Monday, April 30, 2012

Unsolicited Advice Unwelcome

Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless. -- Psalm 108:12

They meant well. Surely, they did. But their words were like pouring lemon juice on an open wound. They stung in an infuriating way that comes when good intentions stick their noses where they really don’t belong.

A wonderful man told of having to calm his father after the older man was approached by not one but two different women offering advice. The man’s wife is sick. He and his son have taken her to doctors and are preparing to take her to yet another specialist out of town.

These well-intentioned women know exactly what their friend’s husband should do. And they shared it with him. It didn’t seem to matter that they don’t know what’s going on, what the doctors have said, or what future plans have been made.

Nor did they bother asking. They were too busy offering advice they weren’t qualified to give, confident that they knew better than the woman’s family and personal physicians.

I understood exactly what he was saying. During my own Mother’s illness the most difficult issues have come from the busybodies who fueled her fears, gave unwelcome and erroneous advice, and generally created more havoc in a horrible situation. I even threatened to pack her bags and let her move in with one woman who seemed intent on telling my Father and I what we needed to be doing. Seriously.

Of course, I’m sure I’ve been guilty of doing the same thing on more than one occasion. I’ve learned that lesson now. It’s different when you’re the one coping with a bad situation and just doing the best you can.

Understand that I’m not talking about those who offer food and companionship. Nor am I referring to people who pull strings to get appointments with medical specialists for their friends. (As someone recently and thankfully did for a someone I know.) I’m referring to those who offer unsolicited and generally erroneous advice in situations that don’t involve them and where they don’t have all the facts.

The unwanted advice of man truly is worthless and unwelcome. Prayers, and God’s guidance, are always helpful and gracious gifts. Next time someone you like and care for faces a serious illness, don’t be so quick to offer advice. Be a supporter and, in some cases, a sounding board. But unless you’re invited into the inner circle of care, keep your opinions to yourself.