Sunday, October 9, 2011

Patience Goes With Kindness

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. -- Galatians 5:22a

I am not a patient person. I know that. Pretty much everyone around me knows that. I want to be a patient person. Really. I do. I just get so exasperated. I just wish I could bottle all that energy I spend each day holding my tongue.

A few years ago I had the opportunity to work with young children at church. I surprised myself. I found that when it comes to small kids, I actually can be really patient. They don’t push any buttons, unless you count the “awe” button because they are so cute sometimes.

I wondered what the difference could be. Why am I patient with them and yet so impatient with other people? Do you know what I mean? Are you sometimes really patient with some people and other people just drive you crazy?

I think I’ve finally come to understand the difference for me. Little children are just learning how to do things. They try their best and if they mess up, so what. They’ll try again and again until they get it. The process can be really fun for everyone, especially when you get to participate in building a child’s skill levels and helping with develop self-confidence.

My patience wears thin when adults don’t do what they already know to do. Some of them make the same mistakes again and again. I know it’s difficult. Hey, I make mistakes all the time. But sometimes it’s best to just admit it and move on. Don’t blame it on someone else and don’t keep making excuses.

One of the most humbling and liberating things I have ever come to accept about myself is that I don’t have to know everything or be able to do everything. I can ask for help. I can admit I don’t know. For example, I am horrible at sports. It’s not a matter of practice or willingness or attitude. I simply have almost no coordination. I love watching football and baseball. But I’m not someone who’s going to join in a team sport. And that’s okay.

I hope as I age I’ll be able to admit it when my skills and abilities start to fade. I realize I’ll likely be in a unique position. I don’t have children or a spouse to look after me. I’ll probably be that little old lady who can barely drive her car down the road. So I beg you now to be patient with me. And I ask God to let me be patient with those who are in that position of aloneness now.

Every day I struggle to hold my tongue. Every day I try desperately for a patience I don’t feel. I am reminded that feelings shouldn’t enter into my actions. I should do, or refrain from doing, based on patience and kindness. Older people lose abilities and pride keeps them from admitting it and asking for help. They want to be like they were 20 years ago and they’re not. I can understand that. I want to be like I was 20 years ago too but I’m not. We can’t go back.

Maybe I can pluck the fruit of patience off God’s tree. Maybe I can focus on love and goodness and gentleness. Maybe I can practice self-control and that, in turn, will lead to patience. And kindness. Because sometimes patience really isn’t so much about holding your tongue as it is about being kind. And that is something I can do.