Friday, February 17, 2012

God Lights The Dark Path

Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light for my path. -- Psalm 119:105

Some days are just, well, days. One stumbling block after another. One setback after another. One hurt after another. One duty after another. And on and on until fatigue rests so deeply within that it’s almost impossible to see the light.

But it’s there. Beckoning us onward when we’d much rather curl up in a fetal position and forget the world and all its unrelenting demands. We trudge forward but the world weighs us done. We turn around. Confused. Where is the lit path? Where did it go?

Yesterday was one of those days. I did what I had to do, what I needed to do, what others expected me to do. I gulped down a large medical bill that I anticipated but that still brought deep upset. I listened to a friend talk about her new man and how lonely she’s been, all the while aware that she never once asked about me or allowed the conversation to veer to anyone other than herself.

I heard the excuses of someone whose boss had made a promise and now, when I didn’t have time to go elsewhere, wanted me to know she hadn’t kept her commitment. I should have known, I told myself. An attempt at a good deed and now I’ve got to scramble. More work. More time. More worry. Didn’t I already have enough on my plate?

Which always leads to self-loathing as I berate that selfish part of me. I mentally start counting my blessings. Tears flow. I start again. Surely I can focus enough on the good to overcome the despair of the day. It’s just a day. I’m tired. Why does it seem that everyone wants something? The well is empty. I am empty.

So I turn to the only place I know with answers. I kneel before the only One who listens. I search for peace and answers and the light. I know there’s a light. He promised and He always keeps His promises.

There He is! I see Him. God. I’ll be okay. Strength for another day. I take a deep breath. Exhale. He’ll walk me through it step by step. I can make it after all. I’m not alone. He never left me. He promised to stay by my side. God always keeps His promises. I really will be okay.