Grief Lingers
Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” -- Matthew 26:18
It was the first time I’d seen her since her husband died. She said all the right things. She smiled. She was the same -- except she wasn’t.
I know that her faith is carrying her right now. I know that. So does she. A lifetime of church and Sunday school, prayers and giving, have created a solid foundation. She knows where her husband is and that he is now in the presence of Jesus. But none of that fills the void his death left behind.
In the first days, she was surrounded by family and friends. Even in the weeks and months that her husband lay ill, people were always stopping by to visit and check on them. The quietness, the emptiness, gives her plenty of time to remember what she had. And what she has lost.
Her smile never reached her eyes. I noticed that right away. Maybe I was looking for it. Grief marks you in a way nothing else ever will. You learn what to look for in others as they begin the journey.
She’s put on weight again. Once she’d proudly lost a number of pounds and now she is like before. Food can be a wonderful comforter and it passes the time. Besides, how do you cook for one when you’ve always cooked for two or more?
Her façade slipped a little when someone asked about a small dent in her car. Yeah, she told the man, I know. But I just can’t deal with it right now with everything else that has gone on, she explained. A small thing. But sometimes small things are just one thing too many.
She wears her sadness well. She does. She fights against it showing, struggling to pretend that she is fine. But her life is different in a way she never, ever wanted. And she misses him with every moment. Nothing can ease that pain. Not now, anyway.
Jesus understands. He walks beside her, holding her up. She knows. She does. But His Presence doesn’t lesson her pain. It merely gives her the strength to struggle through another day.
We are all so quick to rush forward when someone we care about dies. We comfort their family. We provide food and support. And then we go about our lives while they are left trying to rebuild their own. Perhaps it is then that they need us most.
So take time today to consider those around you who have recently lost a loved one. Give them a call. Make a lunch date. Share a laugh. Invite them to church or a social function. You won’t lesson their grief but your words and actions will show them you care.
