January 23, 2018

Be Kind

Those who are kind benefit themselves, but the cruel bring ruin on themselves. – Proverbs 11:17

She was on a mission and that mission was to exclude someone from “her” weekly lunch group. She was full of excuses. Her determination to be cruel shocking.

She is typically a kind woman. She volunteers with hospice. She is active in church. She is a dedicated caregiver to her elderly husband. She is a friend to many. But for some reason this man, who had never been anything but kind to her, just rubbed her the wrong way. She didn’t care if she hurt him. She didn’t care if he got mad. She just wasn’t going to have him at her lunch table.

She got her way. He didn’t come. He was deeply hurt by her rejection. He viewed she and her husband as friends. He would still no doubt do anything for them if the need ever arises. That’s who he is. Unfortunately, that apparently is who she is as well.

Her relationships with those around have been damaged. Her best friend is horrified that she would needlessly hurt a good man, that she would intentionally exclude someone who has only ever been good to her. “I don’t agree with this,” she told me emphatically. “You make sure he knows that.”

I nodded. I was the one in between. Friends of them both. The one who had to break the news, to deliver her decision. I resented that. He didn’t deserve it. Neither did I.

I tried to reconcile the woman who had become so dear to me with the hatefulness that I saw. It didn’t seem possible that one person could be both. Reality doesn’t lie. I suppose the truth is we all have that two-sidedness in us. We can be so kind and compassionate to some people and just so mean to others. It was a wakeup call to me. I hope it’s a wakeup call to you as well.

She keeps calling me, continuing to make excuses. I change the subject, she brings it up again. I believe it is the Holy Spirit convicting her. I’ve moved on, as has this dear man. She can’t seem to let it go. She was wrong and, deep inside, she knows it.

But that’s between her and God. I learned long ago that I can’t fix anyone other than myself. Some people are going to lash out in anger and bitterness. Some people are going to be cruel just because they can. And some people are going to try to talk themselves into justifying bad actions, in their own minds at least. So be it. God will handle it in His way and His timing.

Kindness is one of the fruits of the Spirit. Why do we have so much trouble with it? Why is it sometimes so hard to show mercy and grace to those around us? Why must we be hurtful and cruel? We judge by our own standards even as we fail to live up to God’s.


When in doubt about what to do, choose kindness. When you aren’t sure how to react, remember that love covers a multitude of sins. Be gracious and filled with mercy. Don’t just talk about Jesus. Live like Him too.Live 

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