God Provides Security, Reassurance
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there,
If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
If I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast..
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
And the light become night around me,”
Even the darkness will not be dark to you;
The night will shine like the day,
For darkness is as light to you.
-- Psalm 139:7-12
God has an amazing way of speaking to my heart when I need it most. He provides the exact Scripture, the perfect song, the perfect moment to reassure me in His special way that I am His and nothing can ever change that.
My greatest fear is that I’ll somehow lose my way again. I’m afraid that the darkness will descend and I’ll be back where I was before I truly understood who He is. Lost. Alone. My life in shambles. Hope gone.
It has been a long journey. I have traveled many miles. I have suffered the ups and downs that is depression. I have had much and lost much but I have never felt as complete, as whole, as I am with Him. God has filled that worship chip inside of me that Pastor Danny talks about. I don’t want to lose that.
My fear is that I will. There are temptations everywhere. I am surrounded by people who value money, prestige, and status as the determination of a person’s worth. I get angry and frustrated at the demands of those around me -- both at home and in church. It seems that people are always taking and sometimes I’d like to rest and receive for a while.
That makes me seem selfish and the voices go off in my head. God has blessed me so. What right have I got to complain about giving back? And so the argument goes. We are called to serve, to be His light in a darkened world. Some days I don’t feel so bright. It’s as though the darkness waits, ready for me to stumble, to fall into the pit once again.
And so the cycle goes. My fear returns and God soothes my soul. Then it begins again. When will I ever feel secure in His love? When will I ever know, all the time, that I am His and He will never let me go. No matter what happens. No matter what I do or don’t do. No matter what anyone else says. I bear His mark. I am loved. That is where I find my security, in the arms of my Heavenly Father.
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