September 26, 2018

He Chose Me

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit – fruit that will last – and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.” – John 15:16

It had been a particularly bad day in a life that hadn’t been that great. I was only 15 but I’d known more than my share of rejection. I just couldn’t take it anymore.

My Mother hated me. No one understood. They assumed I was exaggerating or it was just a fight. I didn’t try to talk about it to anyone anymore. They didn’t hear her words. They didn’t see the hatred in her eyes.

I planned to kill myself that day. As I waited for night to come, I went outside and sat on the grass. I held a Bible – her childhood Bible – and sobbed to God. I can’t say I knew Him but I sure wanted to. There was no one else to listen.

I opened the Bible to the Psalms. We were not a church going family, but I always found comfort in the words. Do you know what the first verse I read was?

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. – Psalm 27:10

And because of that verse, I lived. Nothing in my circumstances changed. I lived in a house filled with hatred that was mostly directed at me. But the peace I felt carried me through the days. God’s Presence fueled my determination to survive and to create a different life for myself.

It wasn’t until many years later that I fully understood that the peace I felt came from the Holy Spirit. I didn’t become a Christian when I was baptized in college. I became a Christian that day I cried out to God in pain and He answered me with Himself.

I have not always lived up to His standards. I’m sure I’ll continue to let Him down again and again as I continue my journey home. But I know where I’m going. He chose me that day. Everyone else had rejected me but He called me His.

We like to think the choice is ours. We like to believe that we’re in control. And I guess we could say no. But how can anyone really say no to Jesus? Knowing Him has been the best gift I could ever receive.

I believe He sought me out long before I cried out to Him that day. There was a reason I clung to that tattered Bible. There was a reason I’d read the Psalms when I was heartbroken from the daily battles. I instinctively sought the One who could save me. And He, in turn, drew me near, bit by bit, until I became fully His.

I don’t know what your story is. Some people grow up in church and say they’ve always felt His Presence. Others know all the answers but that doesn’t seem to make a difference in their lives. I’m thankful it’s up to God to judge our hearts.

I love Him. It really is that simple. I love Him because He first loved me. I love Him because when everyone else thought I was worthless He called me beloved. I love Him because He never left me. He gave me hope. He chose me. I am so very thankful.