Sunday, March 20, 2011

Heaven Awaits

In love, he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will -- Ephesians 1:4b-5

What do you think Heaven will be like? We've probably all heard about the streets of gold. Will Saint Peter really be at the gate to welcome us? Who knows? And, really, who cares? We'll be home and that's all that matters.

I think I'm most looking forward to that welcome mat at the gate. It sounds kind of corny but sometimes I really can't imagine a place where I truly am welcome and wanted. A place where I belong. After a lifetime of rejection, of failure to be what others wanted or needed me to be, it amazes me that one day I'll go to a place where I am enough. I almost can't wrap my mind around that.

I know there are lots of people on this earth who are popular and cherished and valued just as they are. I am not, nor have I ever been, one of them. Don't get out the violin because this is definitely not a pity party. Life is what it is. We all have blessings and we all have hurts. My curse, if you will, was to never fit in anywhere. Not in my family, not in school, not in jobs or most social situations. Wherever I have ended up there has always been someone there who "needed" to remake me. You can imagine how that feels.

But God made me. Oh, I'm far from perfect. I heard a man say about himself recently that he was a work in progress. That sounds about right. I'm trying really hard to follow the path God set out for me. I don't want to take any more detours. I don't want to spiral down into depression again. I just want to be who God meant for me to be. It's not so easy when you're surrounded by people who expect you to fail no matter what it is you set out to do.

So when I think about Heaven, I can't help but smile. Of course, there's that nagging doubt that Satan has planted. I find myself wanting to ask, "Are you sure He meant me too?" I'm almost afraid because I couldn't bear not being with God. I want to sit at Jesus' feet and hear all the stories. I want to laugh and be part of His family. I want to belong. And I will. He promised.

I don't know exactly what Heaven will be like. But I know when I get there I'll be accepted just the way I am.