Sunday, September 2, 2012

Encourage Those Around You

Therefore, encourage each other with these words.

-- 1 Thessalonians 4:18

Everyone needs encouragement sometimes. Everyone. The Bible tells us to provide it. To build people up, not tear them down. To encourage and inspire and renew those who are feeling lost, alone, discouraged, without hope.

In his book The Joy of Encouragement, David Jeremiah refers to this as friend therapy. Your words of encouragement could make a person’s day -- or his life. Sometimes all it takes is one word, one touch, and suddenly everything seems right again.

So how do you encourage people? Jeremiah offers four tips that simply make sense. Encouragement doesn’t have to be the grand gesture. In fact, true encouragement happens in the small moments of a day.

First, give someone your focused attention. Don’t answer your cell phone. Don’t respond to a text. Don’t look around at everything and everyone but the person who needs you. Give them your undivided attention and let them know that they’re worth your time. And if you can’t do that, well, where are your priorities?

Second, encourage people through words. But only, as Jeremiah pointed out, after you’ve let them know you care. “Sometimes we open our mouths before we open our hearts, and people can tell the difference,” he says. Probably we’ve all had someone tell us exactly what we need to do, or respond, or behave, without that person ever taking the time to hear us or even try to understand our pain and despair.

Third, encourage people through notes and letters. I’m old-fashioned enough (and a writer!) to think it’s great to actually send a card in the mail. Write a sentence or two of encouragement, put a stamp of it, and send it in the mail. It‘s something physical for the other person to hold and cherish. E-mail is fine for those of you who only use your computer. Just choose your words carefully. So often we’re in a hurry and we really don’t think before we hit “enter.“ Your words will likely have a lasting impact on the other person, whether you ever know it or not.

Fourth, use the power of touch to encourage people. Now let me stress that we have to be careful and sensitive to inappropriate touch. Jeremiah’s not talking about that and neither am I. But there’s something special about a warm hug when you’re feeling all alone or a gentle arm squeeze when life has just kicked you down. It’s a human connection that we all so desperately need.

“When we see people who are discouraged, saddened by the hardships of life, or simply tired of the Christian path of obedience, we need to come alongside and give them a spiritual jump start,” Jeremiah says. True words. True words.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Jesus Understands Our Grief

Jesus wept. -- John 11:35 (NIV)

It was a day of grief. The day after always seems to be that way. The first day, the first moments, are filled with shock and prayers and people holding on. Then come the silent moments where you can no longer hider from the awful truth.

Co-workers gathered round, talking, sharing stories, remembering. One said he hadn’t slept at all the night before. He worked next to the man killed in a motorcycle accident while on his way home for lunch. Even in the daylight hours, he kept talking to his friend. Then he’d realize his friend wasn’t there and a fresh wave of grief would descend.

Another, with tears in his eyes, couldn’t believe it. He thought maybe the man had taken a nap and overslept. He’d done that before and this man, his supervisor, had covered for him. He had that way about him. A quick smile and eagerness to learn that made everyone like him. His supervisor said he wished the man had overslept. He wished anything other than what had really happened.

Their boss recalled the moment she’d walked into the room where his wife sat with a chaplain. She’d had trouble finding her or getting any information. In the hospital’s misguided attempts to protect the new widow, they’d isolated her from people who cared. She noted that the woman had rushed to her and hugged her tightly and wouldn’t let go. A friendly face in a world that had suddenly gone dark. A compassionate person who understood at least some of her grief.

The morning brought its own challenges. A wedding ring left in a tool box had to be retrieved. Employees had to be comforted. An empty work space had to be avoided. It echoed too much of loss, of laughter that would never return.

The whys are only now beginning to emerge. Why do some people in motorcycle wrecks survive and some die? Why does God spare some people and take others without a moments notice? I have no answers. Was it simply a tragic collision of vehicles piloted for people entrusted with free will? Or was it something greater, a part of God’s plan that we’ll one day see and understand?

Maybe it only comes down to knowing that God is with us on this horrible journey. Maybe what matters most is that He sees, He knows, He understands. We remember that one time Jesus lost a friend and He wept.

And now, brothers and sisters, I want you to know what will happen to the Christians who have died so you will not be full of sorrow like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus comes, God will bring back with Jesus all the Christians who have died. -- 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 (NLT)

It’s what we hold on to during these