May 13, 2018

Always Remember

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. – Matthew 5:4

I stopped by the cemetery today. It’s Mother’s Day. She’s not there. I know that. But it’s a place, a marker, that reminds everyone that she lived and that she was loved.

Some days seem like a nightmare that will never end. Still, I wouldn’t have her back the way she was. No one deserves to suffer like that. Heaven was waiting and she deserved to go home.

There’s an emptiness now. I’m told that a daughter never gets over losing her mother. I believe that. Our relationship was marked with turmoil and strife. I try not to gloss over that in my grief. I don’t want to rewrite history because it is that history that makes us who we are. Good and bad. The scars are reminders of where we’ve been.

The journey forward hasn’t been easy. Jesus understood there would be days of tears and sorrow so consuming that we could barely breath. And He understood that the only real comfort would come in His Presence. This is not our home. Goodbye is not forever. Love remains in our hearts even in the absence of a physical presence.

The church building was full today. Mother’s Day is a day for families. Two years ago I sat next to my Mother in the traditional worship serve she preferred. It was important to her. And though it wasn’t something I particularly wanted to do, I did it anyway. That’s what you do when someone you love asks you to do something you’d rather not do. You do it anyway.

Neither of us knew it would be her last Mother’s Day on this earth. We thought there’d be plenty of time. Isn’t that how it always is? We never realize the frailty of our days until we are standing beside an open casket.

I am grateful for the memories, for the healing that happened before she was gone. And I am grateful for the grace and salvation that mark my life as His. There is a confidence in that. Because of Jesus, goodbye is only a temporary thing for those of us who believe.

Mothers come to us in many ways. There is the woman who gave birth to me, the one I mourn each day. There are those women who have drawn me close, gathering me into a tight embrace, offering wisdom and love and a reminder that I am not alone. Jesus does that for us. He sends people toward us to soothe and to heal. I celebrate that.

They say that faith isn’t something you can touch or feel. You just know deep inside. I think it’s both. Faith is the peace and knowledge of a one-way ticket home. And it is the very real presence of those Jesus sends to comfort us and restore our hearts to laughter and joy.