Friday, September 28, 2012

God Hears Our Deepest Cries

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. -- Romans 8:26

I’m really not good at being sick. I’m not good at being less than healthy. I’m not good with weakness in myself. And I’m not good at accepting help.

I know. Most people want help. Not me. I’m accustomed to doing things for myself. It’s that simple and that complicated. One minor surgery doesn’t change a lifetime of independence.

As I child, I longed to have that kind of care. Instead, I was a sickly burden whose parents fought over who “had” to take me to the doctor on that particular day. The adult me prefers to take care of myself.

So it is with great frustration that I’ve been kept even from talking to the doctor’s office. I keep telling myself they meant well but I can’t shake the notion that it’s all about control. Theirs not mine.

It’s sort of the way my life is right now. The harder I try to retake a piece of my life back from the world around me, the more difficult the task seems. I feel helpless and alone. I am so very grateful for a Holy Spirit that understands my pain, recognizing how hard it sometimes is to do the right thing.

Because in doing the right thing sometimes we lose part of ourselves that we never expected to lose. And we gain something else that we never expected either. Somehow it all needs to come together, to mesh into a life. Some days it doesn’t feel like that will ever happen. Some days it seems like I will never be me again.

So I cling to the promises from God, that I am not alone in this journey. And that while I don’t know where I’m headed, He does. When I get scared, He understands. When I don’t have words, the Holy Spirit provides them for me. When tears flow, He dries them for me.

One thing I learned to cling to along the path of life is a God who is always there. I am grateful for that. When I cry out in pain, He comforts me. When I need to be heard, He hears me. No matter what happens, He will carry me through it. Promises to hold on to, no matter what.