Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Patience Sometimes Proves Elusive

You, too, must be patient. And take courage, for the coming of the Lord is near. -- James 5:8

Patience isn’t something I’m good at. I try. I take deep breaths, recite scripture, talk to myself -- loudly. None of it works.

It’s not that I get all out of sorts over things. Not usually, anyway. I learned a long time ago that things don’t really matter. But I don’t have patience with the basics. I want peace today. I want enough money for my needs today. I want to feel loved and appreciated today.

And God said no.

Did I mention that I’m not patient? I sense a lesson here, similar to the one where income and address doesn’t equal worth. Nor do those things bring happiness, contentment or love. It’s all an illusion.

I want the real thing. And I want it now. I want to feel loved and appreciated by the people who, frankly, dislike and hate me. Impossible? Not with God. But maybe not on this earth either. I’ve got to find a way to come to terms with that. To give it to God -- and not try to take it back when it hurts too much to breathe.

And I want enough money to take care of my needs without having to worry. I realize this is a selfish request. Many people don’t even have food to eat or a clean place to sleep. But I want it just the same. I feel guilty about that sometimes. Then that rebellious streak rises within me. I can’t deny it. I don’t deserve it but I want it. God knows my heart so there’s no use trying to hide it.

It’s not that I want to ignore God’s will. On the contrary, I want to do His bidding. I try. I fail sometimes. But I try. I’ve done things I never imagined I could do. I’ve stepped out in faith when I was so scared I was shaking. But I did it anyway because God said He’d be with me. And He was.

I guess I just keep expecting that at some point life will get easier. I know. That’s laughable. Life never gets easier. It is filled with a series of ups and downs, of peaks and valleys. Some of the drama is outward and some is inward. But there is no such thing as an easy ride for anyone.

Which brings me back to patience. Some days I think I’m expecting too much. Then I remember just how powerful and awesome my God is. Anything is possible for him who believes. Anything. So I just have to be patient for God’s timing and His will in my life.

God promises good things for those who love Him. And I love Him with my whole heart. So, yes, I’ll be patient until its time. Because His timing is perfect and good and true. He loves me. He really, really loves me.