September 16, 2018

Ignoring It Doesn’t Erase It

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

– 1 Peter 5:8

Does ignoring something make it go away? Does silencing the voices of hurt take away the pain? Does refusing to acknowledge a problem erase the problem?

A suicide rocked a local high school. She was apparently bullied on social media. Threats were left in her locker. Nothing was done. She died. End of story?

Obviously, not. There are kids who are hurting. Is it from guilt because they said and did things they shouldn’t have? Is it pain that comes from not knowing, not seeing, not listening to a girl hurting so badly that she only saw one way out? Is it because there’s a real chance that others feel as she did?

Today I learned that teachers were warned not to mention the girls name. There’s no grief counseling. There’s no outlet for processing what has happened. Nothing. Maybe the school administration thinks that by ignoring one girl’s suicide, it will all just go away. It won’t.

There are kids who will live with the aftermath of this for the rest of their lives. There are teachers who will struggle with what if questions. There are those of us on the outside who will wonder about a school system that refuses to deal with trauma head on.

Did you ever see the movie or read the book The Prince of Tides? It’s a powerful story of trauma covered up, only to resurface years later. One woman buried her trauma so deep she didn’t remember it, even though depression and suicide attempts were her normal. Her brother had to face the trauma, to talk about it, to finally cry, in order to help his sister live. The story is about what happens when we aren’t allowed to process something awful. We may survive the moment but the horror is only hidden just below the surface.

Let me ask you another question: Are you enough just the way you are? Don’t throw out a flippant answer. It’s a serious question. Every day we hear thousands of messages that say we aren’t enough. You may not acknowledge them but they are there just the same.

Think about it. Are you a little too heavy? Do you lack hair? Is it the wrong color? Maybe you need an alcoholic beverage and a party so you can be with the “in” crowd? What about a tropical vacation? Or a new car? Everywhere we look we are being bombarded by messages that tell us we need something more or to be someone better in order to fully enjoy life.

Now add adolescent pressure to the mix and what do you get? A horrible scenario where kids are acting out in order to be someone they aren’t so they can fit into a system that’s beyond broken.

Do we really believe that not talking about this girl’s death will keep it from happening to someone else? Do we really believe that looking the other way will remove all the guilt kids and teachers feel? Do we really believe that ignoring a problem means it never really happened?

We are giving Satan a foothold into our broken hearts. We are exposing our open wounds to more trauma. We are asking for more of the same because we aren’t brave enough to offer the hope that is Jesus. Shame on all of us.

May 12, 2016

Life Events Change Us.

3 As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. 4 He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”

5 “Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked.

“I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied. 6 “Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.” -- Acts 9:3-6

Paul was never the same. He had persecuted Christians. He had held the coat of Stephen, the faith’s first martyr. He was looking for Christians he could take as prisoners.

Then Jesus met him on that road and Paul was never the same. He would live the rest of his life serving Jesus and preaching the gospel at great cost to himself.

Of course, we are not Paul and while I sure hope we’ve all met Jesus I doubt we’ll spend years in chains for Him. But we are changed by His Presence. Or we should be.

Just as we are changed by life events, some good and some bad. Scars, especially, mark us. We are forever different. Life becomes before and after.

Infidelity rocks a marriage and the people involved are forever different. One woman, who through counseling was able to forgive her husband and continue the marriage, admitted that it would never be the same. Trust is a precious thing. Once broken it never really returns.

Then there’s illness. There was life before cancer and then there is life after cancer. Things once taken for granted are now cherished. Days are seized with vigor because the fragility of life has become evident in a way that can never be changed.

Sometimes it is a job loss. There is the time before the lay offs hit and there is the time after. The longer the unemployment, the deeper the scars. We are taught that if you’re willing to work hard, you can always find a job. Learning that it isn’t true can be devastating.

Sometimes geography splits our lives. Sometimes it is family dynamics. I doubt anyone goes completely through life without some event derailing our plans and causing us to question who we are and what is really important.

That’s what happened on that road to Damascus. Paul met Jesus and he was never the same. We are all better for it. Paul wrote most of the New Testament. In his suffering, he still preached. He still taught. He still lived a life full of praise for his Lord and Savior.

We could learn from that. Life happens, sometimes leaving deep scars. But we can still live a life full of praise for Jesus because of all He has done for us.