March 30, 2018

False Flattery Leads to Ruin

Those who flatter their neighbors are spreading nets for their feet.

– Proverbs 29:5

“I’m a good-looking man,” he told me. “I’m quite the catch.”

There was no way to hide the shock from my face. I wasn’t sure what well-meaning person had given him this information but they had done him no favors. They had fueled his arrogance, leaving him vulnerable to predators he couldn’t possibly see.

He had buried his wife, the love of his life. They had both suffered through her horrible illness. It had been only a few months but he was ready to move on. Rather than choose someone nearer to his age, someone who would be a companion through his late years, he set his mind on someone young enough to be his daughter. His heart craved a woman who was filled with activity, a job and kids and volunteer work, rather than someone retired with plenty of the time he expected to share.

I choose to believe that the person who told him this had good intentions. It might have come from someone trying to help him fill his days. He drives those he loves crazy with his need to be involved in everything they do. He is lost yet refuses to devote himself to volunteer work or another job. He doesn’t want to commit to anything, just in case he gets invited to spend time with his family.

It’s just sad. Now it’s sadder. They have created a situation they never expected and maybe don’t even see.

I have no idea how it will all play out. I’ve lived long enough to watch friends make good decisions and bad. One man married again, seeking a young and vibrant mate. The union lasted a few years. He is bitter and vows never to marry again. She took advantage of him and his pocketbook. He needed someone like his first wife, a woman who loved Jesus and sought to spread good wherever she went. He got a party girl who looked good on his arm and told him exactly what he wanted to hear.

Another friend was a bit wiser. Yes, he found a woman quite younger but he wanted that for a different reason. He wanted someone who would look after him. He understood his children wouldn’t sacrifice their lives to care for him when the time comes and he needs a caregiver. In turn, he has provided her with a home and health benefits, security the low-paying job she still works will never give her. They seem happy, content even, with each benefiting from the other’s presence. It is not a love match, but maybe it doesn’t need to be.

I hope this man finds the same. He is a good man. But vanity can cause the very best people to make absolutely the worst choices. They get caught up in who they think they are, letting pride cloud their eyes with falsehood masquerading as truth.

God certainly doesn’t want us walking around in defeat. He also doesn’t expect us to walk around with puffed up opinions of who we are and what we deserve. It can only lead to disaster, laying a net of disaster for its unsuspecting victim.

January 19, 2018

Love and Care For the Poor

The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern. – Proverbs 29:7

It happened again. She was sneering at someone struggling financially. Her retort, “She needs to get a job.” Well, yeah. She’s tried. And she’s still trying.

It’s not the first time I’ve heard her make the ugly comment about someone. Male or female. Young or old. It doesn’t matter. She looks down on anyone who is poor. Sadly, though not surprising, she doesn’t have a job of her own. It’s nice when you go from your Daddy’s house to your husband’s without ever having to work to support yourself. It gives you plenty of time to judge others.

I think she’d be shocked by this proverb. She is a woman of deep faith. Really. She is. But like so many people who loudly proclaim their conservative agenda, she’s quite choosy about which passages of her Bible she holds close.

Yes, we are to work. God’s word makes that clear. But we are also to show kindness and compassion to those who are poor. And we are not to judge. Honestly, we usually don’t have a clue about what’s going on in someone else’s life.

The hard truth is that there are people in our country who work two and three jobs to support themselves and their families. Housing, food, insurance. That doesn’t even touch on clothing, school supplies, car maintenance or transportation costs. Throw in an illness or two and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

Who takes care of the poor? Who helps get job training? Who provides the helping hand? Can you hear it? Yes. That’s the chorus of conservative Christians blasting away at the government handouts. What are they doing to “fix” the problem? Well, nothing that will actually cause them to get their hands dirty.

Are there people who take advantage of the system? Of course there are. But there are many, many good people who are struggling to make it on their own. They just need help for a time.

In a perfect world, the churches – that means you and me – would step up and provide that helping hand. But we’re so busy condemning and judging that we can’t give help.

Well, except for a program in a nearby town. They meet once a week in a local church. The mentors, men and women of different faiths, and those they are hoping to guide to a different life. It isn’t about lectures or classes. It’s about friendship and guidance. They are helping people take a different path, make better choices, envision a life that once seemed impossible.

Are they changing the world? No. But they are changing one person at a time and that ripple goes out farther than any of us could ever imagine.

It is just so easy to condemn the poor without ever trying to understand or offer personal help. That goes again everything the Bible teaches us.

March 15, 2016

Pride Makes Us Blind

If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves.

-- Galatians 6:3

Many years ago a co-worker spent his mornings sipping coffee and pondering his wife’s unhappiness. He considered PMS. He considered her job. He considered everything but himself.

One day he came in with what could only be described as a shell-shocked look on his wife. He refused to talk. It eventually came out. His wife wanted a divorce.

He was a good man. Really. What he wanted most in life was to care for and provide for his wife and child. What he never considered was what she might want. He assumed he knew what she wanted. Even when she grew increasingly unhappy, he assumed he could figure it out and fix it. Fix her.

That should have been a tip off. It wasn’t. Whenever we feel the need to fix someone else, we should start looking in the mirror and seeing where we need to fix ourselves. Because it is pride looking down on someone else.

I remembered this recently when I witnessed yet another situation. Someone trying to fix someone else. You can’t. Only God can. And who says that we know best? We do. And who are we to judge? It’s not my job and it’s not your job.

Let me ask you another question: When something goes wrong, who do you blame? Yourself of the other person? How many people squabble over insignificant things just so they can be right? Who cares?! It’s pride, plain and simple.

Whatever happened to considering the other person first? What ever became of compromise and trying to look at things from the other person’s perspective? We don’t do that anymore. We’re too self-focused. We’re too filled with pride in ourselves to think about anyone else -- even when we really love them. Because we love ourselves more.

That dear man eventually recovered. So do we. But do we ever learn?

A man’s pride will bring him low,
But the humble in spirit will retain honor.

-- Proverbs 29:23

Every time.