October 5, 2018

How Well Do You Listen?

To answer before listening – that is folly and shame. – Proverbs 18:13

He thinks he’s a good listener. Just ask him. The only real problem is that he listens to respond, not to understand. He’s so busy thinking and talking that he fails to really hear or comprehend anything that’s said to him.

How many of you know someone like that? Just about everyone. They don’t see it, of course. They don’t know why people pull away. But who wants to always have a conversation with someone who basically ignores what you say?

I wonder if God thinks that about us sometimes. We’re so busy telling Him what we want, what He should, how our lives should go, that we forget to listen to what He wants from us. Or, maybe, we know we’ve “heard” God tell us what we wanted to hear. Don’t shake your head no. We’ve all been there.

The hard truth is the only true way to discern God’s will is to shut up and listen. We can meditate on Bible verses. We can quiet our minds. We can open our hearts to hear something we didn’t want to hear or something we never imagined.

A dear friend is always quick to remind us that when God closes one door, He always has something better in mind for us. How many blessings have we missed because we were so busy telling God what to do that we passed right by the better something He wanted to give us?

We could likely say the same thing about the pastor’s sermon, the Sunday school lesson or any number of opportunities we have to learn and grow in Christ. Why do we never think the sermon applies to our lives? Why do we believe the Sunday school lesson doesn’t have anything to do with our lives? If God has put us in a position to hear something, then listen!

And take it a step further. How many times do we miss someone who is hurting, maybe even someone we truly care about, because we’re too busy talking to hear them? How many times do we miss hearing about a child’s day because we’re too busy texting or gaming or doing something “important” and we can’t hear his news?

We miss so much of life by not listening. We mess up again and again by responding before we hear, before we understand, before we even know the situation. Maybe the truth is we don’t want to hear. Maybe the truth is that we just don’t care what someone else has to say. How selfish is that?

What would happen if we started listening to others in an effort to actually hear them? What would happen if we asked questions and repeated things back to them so that we could really understand what they’re saying? It’s not about agreeing with people. It’s about hearing them. That’s basic communication. That’s caring about someone else.

January 9, 2018

Carefully Consider Your Words

Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin. – Proverbs 13:3

She is one of the nicest people you could ever meet. I’m sure she would be glad to help others if she could. She is faithful to attend church and class. She is quick to laugh.

Except. You knew that was coming, didn’t you? She never stops talking. Ever. She cuts people off during discussions. Every comment someone makes she has something about herself to add. She is oblivious.

I don’t understand that. She readily admits people have at times told her to shut up. That I can understand. I’m just surprised she heard it because she sure didn’t learn from it.

I tell myself that she is lonely. Her husband works and her children are grown and live elsewhere. She stays at home alone so when she comes to class it is natural that she wants to talk. And talk. And talk. She can’t understand that her lack of friends is directly related to her inability to quiet her own tongue and listen to someone else.

She provides an important lesson to all of us. As the cliché goes, God gave us all one tongue and two ears so that we would listen twice as much as we speak.

How many times have I spoke when I should have listened? How many times did my friends need a supporting “ear” and I instead gave them my opinion? How many times have I spoken a truth that didn’t have the whole story?

What about you? I’m not alone here. I really think it’s almost impossible to live a life and not look back at times and regret words spoken that should have been kept inside.

That’s the thing about words. We can never unsay them. They can cut a heart into a million pieces. They can cause wounds that never heal. They can spread lies in such a way that the truth can never be restored.

It’s easy to say “I forgive you” for the words. It’s not so easy to erase the brain’s recorder that replays the hurt again and again and again. It just never goes away.

Measure your words carefully. When in doubt, remain silent. Remember to listen at least twice as much as you speak. Words are powerful weapons. Use them wisely.