Care For Others
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and
faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to
keep oneself from being polluted by the world. – James 1:27
They would come if it was necessary. One would have to
take sick leave. The other would have to make it a long day because she couldn’t
leave her dog. At least they offered. The third sibling didn’t even do that.
Their special needs sister was in ICU at a hospital
more than 100 miles from their elderly parents. The flu had placed all the area
hospitals at capacity. It was the closest available ICU bed to the facility
where she lived.
This sister had lived at home until seizures destroyed
her memory. It became impossible for her parents to care for her and they found
a wonderful facility 32 miles from them. Her mom especially had devoted her
life to this daughter’s care. This forced separation was tearing her apart.
This 86-year-old woman called me. Could I drive her to
see her daughter? Absolutely. I never considered anything else. I was glad to
do it.
Let me explain a little bit about my life. I am
self-employed. If I don’t work, I don’t make money. There are no paid sick days
or vacation days in my world. I also have a farm with animals that must be
cared for whether it’s convenient or not. In fact, I called on a dear friend to
stop by and check on the animals while I was gone that day.
I should also explain that this mom and her daughter
are family. I know what it’s like to try and care for someone you love with no
physical support from the people who should step up and help.
It isn’t always possible to hire someone. It isn’t
always practical. And, frankly, it isn’t always what needs to be done. A loving
family member can accomplish so much more.
At the hospital that first day, I was the one asking
questions. I was the one helping the medical staff gently explain that this was
not going to have a happy ending. While this illness might not kill her daughter,
the mom needed to prepare herself because her daughter was nearing the end.
Maybe God planned it that way. I knew what to ask
because there are lessons you learn as a caregiver that really can’t be
forgotten. Experience can be a painful teacher. Preparation does help when the
days near their end.
But there was another part of me that was angry at the
other children for not being there for their mom. She shouldn’t have had to ask
them to come. She shouldn’t have had to explain that she needed them.
I think of a sweet friend who used to travel to
Arizona several times a year to give her brother and sister-in-law a break from
caring for their elderly mother. Yes, they had sitters around the clock. But they
rightly wouldn’t leave their mother without another family member there to supervise
and monitor the situation. It makes a difference. It really does.
She gladly did it. She gave of herself, at great
financial sacrifice, because it was the right thing to do. Was it easy? No. But
she did it anyway.
Sometimes we are called to sacrifice of ourselves to provide
care for those we love. We shouldn’t need to be asked. And we shouldn’t let someone
else do it for us. It’s our responsibility, whether it’s convenient or not.
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