love to bash the media. Look in the mirror. Are you a consumer of mistruth? Do you share it on Facebook or other social media outlets? Do you check out your sources before you hit the share button or do you just assume that if it sounds like what you believe it must be true?

Hatred has a way of darkening our hearts without us even knowing it. We’re so focused on being right that we miss the lies right before us.

Think about your own language, your own beliefs, your own heart. How many times do you pass on a bit of gossip? How many times do you criticize without knowing the facts? How often do you judge what isn’t any of your business anyway?

I’ll ask you again: When is a lie a lie? Think about it. Look into your own heart. You may not be as honest as you think you are.

March 24, 2018

True Friends Are Rare

Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise.

– Proverbs 15:31

The other day a friend told me he didn’t have too many people who spoke truth in his life. I was one of them, he said.

I was surprised. He shook his head, explaining that most people just tell you what will make you happy or what they believe you want to hear. It takes a true friend to tell you what you need to hear, whether you want to hear it or not.

He was right. There seems to be two different camps: Those who want to keep you happy and those who want to tear you apart. A true friend wants to provide guidance with a large dose of kindness and love mingled in. That’s rare.

Years ago I was out shopping with a friend. I debated on purchasing a beautiful dress. I didn’t need it. I didn’t have any place to wear it. But it was just so fine. I asked for advice. My friend encouraged me to buy it. I did.

Months later she sniped that I’d wasted money on that dress. I was shocked. Wasn’t the time to say something before I bought it, when I’d actually asked for her opinion? If she’d told me her opinion back then, I probably wouldn’t have bought the dress.

No. I didn’t throw those words at her. I didn’t really say anything, just let that ugly comment pass on by. We aren’t friends anymore. We haven’t been for years. That day I realized I could never trust her to be honest with me. Yeah. It was just a dress. But what if it had been something more important? Could I trust her to tell me her honest opinion when it came to life issues? I don’t think so.

We all have those folks in our lives that are surface friends. They’re the ones who give easy compliments and laugh at our jokes and chat with us about life. We’re likely just that way with them. But we all need people who speak truth in kindness.

Don’t miss that kindness part. If someone speaks “truth” in order to hurt you or put you down, they don’t have your best interests in their mind. They are jealous and insecure. Some people, unfortunately, can only feel good about themselves when they are downing you or someone else. It’s sad.

Don’t let yourself be a victim to that kind of ugliness. Walk away. There’s no need to get into an argument about it. You can’t fix cruelty. Only God can do that. Pray for them. Be kind. But keep them at a distance.

Surround yourself with people who truly care, people who truly want what’s best for you. Treasure those people. Value them. They are your tribe, your people. Listen to their truth and honor it and them, whether you agree with their words or not. True friends are rare.

February 2, 2018

Speak Truth

Samuel lay down until morning and then opened the doors of the house of the LORD. He was afraid to tell Eli the vision. – 1 Samuel 3:15

Have you ever hesitated to give someone bad news? Have you ever hesitated to say something, hoping secretly that you were wrong but knowing in your heart that you weren’t?

It’s difficult to hurt someone you love. It’s hard to tell someone that the person they love is dying. It hurts to share a truth to someone struggling. We want to turn away. We tell ourselves it’s not our place. And, yet, there it is. That loud voice inside that insists we must.

I have grown weary of being the strong one. I am tired of being the caregiver, the advocate, the one who pushes for answers that are slow to come and devastating to hear. I wish God would send someone else. I just don’t want anymore sadness in my life.

But here I am. Once again playing a role I never chose because no one else will step forward to fill the shoes. I see the blinders all around me. I wish denial could make it go away. Death knocks whether we are ready or not.

Another friend struggles with a wayward son. He is out of jail. Again. We hope and pray that this time it will be different. I pray she will remain strong and not give in to the need to “fix” everything for her child. Her “little” boy is past 40. He needs space to grow into the man he might be. She can only see the failure that has blotted his life.

Truth is a hard thing to speak. No matter what, he is her child. And no matter how many times she tells us she is strong, we know she isn’t. So we surround her with love and prayers and gentle truths she doesn’t want to hear.

The days to come will tell us all if she has heard anything we’ve said. The weeks will show whether this time he’ll make different choices and leave his addictions to the past. Their choices to make. Our truths to share.

Recently we’ve heard so much about the parents arrested for abusing their children. For years and years and years those children were denied food and some were chained up. We ask where were the other family members? Didn’t anyone see anything suspicious? Why didn’t they speak up?

We tell ourselves it’s none of our business. We reassure our gut that the child who killed kittens couldn’t possibly have anything really wrong with him. We ignore the signs of something terribly wrong. We are afraid to give our words a voice.

We are not called to fear. Or to silence. Or to turning the other way when we see something wrong. We are called to live our faith boldly, to care and to offer up kindness and compassion right along with guidance and truth.

This week I had a hard conversation with a mother not ready to hear the truth. It wasn’t easy for either of us but the words needed to be said. There was no point in giving her false hope. There was no need to lead her to believe she had time that wasn’t coming. It was better that she be allowed to cherish the days that she has left with her child rather than mourn what she missed.

Speak truth, in kindness and love, wherever you can. If the Holy Spirit has put it on your heart, there’s a reason. Listen. Then speak.

February 29, 2016

Seek Honest Relationships

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. -- Romans 12:9

Have you ever done something wrong and refused to admit it, even to yourself? Have you ever had someone else treat you wrong, and they refused to admit it?

We don’t like drama do we? So we want to shove it all aside and go on like nothing ever happened. It is the proverbial white elephant in the room. It can’t go away until it’s out in the open but we sure don’t want to deal with the dirtiness that comes by exposing it.

So we pretend it didn’t happen. We play nice. We attempt to rewrite the facts -- no matter the evidence -- and tell ourselves it will be okay. But it can never be okay because the sincerity, the honesty, isn’t there. That means the relationships will always be superficial. What is the purpose in that?

Life can be hard and messy. Broken relationships that are allowed to fester over time -- sometimes for decades -- don’t heal without a great deal of effort and honesty. And prayer, I might add. Without God in the center of it all, there really isn’t a point in trying.

Nobody likes a hypocrite. Have you ever had someone play nice to your face and then say ugly, hateful things behind your back? Most of us have experienced that heartache at some point. It hurts. It breaks trust. It makes us not want to be around that person anymore.

Love must be sincere. That’s what this verse says. It’s the sincerely that makes it love. Hate what is evil. Cling to the good. Speak kindly and mean it. Admit your mistakes and stop blaming others. Be honest. Reach out with compassion and do good where you can.

And have no patience for those who seek to hide their sins behind lies built on lies. We can love without allowing that kind of deceit. When we turn a blind eye to the white elephant, it appears that all that went before is okay when it really isn’t. Shallow relationships really are no relationships at all.

February 26, 2015

Is Your Integrity Showing?

 

"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches?" -- Luke 16:10-11

A man I know works hard to earn a good living for his wife and children. He also loves the Lord with all his heart. Can the two live together or must one compromise for the other?

In his heart, his love for Jesus comes first. He will gladly sacrifice a sale or a paycheck. He proved that recently when a customer got angry over a misunderstanding. This man apologized and followed the customer outside. Whether he bought the product or not, he wanted the man to know in his heart that he had never intended to mislead him. He had tried to communicate clearly and he had failed. He took responsibility.

The customer saw his sincerity and understand that miscommunication takes two or more. He purchased the brought and a relationship was born. And it came from integrity and a love by both men for Jesus.

There's another man who works at the same company who isn't quite the same. Oh, he loves Jesus. He even teaches a Sunday School Class every other week. But his actions don't always reflect his claims.

He's all about the dollar. The company's bottom line and his are all tied together. He questions everything, right down to the last 15 minutes of an hourly employee. It would be easy to excuse it as just being frugal but here's the thing: he's too suspicious when there is no reason to be. As a member of my own Sunday School Class said recently: We tend to see in others the flaws we ignore in ourselves. In other words, this man would not be honest in these situations and he can't accept that others might be honest. His lack of integrity is showing.

How we live our lives reflects our integrity, sometimes in ways we don't see. Are you honest in your daily life? Do others see your faith in how you live out your integrity? There are few things that turn people away from Jesus like a Christian who doesn't live an honest life.

January 15, 2015

How Honest Are You?

 

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

-- Ephesians 4:25

Are you an honest person? All the time? Are you sure about that?

Most of us probably consider ourselves honest. We try to tell the truth. Most of the time. Well, we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. And we don't want to make ourselves look bad. And, well, those little "white" lies don't really count, do they?

Let's be honest here. No pun intended. Being honest all the time, in every circumstance, is hard. No matter how we try, our very humanness makes total honesty almost impossible. That doesn't make it okay. Do not lie is one of the Ten Commandments. That means God takes it pretty seriously.

So how do we do better? Admit it and work at being honest. Sometimes that means learning to be tactful so that we can be honest without hurting someone's feelings. Or at least we can be kind. Compassionate.

What about when being honest makes us look bad? Yeah, that hurts. I listened to a woman today tell her doctor that she did get out and walk. I couldn't believe it. The doctor is trying to help her. To do that, he needs the truth. But it isn't pretty. Sitting in a recliner all day every day, eating candy and watching television for years isn't a pretty picture. But it's the truth. And her health reflects it.

If you don't like your reality, admit it -- then change it. God will help you. But the first step is owning it.

Have you ever known someone who lies for no apparent reason? I dated a man like that once. I tried to understand. Lie after lie. I never did. He would lie about things that made no difference. It was sad for him and I'm not sure he even realized it. I'm just thankful we parted ways.

So let me ask you again: How honest are you? This time don't be so quick to answer. Take a moment and think about it. The answer might surprise you.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Are You An Honest Person?

“Do not testify falsely against your neighbor.”

-- Exodus 20:18

Are you an honest person? Do you ever sort of fudge the truth? Do you ever tell a white lie? Do you ever justify a falsehood because you didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings?

Most people consider themselves to be fairly honest. And everyone probably has lied at some point. We just don’t like to be that blunt about it. We prefer to make excuses.

Excuses are everywhere. Some of them are quite good. For example, what do you tell a friend who asks if you like her new dress? Well, it’s easy if the dress is pretty and looks good on your friend. But what if it’s ugly and makes your friend look 20 pounds heavier and totally washed out? Do you tell her the truth and hurt her feelings, maybe even making her mad? Do you lie and tell her what she wants to hear? Or do you skirt around her, focusing on how much she loves the dress and refusing to comment on your own views?

Sarah was afraid, so she denied that she had laughed. But he said, “That is not true. You did laugh.” -- Genesis 18:15

Sometimes we lie because we’re afraid to admit that we made a mistake or did something wrong. Sometimes we lie because we want to embellish the facts to make ourselves, our children or our companies look better. We figure that it doesn’t hurt anyone so what difference does it make. Well, it makes a big difference to God and to the believe who come to realize that you aren’t truthful.

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. -- Ephesians 4:25

The other day I listened to a woman tell a lie about something totally stupid. I just looked at her and shook my head. She didn’t back off and change her story. I know. She was trying to build someone else up. I know in the long run it probably won’t ever matter. It was just so dishonest and unnecessary.

The thing is when you know someone is dishonest about small things, it really makes you wonder if they’re also dishonest about big things. How do know? You can’t. Not really. Not for sure.

Life would be so much easier for everyone if we spoke truthfully, with kindness in our hearts.