Friday, June 3, 2011

Cry Out To God

In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD. -- 1 Samuel 1:10

It’s difficult not to have what everyone else has. It’s especially difficult to have it thrown in your face again and again. In Hannah’s case, she desperately wanted a child. Her husband’s other wife, Peninnah, had children but Hannah didn’t even have one. Peninnah made fun of Hannah and taunted her. That compounded Hannah's hurt.

I’m sure some people have always managed to get exactly what they want. I don’t think I know any of them, but they’re probably out there somewhere. For the rest of us, it’s difficult to really want something and know there’s no way you can have it. Whether it’s merely a want or a need doesn’t really matter. Sometimes your heart really doesn't know the difference.

When I was a child, my brother and I were instructed to make a Christmas wish list every year. I’m not sure how old I was when this started. I do remember one very important lesson I learned: I never received anything I put on the list. One year I even copied the list, just to be sure I wasn’t mistaken. I wasn’t.

Don’t get me wrong. There were always lots of presents and fun toys to play with. And, yes, I’m well aware that many children don’t get presents at all. I’m not whining. Truly. It was just so disappointing to realize that if I asked for something I could pretty much guarantee I wouldn’t get it. Just because I asked. What a sad lesson to learn.

That situation hasn’t changed but I have. I’ve learned not to ask for anything. Except I don’t think that’s what God intended. Surely, He never expected us to just sit back and take whatever comes our way without ever wanting more? Or did He? I’ve really never been sure.

But here’s what I do know: God gave Hannah a baby. She dedicated Samuel to God. And God gave her more children. God heard Hannah and He answered her prayer. Now I’m not saying that God will give us everything we ask for, but I can’t believe He doesn’t want us to ask. Or that He won’t at least give us some of the things we seek.

So I’m crying out to God to sooth the anguish in my soul, to give me the salve that will heal my broken heart. I’m praying to the God who hears me when no one else does. And maybe, just maybe, one day He'll answer.