Monday, October 22, 2012

God Provides Security, Reassurance

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there,

If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

If I settle on the far side of the sea,

Even there your hand will guide me,

Your right hand will hold me fast..

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

And the light become night around me,”

Even the darkness will not be dark to you;

The night will shine like the day,

For darkness is as light to you.

-- Psalm 139:7-12

God has an amazing way of speaking to my heart when I need it most. He provides the exact Scripture, the perfect song, the perfect moment to reassure me in His special way that I am His and nothing can ever change that.

My greatest fear is that I’ll somehow lose my way again. I’m afraid that the darkness will descend and I’ll be back where I was before I truly understood who He is. Lost. Alone. My life in shambles. Hope gone.

It has been a long journey. I have traveled many miles. I have suffered the ups and downs that is depression. I have had much and lost much but I have never felt as complete, as whole, as I am with Him. God has filled that worship chip inside of me that Pastor Danny talks about. I don’t want to lose that.

My fear is that I will. There are temptations everywhere. I am surrounded by people who value money, prestige, and status as the determination of a person’s worth. I get angry and frustrated at the demands of those around me -- both at home and in church. It seems that people are always taking and sometimes I’d like to rest and receive for a while.

That makes me seem selfish and the voices go off in my head. God has blessed me so. What right have I got to complain about giving back? And so the argument goes. We are called to serve, to be His light in a darkened world. Some days I don’t feel so bright. It’s as though the darkness waits, ready for me to stumble, to fall into the pit once again.

And so the cycle goes. My fear returns and God soothes my soul. Then it begins again. When will I ever feel secure in His love? When will I ever know, all the time, that I am His and He will never let me go. No matter what happens. No matter what I do or don’t do. No matter what anyone else says. I bear His mark. I am loved. That is where I find my security, in the arms of my Heavenly Father.

Friday, August 17, 2012

God’s Love Is Unconditional

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. -- Romans 5:8

A number of years ago a dear friend decided I was his fantasy. It sounds like a dream come true, doesn’t it? Don’t we all want to be “perfect” for someone else? Well, let me tell you, he was not Prince Charming and I was not Cinderella.

It was never about me. And, honestly, it was never about him. It was his fantasy, his dream, his preoccupation with what he thought he wanted and needed. Yeah. When I put it that way it doesn’t sound real great, does it?

I knew a crash-ending loomed ahead and I resisted the move from friendship to romance. He pushed forward, determined to get what he wanted. I wonder sometimes what ever happened to him. He was a wonderful person but he could never have accepted a real person in place of his fantasy. The love he offered, sincere though it was, was conditional on my performing adequately in his fantasy.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? -- Romans 8:34

Many children face performance anxiety every day. And not just with their peers, teachers, and coaches. Their parents sometimes deny love based on performance. Isn’t that sad?

Home isn’t always a safe place. Is love based on keeping a clean house? If love based on popularity? Is love based on looks, athletic ability, or what you can do for someone else? Because that isn’t love -- no matter how many times the other person tries to convince us it is.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

-- Romans 8:38-39

We don’t understand unconditional love because we’ve never experienced it. People who say they love us, reject us. They put stipulations on that love. They hurt us and wish bad things for us. Even parents -- who are supposed to love their children no matter what -- sometimes reject them, put stipulations on them, try to use their love to control their children. We fail each other no matter how good our intentions.

So when God offers us unconditional love, we don’t really believe Him. We want to but our experience is that “unconditional” love always comes with strings attached and always fails in the end. Not so with God. His love is perfect. Unconditional. Without end. A perfect love just for us.