January 19, 2022

 

Destruction

 

“Therefore be careful lest the light in you be darkness.” – Luke 11:35 (ESV)

 

Where is your line? At what point do you destroy relationships rather than accept what you cannot understand? What, and who, are you willing to give up in your quest to be right?

 

We are great at pointing out what we see as the sins of others. We throw Bible quotes out to prove our point. Being a homosexual is a sin. It’s unacceptable and unforgiveable. It’s a “choice,” we spew. Change and be healed, we demand. But what if God allowed this to change our own hearts?

 

It’s amazing how we pick and choose which Bible verses to quote. We all do it. I did it up above. But when those quotes are meant to harm, to condemn, to push forth our views rather than the views of Jesus, perhaps we need to look inward rather than focus so keenly on our target.

 

We gloss over the passages that condemn divorce. We slide past the words that tell us to welcome immigrants, give to the poor and bring strangers into our homes. We don’t want to share. We don’t want to extend grace. We don’t want to be inconvenienced.

 

Yes, we have to be careful. Our world is filled with people who would harm us. There are multitudes who would take advantage of our generosity. But do we use those excuses to refuse God’s will? Do we demand that we not be made uncomfortable when Jesus again and again did things that would make us uncomfortable?

 

I have watched a sweet family be torn apart by a homosexual child. The hardness, the ugliness, has broken so many hearts even as it has splintered what once seemed to be a happy, loving family. Is love only available to those who do as we demand? Does love end when people make us uncomfortable?

 

Where does your light end and darkness begin? Be careful. Sometimes darkness masquerades as light.

November 4, 2018

Everyone Needs Someone

Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

– Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

We need each other. All of us need someone to call, someone to depend on, someone to carry them when the load seems unbearable.

Those who gather together aren’t always related by blood or marriage. Some of the strongest bonds come when a choice is made. There is a value, a determination, that makes us fight for the people who mean so much to us.

It’s not always easy to open up to others. We live in a fake world, where everyone pretends to be okay, to be successful, to be happy. We expect it of others. We expect it of ourselves.

But we all need people who see the bad, the insecure, the faults, and love us anyway. And we need to do the same with them. Because none of us are perfect and that is what makes us need others.

We’re more willing to share our successes though, aren’t we? We aren’t so willing to share our failures, our faults, our sins. But it is in those vulnerable moments that we become real to others. It is at those times when others, seeing us as we really are, allow themselves to become real with us.

Here’s the thing: No one sins in isolation. We want to think that our choices don’t impact others but they do. One lie begets another lie and on and on it goes until no one knows the truth from fiction. Everyone around it is impacted. And for what reason? Because one person didn’t want to tell the truth.

Or what about the person who spends uncontrollably. It’s their money so what’s the problem? Or they go out for a drink or two after work? Or they spend every night glued to the television? They are all choices that impact their families, their budgets, their jobs.

And where does church come in to all of this? Is church an option? Is faith a choice? Is God just the One we call on when we want or need something? It’s your choice but it impacts everyone you care about. It impacts you.

We need a church family. We need prayer warriors for the hard days. We need cheerleaders for the joys. We need each other. We need forever people who understand life is a journey toward home.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, make it a priority to surround yourself with people who truly know you. Let yourself be loved and love others. Really. Truly. One real, vulnerable person to another.

August 25, 2018

Put People First

If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. – James 4:17

Sometimes you just do what you need to do. It’s rarely convenient. It’s always draining. Sometimes it’s costly. You do it anyway.

Yesterday was one of those days. I planned a quick hospital stop. It turned in to several hours. Unfortunately, I have experience with hospitals, doctors, hospice, end of life discussions. Sometimes you just don’t even know what questions to ask. My experience means I do. I was needed, so I stayed.

Then there was a need to take an elderly person to another town to visit his disabled daughter. Her mother will never go again and this dear man had a desperate desire to see his youngest child. For obvious reasons, the other children were reluctant to leave their dying mother. Of course, I drove him.

My day didn’t go as planned. Things that needed to be done, didn’t get done. I can’t really say I made a choice but, I guess, I obviously did. I hope I always choose people first.

The hospital room was a gathering of those who love and care. The absence of another child was the unspoken hurt. He was busy. How often have I seen that? Excuses thrown out because one person chooses to let others carry their load. How can anyone make that choice?

Again and again it happens. We get so caught up in ourselves, our own lives, our own desires, that we miss an opportunity to put people first. Our loved ones suffer because we don’t want the inconvenience a sudden illness brings. But isn’t that what family is all about? Isn’t that what true friendship really is?

I guess I’m of the age and experience that I just don’t want to hear the excuses. I’ve carried a load that I should never have borne alone. I have known the deep fatigue that comes when your only desire is to get through another day bearing responsibilities that threaten to overwhelm you. I know the anguish of crying out to God for help, for relief, for strength, when your shattered heart is simply too weary to heal.

Yesterday I watched a hospital case manager try to be perky in a room filled with death. I have witnessed a doctor refuse to meet with more than two family members. I have watched a family keep vigil while doctors guessed and make predictions that they should never have made.

I wonder where kindness and compassion went? It was certainly evident in the tears of a nurse who explained she’d walked their path before. It was evident in a younger nurse who was quick to explain her actions and respond to questions. It was evident in the honest answers from a doctor who’d been called in to consult.

But most of the time it simply wasn’t there. One child remarked that she was horribly offended by the party atmosphere some visitors displayed. Oh, how I understood that. A death vigil is no place for loud conversations or visiting. It grates on those who truly care. It hurts to know that others might be family or friends but their careless words show their emotions never go deeper than the surface.

Some days we are called to be Jesus to someone who is desperately hurting. Some days we are called to be inconvenienced to help someone else. Some days we are called to sit quietly and grieve with a hurting family. Don’t miss your chance. Don’t make an excuse. Just show up. Putting people first is always the right choice.

August 6, 2018

Meal Sharing Changes Everything

Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belonged to their sect complained to his disciples, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?” – Luke 5:29-30

Have you ever noticed how often Jesus shared a meal with others? In this passage, Jesus had just invited the man who would become Matthew to be His follower. It was only natural that Matthew host a banquet to celebrate Jesus.

Who did Matthew invite? His friends, of course. Except Matthew’s friends weren’t those the religious leaders would associate with. They weren’t people you or I might invite to our homes. They were sinners. They were tax collectors and thieves. They were people we avoid. Yet Jesus was at home with them.

What would happen if we opened ourselves up to those who aren’t like us? What might change if we shared a meal with people who don’t always share our views, our beliefs, our neighborhoods? What would happen if Jesus reached across the great divide and drew us all toward Himself?

There’s something special about sharing a meal. It’s different when you put down your cell phone, turn off the television, forget the iPad. There you are actually having a conversation with another person. Can you hear the laughter? Do you notice the shared stories and the comradery? It’s amazing how much we have in common when we get past the surface, isn’t it?

My Mother used to say if you want to get people to come to an event, offer free food. That’s sure proven to be true. People who never venture into a church sanctuary will come to a free dinner. People who rarely come to Sunday School class will come for a potluck at someone’s house.

Why is that, do you think? It’s like the meal, the fellowship, isn’t as threatening as hearing God’s Word convicting us of sin. It’s as though we can be ourselves over a shared meal and we can’t when we’re uncomfortably sitting on a church pew. Do we think God only sees us at church? Do we believe Jesus loves us more when we’re at a social gathering?

He sees. He knows. He understands. That’s not an excuse for bad behavior. It’s just that He loves us despite all those times we let Him down. We’re sinners. We’re only redeemed by the blood of Christ. That makes us equal with all those sinners we’d rather avoid. At the dinner table, we’re just us.

The Pharisees were furious that Jesus would associate with sinners. They saw themselves as superior, elite, the best of the best. They didn’t get it. They were so busy following rules and trying to preserve their own power and prestige that they missed the Messiah. They were so focused on themselves that they missed what was important.

Are we any different? We each have our own agendas, whether we recognize it or not. We have our own areas of interest, our own special ministries, our own way of doing things. It gets messy when our agenda collides with someone else’s agenda. It is not pretty or comfortable.

Until we sit down and share a meal. Adversaries aren’t so threatening when we’re eating the same food. Critics aren’t so hurtful when we’re eating dessert. And we see that people aren’t so rigid when we’re sharing a story or a laugh.

Our church shares a meal every Wednesday evening. We see people who attend other services. We share a table with people who rarely come on Sunday. We hear children tell stories of their day. Laughter fills the large Fellowship Hall. We gather together, this diverse group of people, and we become a family. Do you think that’s what Jesus was modeling for us when He spent so much time sharing meals with others?

August 3, 2018

Treasure Each Other

Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. – Ephesians 2:19-21

We shared memories today, my cousins and I. It’s one of the beautiful things of life when you can join together the past and today with unbreakable bonds that will carry you into the future.

It’s a sad time. The death of someone you love is never easy. Yes, we’ll see him again. But that doesn’t erase the pain of today. So, we remember the past even as we look toward the future of an eternal reunion.

We are all intertwined, these people I love and those who have joined the family through the years. My Dad went to school with the man who would become his cousin’s husband. I grew up down the street from the woman who would become another cousin’s wife. We were joined by blood at birth. We choose to be friends and family as adults.

Our lives are built on faith in Jesus Christ. Our foundation is solid even though the storms of life rock us now and again. We cling to Jesus and each other. A love that has weathered adversity becomes that much stronger.

We forget sometimes just who we are. We get so caught up in life, so comfortable with what we’re doing and what we “know” to be right, that we forget that we are unworthy sinners. We forget about what Jesus did for us.

Oh, we know. We tell ourselves that anyway. But our sin and Jesus’ death on a cross isn’t some vague something that’s mostly about someone else. It’s about us. It’s about what we have done and how He came to save me and you from eternal separation from God.

It’s not surprising that I became reacquainted with these cousins of mine in a church we all attended. We shared laughter and casseroles right along with Bible study and worship. I was blessed. I am still blessed. When the storm came, they stood beside me. Our foundations remained solid. That’s what faith is all about.

When my Dad died, his cousin came with food still hot from the stove. She came to love on Mother and I with hugs and support, stories that brought a tear and a laugh. She came to be there with us because that’s what a family born of God does. They show up. They help. They love and support those who are hurting. Today, I did that for her.

Life changes. Death reminds us that we are meant for someplace else. We are only transients here on earth. That’s something else we forget sometimes. We get so focused on the here and now that we forget nothing we possess on earth goes with us when we make the final journey home.

What remains are the relationships we forge with God’s people. If we are truly fortunate, we share the bond of blood family and spiritual family with the same people. Jesus Christ is the cornerstone of our lives. We cling to Him, just as we cling to each other.

I hope this day finds you surrounded by people of deep faith, people who share your stories, and people who remain steadfast no matter what life brings. The love shared by fellow believers is a bond that runs deep and true. It’s a gift from God. Treasure it as more valuable than gold because, as time often proves, it is.

May 9, 2018

What Legacy Will You Leave?

One generation will declare Your works to the next and will proclaim Your mighty acts. – Psalm 145:4

Many years ago a conversation turned to church attendance. My parents tried to pretend that our family had always attended church. No. We hadn’t. I refused to go along with the lie.

My Dad brushed it off, saying we had only stopped for a few years. “My entire childhood,” I said. “I barely have any memories of going to church because I was so young when we stopped attending.”

He was embarrassed, trying to hold onto a lie even as he was confronted with the truth.

I started attending church when I went away to college. It was years later before they returned to a church. My parents wanted the world to believe they were dedicated to Christ. I wonder how all of our lives might have been changed if they’d truly lived the life they pretended to have lived.

They were good people. They were. And sometimes they were good to me. Other times they were cruel. They taught me to have compassion for what I can’t see in the lives of others. Appearances can be deceiving. There’s truth to that old cliché.

One of the few memories I have from those early church days came from a great aunt who taught me “Jesus loves me.” We sang that sweet song in Sunday school class. It was just the two of us because that little country church didn’t have any other children my age.

One grandmother begged for us to attend church with her. Mother wouldn’t hear of it. What was she afraid of? Why did she hate God so much? Maybe it wasn’t about Him but rather her need to resist her own mother. We all suffered for it.

I’ll never know the reason. I doubt she knew. In later years she grew stronger in her faith. Time has a way of doing that, doesn’t it? When we look in the mirror and realize most of our life has passed, we focus more on where we’ll go when it’s all through. But do our hearts really change?

None of this is about us. It’s about God. It’s always been about Him and His Glory. That offends us somehow. Wasn’t it supposed to be about us? Weren’t we supposed to be first?

I have no children. I have no one really. Yet I am focused on leaving a legacy in the women whose lives I touch. I want them to know that Jesus loves them. It’s a real, tangible love. When we can’t count on anything else, we can count on that.

Life’s journey is not easy. It was never intended to be. Mixed with joy and gladness comes darkness and pain. He is our companion, our security, our hope, through it all. Do we share that with others? Or do we stay silent rather than “offend” someone who wants to take credit where credit belongs to Him?

Every day brings opportunities to tell others about your faith. Do you? Do you give God credit for the good He brings to you? Do you praise Him even when life is falling apart and you can’t see the way?

What legacy will you leave behind?

April 16, 2018

We Are Family

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! – 1 John 2:1a

Do you ever think about your church as your family? Yesterday our pastor pointed out that family is exactly what we are. That can be good and not so good.

Because we’re family, we all function differently in relationship to other people. Think about it for a moment. There are likely some people in your church who are like parents or grandparents. Some are like siblings. Still others are like children or grandchildren to you. We may not consciously think about it that way, but it is.

As a family, we sometimes fuss and fight. One member has a bad day and takes it out on the rest of the family. They, in turn, take it out on others. It soon spirals out of control. We end up taking our anger and frustration out on those who love us the most.

It doesn’t take long before we’re more focused on the negative, the wrong, rather than all the things that are right. I wonder how many people have let something small escalate into leading them away from their church.

I also wonder how many people have used anger to justify talking bad about someone else. We are so focused on how we’ve been wronged – or, at least, perceive we’ve been wronged – that we tell everyone about it. We want others to feel the same way we feel. We want others to believe the same things we do. Truth is irrelevant. Our goal is to persuade others to our viewpoint, harming the one we’re angry with in the process.

Another way people get hurt in church is because others don’t listen. We really don’t want to hear anyone else’s problems. We cling to what we once knew about a person rather than looking with fresh eyes onto the person who stands before us. We don’t have a problem receiving grace, Pastor Ryan Martin said. But we sure do have a problem giving grace to others.

A couple recently joined our church. Someone soon noted that they had a past. Don’t we all. I refused to listen to the details. I don’t care. They have changed their lives, become new in Christ. None of us live perfect lives. We all need grace and acceptance and another chance. Church should be where we find it.

We also push people away from church, from Jesus, by not including them. Recently, I was looking for a seat at Wednesday night dinner. A sweet woman called out to me and beckoned me to her table. I was so grateful. Thankful.

You see when I hadn’t been attending that church long, I had something totally opposite happen. It was one of those Sundays when everyone shows up with their families. I was asked to move more than once to make room for a family to sit together. I still remember looking around and thinking that there was no place for me at that church. I was about to leave when someone noticed and called me over to sit with he and his wife. That made all the difference. If I’d left that day, I likely would never have come back.

We are family. We are. All the good and the bad, all the laughter and the tears. We come together to celebrate and to grieve. It’s not a perfect relationship because we aren’t perfect people. Still we try. We extend grace and receive it. We speak truth when it hurts and we embrace it when we need to. Family. God’s family. That is who we are.

January 31, 2018

Care For Others

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. – James 1:27

They would come if it was necessary. One would have to take sick leave. The other would have to make it a long day because she couldn’t leave her dog. At least they offered. The third sibling didn’t even do that.

Their special needs sister was in ICU at a hospital more than 100 miles from their elderly parents. The flu had placed all the area hospitals at capacity. It was the closest available ICU bed to the facility where she lived.

This sister had lived at home until seizures destroyed her memory. It became impossible for her parents to care for her and they found a wonderful facility 32 miles from them. Her mom especially had devoted her life to this daughter’s care. This forced separation was tearing her apart.

This 86-year-old woman called me. Could I drive her to see her daughter? Absolutely. I never considered anything else. I was glad to do it.

Let me explain a little bit about my life. I am self-employed. If I don’t work, I don’t make money. There are no paid sick days or vacation days in my world. I also have a farm with animals that must be cared for whether it’s convenient or not. In fact, I called on a dear friend to stop by and check on the animals while I was gone that day.

I should also explain that this mom and her daughter are family. I know what it’s like to try and care for someone you love with no physical support from the people who should step up and help.

It isn’t always possible to hire someone. It isn’t always practical. And, frankly, it isn’t always what needs to be done. A loving family member can accomplish so much more.

At the hospital that first day, I was the one asking questions. I was the one helping the medical staff gently explain that this was not going to have a happy ending. While this illness might not kill her daughter, the mom needed to prepare herself because her daughter was nearing the end.

Maybe God planned it that way. I knew what to ask because there are lessons you learn as a caregiver that really can’t be forgotten. Experience can be a painful teacher. Preparation does help when the days near their end.

But there was another part of me that was angry at the other children for not being there for their mom. She shouldn’t have had to ask them to come. She shouldn’t have had to explain that she needed them.

I think of a sweet friend who used to travel to Arizona several times a year to give her brother and sister-in-law a break from caring for their elderly mother. Yes, they had sitters around the clock. But they rightly wouldn’t leave their mother without another family member there to supervise and monitor the situation. It makes a difference. It really does.

She gladly did it. She gave of herself, at great financial sacrifice, because it was the right thing to do. Was it easy? No. But she did it anyway.

Sometimes we are called to sacrifice of ourselves to provide care for those we love. We shouldn’t need to be asked. And we shouldn’t let someone else do it for us. It’s our responsibility, whether it’s convenient or not.

April 13, 2016

True Friendship Is Priceless

Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’” Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town. -- 1 Samuel 20:42

Friendship. It’s more valuable than any amount of jewels. It means more than any amount of money. It carries you through the tough times and brings laughter during the good times.

I just got off the phone with a dear friend I rarely see. I haven’t spoken to her in months and yet we talked for more than a hour. It wasn’t idle chit chat. We can share our hearts, picking up where we left off no matter how long it’s been.

It’s just like that with some people. They matter to you and you matter to them. Maybe your lives aren’t the same anymore but your hearts are. That’s where the real connection lives.

David and Jonathan loved each other as brothers. They shouldn’t have. At least that’s the conclusion if you look at their friendship from the outside looking in. David was God’s chosen one, the man who would be king. Jonathan was the king’s son and next in line to the throne.

You would expect a power struggle. You would expect a jealous fight. You would expect them to betray each other in their battle to be king. Never happened. They were friends until the end and, even then, David brought Jonathan’s son to his own table and treated him as family.

True friendship is like that. You take care of one another. Distance comes and goes but you still take care of each other.

Another dear friend recently lost her mother. I haven’t seen her in a while. Our lives are filled with care giving and work and all the details of a busy life. And, yet, I would drop everything to rush to her side if she needed me. She would do the same. We’ve been friends since we were small children. Those are pretty strong bonds.

Everyone needs people in their lives they can count on. For some fortunate people, family fills that role. For others, friends become the family everyone needs. A few fortunate folks have both. I hope you have people you can count on. If you don’t, ask God to help you find friends that are dependable and true. They are priceless.

January 4, 2016

Who Is Your Family?

 

Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure -- Ephesians 1:4-5 (NLT)

Who is your family? We tend to think of family as those who are related to us by birth, marriage or adoption. Sometimes that’s true. Sometimes it’s just labels that have nothing to do with the heart.

There is another family that believers claim: the family of God. We are blood family, united by the blood of Christ. Our forever family, to borrow a phrase from a recovery group at our church.

Last year was tough. With both parents hospitalized (in different hospitals, of course) and cows, geese and dogs to care for, I was overwhelmed. My family by birth didn’t show up. My blood family, my forever family, came.

Two dear friends hurried to the hospital as I sat in the ER with my Mother, who had suffered a heart attack. Did I mention it was a holiday weekend and they were taking much needed time off?

I was amazed and humbled by those who came during my parents’ hospitalizations and recovery. They visited. They called, They sent cards. They prayed. Again and again. They were there. I needed their support desperately and they were there.

And it didn’t end. When my family of birth tried to destroy us all, they stood firm. They never questioned my heart. They rallied around us. They showed up. They stayed. They gave their time. They loved us without question.

We think sometimes in terms of our “church family.” I have an awesome church family. But this went beyond my church. This was a faith family, a blood family, of different denominations who rallied around us. People who live their faith through love and time and caring.

So who is your family? My family are the people who actually showed up to help. They are the ones who put action to their words. They are the ones who loved, not just with their hearts, but with their hands and feet. My family is the family of God, those united by the blood of Christ. I am so blessed!

Monday, June 18, 2012

Families Are Bound By Love

“Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked.

Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.” -- Mark 3:33-35

He was dressed in a Sunday suit, standing by the casket and greeting people. Her son and daughter-in-law mingled with the mourners. Her grandchildren were spotted around the room.

Except he wasn’t related to her at all. Not in the normal way. He wasn’t her husband or brother or son. And he wasn’t a boyfriend or housemate. He was a friend, a companion, someone to share the lonely days of old age with.

She was 92 when she went home to be with Jesus. She’d been a lifeline for him when he’d moved into the apartment across the breezeway five years before. He’d suffered the loss of his wife barely a year before the move. They’d had no children and he was all alone.

She’d followed her grandchildren to a town far from her home, only to have two of them move elsewhere. The remaining grandchild visited once every week or so. And there she was, no friends, no extended family, nobody to share her days with.

God knew what He was doing when He moved two lonely souls across from each other. Their friendship flourished. They attended the same church but she had never gotten involved in the social activities. He changed that and she was welcomed wherever they went. She gained friendships and her life filled up with laughter.

Slowly her body began to decline and she gave in to the pain. She stayed home most of the time because it just hurt too bad to walk. But he didn’t abandon her. They spent long hours, he in one recliner and she in the other, talking and passing the time. Friends sometimes are more comfortable than family.

He was with her when she became ill and convinced her to press the Life Alert button her son had insisted she wear. Her granddaughter met them at the hospital and the doctor performed emergency surgery. She never recovered and died less than two weeks later.

Her family listed him in the obituary, as they rightly should have. He wasn’t family by blood or marriage but he was family just the same. He’d loved her just as she’d loved him. Friends. Companions. Family.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Two Families United By Blessing

Thus there were fourteen generations in all from Abraham to David, fourteen from David to the exile to Babylon, and fourteen from the exile to the Christ. -- Matthew 1:17

Do you ever think about your family history? Do you know your story in relationship to all those who went before you? Were you adopted into a family or were you born of blood?

Most of us have two families. Sometimes, if we’re fortunate, those families are intertwined into one. Other times they’re separate. We have the family we acknowledge here on earth and we have the family we acquired through belief in Jesus Christ.

Some people are really into genealogy and they can tell you the names of ancestors from generations and generations ago. Sometimes I envy them. I’d love to have that kind of knowledge. Maybe someday I will. Or not. It takes a great deal of time to do that sort of thing.

I bet it’s fascinating though. Just in my own family history the little bit I know is amazing. Some of the people who were saints later in life sowed a few wild oats they’d prefer no one remember. In fact, one side of the family prided itself on secrets kept from everyone, including the following generation.

It’s easy to be embarrassed by our pasts. We don’t want to admit mistakes unless we absolutely have to. We’d prefer to forgo the humiliation and judgments from others that we’re certain would come. But maybe we’re only dreaming of something that wouldn’t happen. Most of us have secrets we’d rather not share. Most of us have things we wished we’d never done. Empathy is a good equalizer.

Our family of God gives us further evidence of what God can do with anyone. Rahab, King David’s great-great-grandmother, was a prostitute. David had a man killed because he desired the man’s wife. And that barely touches on the family tree.

What came out of all that stumbling and sin? A Savior. Jesus Christ. God’s Son. All from God’s perfect plan.

Sometimes we get upset that our families aren’t all we think they should be. And sometimes they get upset with us because we’re not who they think we should be either. But out of all of that discord can come a unity, a bond, that glues the unit together for all of eternity.

We’re blessed, those of us who are believers, to be part of God’s family. We were adopted in by the blood of Jesus Christ. And if we’re specially blessed, our earthly family has been adopted into God’s family as well.

Monday, January 9, 2011

Jesus Soothes Hurts

To those you have punished, they add insult to injury; they scoff at the pain of those you have hurt. -- Psalm 69:26

A friend recently came home from a family affair wishing she hadn’t bothered to attend. Her bruised feelings were obvious to everyone -- except the person who had caused them.

Or maybe that person did know. Some people take great joy in reminding folks of who they once were. They feel power in talking down to others. They see themselves as superior when they look at the past sins of others.

It’s sad to think that some people get their own “self-worth” by putting others down. But they do. Our heads tell us to feel sorry for them. But our hearts ache at the injustice of it all.

I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t have something in their past they’d prefer to forget. Something they wish nobody knew. Something they wish no one would ever bring up again. But there’s always somebody determined to make sure that they, and everyone else, never forgets.

In my friend’s case, she was a wild child when she was younger. She caused her family a lot of grief. Of course, we won’t talk about the pain they caused her by always talking down to and about her. Funny thing about kids, especially as they become teenagers: They’ll pretty much try to live down to your opinion of them and they’ll do all they can to hide the pain of parental rejection by acting out and pretending it doesn’t exist. But that’s another topic for another day.

Some things never seem to change. People who are verbally abusive -- and don’t see it in themselves -- continue their ways. Fortunately, my friend changed the course of her life when she accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. She has changed her ways. And she has come to value herself just as Jesus values her.

The Bible tells us to forgive and I know she tries. She maintains a relationship with someone who doesn’t deserve her. She makes sure her children know the family that, while rejecting their mother, has embraced them. It is hard and still she does what she knows is right.

God understands her pain. He knows how difficult this situation is and He strengthens her. Her friends rally around her, praying that she will feel His peace and that those who enjoy hurting her -- people she loves despite everything -- will one day come to know Jesus as she does.

Jesus changes everything and everyone. He died so that we could live. He gives hope to all of us in all things -- including painful relationships.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Pleasing God Is What Matters

Have mercy on us, O LORD, have mercy on us, for we have endured much contempt. We have endured much ridicule from the proud, much contempt from the arrogant. -- Psalm 123:3-4

Some days it seems as though I have spent a lifetime trying to please people who were never really worth the effort. I look back and wonder what in the world I was thinking. The only approval I ever really needed was God’s.

Isn’t that true of most of us? We want people to like us. We want people to love us. We want people to like spending time with us. That’s especially true of those closest to us. When they reject us, we feel that rejection deep inside and we try just about anything to change it.

But we can’t. We can only be who God has called us to be. And that’s enough. The voices that say it isn’t come from Satan. That’s hard to hear and even harder to accept. It’s like we’d rather pretend something is wrong with us than to look at our accusers and see and hear the voice of Satan.

I’m not trying to say that any of us are perfect. We’re not. Nor will we always get along. Everyone has disagreements. Everyone has selfish moments. Everyone sometimes lives down to what they’d rather not be.

But love shouldn’t be so hard. It shouldn’t hurt so badly. And it never seeks to destroy. That isn’t love and it isn’t from God. It’s taken me a lifetime to understand that.

Believing God is so freeing. It means that I don’t have to worry so much about what other people see or think when they look my way. I don’t have to try so hard to please people who, frankly, are never going to like me anyway. And I sure don’t have to keep getting kicked down by people who put me down in order to feel better about themselves.

I know. I have forgiven them. They are who and what they are. They didn’t choose me anymore than I chose them. Nor can they fix themselves. I pray daily that God will touch their hearts and they will finally be the people they claim to be. Some days I have hope. Other days I just don’t see the point.

Then the Holy Spirit reminds me that with God there is always hope. With God all things are possible. With God broken hearts and torn apart lives can be rebuilt and restored.

I pray that happens. I do. But I’m not going to try anymore to please anyone but God. He’s the only One who matters. I want to stay focused on His light and trust that He’ll handle all the rest.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Who Is Your Family?

All Israel was listed in the genealogical record in The Book of the Kings of Israel.

-- 1 Chronicles 9:1a

Tell me about your family. Do you have many siblings, several aunts and uncles and loads of cousins? Are you an only child? Maybe you never knew your biological family but you’ve adopted another family as your own.

Whatever your story, you have another family story to tell. You have a spiritual family, complete with a family tree and lots of history. I’ve always dreaded reading all the names listed in the Bible. I can’t pronounce many of them and, besides, why do I really need to know all that? Because all those names represent people who came before me. They were important to God. They’re part of our family. Yeah. That’s right. Our family. Because even though my racial heritage isn’t Jewish, my spiritual heritage began with Adam, went right through David, and continues with Jesus. I am adopted and cherished and loved. I am part of the family of God.

So are you. God loves each and every one of us and wants everyone to accept Jesus as Savior. He prepared a plan of salvation for all of us because He knew us well. God understood we’d never be able to reach heaven on our own.

Our churches today are so much like families. Or they should be. They should be places where we gather to worship God. They should be for learning and singing praise. They should be places where we gather to eat and laugh, pray and console. We come together as the family of God, holding on to one another in good times and bad.

Reading all those names takes on a different meaning when I see them as my ancestors. Just as I value my biological family tree, I value my spiritual family tree. It is here, recorded in 1 Chronicles, that we learn about Jabez and how he boldly asked God for His blessing. And He got it!

Can you imagine sitting around the Sunday dinner table and telling family stories? My ancestor Noah built an ark. My ancestor Abraham was righteous. My ancestor Ruth refused to leave her mother-in-law and God blessed her in a great way. And on and on. The stories have new life in a heart that understands their importance. So go ahead and celebrate your family heritage. Just remember to include your spiritual family in the stories that you tell.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Heaven Awaits

In love, he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will -- Ephesians 1:4b-5

What do you think Heaven will be like? We've probably all heard about the streets of gold. Will Saint Peter really be at the gate to welcome us? Who knows? And, really, who cares? We'll be home and that's all that matters.

I think I'm most looking forward to that welcome mat at the gate. It sounds kind of corny but sometimes I really can't imagine a place where I truly am welcome and wanted. A place where I belong. After a lifetime of rejection, of failure to be what others wanted or needed me to be, it amazes me that one day I'll go to a place where I am enough. I almost can't wrap my mind around that.

I know there are lots of people on this earth who are popular and cherished and valued just as they are. I am not, nor have I ever been, one of them. Don't get out the violin because this is definitely not a pity party. Life is what it is. We all have blessings and we all have hurts. My curse, if you will, was to never fit in anywhere. Not in my family, not in school, not in jobs or most social situations. Wherever I have ended up there has always been someone there who "needed" to remake me. You can imagine how that feels.

But God made me. Oh, I'm far from perfect. I heard a man say about himself recently that he was a work in progress. That sounds about right. I'm trying really hard to follow the path God set out for me. I don't want to take any more detours. I don't want to spiral down into depression again. I just want to be who God meant for me to be. It's not so easy when you're surrounded by people who expect you to fail no matter what it is you set out to do.

So when I think about Heaven, I can't help but smile. Of course, there's that nagging doubt that Satan has planted. I find myself wanting to ask, "Are you sure He meant me too?" I'm almost afraid because I couldn't bear not being with God. I want to sit at Jesus' feet and hear all the stories. I want to laugh and be part of His family. I want to belong. And I will. He promised.

I don't know exactly what Heaven will be like. But I know when I get there I'll be accepted just the way I am.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

God Heals Family Wounds

"Let the heads of those who surround me be covered with the trouble their lips have caused." -- Psalm 140:9

Holiday gatherings are fraught with emotional minefields. Someone is bound to get upset with someone or about something. Someone is always an outcast. Children laugh and play until they are too tired to sleep but not too tired to cry. Christmas...peace on earth but not always around the family Christmas tree.

Families have the power to wound more quickly and more deeply than anyone else. They know exactly the buttons to push. Some of them have had years of experience. All it takes is a moment of jealousy and out come the fangs. They lash out because favoritism is something that they guard with everything they've got.

I find myself holding back, almost afraid to laugh and play with the kids. I'm afraid of being shoved aside -- sometimes physically -- by a grandparent who feels threatened because a child actually likes me. I steel myself against the inevitable nasty comments about gifts I chose. I know nothing is ever right because the name beside the "from" on the tag is always wrong. Family dynamics. I know my place. I do. It somehow doesn't stop the hurt.

I take shelter in God's arms. I thank Him for all I have and the family that casts me aside. They are family, after all, and in good health. I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for a place to live and food to eat. So many people don't have those things. I am thankful that today is Jesus' birthday and that He lives inside of me. I am also thankful that this isn't my real home and that one day I will be welcomed into a family that truly wants me and that, somehow, I will be enough.

A family's wounds stay with you. God understands. He is the healer of all things, including emotional scars from holiday gatherings.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

God Fills The Hole Inside Us

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

-- Philippians 4:19

I have never been enough for anyone. I was the child who wasn't smart enough or pretty enough or coordinated enough. I didn't need to decide those things for myself. I had parents, especially a mother, who told me often enough. I grew up knowing exactly what I wasn't.

The worst part, I think, was constantly being compared to an older brother who was perfect. Oh, I know he wasn't really perfect but his parents thought he was. Sometimes I pretended not to care. Other times I determined that I, too, would be smart and popular and all those other things I wasn't. It didn't seem to matter. I could never reach that level of acceptance that I longed for.

I spent years in therapy trying to sort out my feelings of anger and jealousy. I became a Christian one afternoon as I sat on a grassy embankment, my mother's childhood bible in my lap, and cried out to God. He answered me and the suicide notes I'd already written were never read by anyone else. Still, I felt that empty hole inside me. I longed for someone, anyone at that point, to fill it.

I still didn't understand that no one but God could fill that space within me. I would get on with my life, shoving all my pain deep down inside, and actually pretend to be a person who was successful and totally together. Then I'd destroy it all as my depression resurfaced and I couldn't cope with who and what I was. The pattern repeated itself again and again.

Then one day I looked up and saw the God who'd never given up on me. I remembered that He'd been with me always. He'd never left my side no matter how high I'd gone or how far I'd fallen. He was always there, sometimes like a physical presence, as I cried out in anguish. He was true to me. How could I not be true to Him?

I will never be enough for the people around me. And, frankly, they will never be enough for me. I have something better. I have Jesus Christ who lives within me. I have a Holy Father whose love never waivers and isn't dependent on the size of my bank account or how popular I seem today. He loves me. I belong to Him. I am no longer unwanted. He has claimed me as His child. He has filled the hole inside me with love and acceptance. I love Him so!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Show God's Love

"He and all his family were devout and God-fearing, he gave generously to those in need and prayed to God regularly." -- Acts 10:2

Today is Independence Day. Lots of talk about freedom and loving our soldiers. All appropriate for a special day. But July Fourth means something different for me, something super special. As I grew up, it was the day of the Miller Reunion. A day of family -- love, laughter, children playing, youngsters fishing and the elders watching over it all. There were 13 Miller children. They've all gone home now and we no longer gather as a family. I miss it.

God truly blessed me by placing me in a family filled with strong Christians. My Grandmother was a founding member of St. Luke. She, my cousin and a number of others voluntarily left First Methodist and formed a new church when leaders decided there was a need. She didn't miss church as long as she was able to attend. She played hymms on that old piano in her front room. It was awesome!

My Aunt Murl was active at Mt. Pleasant, which was near the family homeplace. Her daughter has often laughed that if the church doors were open, they were there. Aunt Murl believed in church attendance. She also believed in prayer. In later years, her declining health forced her into the nursing home. She refused to watch television. When someone would question her, she would turn the question back to them. Why, she would ask, would she waste time watching television when she could spend that time in prayer.

Aunt Murl believed in the power of prayer. So do I. That faith is a rock now as I pray for another cousin who is facing uterine cancer. Aunt Murl could have given me a lot of things. Instead, she gave me herself. When my Grandmother died, Aunt Murl stepped in to fill the void. She showered me with love and taught me -- by example and words -- how to cling tightly to Jesus and the Holy Word.

I could go on and on about different family members and what they and their faith have meant to me. It keeps me close to them, focused on the day when we'll be reunited and walk the streets of gold together. I am grateful to them.

You might think my parents, brother and I attended church faithfully during my childhood. You would be wrong. I have a few memories of church from when I was small. After that, nothing. I started attending church on my own in college. Then I drifted away only to return. My parents, too, have returned. But I know that I might not be in this place had it not been for the love and example of my family, those extended relatives who cared enough to show a needy child that Jesus Christ is alive and working in our world today.

Sometimes we may not know how our actions are impacting those around us. We may think that our efforts are in vain. They aren't. Every time we reach out to someone else, we show them Christ's love. It is something they can and will feel, whether they understand it or not at that time. Keep it up. You never know. One day that person might be walking next to you along streets of gold.

...God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.

1 John 1:5

How quickly life and circumstances can change. My friend began her week as she usually did. She taught Sunday school. She laughed with friends. She cared for her children and grandchildren. Two days later she kept vigil at the hospital as her daughter began her journey toward death.

People ask why. How could she, they demanded to know. Two children. A mother and sisters who adored her. Yet she chose to end her life, distraught in the very real belief that all those who loved her so desperately would be better off without her presence.

I kept my silence. How can anyone who has not suffered deep depression understand the darkness that invades the mind of the sufferer? It isn't something you can shrug off. It isn't something you can toughen up and face. It is an agony beyond explanation. It is an inability to see the light of Jesus and the hope He offers to us all. It is failure to grasp the promise that as His children He will give us strength and healing.

Her illness momentarily separated her from her heavenly father. But she is no doubt singing in the heavenly choir praising Him just as she did in the bright days of her life. As those she left behind struggle to move forward, they draw comfort from that even as they struggle to understand.